Finding a Way
by NeverBeforeOrAgain
Summary: "Here's a new challenge" That was the message they sent with her. She now lives in the Glade with all boys. They don't seem to know what to do with her or why she is here, she wonders the same things herself. The worst part is she can't remember her own name. Pre-Maze Runner (Pre-Thomas)
1. Chapter 1

Nothing. I remember nothing. Not my name, not my birthday, I can't even remember my favorite color; my life before this moment has been erased.

I wake up and my legs hurt, they've fallen asleep while I was halfway bent over a wooden crate. My mouth tastes like metal, it's blood. I see only blurs as t my eyelids slide shut again, but the painstakingly loud noise fills my ears and I feel my stomach drop. _Am I moving?_ I shift my legs to test my theory, _well I'm not moving? Is this a roller coaster?_ I slowly reopen my eyes to see that I was moving, moving upwards. Before I could evaluate my situation, I stopped moving, and the loud blaring sound subsided. _Thank god._

The noise was replaced by a blinding light above me, I groaned and closed my eyes again. _What the hell?_ I could hear voices, but what they were saying was too complex. I swallowed the blood in my mouth, and blinked my eyes to adjust to the light. The voices became clearer and I could hear:

"Are you sure?"

"Yes, I'm sure! It's a girl!"

"That can't be right!"

"It is, just look!"

I looked up to the voices, slowly dragging my hand up to hide my eyes. What I saw was boys, a lot of them. They were all staring at me like I was a gorilla at the zoo.

"Hello?," I croaked, my voice hoarse and dry.

"Open it up, Ben."

"Yeah, what are you afraid of, Ben?"

"Nothing. I'm opening it," a thud shakes my surrounds as a boy jumps towards me. I notice now that I'm sitting in a cage, surrounded by metal on all sides with no escape.

Immediately, I become more alert. " Who are you? Why did you put me here?" _Where am I?_

The tall blond boy opens the top of the cage and reaches towards me," Come on out."

I push myself from his grasp," Answer me!"

"Look, you don't have to be scared. We won't hurt you."

"Then why did you bring me here!?," I ask aggressively.

"We didn't bring you here. You were sent to us...," the boys says, his arms still outreached to help me. He had soft green eyes that seemed sincere, so I faltered, figuring if they wanted to hurt me, they would have just stormed in and swooped me out of the cage. I reached out and took his hand, he helped me stand but my legs buckled. _Stupid legs, wake up!_

The boy caught me before I fell over, What do you mean, I was sent to you?," I asked him before gently pulling away and gaining my balance. I feel the blood build in my mouth again and swallow it down.

"Here, let's get you out. We'll explain the rest," he hoisted me up effortlessly.

The light from before seemed dim in comparison to all the colors around me, the green of the grass and the gray sky clashing with all the faces that were now circled around me.

"I think I might be sick," I said leaning over into the grass.

The crowd gasped and I saw them all step back, afraid of my vomit. I closed my eyes again as my stomach threatened to expel it's contents, _where the hell am I?_ I took a deep breath before sitting up again, looking back at all those just staring at me.

"Where the hell am I?," I ask them, my lip threatening to start quivering.

"Welcome to the Glade," one of the faces steps forward.

"Sweet, we got some more rope! Now we finally tie together the tower posts without having to replace it every month!"

I turned back to the cage where I once was to see yet another boy poke his head out with a stupid grin plastered on his face. _Rope? Who cares about rope?_

I shake my head in disbelief," Why am I here?"

Everyone just look at one another, unsure of the answer.

"Look, there's a note here!," I turn back to the boy in the cage. He hands it to the man who greeted me, calling this place 'the glade'.

"What does it say, Alby?" the boys pressure him into reading it out loud.

"It says: Here is a new challenge," Alby reads before passing the paper along.

"New challenge? Does it mean the girl?," the boy with sincere green eyes asks.

"Most likely," Alby states. "Uhm...," he turns back to me. "Do you remember your name?"

I grip the side of my head, it's now throbbing. _Name? what's my name? My name is... My name is... Holy crap! What's my name?!_ I shake my head solemnly.

"It may take a few days," he says, extending his hand to me. _A gesture of good faith? Can I trust these people? Who are they? More importantly, who am I? Why am I here? What is a glade?_ I take his offer and stand up, making sure to steady my feet this time. "My name is Alby, it's nice to meet you, Greenie."

"Greenie?"

"It's what we call the newcomers who can't remember their names yet. For now, you're Greenie."

I give a slight nod, "What do you mean newcomers?"

"I mean you. You the newcomer," he cracks a smile smile. "I bet you have a million questions. I've got most of the answers."

I look Alby up and down, he's an average sized man with dark skin and stern face. "How do I know if I can trust your answers? How do I know you aren't lying to me?"

"You'll learn real fast. You're legs okay?," he asked looking to my feet.

"Yeah."

"Good, then come with me." Alby turns and begins walking away through the grass. I quickly glance at the others who keep staring at me, so I awkwardly pass them and catch up to Alby.

"Okay... uhm... first question: Where am I?," I fall into pace beside him.

"I already told you, this is the Glade."

"Well, what is the Glade?"

"This is the Glade," he pauses in his step to gesture to the field around us. I see trees scattered scattered in the far corner and I see a gray wall. Looking all around, I notice it surrounds us, it's so tall that I also sprained my neck looking to the top. There are people almost everywhere, they all look busy, wrapped up in tasks or talking with others. "The Glade is home. It's where we all live, eat, sleep, and survive. We have three rules here: Rule one, never hurt another Glader. Glader is the term we use to call each other. Rule two, everyone does a share of the work. We all help each other to keep the community going. Rule three, which shouldn't be a problem, never leave the glade."

"Leave? We can leave?," I searched the stone walls for a door.

"No, you can't. Past the glade is forbidden, it's too dangerous."

"Well, no offense, but you can't keep me here as prisoner for whatever sick game you're playing," I stop walking and cross my arms.

"It's not a game," Alby faces me. "All of us are placed here against our will. You are not my prisoner, you are a new member of the Glade. It's normal to ash out, believe me, I get it."

"What is this! Some sick, twisted way to-... I don't know! What did you do to me! Why can't I remember who I am!?"

"Take a deep breath, Greenie. Look, it's alright, you're safe here. We won't hurt you," Alby's voice is gentle and I feel calmed by his words. "I didn't do this to you and I don't know who did, it is something that has been done to all of us. We don't know why or how, but we learned to survive. You're new and I get it, it's hard not to have someone to blame. The good news is that you'll remember you're name in a few days."

"How do you know this?"

"It's happened to all of us. Everyone you see has been through exactly what you are going through."

"I'm sorry, his just doesn't seem real," my breath is shaky and I can feel panic coursing through my veins. I can feel everyone watching me, like I'm not real or like they are going crazy.

"I understand. It's a lot to take in, but we are all here for you. As for now," Alby cleared his throat. "I should be honest with you..."

I felt fear clutch my heart," What?"

"You... You're the first...erm... girl we have had... ever," Alby rubs his head awkwardly.

"What!?"


	2. Chapter 2

Alby told me that in his whole two years of living here on the Glade there had never been a single girl ever sent up from the box. Being the first one, explained the stares and whispers from all those around me. Now that I know, I'm not sure how to act around these guys... Before I could dwell, Alby introduced me to Zart.

When he first saw me, his mouth almost hit the floor," H-Hey Alby," his voice just above a whisper.

"Hey Zart, this is the new Greenie."

Zart eyes never left me," Uhm... hello?," he started to reach his hand out but stopped and dropped his arm to his side. "What can I do you for, Alby?," he finally tore his gaze.

"Well, I need someone to show Greenie around and I thought you would be perfect."

"Me?!," Zart exclaimed loudly

"Yeah, you'll do great," Alby said confidently. "I'll see you two later."

Alby left us both standing facing each other, Zart took an exaggerated breath and shuffled his feet. Zart eyes looked sad, but I had feeling it wasn't me that made them look that way, that he always had sad eyes. He towered over me and was at least twice my size, but he looked so innocent, like he would rather be chasing butterflies then be here stuck with me.

"So, I take it you've never met a girl before," I break the silence. "Alby said I'm the first."

Zart's droopy eyes widened slightly," Uhm... well, I-... I bet I have. I just don't remember."

I felt a smile tug the corners of my lips," Well, can you show me around this place, Zart?"

Zart nodded," Yeah, come with me."

Zart showed me most of the Glade, the garden where everyone slept, the livestock pens, the med hut, a small portion of the wooded area, and the kitchen. He explained the various jobs around the Glade: Slicer, Med-Jack, Track-hoes, Builders, Cooks, and Runners. Zart told me he was the Keeper of the Track-hoes, basically making him the boss, he seemed proud to have his title. Zart and I were finally making our way back to where I first met him, by the garden.

"Most likely, you'll become a track hoe and work in the field."

"Most likely? Don't I get to chose?"

Zart paused," Not usually. You'll train with all the Keepwrs and then we place the Greenie where the most help in needed or where they seem to thrive the best. At this time of year, it's almost harvest season, so I need all the hands I can get."

"What if I want to be a Med-Jack or a Runner?"

Zart chuckled," You'll have to show promise to those Keepers. But being Track-hoe isn't bad, I like it a lot."

 _I don't understand this place at all._

I saw some boys jog past me, both taking a second glance as they did. They then met up with more boys, all going the same direction, toward a building in the corner of he Glade.

I pointed to it," What's that?"

"That's where the Gathering happens, when the Keepers have meetings about the Glade. If a meeting has been called, I should be there. Let me see what it's about," Zart said before taking off towards the structure.

I didn't follow him, I watched him disappear into the hut before I turned to look out at the Glade. _This place... Why can't we leave? Why are we all here? Why am I here, I'm not a boy._ I watched as all the boys kept working, not even thinking about where they were or what they were doing. Just moving. _Does no one want to leave? Are they happy here?... Will I be happy here?_

"So they aren't lying," a voice draws my attention. I turn to see a boy, _not a big surprise there._ He is slightly taller than me, but very muscular with brown hair and brown eyes. "A girl."

"Is everyone going to be this weird? Is it really that big of a deal that I'm a girl?," I cross my arms

The boy raised both his hands in surrender," Hey, I'm not being weird. Just a little surprised... maybe slightly intrigued."

"Intrigued?," I raised an eyebrow.

The boy smiled and approached me. "The name is Jackson."

"Well, I don't have name..."

"Don't worry, happens to all of us, you'll get it back soon." I nodded, _this is the second person to say that... maybe I will get my name back. But nothing else?_ "You are causing quite a stir on the Glade."

I scoffed," Yeah, I noticed," gesturing towards the Homestead.

Jackson nodded," Makes sense, that's about you. We've never had a girl before."

"Something I also noticed."

Jackson laughed, sitting in the grass facing the Homestead, tucking his knees under his elbows. He looked comfortable and I was tired of standing, so I sat next to him.

"What is this place?"

"This is the Glade."

I rolled my eyes," That's not a real answer. It's a fake want-to-be answer you tell yourself so you don't have to really think about it," I crossed my legs and pulled a blade of grass.

"Thinking about it will make you go crazy. Plenty of kids have," Jackson said, turning towards the gray wall.

"Kids went crazy here?"

"Kids have died here," Jackson turned back to me.

"Wait...," I dropped the blade of grass. "You've killed people!"

"What?," Jackson faced scrunched up," No! I've never killed anyone! Nobody here has!"

"So how did kids just die then?"

"A lot of reasons... they get sick or once we had a kid get attacked by one of the pigs, he lost too much blood," Jackson paused again before continuing," Some kill themselves because they can't take being here, but most casualties are caused by the maze."

"The maze?"

"Yeah, beyond these wall," Jackson gestured to a small opening. "There is a maze, with walls just as high at these that keep us locked in here. So far we haven't found a way out, but Alby believes that we're really close."

"So there is a way out?"

"Not yet."

"Why stay here? Why not just go into the maze and find a way out, all together," I shift so face Jackson.

"It's not that simple, Greenie. There are monsters out there, they kill without thought, that's how most of the boys die. Or they come back infected and we can't save them."

"Why don;t you just mark a trail! It would only take a day or two."

Jackson shakes his head," That's a good plan, except for every night the maze changes, so it's impossible to track."

"But wait, what stops the monsters from coming in here?!," I ask while staring at the open space between the walls.

"The doors close at night, that's when the monster's come."

"Why does anyone go out there? Why not just stay here, where it's safe. Who even goes out there?!"

"Runners. They run the maze, trying to find a way out. If they didn't go, we would just be accepting our fate to live here forever. There would be no hope."

"You guys have hope?"

Jackson shifts to face me," Of course. We wouldn't be here without the hope of one day leaving. We would be crazy, insane savages, eating bug and killing each other."

 _This guy is a little... odd?_

"Uhm... I guess that's true?"

"Don't you worry Greenie, I won't let the Grievers get you."

"Grievers?"

"The monsters in the maze, they are called Grievers."

 _Grievers? Seems appropriate._

"Are you a Runner?"

Jackson laughs," God no. I'm a Bagger."

"What's a Bagger?"

"Wait, look. They are coming out."

I turned as saw Zart, Alby and some others exit the hut together. And for some reason, I was afraid of what they had said. _What if they decide I'm of no use to them?! What if they just kill me! Jackson says they don't just kill, but I'm a new problem... what did that note say: challenge? What if they just kill me so they don't have to deal with me? It would be easier..._ I glance towards the opening, _I could just make a run for it, Take my chances in the maze. If there really is a maze. Just run, don't stop. I could do it, I feel energized._

I slowly stand up, not taking my eyes off the door. _If I plan it right, the doors might shut behind me, Jackson said they close at night. The sun is falling, dusk is here, so it could be any moment._ I made the mistake of looking over at Zart and Alby, they see me now and begin walking towards me. They look so strong and fierce, like Zart could snap my neck in one second without a thought.

"Greenie, you okay?," Jackson asks, but I ignore him.

 _Just go. Don't hesitate, just go!_

With that thought, my legs started running and all I saw was my way out. I heard shouting behind me, but I didn't look. _Run. RUN!_ I could feel they were close, ready to pounce and make me stay her for the rest of my life, which could be short lived if they chose to kill me. I feel something brush my back, whatever it was made me more determined to get to the door. I ran faster, I was almost there, but now I cold see people in my peripheral vision, surrounding me. _NO! NO! You're almost there! GO!_

I hear them yelling for me to stop, but I can't. I won't. I reach the opening, round the corner into the maze and the nothing. My vision goes black and I know they've won, I'm dead.


	3. Chapter 3

My eyes open, but my lids and too heavy so I close them again. _What the hell..._ I shift and feel my hands and legs are tied down, but my head is too groggy to really comprehend what all is happening. I groan and I try to open my eyes again, this time they stay open for a few seconds before they slide shit once more.

"Is she awake?" a voice sounds muffled and distant.

"No, she's been like that for a while. I think it'll be soon."

My head is still humming but I open my eyes again, the light is dim, but I adjust to see I'm in a small room. There are beds beside me, I can see my hands are tied to the bed I'm lying one. I pull at the restraints, but they are too tight. _Where am I?_ I groan loudly as I turn my head _, there were voices._ I see a blurry figure walking further from me, _should I call out? But wait why am I here? Maybe they know... What happened to me?_

My brain is pulsing and it feels like if I overpower it, it might just explode. I turn back to face the beds, _I'm here because... because... they...want...to... they want to kill me. Kill me! They want to kill me!_

Adrenaline surges through me as I rip at the ties around my wrist and ankles.

The voices hear me struggle," She's awake! She's awake!"

"Go get Alby!"

 _Alby? Alby? He... He's the one who wants me dead! No!_

"NO!," I scream loudly, loosening the grip on my left wrist, pulling my arm free. I reach from my right wrist and pull on the twine to let my hand slide through. Everything hurts, my head is two seconds away from exploding, my wrists ache and m legs are still bound. My vision hasn't improved, almost everything is a blur of color.

"Relax. Just relax," the voice returns.

"NO! NO! NO!," I see it approach me, so I tried to tackle it. My legs still being bound, I just through myself off the bed, my hands hitting the floor. "NO!"

"Please, calm down!"

"NO!," I can't move my legs won't let me and my body is twisted. I tr to reach my ankles from my position on the floor, but I can't, it's out of my grasp. I feel something grab me," NO!," I try to claw at it, but it doesn't let go.

I am sung back up on the bed and I finally see what it is, it's a boy. He looks young and nervous but also determined, he grabs my arms and push them above my head, making me immobile. He looks small, but he is strong and doesn't waver from my constant struggling. I realize that I'm stuck again and fear is replaced by acceptance, which quickly transfers to tears.

"Please! Please! Please!," I beg him, but he doesn't look at me. He ties my hands together at the wrists above my head, once he is done he steps back. Instantly, I pull my arms, but they don't follow. I thrash in bed, feeling for a weakness, but I don't feel one. I am trapped once more.

"Just try to relax," the boy says, but I drown him out by screaming.

"LET ME GO! PLEASE! DON'T! PLEASE! PLEASE!."

The boy takes another step back, clearly horrified by me. He glances to the door, "Alby, she's awake." Alby steps into the room and sees me, his face is unreadable. When I see him, I struggle more, trying desperately to get away before he hurts me, before he kills me.

"NOOOOOO!," I scream and the other boys cover their ears. "PLEASE! NO!"

"She won't stop, Alby! I don't know what happened!"

Alby approaches me," Please no! Please don't! PLEASE!"

"What do you remember?," Alby asks calmly.

My tears don't stop," Please don't! Please! Please!"

"Don't what?," he asks before taking another step closer. I don't answer, I just cry loudly, trying to hid my face from them. "What do you think we're going to do to you?"

I choke back my sobs, but my breathing is shallow and random. "Please... Please don't!" Alby is now next to my bed, but I don't pull away, my adrenaline is gone and I'm left to face facts. I'm dead now. "Don't," I whisper looking at him.

"We aren't going to hurt you. I promise. You are safe."

His face has softened, he look me deep in the eyes, without blinking when he talks. His tone is soothing and I relax against the bed beneath me, _Why am I fighting it? It'll happen anyway... no matter what I do._

"Just do it."

"Do what?" Alby asks softly.

"Just kill me."

Alby doesn't hesitate in his response," Is that what you think we are going to to do? Kill you?" I don't say anything, I just stare at him, waiting for him to confirm my suspicions. "We are not going to kill you. I promise, you are safe."

"How can I trust you? I don't know you I don't even know myself! You took that from me."

"You can trust me when I say we don't want to harm you in any way," Alby reaches towards me, I flinch and draw back. "I'm going to untie you're hands," he says as he releases me. I brush the hair from my face and wipe my tears away, I feel cold and exposed. The eyes of everyone in the room is on me, but I don't make eye contact with any one, I stare at the bed while I shiver.

"Is that why you ran?," his voice causes me to glance in his direction. "You thought we were planning to kill you."

I swallow the ump in my throat, "Yes."

"Why did you think that?," Alby never once raised his voice. He stayed collected and true, I knew he was trying to calm me down and deescalate the situation. I twas working, my heart was slowing, my breathing was returning to normal.

"I thought, maybe there is a reason there are no other girls..."

"That we had killed them?," I nodded as Alby finished my thought. "If I untie your feet, are you going to do something crazy?" I shook my head and he produced a blade and cut the binding at my feet. I immediately pulled my legs to my chest. "We don't want to kill you, I promise."

 _Can I believe him? Is he just saying that so I let my guard down and he can kill me? Why would they kill me... Maybe they don't want to. But who are they? They must know more than they are saying!_

"I believe you," I say quietly.

"Good," Alby gives me a comforting smile, "Let Clint and Jeff make sure you're okay, alright? Don't attack them," he says sternly.

I nod in agreement, before Alby walks out of the room. The boy who pulled me from the floor approached, he handed me a rag before telling me my mouth was bleeding. I could taste the blood and held the rag to my lip.

"Thank you," I said shakily.

"You're welcome," he nodded.

After my debriefing from the Med-Jacks, I was greeted by Zart again. He was standing by a torch, so I could barely seem him in the flickering light. I could tell he was unsure what to say to me, his eyes darting from place to place before he finally decided to scold me.

"You can't just run off like that. The Glade is the only place that is safe. There is a reason that we have these rules and you broke two of them today, that is really serious."

"The rules? Help each other, don't hurt each other, stay in the Glade?"

"Yes, you ran out of the glade and you almost knocked another Glader out" Zart exclaimed.

My eyes fell," I didn't want to hurt Jeff, I was just scared, I guess. I didn't know where I was or-..."

"Jeff? No, not Jeff. When you ran into the maze, you ran right into Ben! The collision knocked you out cold and Ben was close to. He was dizzy and light headed for a while, but he should be okay."

I searched my memory, but there was nothing, all I saw was black. "Really? I don't remember that."

"Well, it's still not okay," he huffed.

"Zart?" He huffed again in response. "What was that meeting about? The one with the Keepers?"

Zart sighed," Well, we were discussing you." _I knew it._ "We don't really know what to do, we've never had a girl, so we don't have any rules concerning them. W were just discussing what to do, but we weren't going to kill you."

I looked away," I didn't know that. This place is new to me, I don't know any of you and it's hard to believe that we are all just clueless to everything. I'm overwhelmed by all of this and my mind went into panic mode."

"It happens to some of the Greenies we get. I understand, but you can never do it again," Zart eyes found mine and I saw how serious he was, even under the dim light of fire. "You can never leave the Glade, Greenie. Do you understand that?"

"Yes," I said quietly. "I understand."

"Good," Zart coughed. "Well, since we don't really have a place for you to sleep, Alby thinks it would best you just sleep here in the Med tent."

"Okay," I pause but Zart says nothing more so I walk back into the Med tent and lay on m bed. My eyes easily shut and sleep comes quickly.


	4. Chapter 4

"When we get a new Greenie, we usually have a small banquet of sorts that night to let them meet all the guys in the Galde. It's a good way to keep the community close and friendly, but since you were... indisposed last night, Alby says we should do it this night," Zart explains while checking the leaves of plants. "See this one is about ready, you can tell because the leaf is starting to droop downwards, you see?"

"Yeah, I see," I stand up from where I'm squatting in the middle of the garden.

Zart is starting to get used to talking with me, I think he has realized it's not much different then talking to a boy. We've been out in the sun all day and my back hurts from leaning over the plants. Zart stands beside me, a content smile on his face, I can see why he is the Keeper of the Track-hoes, he genuinely enjoys his work.

"What all happens at these banquet things?"

"Nothing special," Zart shrugs. "Frypan sometimes makes a this really good sauce that mixes so well with the goat meat." I turn my gaze towards the giant wall surrounding us, it's like a beacon of terror and hope all at once, looming over us as if to taunt us with the thought of home. Zart sees me look to the wall and I feel him tense up. "Remember what I said?"

"Yes, Zart, I remember. I'm not going to run out again, I already said that." Zart nodded and bent back down to the garden," Hey Zart?" He grunted in response. "When do you think I'll get my name back?"

"I'm not sure," he said, his voice straining as he pulled a weed. "It's different for everyone."

"What if I never get it?"

He chuckled," Everyone feels that way. I think it took Hank around 4 days, that's the longest I think. I'm not sure, maybe it was Adam? Who knows, point is, you will get your name back. Its a guarantee."

"Will that boy that I hit yesterday be there?"

"Ben? Yeah he should be, why?"

"I don't know. I feel like I should apologize to him... you know, for running into him."

"Yeah that would be good. People are starting to wonder if we will have Gathering for you, since you did break the rules. You could break that record: two Gatherings in two days."

"Wait, so people want me to get in trouble," I squat beside him again.

"No, not that they want you in trouble, they want order. They want to know we are all still held accountable."

I swallowed a lump in my throat, "What are the punishments here?"

 _DEATH!?_

"We aren't going to kill you, so just forget about that right now. We don't kill one another. It'll be something mild, this being your first day and all, like, a night without food, sleep in the slammer. Nothing major."

I tried not to think about the Gathering, _maybe they would let me off with a warning or something?_

The day passed quickly, Zart let me leave before the banquet. I went back to the med tent and saw Jeff and Clint, they both turned to me and I smiled uneasily.

"Hey...," I tried to sound casual but if was far off.

"Hi," Clint waves. "What brings you back here?," he sounds happy.

 _Back here? Is this not where I sleep? Uhmm... I don't know. I don't know where else to go?_

"Uhmm... I-I-...," I try to find the words but Jeff takes over.

"This is kind of her new home, Clint."

Clint realizes what Jeff means," Oh yeah! Duh! Sorry, we're not used to having like permanent guest here... let alone... uh...," Clint coughs and leaves his sentence unfinished.

"Oh, no, I get it," I agree. "I'll get out of your hair and maybe I'll see you tonight. Okay, bye," I turn and leave quickly before they respond.

I watch people move around the Galde, not really seeing me as they focus on their tasks. I slip into the background and find a quiet spot to sit against the giant gray wall. The night is coming and I see some of the Gladers start to crowd around the entrance of the maze. _Did someone else try to leave?_ I sit up more and squint to see what was happening. They all start cheering happily, shouting into the maze. _What is going on?!_ I stand but make no effort to approach the group. Then I see two boys run from the maze into the Glade, the crowd greeting them excitedly. _Those must be the Runners... Are one of them the one I hit yesterday?_ The group disperses and I can't tell which ones were Runners. A loud shutter rings in the Glade and the giant cement walls slowly shut, leaving the Glade and the maze separated. Night officially falls, as many Gladers start lighting torches and I see most of them all joining in the center together.

 _It must be time..._ I take out my water jug, the one Zart gave me earlier that day and dump some on my hand, rubbing the cold water on my face. I take left over moisture and run it through my hair. I never really thought about my hair before, it is fairly long, when I pull it all to the front, it goes to about an inch about my bellybutton. It's light brown and wavy, not really straight but not really curls in it either. _Wait, what do I even look like?_ I take another handful of water and try to focus on my reflection, but with daylight fading quickly and the water slipping through my hands, I don't make anything out clearly. All I saw was my blue eyes. _I have blue eyes._ It was small thing to learn about oneself, but to me, it was amazing. _Maybe I can learn more things about myself, soon my name and next, who knows!_

A whistle catches my attention, I turn and see a man standing about a hundred yards away. "Greenie!," the voice belongs to Zart. "Let's go."

I put my water jug away and jog to meet him," Hey sorry, just got-..."

He shakes his head," Ahh, it's okay. you don't have to tell me."

 _What does he think I was doing?!_

Zart turns back to the huddle mass,"Come on, let's go."

As we approach, my nerves start acting up. _What if they all resent me? Because I ran into that Runner boy? What if I do something stupid? What do I do? What do I say? Who do I even talk to?!_ Zart guides me into the middle of it all, past boys laughing and drinking until we found Alby. He turns to us and looks me up and down, "Glad to see you are doing better," he smiles.

"Thank you."

"How was working as a Track-hoe today?"

"It was...," my eyes dart to Zart," entertaining."

Alby nodded," Glad you enjoyed it. We need more Track-hoes. Tomorrow we'll pair you up with Winston, he's the keeper of the Slicers."

"Slicers? The ones who kill the animals?"

"That's the one." _They think I could kill animals? Really? Maybe they don't think I'm weak..._ "Winston!," Alby calls out and a short boy with dark hair darts towards us. "This is the new Greenie."

Winston looks up to me, he is maybe half a head shorter than myself," Pleasure."

"Hi," I wave awkwardly.

"I want her to be with you tomorrow."

"No problem," he turns to me," We'll start off easy, no cuts the first day," he smiled.

I returned the smile, unsure if he was joking or not. "Well, it's nice to meet you. I'll see you tomorrow."

Winston nods and goes back to his friends, I turn back to Alby. "Go and meet some new people. Everyone is very welcoming, although they might tease you for being the Newbie."

I nod and look to Zart," Which one is the boy I hit?"

"Ben? He is... somewhere...," Zart looks for his face in the crowd. "Don't worry, you'll find him." _Ben, his name is Ben._

"Wait, I'll find him! Alone?! You're not going to come with me?," fear stained my voice.

"Like Alby said, everyone here is nice enough. You'll be fine, Greenie," Zart then hears someone call out to him and walks away.

I look out at all the kids conversing and I see Jeff and Clint. _They are a safe bet_ , I walk over to them quickly as others start to notice my arrival.

"Hey Jeff. Hey Clint," I greet them with a smile.

"Oh, hey Greenie," Clint nods at me.

"Greenie! What's up?," Jeff smiles.

"Uhm... nothing, I just don't really know anyone yet."

"Don't sweat it, it takes time," Jeff says.

"Yeah, you'll be learning names forever. It took me so long," Clint laughed.

"Man, you still don't know everyone here," Jeff joked.

"I know all the Slicers," Clint laughed. _Slicers? I'll be with them all tomorrow._

"Very true," Jeff agreed, and they clinked their classes and drank.

"What is that stuff?," I asked.

"Man, I don't even know," Jeff laughed. "Try some," he held his glass out to me. I took it and before overthinking, I took a drink. It burned but it wasn't so bad. "Wow, look, girl is a champ!"

I laughed with them before someone came up beside me," Hey guys, what's up?"

"Hey Gully, how are you?"

"I'm doing alright," the boy then turned to me," thought I should come introduce myself to the new Greenie."

"Oh right, right, right," Clint stood up straight," Greenie, this is Gally. Gally this is Greenie," he spoke like he was trying to be proper, before falling into laughs with Jeff.

"Oh, still Greenie, huh?," Gally smiled, showing his teeth. The boy was tall and lanky, with dirty blonde hair ans a rather large nose. "Don't worry, it'll come back to you soon enough," he drank from his cup. He glanced down at my hands," Do you have a cup?" I shook my head and he shamed Clint and Jeff for not getting me some. "I'll show you where it is," he took me to a bench with a cauldron full of strong smelling fluid. "Hey, Fry!"

"Yes," a tall, stocky man responded.

"Got any more cups? Greenie here needs one," Gally points to me.

"The Greenie?," Fry's eyes rest on me. "So it's all true then, huh?" he said while grabbing a glass for me.

I shrugged and accepted it as he gave it to me," Here I am, a girl. Scary, right?," I dipped my cup in the cauldron and took it out, sipping the top before too much spilled.

Fry's eyes never left me," Yeah scary might be the word. But not because of you, because of what you mean."

"What do you mean 'what I mean'?"

"Well," Fry stroked his beard and sat at the table," They ain't never sent no girl before, why now? I don't know? Why would they, if they didn't have no plan, right?" I agreed, his logic made sense. "We've all been doing just fine and now they throw you at us, so we got to figure it all out again, it's scary to think what they have planned for us."

 _Plan? A plan with me? Why me? What will I do here?_

"Okay Fry, no need to scare her like that," I look up and see Jackson towering over me.

"Jackson?"

"The one and only," he smiled, then scowled. "I have a bone to pick with you, running off like that."

I avoided his eyes," Yeah, I'm sorry. I didn't-..."

"Shush shush. You knew not to do it, so why did you?"

I was taken aback, _why the hell did he just shush me to ask another question?!_

"I didn't want to die," I said honestly.

Jackson let out a loud laugh, "I told you we don't kill people," he said still chuckling.

"Maybe I didn't find you all too convincing," I muttered.

"I mean, you got to understand her view, you are a Bagger and all," Gully giggled and sipped his drink.

"That doesn't mean anything," Jackson face turned stone cold. "Wouldn't want to bring to Alby's attention all you little 'miscommunications', now would we, Gally?"

Gally's eyes turned fierce," There isn't anything to tell."

"That's what I thought," Jackson gave a cocky smirk. "Walk with me, Greenie."

"I'll see you later, thank you for the cup," I left Gally and Fry by the cauldron and followed Jackson. "What was all that?!"

I saw Jackson shrug," Gal Pal and I have some barriers."

 _Barriers? What they hell does that mean?_

"What is a Bagger?," I asked Jackson again, trying to avoid all the looks I was getting.

"A Bagger? We're kind of like he guard patrol, keep things in order."

"I thought that was Alby's job?"

"Alby, he's the cheif, yes, but we just help him keep the peace. He's doing pretty good as leader, don't you think?"

Jackson walked ahead of me, before I could respond, due to the path was blocked by huddles of guys. I followed him through, but someone backed out of their group and bumped me, spilling my drink down the front of my shirt.

"Oh, damn! I'm real-...," he stopped half way through his apology while I was frozen: my mouth open, eyes wide from the chill of cold liquid dripping down my shirt. No one seemed to really notice, they were all caught up in their own conversations.

After shock fell away, I started apologizing," I'm sorry. I didn't see you back out. It's not your fault, it's mine. Did any get on you?" I looked up and saw the surprise still plastered on his face, _what's wrong,_ I thought. _Oh right, I'm a girl. How could I fucking forget._

"It's you," he said like he was seeing a ghost.

"Me?" After a second, the boy seemed familiar, _where do I know him?_ He blinked and I saw his soft green eyes, _it's the boy! The boy who pulled me from the box!_ "Wait, I know you! you're that- that- that- boy from yesterday! You were there when I came up from the box!"

He shook his head slightly, as if in disbelief, his soft blond hair stuck to him," Uhm... yeah. That was me."

"Greenie!," Jackson came up next to me," What happened to you?," he pointed to my shirt.

Oh," I swatted the problem away," it was nothing."

Jackson then turned to the boy," Hey, Ben. You alright?"

 _BEN!?_


	5. Chapter 5

_Oh shit!_

"No, I'm fine," Ben gave a small smile. His initial shock wearing off, no longer looked confused or surprised, but a slightly guilty for spilling my drink. "Just an accident is all. I'm sorry again."

"I can see that," Jackson chuckled, looking at my shirt.

 _This is the kid I ran into! He's the one I almost knocked unconscious! Hes the boy who pulled me from the box! Now I've ran into him a second time, oh shit. This is Ben!_

"You're Ben?," I asked, it was my turn to be surprised.

"Yeah, that's me," he held out his hand," Nice to meet you."

I shook his hand and felt even worse. "Oh... I am so sorry, I didn't mean to-..."

Ben waved his hand," Oh, please. It's alright. No harm done. There's more on you then there is on me."

"Oh, hold on, I'll go grab you a jacket or something," Jackson scurried away.

"Uhm... no I'm really sorry about... about the other day," I said quietly, watching the remainder of my drink swish around the glass. I heard him sigh deeply, he knew exactly what I was talking about.

"Yeah, don't worry about it. It's okay."

I nod," I had no idea you were right there or else I would have..."

"Would have what? Ran around me?," he joked.

I let out a small laugh," Yeah, I would have just dodged and kept going."

"Just don't tell anyone else that," he said solemnly.

"Oh believe me, I don't plan on it... Again, I really am sorry, they said you almost blacked out."

"Key word there is almost, I bounced back. I'm really okay," Ben said as Jackson jogged up to us with a thin jacket. I reached my arm out to grab it, but instead Jackson put the coat on me himself.

"Uh, thanks Jackson." I mumbled pulling my arm through the second sleeve.

"No problem, Greenie. This should warm you right up. We should find Alby, I think he wants to say a few words to everyone."

"Okay, sure. Nice to finally met you properly, Ben," I smile at him.

He returns me smile and I notice he had two deep dimples on either side of his face," Same goes to you."

Jackson steers me to Alby, who grabs me and stands up on a log with him. "Gentlemen!," he announces the Glade. "We have a new Greenie!," he lifts my hand with his and everyone cheers. "This is new for all of us," he states as the crowd settles. I look and all eyes are on me, but it's not really new. I see Jeff and Clint in the back whispering to one another, followed by giggling. Gully is standing with his arms crossed , his expression is serious as he listens to Alby. Most of the faces I scan over are in disbelief or are shocked, _they must not have believed the rumors of a girl.._. "We have never before had a girl in the Glade, this means many things. It opens opportunities for us, but it may also cause some difficulty. I think it is a good thing she is here and I am glad to have her as a new member of the Glade. Together we can all overcome any obstacle they throw at us! WE ARE GLADERS!"

The crowd erupts into cheering and clapping, I spot Ben standing of to the side clapping and smiling. I look out at everyone, they all seem happy, uplifted by Alby's speech no doubt. I can tell that some people aren't convinced that I will be an asset, I turn to Alby who is cheering along with everyone else and smile, _maybe it won't be all bad._

* * *

That's what I thought before I woke up the next morning with a throbbing headache. _What the hell is in that stuff!,_ I thought gripping my temples.

"Good morning, Greenie," Clint greets me happily whistling.

"Don't be so loud, Clint," Jeff said, obviously feeling the same effects as I was.

"Maybe you shouldn't drink so much," he teased his friend before going back to whistling.

I sat up on the edge of my bed and felt disgusting. I smelt terrible and I bet looked just as bad, my stomach growled. Jeff must have heard it because he handed me a piece of bread," Here, it helps."

I nodded a thanks and made my way to the showers, _Wait_ , I stopped mid step. _Should I shower? I mean, what if there are people in there? Boys...Who are naked!_ I groaned, I need to talk to Alby.

"Hey, Greenie," a voice called out to me, I responded by turning. _I'm getting to used to being called Greenie, I need to figure out my name._ "Winston is looking for you."

"Yeah thanks," I tell the boy and he strides up to me," Have you seen Alby? I have a question for him."

"Alby is a tad preoccupied, but I can assist if you'd like," the boy said with a smile. His voice was different, an accent of some kind, _maybe English?_ He was a cute with his short wavy hair and squinted eyes, he was tall and muscular but had a boyish way about him.

"I need to ask Alby a question. I'm not sure you can help?"

"Well go ahead. Ask away," he crossed his arms.

"I need to know if I can use the shower or not?," I look him dead in the eye and watched and him grow uncomfortable.

"Uhmm, well... I'll check it for you, if you like? And I can stand guard if you need..." I raised and eyebrow," Outside, of course!" he added quickly.

"What about Winston, will he be mad I'm late?"

"Just don't take too long," the boy said strolling towards the showers, he was walking so quickly I almost didn't notice his limp. He disappeared inside and I heard him talk to some people," Hurry up, you bloody shanks!" He returned shortly after," It'll be open in a few."

I smiled," What's your name?"

"I'm Newt. Nice to meet ya," he paused," Have you remembered your name yet?" I shook my head and looked away from him. "Well it's your third day here, I suppose it'll come soon enough."

"You think so?"

"Yeah, makes sense. Sorry lads," he says to the boys who scurry from the shower rooms.

Newt goes in once more to check and then lets me enter. I quickly wash my body and hair, at least I thought it was quick, Newt said I was taking too long. I put on a new shirt and new pants and walked out feeling fresh.

"Thanks, Newt. I owe you," I smile before making my way towards the Blood House.

I find Winston and explain why I was tardy. He shrugs it off and starts explaining how to care for the animals and then how to kill them. He didn't even let me touch a knife, let alone use one. The days go by fast, but I don't think I would like to be a Slicer, too much blood. On the way back to the Med hut, I find myself drawn back to the wall. The day is over and I have nothing to do but wait until I'm tired enough to sleep, _there's no point in going back and bother Clint and Jeff._ I leaned against the cool gray wall, _Why haven't I remembered my name? What is it! What is it!_ I hear running and see Ben and some other emerge from the maze, _I'm glad they made it back in time._ Ben sees me and waves before running after his friends I wave back, but he doesn't see. _I'm glad I ran into him and not someone who wants to see me get in trouble. I'm lucky he forgave me. This place isn't too bad. Everyone is fairly kind and I'm sure that soon it wont be a big deal that I'm a girl... A girl without a name. Nameless... What is it? What could it be?_

"What you doing, Greenie?," I watch Newt walk closer to me.

"Nothing, enjoying my free time after slaughtering animals."

Newt chuckles,"Well Alby wants a word with ya."

"Sure," I stand and follow Newt to a tall tower.

"He's up at the top," Newt says, following me up the stairs. I see Alby sitting, looking out at the Glade, his back is to me. "I found her Alby."

Alby turns towards us and crosses his legs. "Hey Greenie," hey greets me without a smile, but his voice is indifferent. _I hope I'm not in trouble..._ "I wanted tot alk to you about the Glade." _Crap, I'm in trouble._ "I know this place isn't quite... uhm... well, it's not exactly girl friendly as it is. If you have any suggestions on how to make it a more inclsive place, just let myself of Newt know." _Thank goodness._

I sat across from Alby," The Showers would be a good place to start. Maybe there should be one just for girls?"

Newt leaned on the corner of the post," I'm not sure we can build another shower room."

Alby nodded," Resources are tight for luxury items like that."

"What happens when the box thing comes up and there is another girl," I say," then the next month, and then the next month."

I could tell that Alby had not yet thought of this, he cleared his throat and answered," If that is the case, we will find a way to divide things more equally, but for now, maybe things that are a little less extreme."

I rolled my eyes, _less extreme!_ "Well... maybe I could only shower at night, so that way everyone will be done and I wont have to kick people out."

"That's not bad, we can work on that. Right Newt?"

"Yeah, thats not so bad."

"As for sleeping," I continue," I actually like sleeping the Med hut, if that's okay. I don't really want to sleep with... with all the boys," I looked in my lap as I finished. "Zart said that you thought it best for me to stay there too."

"Yes, I do" Alby agreed. "But it is temporary, we cant have someone living there."

"Okay, sure," I nod. _I just wish there was a way to stop everyone from staring._

My face must have given something away because Alby's eyes darted between Newt and myself," What? What is it?"

I brush the hair behind ears," Nothing. It's nothing," I stand up," Thanks, it means a lot that you guys care this much. I guess you don't want to kill me," I laughed, trying to lighten the mood. Newt cracked a small smile, but Alby's face didn't change, "Okay," I mutter before climbing down the stairs of the tower.


	6. Chapter 6

The next day I was with Fry in the kitchen, he was nice and very friendly. I like him, he was genuine and when we first met he was real with me, he felt like someone I could trust. Fry told me his real name is Siggy, but mostly everyone calls him Frypan; I liked Siggy, he said he didn't mind if I called him that. He only had one other person to help him out, Joseph, a shy kid who didn't speak much. Siggy told me it wasn't my fault, Joseph never really talked to anyone. Siggy was serious about his kitchen, he himself wasn't the cleanest man alive, but he always had the kitchen in tip top shape. Siggy didn't let me actually cook, just scrub the pans and prep the meat, but I didn't mind, it was a lot better then slicing the meat, I shuddered remembering the other day.

While I was doing mindless work, like scrubbing a plate or pan, my mind kept thinking about my past. _Who was I? Where did I come from? What was my name..._ I always got stuck there, no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't remember. When I got too frustrated I would try to think of something else, but I always drifted back. _What is my name?_ It was day four and I had new idea, nothing came to me, there was no epiphany or sudden clarity. I was still just the Greenie. _What if my name never comes... What if I never remember?_

Dinner was delicious, it was goat stew, for some reason we had a lot of goat in the ice box. It was delicious and I felt some pride knowing that I had helped create it. I dipped my spoon in my bowl when Jackson sat down across from me.

"Good to see you, Greenie."

"I really hate that," I muttered into my soup.

"What?"

"I said, 'Hey, you're back'." I hid behind my spoon of soup.

He grinned,"Always for you, Greenie," he said while taking his first taste of the soup. "Wow, it's pretty good today."

"Well, thanks," I have another bite.

"Oh... were you in the kitchen today?"

"Uh-huh."

"Well that might explain it," he winked.

I felt my cheeks blush, _What is this?! Why am I blushing?_ "Erm... thanks, Jackson."

"So, how are you adjusting to life here in the Galde."

"It's not so bad," I reply.

"Yeah, it takes some time. I can't even imagine what its like for a... a..." Jackson stopped himself and took another bite of soup.

"A girl?," I finished.

"Yeah a girl."

"Hey, Greenie," Gully says as he passes my table.

"Hi," I reply with my mouth full of soup.

He almost passes us, but backtracks and crouches next to the table. "Uhm... tomorrow, I'm pretty sure, you're training with the Builders."

"Builders? Oh yeah, I don't know," I push the soup away, so I don't take another bite during the conversation. "Why? Are you a builder?"

"I'm the Keeper of the Builders," Gully smiles.

"Okay, cool. So I'll see you tomorrow then."

"Yeah," Gully stands," See you tomorrow," he then walks away.

I turn back to Jackson who is rolling his eyes. "What?," I ask defensively.

"Oh, nothing. Nothing at all," Jackson grins and finishes his soup.

It was hard to sleep that night, my thoughts were driving me insane. Once I did fall asleep, I dreamed of being a faceless person in a crowd, no one could see me, no one cared. I screamed as loud as I could but no one heard. I ran as fast as I could to, looking to find myself in the crowd, but I got lost, people were smothering me, I couldn't breath.

"Greenie."

I jumped out of bed to find Ben standing next to me. "What? Wha-.. why?..."

"Shh, it's time to go," he beckoned me to follow.

Outside the tent, I could barely see, it was still so dark. "What the hell, Ben!?"

"Shhh," he covered my mouth," You'll wake everyone up," he pulled away and kept walking.

"Okay, but that doesn't mean it's okay for you to barge in on me while I'm sleeping! I could have been nak-...," I stopped myself and I saw Ben tense. "I mean, I could have been busy."

Ben took a deep breath," I'm sorry," he turned and faced me," I didn't think of that, but Clint said you were always wearing clothes when he come in for work, so I assumed..."

I wrapped an arm around my waist and raised the other to rest my head on," Okay... okay. Just don't do it again. Why am I even out here?"

"Yes, don't worry. It won't ever, this is the only time, because, you're training with the Runners today," he smiled and opened his arms as if to say 'SURPRISE'.

"Wait? What?"

"You're training with Runners today...," he said again, confused.

"Okay, but why?"

"Well," Ben rubbed his neck," I was told that you were quite fast the other day, no one caught you before you hit the maze." I shuffled my feet, _the only reason I was caught was because of you..._ "So Mihno told Alby we should try and see if you've got it."

"Got what?," I crossed my arms, it was so chilly. I only had on a thin tank top and the jacket Jackson gave me.

"What it takes to be a Runner," Ben smiled.

"So... I'm going into the maze?" I didn't know whether to feel hope or terror. _The maze? Zart said no one went into the maze but Runners!_

Ben chuckled," Of course not. But we need to see if you have the strength and stamina, to keep up with us from sunup to sun down."

As if his words were the password, the door to the maze opened. I walked slowly beside Ben as we approached, _Should I run for it?! No, they'll catch me and bring me back or let me die out there. It's not so awful here, I can wait like everyone else for them to find a way out._

"I know what you're thinking."

I smiled," No you don't."

I heard people coming up behind us, I looked over my shoulder to see the Runners.

"Hey Ben, got her up, huh?"

"Yeah, she is ready to run," Ben smiled. "Greenie, this is Mihno, Hank, and Nick."

I waved to them all," Hi."

The sun was making it was up from the wall, so I could see that Mihno was about the same height as Ben, with black straight hair and slanted eyes. He didn't seem to happy for me to be there, but he greeted me all the same. Hank had mocha skin with think brown curls that he brushed from his face and soft brown eyes. Nick was tall, taller than Ben, with blonde hair and bright blue eyes.

"Are you sure, Ben?," Mihno asked, eyeing me quickly,

"Yeah, I go this. Go check out the lead, they need you," Ben replied.

"Okay...," Mihno seemed unsure. After a second, they all turned and ran into the maze, I watched them in awe and the moved so swiftly and without a word between them.

"Let's go, Greenie," Ben said.

I gritted my teeth from snapping at him. _I hate being called Greenie!_ Ben took off running and I followed him. We didn't talk, luckily for me, we didn't really run either, for the first hour or so, we jogged laps around the Glade. He called it 'the warm up' and then started sprinting. I kept his pace, but not for very long; once we were in the the Deadheads, he started weaving through the trees, cutting off the trail. I tripped and stumbled, but got up quickly to catch up to him. My side began to throb after a few more minutes I called to him to stop.

"Already, Greenie? They said you were fast," Ben panted.

I crouched to the ground," Maybe... it was... adrenaline," I said between struggled breaths. "I... don't think... I should be a runner... anyway."

"Really, why is that?," Ben squatted next to me.

"I... can't run," I said which made him laugh.

Ben sat beside me, "Well if you don't want to be a Runner, I won't make you become one."

"Thanks for your... support," I say, lowering my body to the ground while my side protested.

"You're lucky its me and not Mihno. He would make your ass run this shit all day until they came back at sundown."

"Why is it you and not Mihno," I layed back on the leaves. Their soft pile felt so comfortable, I could have just fallen asleep.

"Big lead. Maybe a way out..."

"Really?!" _Maybe I don't have to wait as long as I thought._

"Yeah," Ben nodded. I figured Mihno is more important to the mission, so I stayed behind to train the Greenie," he chuckled.

"God, I really hate that," I murmured and closed my eyes, taking deep breaths.

"Hate what? My laugh?"

My lips curved into a small smile," No... I hate that name. Greenie."

"Why? What's wrong with Greenie?"

"It's just... forget it," I sat up.

"Come one, you have to tell me now!," Ben begged. I was quiet for a second, picking the leaves out that had tangled in my hair. _Ben seems nice, like he can keep the secret._

"Well, it just reminds me that I know nothing about myself, you know? I don't even get the simply luxury of having a name. I don't know anything...," I feel a hot stinging in my throat as my eyes fill. I wipe them away before they fall. "It just... it just... I-I... I feel so lost. Like, who am I?" I can't fight the tears back, they start gliding down my cheeks. I try to talk through them." Why did... t-they send... me h-here?," but I didn't last and the sobbing took control of me.

I feel a pressure on my shoulder, it's Ben's hand. I look to his face, he seems unsure if it is the right thing to do, immediately he pulls his hand away, "I'm sorry. I-I... I'm sorry." I just sit there for a few more seconds, crying loudly and wiping the tears. When I finally calm down enough to speak, I thank Ben. He is so perplexed all he can say is,"Huh?"

"Thank you, Ben."

"What did I do?," his eyes are wide.

"You... you treated me like a person," I looked at him," Like I wasn't just a girl." Ben didn't say anything so I continued," You know, you were the first person to shake my hand?"

"Really?"

I sniffled," Yeah. Even though I ran into you and could have hurt you, you were still way more normal to me than these other guys. They all think I have cooties or something," I stifle a laugh and Ben laughed lowly. "And it's so weird, because I don't even know what normal is..."

"None of us do," Ben said, pulling his legs closer to him," We all are just trying to figure it out as we go..."

A swift breeze pushes the leaves all around us and sways the trees, it felt calm.

"What if I never learn my name?," I ask more to myself then to Ben.

"If that happens, then you get to pick your own name. Completely leave the past behind you."

I look over to Ben, but he isn't looking at me. "What if I don't want to leave the past behind me?"

"You're in the wrong place for that."


	7. Chapter 7

Ben and I sat for a while, until he said he was hungry and stood up. I told him to go ahead, I wasn't in the mood to eat, but he insisted and basically dragged me to the kitchen. Siggy made some green leafy mush, with a side of carrots. I played with it for a minute before trying it, I didn't like it- not at all, but I knew I shouldn't waste. Ben sat across from me, eating his mush happily, so I played along and took a few more bites and downed some water. I was really thirsty from all the running we had done.

Once Ben finished eating he kept looking at me in short spurts, like I wouldn't notice.

"What, Ben?"

He was slightly stunned that I had seen him, since he believed he was being so sneaky. "Well... I just... I-I-I..." he cleared his throat and then coughed. "What do you want to be called?... If not Greenie?"

I put down my fork and thought about it. _I want to be called by my name, but I don't know what it is._ "I don't know..." I finally answered. _I just want my name. The one thing that should still belong to me._

"You could make up a name for us to call you until you get your real one," Ben suggested.

"Eh, that seems a lot of work. And what if my true name comes and people think I'm lying?"

"Fair point. What about something you like, like Frypan's real name isn't Frypan."

"Yeah, I know, it's Siggy. I don't know, I haven't really found out what I like yet..."

Ben bit his lip," Okay... What about, instead of saying 'Hey greenie, how's it going', I'll say something like 'Hey, its me Ben! How's it going.' "

I laughed," That's not half bad, I could do that."

"Okay, it's settled. Whenever I want to talk to you, I'll address myself," Ben laughed. I could tell Ben cares about others, _he doesn't want me to feel uncomfortable, so he's willing to change a normal greeting. He'll be a good friend to have._ "So, any other big plans for the day?"

"Uhm, yeah," I say sarcastically," I'm training to become a Runner. It kind of takes all day."

Ben tries not to smile, but can't resist," But seriously?"

"Uhm.. no plans. But yesterday Gully said he thought I was training with the Builders today, but instead here I am with a Runner."

"Ah yes, Gully did mention that he wanted to train you today... If you want, I'll let you go, so you can train with the Builders."

"No, no! I like training to be a Runner, it's... soothing."

Ben smiled, "Until you get out there" he nodded towards the maze," then it's a battle of life and death. Making the right turn so you can make it back in time, racing against the sun."

"Well, it sounds like it's never dull," I smiled.

Right as Ben opened his mouth, we heard screaming coming from the maze, it was distant, but very real. My eyes darted towards the door and it seemed everyone in the Glade had gone still. The scream came again, closer this time, it made my hair stand on edge. Ben stood and without a second glance ran towards the door, other's were doing the same. I quickly got out of the bench and followed him, everyone was gathered around the door now. A third scream came, echoing through the chambers of the maze, but to me it sounded like it was right in front of us.

"Who is it?," everyone around me murmured.

"Is it Nick?"

"Sounds like Hank."

A fourth loud scream blasted towards us, followed by the sounds of grunting and struggling. Around the corner came the three Runners, but they weren't running. Two of them were hoisting the third up, dragging him along. It was Mihno and Hank, they were dragging Nick towards the door. I saw a blur pass my vision and it was Ben, running to them! Nick arched his head back and let out another piercing scream, I almost had to plug my ears.

"Ben! No come back!," the boys shouted.

Ben helped support Nick and the three of them made it past the door swiftly. Once in the Glade everyone surrounded the Runners.

"What's wrong?"

"What happened?"

"Where's Clint and Jeff?"

I pushed past some of them to see, Nick was laying on the ground groaning in pain, the other Runners were trying to catch their breath. Nick face was scrunched, it was then I noticed he didn't have legs. His lower limbs were completely torn off and I could see his organs. It was horrifying; the blood was starting to pool around him, his chest rising and falling rapidly, his moans of discomfort. Even though it was the worst thing I had ever seen, I couldn't tear m eyes away.

"How is he still alive," I heard myself whisper.

Clint and Jeff pushed through, lifted Nick on a gurney and ran him back to the Med hut. I was so shocked at what I had seen I could barely breath, let alone move.

"Mihno, what happened?," a Glader asked. Mihno was visibly shaking and Hank looked like he was having a mental breakdown. "Hank, tell us?" It was Ben who stood up and told everyone to back off, give them some space, so one by one, people quietly made their way back to their tasks. Their minds obviously still heavy from what they had seen. I was the last one there, but I had no where else to go, the Med hut would be busy and everyone else was doing their jobs.

Ben kneeled down next to Hank," Hank? It's okay. You're safe now," he turned to Mihno," Mihno, man, what happened?"

Hank opened his mouth, but no sound came out. Seconds ticked by and it seemed like hours, it Mihno who spoke first. "It just happened."

"What? what just happened?," Ben asked him. I saw Alby and Newt running towards us, but didn't interrupt.

"It was the Blades..."

Ben leaned back, as if he understood it all now. He needed no further explanation as Newt and Alby formed a new semi circle around the group.

"Mihno? Hank? Are you alright?," Alby asked. Hank managed a small nod and Mihno said yes.

"What a bloody mess," Newt whispered. "Whose blood is this?," he asked while looking at the blood track created from dragging Nick's body in.

"It's Nick's," Ben replied, standing up, but not yet facing any of us.

"Nick...," Alby said under his breath.

"He's in the Med hut then, yes?," Newt asked. Ben merely nodded, all Alby and Newt could do was just stand in awe. "I'm going to check on him, see if they need extra hands," Newt said before running off towards the Med tent.

It was Alby now who crouched down to where Hank and Mihno sat," What happened to Nick?"

"The blades...," Hank whispered. "It was the blades."

Ben finally turned around and saw me, his yes locked on mine. His sweet, pale, green eyes were dark and serious, but a flash of something ran across them when he saw me. It was gone before I could analyze it, he then turned to help stand Hank and Mihno up. "Help me out, Alby. They need to go lie down." Alby helped stand up Hank and together they all walked away towards the Homestead. I was left there, standing alone in grass smeared with blood, the best thing I could think to do was to wash it away, but I couldn't. I was frozen, the red grass and the blood stained dirt held me captive. My mind was blank, I couldn't think, I couldn't move, all I could do was stare.

Another scream broke the silence of the Glade, it was Nick. My trance was broken and I backed away from the mess horrified, turned and ran away. My side protested, but I pushed through the pain, running from all the stares I was getting but I had no destination. I stopped once I hit the wall, _nowhere else to go. Trapped_. My breathing was heavy, I turned back towards the Glade, I was somewhere behind the Homestead, but no one else was here. I sat in the grass and it all hit in a second wave of horror.

 _Nick doesn't have legs! I saw his blood! his blood is on these shoes! He won't survive! He is going to die! Did a Griever do that?! What are Blades! Does a Griever have blades? What are they going to do? What will happen? What happens when he dies?!_ I began rocking back and forth against the wall, trying to breath but it was so hard. It was all too much. _I just washed his blood from the grass. HIS BLOOD! Mihno and Hank carried him back here, but he won't survive. There is no way. There was so much blood! Too much blood!_

I inhaled sharply, but the air never seemed to reach my lungs. Brushing the hair from my face, I left my head in my hands, trying to find reason in all of this. There was none, I couldn't make sense of any of it. _This is my life now..._


	8. Chapter 8

It was Newt who found me, I have no idea how long I was sitting there, but it had to have been a while because the sun was casting it's final rays over the Glade.

"Hey...," he walked to me slowly.

"Hi," I tried to give a smile, but it faltered.

"It seems to be a habit of yours to sit against this wall," he said while sliding down beside me.

"Is...Is he-..." I tried to ask, but I couldn't form the words. I felt the tears come once more, but wiped them away.

"Is he dead?," Newt finished. I shook my head in agreement, to scared to answer. "No... not yet."

 _Not yet... but soon. I don't even know Nick, we met only this morning, but now he'll be dead soon. That's how quick it can happen._

I turned to Newt," H-How... How did-d..."

"Its being said he tripped while running through the blades and it cut him in two," Newt was staring into the Glade and sounded like he was just reciting a fact and nothing more.

I took a deep breath," I don't w-want to be a Runner," I told him.

He then turned to me," I used to be a Runner, you know."

My eyes widened," Really? I didn't know you could quit."

Newt looked back to the Glade," You don't. I was the exception to the rule."

"What happened?"

"It was about four months ago, I had been here for a while. I've been here for a little less time then Alby and it was rough in the beginning. We had no order, people were fighting and dying. We were losing boys faster then we were getting them, I couldn't take it. I was losing everyone I cared about, it was too much. One day, the maze opens and I go in with Alby. We spit up briefly and I knew it was time. I had lost all bloody hope; the maze, the glade, nothing had meaning anymore. I felt like I had no control," Newt paused. "So I did the one thing I thought I could control. I climbed a vine up the side of the maze, made it quite a ways up, too. I looked down and felt at peace, so I let go."

My hands flew up to keep the gasp from escaping my mouth. _Newt... tried to kill himself?_

"Apparently, I didn't control that either" he scoffed. "Next think I knew I would up in that bloody Med hut. Alive, with broken legs."

 _Newt tried to kill himself._

"It's not one's fault what happened to Nick. He knew the risk when he left, bloody shank... Sometimes the maze kills us, other times it makes a stronger. You don't have to be a Runner, Greenie, but the maze is still going to change you."

I let out a sigh, "What happens now?"

"Clint and Jeff are taking care of him, best they can. One he does... pass, the Baggers will bury him, we'll say goodbyes and maybe take the day off."

"How often does this happen, Newt," as he opens his mouth to respond, but I add, "Don't lie to me."

He waits a moment," It happens more than we like it to."

"That's not a real answer."

"It's not a fair question," Newt said, looking back to me. " You can't judge this place by the bad times, you have to revel in the good if you want to survive."

"Maybe I won't survive...," I whisper.

Newt shifts his body," Don't say that, Greenie. I understand it hasn't been the easiest of days, but believe me, you can survive this." I nod and lean my head back against the cold hard wall. "Don't get comfy, Greenie. Time to go and eat, I'm bloody starving."

 _How can he even think about food, right now?_

Newt stands up and extends his arm, I take it and we both walk towards the dining tables. Unlike previous nights, the Glade is silent. Everyone is chewing their food quietly, I follow Newt trying to avoid meeting anyone's eyes. Newt sits next to Alby and I sit across from them and next to Zart, no one speaks.

I chew on the charred meat, thinking of what to say, if I should say anything at all. _Probably not._ Jeff passes me quickly, then leans into Alby's ear and whispers. Alby's head falls, _Nick must have died._ Alby relays the message to Newt, both of them stand and follow Jeff. _He must have died._ I finish eating and leave without a word, almost everyone has cleared out anyway. _I just want to go to bed_ , I think as I leave the tables

"Greenie, wait up," I clench my fists as someone calls out to me. I turn and see Gally running to me. "So, I heard you were with the Runner's today? With Ben?"

"Yeah," I shrugged, the drowsiness starting to kick in.

"It's all good, I understand. But I've got good news," he smiles.

 _Good news? No one has good news right now._

"Tomorrow you get to come with us, help us build."

"I thought tomorrow, people took the day off, out of respect to Nick?"

"Well, yeah, of course. I meant the day after tomorrow."

"Okay, great...," I yawn "I'll see you then."

"Oh yeah, see you then. Goodnight."

"Night," I say as I turn from Gally. _Oh god... where am I going to sleep tonight?_ I stop walking and decide to just sleep on the tower, _no one else will be up there and they have safety-guards so I shouldn't roll off. I really need a new place to sleep, maybe while I work with Gally he can teach me how to make something so I can make myself a little shelter. Should I shower before bed tonight? No, just forget it._ I climb the stairs to the tower, ready to pass out, almost tripping twice. To my surprise, there's someone on the top. _What the fuck? Who the hell is this?_

The person hears me and turns, I freeze, it's too dark to tell who they are, so maybe they can't see me.

"Hey Greenie," the voice greets me.

"Uhm... hi..."

"What are you doing up here? Especially so late?"

"I could say the same to you...," _masked person whom I'm not sure of your identity._

"Yeah, but with my job, you work nights."

I slowly advance towards the shadow, they are peering out over the Glade, watching as everyone makes it back the their bunks. The look up to me and I see who it is- _JACKSON!_

"Well don't look so surprised," he smiled and patted the space next to him. I sat beside him and looked out over the Glade, the trees in the distance swaying in the forces wind. "What are you doing up here, Greenie?"

"Nothing," I sigh." I'm not really sure why I came up here..."

"Well, it's good to have company," he nudged me.

"Why are you up here?"

"It's my night to watch over the Glade, all the Baggers take turns." A loud rumble draws my attention, _what the hell is that?_ "Don't worry about that, it's just he maze. It changes at night..."

 _Oh yeah, I remember that now._

"I don't think I've ever heard it before," I admit.

"You learn to block it out." A chill pushes past us and I shiver, _this was bad idea, its too high, the wind is wicked._ Jackson sees my shiver and opens his coat, offering to share its warmth. I hesitate, _That's a bad idea... but why?_ Another sweep of the wind, makes me forget my internal conflict as I slide next to Jackson and his pull his coat flap tight around my right shoulder. He is surprisingly warm, like I'm sitting in the sun, the sudden heat makes my eyes droop. I feel his arm wrap around my shoulder, it feels normal, but I stop myself from wrapping my arms around his torso.

"Did you know Nick?," I ask Jackson, watching the torches go out one by one.

"Of course. Most of us know him at the leader of the Glade."

"Wait! What?!," I sit up astonished.

"You didn't know? It was a few months back, maybe six? I'm not sure," I slowly lean back towards Jackson as he talks, unsure of what to do with my hands, I place them in my lap. "Nick was first in command, he kind of just announced it one day and we all accepted it. Nick is a good man. He was strong leader, so we all we surprised when he stepped down and offered Alby the job."

"Why Alby?"

"Alby was the first Glader here, he managed to live by himself until the next guy came." _First Glader? Alone!? Poor Alby._ "I guess it just made since to have Alby in charge, he's doing things his own way, but it's good. We're all doing good," Jackson smiled at me.

We talked a while longer before laying back and looking at the stars. They were so pretty and bright against the dark sky, I feel asleep trying to count them.


	9. Chapter 9

Something shuffled against me, my opens open quickly afraid of what it might be. I see the trunk of a tree staring me in the face, it's bark dancing in the light of a fire behind me. I feel the shuffle against my back again, slowly I turn and see the culprit... _Jackson?_ My mind is groggy. _Why is Jackson here?_ His eyes are closed and he is snoring lightly, _he must be sleeping. Wait? Where am I?_ I sit up and see the four stumps of the guard rails of the towers with a torch attached to the closest corner. _The tower? Why am I..._ I remember Nick, his body torn apart and his blood, all his blood. _Nick died. I'm sleeping on the tower, because he is in the Med hut. Dead._

I sit up completely and rub my eyes, it's still dark in the Glade, no sign of light beside the torch beside us.. _Jackson is supposed to keep watch, why is he sleeping?_ Jackson's coat falls off my shoulder as I scooch over to the edge of the tower, my feet dangling in the frigid air. My vision adjusts to the dark night and soon shadows form, distinguishing certain features. _It looks so much bigger now, almost like there is no wall, like the Glade goes on forever. The Glade is home now, just like it for everyone else... but when will it feel like a home? What does a home even feel like? Belonging? How can I belong when I'm so different... How can I feel safe when I don't know who I am. Why can't I figure out my name..._

Jakcson stirs again behind me, before sitting up.

"Morning, sleepy head," I say to him.

"I wasn't sleeping. Just," he yawned loudly and stretched his arms," Just making sure we're all good here. Looks like nothing suspicious is happening. Good. Good."

"You were asleep," I hid a smile.

"That's an opinion. Why are you awake?"

"Someone has to watch the Glade and keep it safe."

Jackson smirks and crawls over to me," You know, you'd make a good Bagger."

"Better than you, at least."

"Ouch," Jackson grabbed his chest, "That hurts."

"I don't want to be a Bagger."

"Why not?"

"I don't really want to do anything," I sigh. "I just want to remember."

"Worried about your name?," Jackson leans on the rail in front of him.

"Wouldn't you be?"

"Ahh, no," he dismisses the thought,"What is this, you're third day here? It'll come to you any second."

"It's my sixth day...," I say quietly. "Six days and I'm still no closer then I was on day one."

"Well... for me, it was the first day. Not to brag or anything... It happened when Alby was showing my the Slammer and suddenly, it just echoed in my head 'Jackson', over and over again."

"I wonder what that feels like..."

"You'll feel it too. Probably today," he nudged me.

"Hopefully..." I can see a gray light illuminating the Glade, the sun was about to rise. A rumble breaks the silence and I see the doors open to the maze. "Do you ever feel the urge to just run, Jackson?"

"Run? Where, the maze?" I nod, still staring at the crack in the wall, the only exit. "No, not really. I know what's out there and I know it's safe here. Now that you've seen what the maze can do, do you still want to run?"

 _I want answers, whether they come from the maze or not._ "No. I want to stay here, and be safe."

Jackson nodded, "Good."

"Where are the Runners? Shouldn't they be out by now?"

"Not today, Greenie," Jackson reminds me. _Nick... he's being remembered today. No one will be working._ I see two men leave the Homestead and enter the Deadheads.

"Who are they?," I point them out to Jackson.

"Oh, that's Billy and Aidan, they're the other Baggers," Jackson waves to them.

"What are they doing?"

"Uhmm... probably going to dig a spot... for Nick."

"Oh..., I didn't know Baggers did that."

"We have many talents," Jackson said, but he was serious, not teasing.

"I'm going back to sleep for a while," I push away from the edge.

"Sweet dreams," Jackson tells me as I face the tree trunk again.

Falling asleep is easy, I cover up with Jackson's coat and all my thoughts fade out. I awake again, this time from being shaken.

"Greenie, wake up. Wake up!," Jackson calls to me, but I try to ignore. I groan loudly," Don't be like that, Greenie. Come on!"

I roll over in defeat," What, Jackson?"

"To be honest, I'm just glad you didn't fall out."

"What do you mean? You left?"

"Yeah, I had to help carry Nick's body to the Deadheads... They are saying the goodbyes now, if you want to come."

I sit up, the sun is now halfway up the sky, so it's still morning. I rub my eyes and let Jackson's words sink in. _Should I go? I didn't know Nick. I only met him once and that was yesterday, we didn't even meet, not really..._

"Uhm... no thanks. I think I'll stay here."

"You sure?"

"Yeah."

Jackson skipped down the steps and hurried to the Deadheads, he was one of the last boys left in the Glade. He disappeared into the trees, so I sat up and stretched. My pain had a dull pain, most likely this hard tree's fault. I went back to the Med hut, careful to make sure, Nick wasn't still there. When I entered, I saw the bloody mess left on the bed I had called mine. I tore my eyes from the sight, _why did I even come here?_ I turned to leave and saw a shadow flicker outside the hut. _Someone is here. It's probably Clint or Jeff..._ I round the corner and come face to face with Ben.

"Ben?!," I jump back startled. Ben flinched when he saw me too, not expecting me to pop out. "Ben, what are you doing here? Why aren't you at Nick's burial?"

Ben's eyes were full of sadness," Yeah, I'm sorry to scare you. I was there, but I just felt so bad about yesterday."

"It's not your fault...," I reassure him.

"I wish you hadn't seen it... that is my fault," his eyes fall to the floor. "I-I'm sorry."

"Ben..., I-..." I was at a loss for words. _He shouldn't be apologizing. Nick's death isn't his fault. He should be there right now, why is he here?_ "Come on, I'll walk back with you..." We leave the Med hut and enter the Deadhead. "Ben, you don't have to say you're sorry. Especially to me."

Ben let out a strained sound," The why do I feel like I need to apologize, especially to you?"

"I'm not sure. But you need to know that no one blames you for this, I know I don't."

Ben stopped walking and I turned back to him," Maybe if I had gone and left Nick here to train you... Maybe he-...," Ben voice broke and he covered his eyes with his hands. _He's... he's crying._

I looked around the trees, there was no here. No one to tell me how to handle this. _How do you comfort someone? How do you help them..._ My mind flashed to yesterday, Ben and I were in this same place, but it was me that was crying. All I wanted was answers, _but Ben isn't crying about himself, he's crying about a friend._ I remember how he rested his hand on my shoulder, the slight touch was a surprise, but it had felt like I wasn't alone. It had felt like Ben cared. I took a step closer to him, his hands still blocking his sight, _I can't reach around his shoulders without standing on my tip toes... I could... give him a hug? Should I? Is that too far? Ben got scared after he touched my shoulder... Maybe it's not a good idea._

Ben let out a quiet sob, still refusing to look at me, _He needs someone to care._ I reached my hand out slowly, like he was a wounded animal in the woods. Ben didn't see me, so I lowered my hand and rested in on Ben's arm, not a hug, but a small gesture. He didn't draw away, he didn't even uncover his eyes, _maybe he doesn't feel it._

"Ben...," I peer up at him. "Ben, look at me." He wipes his eyes once more and reluctantly lowers his hands. "You can't blame yourself for this." He merely nods, his eyes are now puffy and red.

He inhales deeply, and swallows his uncertainty," Thank you." Ben tries to smile and laugh off the whole incident, but it's to much. "I'm sorry, I didn't m-..."

"Hey, What did I tell you? Stop apologizing."

He bows his head," Yeah, okay."

We walk the rest of the way in silence, it's not very far, but when we get there everyone else is tarting to leave. Everyone is mumbling in groups as they depart, grieving the loss of another Glader. Newt brushes past me quickly, he looks upset, but that is understandable. The only people who stay behind are the Alby, Mihno, Hank, and the Baggers. Jackson and his colleagues begin scooping dirt into the hole where I presumed Nick's body to be. Ben walks up to them, but no one says anything, they all just watch as their friend slowly disappears under the earth.


	10. Chapter 10

Day seven, I wake up in the Med hut, but it feels weird because I'm not in the same bed. I glance over to the bed I had once slept in, _Nick died there._ His blood was gone, but I still knew. I knew what had happened there. I see Clint fiddling with a jar before he turns and notices me.

"Awake, huh? I never know if we should wake you up or let you sleep...," he admits, putting the jar back on his work bench. I merely shrug and stand up, my body still not quite right after sleeping on the tower. I groan and place my hand on my back, hoping the pressure will help but the only thing it does is let me smell the stench of my skin. _Ew.. gross. I should have showered last night._ "Might want to speed things up, Greenie. Builders are impatient people."

I sigh loudly, _Fuck... the Builders. I have to train with them all day. I'm so not in the mood..._ I grab my water jug, say goodbye to Clint and find my way towards the Homestead. I see Gully, standing on a ledge a few yard above the ground, tying two sticks together in place. He sees me approach and smiles happily, he jumps down to greet me.

"Hey Greenie, was starting to believe you weren't going to show."

"Here I am...," I stifle a yawn.

"Well today, were extending the Homestead, the beds are filling up fast, and when we get the new greenies, we need to have a place for them," he turns back to the misshapen bundle of sticks and twine. "It's coming along really well. It might even by done by tomorrow. What I need from you is to grab some of the branches we've got," he pointed to a pile," and start tying them together, two at a time. One should fact up and the other should like flat with the ground. Let me show you how to tie 'em."

Gully shows me how to tie the flat long twine around the branches. Gully almost never stops talking, he rambles on about how helped build the Homestead originally, but the Gathering hut was a lot harder, especially since the Bricknicks always complain about having to repair it. Eventually he notices my lack of interest, so he stops talking and thinks of something exiting to say.

"Do you know I was stung by a Griever?," he speaks again.

"Greivers sting?," I ask trying to knot off the twine.

"Yeah, and it's deadly."

He had my attention now, I look up at him on the building. "Wait... so, how are you alive?"

"Luckily we had some serum... but it was terrible," Gally sat on his ledge. I dropped my sticks on the ground, waiting for him to continue. Gally rubbed his head before going on," I was an idiot. My third day here, I was by the maze door, made the mistake of stepping inside. Griever came out of nowhere, luckily I jumped back in the Glade, but it still stuck me, right in the arm," he reached for the spot on the left arm. "It... It was hot, my body was on fire. The pain itself felt like enough to kill me, then I starting seeing white. Faces came out of nowhere, a guy I've never seen and a girl..." he met my gaze.

 _A girl?_ "Was... was it me?"

Gally chuckled," No, it wasn't you. She had shorter hair, it was dark and curly. She and this kid were watching us...," Gally shook his head, trying to shake the memory," It was a long time ago. I've tried to forget it and just be glad to be here," he smiled.

"But, what were they? Who were the people you saw?," I pressured him.

"I'm not sure... I don't know them," Gally bowed his head.

"So we can treat the Griever stings?"

"Yeah, but they do't send it to us very often. We can a dosage maybe once every five months."

"You really are lucky," I agreed with Gally and picked up my sticks again.

After what felt like hours of binding sticks together, my fingers started cramping and there were blisters covering my hands. Gally lent me his gloves and gave me other chores to to, like collect more branches in the Deadhead or go to the supply and bring more binding. I kept thinking about the Greivers... t _hey sting? And it kills, but there is a cure. Why would these people want us to die, when they could save us instead. Why create this monsters at all? Do they want us to live or die? Is it just a game? If it is, I'm a part of it. Did they not give me my name on purpose? Is that all a part of the game? Why me?_

The sun was setting and I was excited to finally shower, but on my way Alby stopped me.

"Hey, Greenie," he stepped in front of the path a few yards ahead of me.

I clenched my fist," Oh, Hey Alby."

"I've been meaning to ask, have you remembered anything about your past?"

"Uh... no. I don't remember anything."

"Still no name?" he arched an eyebrow.

I looked at the dirt," Nothing yet."

He paused before speaking again, "I wouldn't worry about it, it always comes."

"Yeah...," I let my voice drift.

"Anyway, I wanted to let you know, we need you for a Gathering tonight," his words drew my attention to his face. He had his signature stern look, not angry but just serious.

"Why? I'm not a Keeper."

"It's about your first day. We have to address what happened..."

My first day. I tried to run in to the maze. Tried to escape... then I ran into Ben. "Oh...," I couldn't find any words to describe my feelings, the regret of hurting Ben mixed with the fear the consequences.

"Go ahead and shower first, but then head over, okay?," Alby said making his way towards that corner of the Glade.

"Yeah, no problem," I stood on the path for a moment after he left before marching towards the showers again.

My shower was short and efficient, scrubbing the sweat and dirt from me skin that had accumulated over the past few days. My hair was tangles in knots behind my neck, they took the most time to undo. I put on new clothes, and tried to calm my nerves on the long walk to the Gathering. Night had settled over the Glade, the torches alerted me that people where already there, inside, waiting for me. I was in front of the building, but didn't have the courage to go inside. I would take and step, then pull back; this went on a few more times before Zart saw me and beckoned me inside. Reluctantly, I obeyed and walked through the threshold. Inside, there were 10 seats which formed a semicircle around three separate chairs in the center.

"You sit there," Zart pointed towards the chair in the middle of the room.

 _Shit..._

I walked through the room and saw that all the Keepers were here- Gally, Siggy, Winston and all the others. I sat down in the chair and a hush fell over the room, they all were staring, some of them I didn't recognize. Alby and Newt came from the back where they had been whispered and sat in the chairs on either side of me. I saw Ben standing in the back of the room, next to a Slicer I met when training. Jackson was here too, standing next to the Slicer while another boy stood beside Ben. _What are they doing here? They aren't Keepers._ Ben was looking at me, he looked guilty like he as blaming himself again. _I hope he still isn't thinking about Nick._ Jackson stood perfectly still, he eyes were focused straight ahead of him, he didn't look my direction at all.

Alby spoke," We are here to discuss the events that occurred on the first day of our newest Greenie. She broke the rules and tried to run out of the Glade. Newt and I believe the punishment that fits her actions, is a one night in the Slammer."

Some head nodded, agreeing that this was the best punishment, _thats not so bad? The Slammer didn't seem to barbaric when I saw it._

"Maybe that is slightly harsh," a voice spoke out. All eyes turned and it was coming from, it was Clint. _Clint?!_ "I mean, it was only her first day and since then she hasn't tried it again. Some greenies need more time than others to adjust."

"Yeah," Siggy agreed. "Maybe something like no dinner tonight," he shrugged. "Something a little less drastic."

"Drastic?," Newt snorted. "The slammer is one of the least drastic punishments we have. We also need to remember that she ran into Ben, almost knocked him out cold while still in the bloody maze."

"That was an accident," I interjected.

"Ben does't feel that the Greenie should be punished for running into him," Mihno stated, leaning back in his seat. My eyes shifted back to Ben, but his eyes were glued to the floor.

"Accident or not, it could have been serious," Alby stated. "All those who agree one night in the Slammer?" Everyone's hands were raised except for Clint, Siggy even agreed with them. "It's settled, punishment is one night in the Slammer." The boy next to Ben came down the aisle and escorted me to the back of the room. "We have two more situations that need the council's attention. Ben," Alby gestured for him to come forward.

Ben walked down the aisle and sat in the chair. He didn't looked scared or worried about what the council would do, he looked restless, his foot wouldn't stop bouncing up and down. I tried to look to Jackson, but he was still staring into space.

"We are here to discuss what happened two days ago, Ben broke the rules and entered the maze when we he was not supposed to. Even though he is a Runner, he was no permitted to enter the maze that day he was to stay back and train the Greenie. Entering the maze violates one of our core rules, do any Keepers have a suggestion for punishment?," Alby opened the floor to the council.

"I don't believe Ben should be punished. He is a Runner, he's allowed in the maze" Mihno said.

"We can't just have every Runner get trapped in maze," a council member I didn't know argued. "What if the doors had closed?"

"It was broad daylight, Tucker," Mihno scoffed. "The doors wouldn't have closed."

"You can't know for certain! We have no control over those doors, they could shut at anytime."

"But they haven't."

"But they could!"

"Tucker makes a fair point," Alby agreed. "We can't just have any Runner run into the maze, we have rules for a reason."

"I think he should be in slammer for two full days with water, no food," Tucker crossed his arms.

All council members started to talk at once, no one accepting that idea. "Talk about drastic," I heard Winston over the others.

"Okay... calm down," Alby voice was bold and loud.

"Ben ran into help us! He helped us carry Nick back to the Glade," Mihno was visibly angry.

"If the sun was so high, you still had plenty of time to make it," Tucker retorted. "We have to remember these rules are here for a reason."

"We had time, but Nick didn't!"

"Maybe it should just be two days in the Slammer, with food and water," Newt suggested.

"All those who agree?," Alby asked. Collectively, seven hands raised; Mihno, Clint, Alby, Zart, and another boy I didn't know are the ones who opposed. "It's settled, punishment is two full days in the slammer with food and water."

When Alby was done, Ben stood and came back towards me, he looked everywhere but at me. The Slicer was now walked to the front, he had apparently been hiding in the Deadhead for a few days, avoiding his work. His punishment was having to groom the all the animals alone, everyday, for a full month.

Newt and Alby then stood," Remember Gladers, this is about order, not anger. We are not here out of a grudge or pettiness, we are here to keep the Glade safe. No judgement leaves this room."

All the council members repeat Alby's last sentence, before standing and filing out. One of the council members approached us, "Okay, I'll take the Greenie to the Slammer. Ben, I suggest you got get some food and a go for a jog, tomorrow morning we'll put you in the Slammer. " Ben nods and ducks from the room without saying a single word, Jackson pushes past me towards the exit, taking the Slicer with him.

The council member takes my arm in his had, his grip is like a vice," Let's go." He pulls me the whole way, no matter how fast I tried to walk he was always faster. He opened the top of the Slammer," Get in," he let go of my arm and I happily climbed down to get away from his grasp. He shut the door and locked it, walking away without another word.

The small room, looked a lot bigger when I wasn't inside, it was so dark I ran into the wall. The guy forgot to light a torch before he left, but he was too far away now. I sat down and leaned against the rocky wall of the room, _it's only for tonight._


	11. Chapter 11

The only word I can use to describe my time in the Slammer was uncomfortable. I tried to find a good position all night but the dirt and pebbles made it impossible to sleep. It was so dark, I couldn't see and my eyes couldn't adjust. Luckily, it wasn't too cold, so when I finally did fall asleep, I stayed asleep... until he came back.

"Wake up!," he rattled the bars. I groaned and repositioned myself," I said wake up!" I sat up, seeing the outline of a man against the soft light of the morning sun. He unlocked the cage and reached in, pulling my arm to get me out. It was the same guy who had brought me here last name, _who is he?_ Next to him was Ben, _Why is-... Oh right._

"Get in," he ordered to Ben, who ducked his head and hopped in to the Slammer. The man shut the bars, locked them and strolled away saying nothing else.

There was a gray mist over the Glade, it looked so beautiful. The shudder of the maze opening signaled the start of the day, the Runners made there way over and disappeared behind the gray walls. I turned back to the slammer and looked down at Ben, he was sitting against the far wall, knees up to his chest, his eyes closed and his head back. _He looks like he's sleeping... but he can't be, right?_

"Ben?," I bend down to the bars. He opens his eyes, "You okay?"

He let a smirk spread across his face," Yeah, I'll be okay."

"You know, I think this is stupid. You shouldn't be punished for what you did."

"I broke the rules," he shrugged. "It happens."

"Well... thank you. I-I mean, Mihno said you didn't want me to get in trouble."

"No, I didn't." He closed his eyes again.

"I doesn't get any comfier," I tell him.

"I believe that," he arches his back from the wall. "But did it help? Any new realization?"

"If you mean my name, then no. Looks, like I'll be Greenie forever...," I let out a forced chuckle.

"We'll find you a name," Ben replies, his eyes bring me back to the first time I saw him. So true, so real, so green. "I... I'll see you when I get out."

I nodded and stood up, glancing back at the Slammer before I made my way to the Med hut.

"She lives!," Clint said as I walked into the hut.

"Unfortunately," I grin. "I bet it wasn't the same coming in to work without me here."

"It was different," Clint laughed.

"Hey... thanks for what you said yesterday. I-.."

Clint cut me off," Don't mention it. I understand first day jitters. If I had thought you would have done it again, I would've asked for a harsher punishment." _Honest_. "Oh, and that thing came up in the box yesterday," Clint pointed to a small package, wrapped in thin paper sitting in the center of my bed.

"For me? What is it?"

"I'm not sure, but Alby opened it. Said it didn't have anything serious in it. It just says 'for the girl'. "

I walked to my bed and sat beside the small parcel, it was a light tan. I wasn't very intimidating, but whatever is on the inside, came from them. _Them. What did they send me? Is it going to tell me who I am? Will it give me my memories?_

"Well open it!," Clint encouraged.

I unwrapped the thin paper slowly, bundled inside were 2 cloth bras and some pads. _Oh god!_ I quickly hid them from Clint. I dug more, but that was all. No note. No clues. No information. _I'm still lost_ , I though sadly.

"What's in it?," Clint asked.

I cleared my throat," Girl stuff," before wrapping it all back up and sliding it under the bed. Looking over my shoulder to Clint, he seemed content with my answer, clearly not wanting to understand what 'girl stuff' was. "Clint, when will I train with you?"

He scratched his head," I dunno. Today if you want."

"Really?"

"Yeah sure, you've done it with basically everyone else."

"Yeah!," I cheered and went to stand beside him. Clint was shorter then me, but not by much, his frizzy black curs nearly made up for the difference. He was squeezing the liquid from a damp rag back into one of his many jars.

"First rule of being a Med-Jack, try to stay clean..." that was the one of many rules Clint had. Being a Med-Jack was way more complicate then what I had seen, and Clint caught me off guard. He always seemed so goofy, cracking jokes with Jeff or whistling silly tunes, but he was so smart. His work bench was organized and tidy, he knew all the curing plants and ways to bandage a cut. He let me practice on him for a while, he said my bandages were a little too tight. Once he had showed me everything and explained it all, my head was spinning. _No way I can remember all of this?!_

"How do you keep track of it all?," I ask baffled.

Clint shrugs," You just do."

"I don't think I could do this," I admit.

Clint nods," It's not for everyone. Find something you do like?"

"Well... being in the kitchen was nice..."

"If you don't find something, you can always be a Slopper."

 _Ugh, no._ "Yeah, that's true. I just want to be good at least one job."

"So far, you're not so bad here."

"Thanks Clint," I chuckle and sit on the edge of my bed.

"Everything okay?," Clint was asking with a worried expression.

"Yeah...," I give him a small fake smile. "I'm okay...," I look down at my hands.

"You know, you don't have to pretend, Greenie. I get that it can be hard, it took me a few days before I really accepted all of this," he gestured around the room.

"I just don't understand... why did they send me if there's never been a girl before?"

Clint sighed," Yeah, we've all been asking ourselves that."

"And that note. 'A new challenge', what does that mean? Do they think I'm going to cause problem or something?"

Clint shrugged," Girls are known to be more dramatic."

I roll my eyes," Shut up. That's just stupid."

He held up his hands in surrender," I'm just saying."

A thought I had been suppressing perked back into my brain _... maybe they sent you here for breeding._ I shuddered, _what if the boys think that too._ I looked back towards Clint, his back was to me as he continued making a new cleaning paste for wounds.

"Why do you think I'm here, Clint?"

"Why are any of us here," he retorted.

"No, but me. Why a girl?"

He pauses in his work," Uhm, probably to add drama like I said. Who knows?"

 _Just ask._ "Have any of the boys said anything?," I blurt.

"Said what?"

"I don't know," I run my hand anxiously across my leg. "Anything..." I try to use the correct tone to convey the meaning of my words.

"Well, Jeff and I like you. In all honesty, the whole Glade was nervous when you came, we were expected a high maintenance princess."

A smile formed on my face," And..."

"And you aren't what we were expecting. You, I don't know, fit in with us? I think this whole thing will blow over by the next Greenie."

"What if the next Greenie is a girl too?"

"That would be interesting...," Clint sits on his bench. "Maybe they are trying to encourage us to make a new civilization. No one really knows why were here or what they want from us."

"New civilization?"

Clint's eyes widen," Oh, no! Not like that!"

I let out a sigh a relief," Thank god," I lay back across my bed. "I was worried. No one knows why I'm here, including myself. I just don't want others to jump to conclusions, you know?"

"Yeah, absolutely. You don't have to worry about us," Clint was hoping to veer to a new topic. "Here on the Glade we are family, a brotherhood. And now we have you, a sister."

 _Okay... okay, this is good. I can work with sister._


	12. Chapter 12

"Congratulations," Siggy cheered. "And welcome!," he held his arms out.

"Thanks, Siggy," I smile.

Alby told me that I'm officially in the Kitchen from now on. So that means everyday I need to get up and head over to the kitchen to help prep and cook the meals. Siggy was actually thrilled for me to join the team, he confided that Joe needed some help. I was happy, I liked the kitchen, it felt like a good fit for me. The day passed quickly, it was so easy to get lost in the repetitive movements from chopping veggies and tenderizing the meat. At lunch I collected the dishes and brought them to the Sloppers, who grunted at the work. Siggy sent me to the Bloodhouse, to ask about what meat we should have for next week and I went to the garden to collect the produce for tomorrow. Even though I liked the kitchen, I was happy to be let go after supper, the heat was stuck to my skin and I was aching for a shower.

I grabbed one of the new bras they had sent me, a semi clean outfit and skipped towards the bathhouse. I made sure that is was empty before entering, the water massaging me skin felt heavenly. _If I can't remember my name by tomorrow morning, I'll talk to Alby,_ I thought at the water ran down my body. I didn't want to leave, but fatigue swept over me so I got dressed and left for the Med hut. The sun was gone, but the torches lit up the path, when I reached the Med hut I turned to go in, but a fire in the distance caught my attention. _The Slammer... Should I go see Ben?_ I paused in the doorway before shaking the thought and entering.

The next morning, I woke up excited. _AND MY NAME IS..._ Nothing. My mind was blank. It was early, Clint and Jeff weren't here yet, so I laid back in bed. I searched my brain, spraining for anything. A letter or even a syllable would be helpful, anything was better than the emptiness. _Come on. Come on! Damn it... What do I have to do to remember?!... No point in trying to sleep._ I stood up and put on my shoes, pushed my hair behind my ears before exiting the hut. Daylight was nowhere to be found and all the torches were out, I took careful steps trying to remember as best I could how to get to the kitchen. I got there, but unsurprisingly, no one else was there. I hopped on the counter and waited. _Maybe its just different for girls. Maybe we don't get to keep our name... It's possible. I hope it's not true. Why would they do that? It's just plain cruel. It might just take more time. It takes guy a day or two, but it takes the girls a week. That's possible too,_ I thought swinging my legs, letting my feet hit the cabinets beneath the counter. _Maybe I just need help... I should ask Hank, he's the Runner. It took him longest, that's what Zart said. Maybe he has some tips, I should ask Alby too._

"Well hello there," Siggy smiled as he passed the threshold. "What are you doing here so early?"

"Couldn't sleep," I said and hopped off the counter.

"Well, glad you're awake. Grab the pot under there," he pointed to the cabinet.

"Where's Joe?," I asked placing the pot on the counter.

"Gave him the day off," Siggy said sharping his knife.

"Oh?"

"Yeah, he needs it. He's been working his ass of in here and now he can take a breather."

"What about you? When do you get a day off?"

Siggy scoffed at the idea," Yeah right. That'll be the day. Grab that produce basket," I follow his command as he continues. "The way I see it, I've survived with one helper an before that with no help at all. We aren't quite to the point in numbers where I need two."

"Then why am I here?," I ask and hand him the basket.

He shakes his head and points to the chopping counter," Start shucking the corn," he orders. "And because, I don't want to wait until we have to many people to feed and have to train someone in a hurry. Stress isn't good for a kitchen."

"Makes sense." I take the corn out and pull the covering off to expose the golden kernels.

"Keep the husks," Siggy reminds me. "Yeah, so I'll rotate you and Joseph in the kitchen. Maybe every other day or morning and nights. Dunno... I'm going to get some water," he says before leaving.

We made some sort of corn mush for breakfast, the sun began to rise and I saw the Runners make there way over the tables. _Is Ben with them?_ I souped out bowls with a smile, but none of them were Ben. _Oh wait, that's Hank._

"Hank?," I called as he was walking away.

"Yeah?," he turned.

"Can I ask you a question?"

"Uhm, sure I guess," he walked back to me.

"I was told that it took you the longest to... to remember your name..."

"Yeah," Hank agreed, pushing his thick brown curls from his eyes. I noticed for the first time the freckles that spotted his nose and cheeks, _how adorable._

"Well... do you... I don't know? Do you have any tips or anything?"

"Tips?," he questioned taking a scoop of his mush. "Oh! Ouch, hot!"

"Yeah, like, what did you do? How did it come to you?"

"Uhmm," he swallowed the mouthful of food," I was working, working in the Bloodhouse," he nodded, remembering," I, uh, I actually slipped and hit my head on the counter," he chuckled. "I woke up a few second later and there it was: Hank," he smiled.

"Mhmm... thanks."

"Glad to help," he returned to his table.

It started to pick up, I smiled and gave out bowls as fast as I could while Siggy was prepping for lunchtime. _I need to find some time to talk to Alby... maybe he knows something too..._ Once everyone leaves to do their daily tasks, I take the bowls to the Sloppers and quickly peek around, looking for Alby. _I need to be quick, Siggy needs me. Maybe he's in the Homestead..._ I round the corner and nearly fall backwards, but I'm steadied my hands gripping my arms.

"We really need to stop meeting like this," Ben smiles.

"Ben? Oh god, I'm sorry."

"It's all good. Where are you going," he remembers his arm and pulls them away, a hint of red staining his cheeks.

"Just looking for Alby," I rub my head. _Damn, that hurt._

"He's not here, maybe he's in the Garden?"

"Okay, thanks...," I turn and head back to the kitchen, resisting to look back over my shoulder. _I don't have time to stop by the garden..._

When I returned, Siggy was behind the kitchen in the fire pit cooking something brown in his pan. He told me to start mixing the wheat and water for bread, I did as I was told and then started kneading it. Lunch came and went, so did supper. I helped wipe down the counter before leaving Siggy alone in the kitchen. _Alby,_ I thought turning towards the Homestead. The boys were all being loud, laughing and jostling one another. I found Alby watching two boys wrestling inside a circle, he was cheering loudly until I called to him.

He turned and greeted me with a smile," Hey Greenbean. How was the first day in the kitchen?"

"It was good, I like it," I tossed my hair behind my shoulder. "I just wanted to ask you about this whole name thing. I still don't know mine, what do I have to do to remember?"

Alby sighed," I don't, it usually just comes when it comes. Maybe you should relax a little bit, have some fun. Go get a drink, Gally made it, it's really good."

"So there is nothing I can do?," fear clutched my chest.

"Yeah, there is. You can stop worrying about it," Alby game me an encouraging smile. "Just enjoy the night," he turned back to the fight.

 _There is nothing I can do..._ I felt the pain rise from my chest. The tears blurred my vision, I kept my head down and maneuvered out of the crowd, heading to the Deadhead _. How can I enjoy the night when I'm just so... so stupid. Thinking it would just come, such an idiot. What did Jackson say, slinthead? That's me, a stupid slinthead_. I leaned against a tree, pursing my lips to suppress the screams that threatened to exit. _Alby just doesn't understand, no one here does. Why can't I just remember? Is there something wrong with me? Did they do this to me on purpose, those bastards!_

The dark shadows of the trees, shifted as a wind blew threw the Deadhead. _What kind of person does this? Who enjoys torturing all of us?_


	13. Chapter 13

"Here she is!"

"Where?"

"There!"

I roll over, _why can't Clint be quiet?_

"Greenie! Greenie!" My surroundings rumble as he runs up to me.

"Clint... please...," my eyes squeeze tighter, fighting to hold on to my sleep.

"Greenie?! Are you alright? Wake up!"

 _That's not Clint..._ I am rolled onto my back and there is red behind my eyelids. I open one eye and see Newt standing above me, "Newt?"

"Greenie, are you okay?," Newt leans over me, concern making his eyebrows furrow together.

"What are you doing here?"

More footsteps come closer... but I'm not in my bed. _What?_ I look down and see leaves and grass. _Where am I?_ I look around and see trees everywhere, _What the hell?_

"What happened? Is she okay?," I turn and see Jackson.

"Go tell the others we found her," Newt says to him. Jackson looks to me before taking off towards the Homestead.

"Newt? What's going on?," I sit up.

"You tell me."

"Are we in the Deadhead?"

"Yeah, we are. Frypan found me and said you weren't at work this morning. Clint and Jeff said you weren't there when they came to work." _Oh... I feel asleep in the Deadhead._ "What are you doing here?"

"Oh," I smile sheepishly," I fell asleep out here. I'm sorry, I didn't mean to worry anyone."

Newt drops his head and mumbles," Bloody shank, had me worried sick."

"I'm sorry," I repeat softly.

His looks me right in the eyes, his once simple and boyish face seemed so complex and manly. His eyes were stern, but I knew he was only concerned. We keep our gaze locked for a few second before he turns away," Come on, let's get you back then."

Newt puts one arm under my knees and the other around my waist, and stands up quickly. I wrap my arms around his neck without thinking to keep myself from slipping.

"Oh...," I look up dazed, a heat rising to my cheeks. "I'm okay, Newt. I can walk."

"Just to be safe," he says as he strides through the Deadhead to the Med hut. His arms were strong and he didn't struggle under my weight once. He walks in and Clint and Jeff's eyes widen.

"What's wrong?"

"Is she alright?!"

Newt lays me on the first bed, the one that Nick died on. I try to sit up, but he gently pushes me back.

"Newt, I'm okay. I just fell asleep out there. I'm fine, I swear."

"Just to be safe," he repeats. "Guys, can you just look her over."

"Yeah, sure," Jeff says. "Does anything hurt?"

I laugh," No, I swear! I just fell asleep, I promise."

"No bleeding?"

"No."

"Do you feel dizzy?"

I giggle," No, I feel fine."

"Can you stand?"

"Yes," I stood up," See? Im fine," I twirled around.

Jeff turned back to the others," I think she's okay."

"I told you!"

Clint nodded but Newt still was not convinced," Okay...," he said. "Come one, I'll take you to the kitchen."

I followed him out after thanking Jeff and Clint, "Don't do that again," Newt said pointing his finger in my face.

"I'm sorry! It was an accident."

"I know," he said while escorting me towards the kitchen. "It just..."

"It made you worry."

"Yeah," he squinted his eyes in the sun's light. It was almost all the way up, _Wow. I slept for a long time!_ "Almost had a bloody heart attack." _That's actually really sweet..._

"I'm really sorry... "

"It's okay. We just had no idea where you had gone, we all look out for each other out here."

"There isn't a very big variety," I smiled. "The Glade is kind of small." Newt huffed in agreement, but he seemed distracted. "Unless...," my eyes turned towards the maze. "You thought I went into the maze."

"It crossed my mind," he admitted. "But I was hoping you weren't jacked enough to do it..."

"Well I didn't."

"That's good," he said as we arrived at the kitchen. "I'll see you later," he turned and made his way towards the Homestead.

Siggy let out a screech of excitement when he saw me," Thank the good maker! They told me you went missing!"

I let out a sigh," I wasn't missing. I was in the Deadhead." _How did that one kid hid for three days and they found me in like 3 hours?_

"What were you doing out there, avoiding work? I thought you liked the kitchen."

"Of course I do, I just fell asleep. It's not a big deal, sorry to make you do the breakfast and lunch alone."

"Mhmm... Don't worry about it. I've had to do all the meals by myself before," he went back to stirring his pot. "Take this out to the fire pit" he instructed.

"Where's Joe?," I ask.

"He'll be here tomorrow. I decided to have you work breakfast and help prep lunch, Joe will come and take over. to serve lunch and help with dinner."

"Okay, seems fair," I say while stepping outside with the giant pot.

Dinner was slow that day, but it was delicious. _I need Siggy to start teaching me how to cook, not just prep._

"Glad to see you're doing okay," Jackson said as he slides in across from me.

"Thanks," I cover my mouth. "But it's not like I was dying or anything."

He shrugged," How were we supposed to know?"

"Aren't you the one who told me the Glade was safe?," I teased.

"Just promise to try and sleep where you are supposed to."

"I promise," I placed my hand on my heart, which earned me a smile from Jackson. I took another bite," I've been thinking, at night, I want to run laps around the Glade."

Jackson looked puzzled," Why?"

"For one, it'll help dry my hair after I shower and two I like it. When I ran the other day, I found it kind of soothing."

Jaclson scoffed," Sounds like a waste of energy."

"I don't know, maybe jogging will help jog my memory," I grin at my own pun.

"Oh that's terrible, Greenie," he says trying to suppress his own laugh.

"I know. I thought I should let you know so that you and the other Baggers don't think I'm trying to run away or something," I take my last bite. "Well I'll see you later, these dishes aren't going to deliver themselves," I grab my bowl.

"See you."

I take the tub of dishes to the Sloppers and make my way to the Garden, the sun fading behind the looming gray walls. As I saunter towards the tall plants, I see Newt sitting alongside some of the Track-hoes. I duck out of sight, _What am I doing!? It's just Newt._ I take small steps forwards, back on track towards the the garden; seeing him there in the golden rays of dusk made my heart skip a beat. _What is happening?_

Zart sees me coming and stands. "Got it all ready for you, Greenie." He hands over a small basket of the day's harvest. "Today should be one of the last times you'll have to come over here."

I fight the urge to glance over to Newt, "What do you mean?" _Is he looking at me?_

"Harvest season is here!," he booms happily. "We'll be putting all this into storage for the rainy season."

"Oh... What will you guys do all day if the plants all die?"

"They don't all die," Zart chuckles. "If anything it takes more work during the rainy season. We have to keep the plants from drowning, but I'm not too worried. It looks like it'll be a good harvest."

"That's good," I shift the basket in my arms. "Thanks again," I wave to all of them, lingering on Newt before turning and heading back to the kitchen.

Siggy relieves me and I hurry towards the shower, excited to go jogging. _This could really help! Maybe a runner's high will trigger something._ I drop my stuff at the Med hut before jogging to the wall of the Glade. I steady my pace as I make my way towards the Deadhead, maneuvering around trees, hitting the corner and turning left. _My mind is calm, it'll come when you don't think about it._

 _What was that with Newt? Why did I hide from him? Why did it feel like... like weird? I don't get it. Why was I nervous?_ I hit the next corner and turned, now passing the Bloodhouse. _I've seen Newt before, that has never happened. Maybe sleeping in the sun did something to me... but I was under the trees. Damn. Why can't I forget his eyes... why are they so beautiful._ I shook my head and pumped my legs faster, gliding around the corner of the Garden. _It was a one time thing, it'll be back to normal the next time you see him._ I slowed my pace and took deep breaths. _Gosh, What happened? Why am I so tired?_ I ambled back to the Med hut and fell onto my bed.


	14. Chapter 14

"Wake up! Can't be late two days in a row!," Jeff shakes my bed.

 _Oh god! No... I groan and sit up in bed._ "Do I have to go?," I stretch my arms above my head.

"Yes," Clint and Jeff respond in unison.

I roll my eyes and stand, stretching once more before leaving the hut. "Bye."

There aren't too many people up yet thankfully. I see Zart make his way over to the Garden and wave as I step into the kitchen. _Another day,_ I breath deeply. Siggy gives me my tasks: fetch the water, peel the potatoes, start the fire pit. Siggy is nice to me, he makes me laugh and I like working with him. Whenever I make a mistake, he takes the time to show me how to do it right, never raising his voice. Once lunch comes, Joe steps in and I leave quickly before being asked for one more favor.

 _The rest of the day to myself... what do I want to do?_ Without really thinking, I find myself walking through the Deadhead. I purposely veer left to steer clear of the graveyard, spotting a sapling with bright red leaves. _Wow..._ I walk towards it. It was about twice my size, but small compared to the trees around it. I touch the rough white bark of it's skinny trunk, a chunk peeling off into my hands. It felt like a jagged piece of paper, I let it slip from my grip and tumble to the ground. _What a pretty tree._ Wind swept the ground, the leaves dancing away while the sun light streamed through the canopy above. _It's so beautiful_ , I thought to myself.

The snap of a branch calls my attention to the left, it had to be someone. _Not very private_ , I thought. A flash of blonde hair passes through the trees, _Ben?_ I follow where it leads and see Ben making his way towards the graveyard. _Where is he going?_ I stalk him silently, careful not to step on anything to give myself away until he stops in front a grave. _Nick's grave._ Ben just stands, he doesn't sit or say anything, just watches in silence. A few minutes pass before he turns to leave, I don't have enough time to hide so he sees me behind the trunk of the tree.

I let out a small gasp as his eyes widen, "G-... What are you doing here?"

"Oh... I was just strolling through," I lie," I saw you and... and I...," I let my sentence fall.

"I was just walking through too," he responded, which was also a lie.

"Oh... I was just surprised to see you. I thought you'd be in the maze," I walk out from behind the tree trunk.

"We came back early," he walked over to me. "Surprised you aren't in the kitchen with Frypan."

"I work mornings," I tell him. Our conversation seemed simple, but I felt like there was something else, something he was hiding.

"Oh, that's nice of Frypan."

"Joe works the dinner shift."

"Must be nice...," Ben shuffles his feet.

"Ben... are you alright?"

He sighs and drops his head," I-I just can't stop thinking about Nick," he admits.

"I understand. He was your friend."

"Yeah, it's not the same place without him." I nod, not sure how to add to the conversation. "I've known him for as long as I've been here. When I got here, he was in charge, the leader," Ben ruffles his hair. "He was always so confident, like he knew nothing bad was ever going to happen to the Glade. I tried to be like him, I wanted to be confident too, a leader... but now...," Ben stops.

"I'm sure he was a great man," I wrap my arms around myself as another wind blows through the trees.

"He was. But now he's gone."

"But he had great friends like you, who remembers him fondly."

"I've never seen anyone die before," he says in a voice above a whisper.

"I'm sorry you had to see that," I brush the hair from my face.

Ben grunts with a sad smile," I remember saying that to you."

I gave a small smile in return," But I wasn't close to Nick like you were."

Ben nods and we start walking away from the graveyard," What are you doing out here? Going to fall asleep again?," he glances over with a devilish grin, but his eyes held no joy.

"Oh, you heard about that?"

"There are no secrets in the Glade.'

"No... I was just out here thinking...," I wrap my jacket tighter around me.

"I'm sorry," Ben says sincerely.

"Why?"

"I know how badly you want to know..."

"Yeah," I look at my feet. "I'm starting to give up," I admit.

"I don't think you should."

I scoff," Ben, I've been here for almost two weeks and it's still a mystery."

"There's still time," he says looking down at me.

"Yeah, I know... but how long should I wait? I don't want to wait for something that will never come."

We both steer left as we see the treeline, not quite ready to leave the safety of the canopy. We silently circle back around and I see my small red tree, before we walk past, I stop and sit down. Ben doesn't question it and sits a few feet away, crossing his legs and picking up a dead leaf.

"I like this tree," I say aloud, stroking one of the small red leaves.

"It's very pretty," Ben agrees.

"Ben?"

"Yeah."

"Remember when you said I should pick my own name?"

He doesn't say anything right away," Yeah... I remember."

"Maybe I should...," I say without turning to see his reaction.

"Yeah... maybe. Who knows, maybe a new Greenie will trigger something. I still think... you should wait."

"Yeah, you're probably right."

We don't speak again until Ben suggests we head back to the Homestead for dinner. I stand and follow him, looking back at the small red tree. At dinner I go and sit with Jackson, avoiding Newt again, forgetting the promise I made to myself the night before. _Why can't I look at him?!_

"Hey there, Newbie," Jackson smiles as I sit beside him. "You already know Billy and Aidan, right?" Billy was a red headed kid with a large stomach that stuck under the hem of his shirt. _He's that kid who took me to the Slammer._ He nodded to me, acknowledging my existence before taking a big swig of his drink. Aidan was a think boy with a shaved head and a small over bite, _I saw him go to dig Nick's grave..._

"Yeah, hi guys."

"Oh gosh," Jackson swallowed remembering something," You are so lucky you told me about your whole running thing. I told Billy right before he saw you charge through the Garden," he laughed.

"Oh yeah," Billy joined in laughing, "I was about ready to tackle you."

The whole table laughed, so I forced a chuckle. "I'm glad you didn't."

The Baggers then dived into a different conversation while I ate my food quietly, making sure to laugh or smile when someone glanced my way. Through the crowd of boys, I saw Newt walking towards me. _Oh no! Oh no! Maybe he'll walk right by._ He smiled to me as he approached and I swallowed my water before it dripped from my mouth. _What is wrong with me?_

"Just thought I would remind you not to fall alseep in the Deadhead," he grinned and crouched at our table.

My heart sped up and my throat felt dry, despite the fact I literally just swallowed some water. "Don't worry, I learned my lesson."

"I'm glad to hear that," he smiled, then whispered," No more bloody heart attacks," before standing and waving goodbye to the Baggers.

My heart started beating again, it felt like it had stopped. _How does he do that?!_

"Didn't know you and Newt were such good friends," Jackson spoke, taking another bite.

"I'm friends with everyone," I give a weak smile before standing again and leaving for the showers. "See you later."

This shower was long, I let the water run until it starting thinning into a dribble. _I guess that's my cue,_ I stepped out. I fluffed my hair and walked the dark path back to the Med hut. _Should I even bother jogging? My name won't come... But it still feels too early to give up. Maybe Ben is right, I should wait for the new Greenie._ I start off with a brisk jog through the Deadhead and then sprint the rest of the way around the Glade.


	15. Chapter 15

Four days pass and nothing. I had been in the Glade for sixteen days, but there was still no silver lining, there was no revoluation, there was nothing. I was still just Greenie; the new girl without an identity of her own. _Maybe that should be my name: Greenie. I've gotten so used to it. I still hate it though._ My daily routine was simple: get up, go to work, relax in the Deadhead. The only people I really talked to was Clint and Jeff in the morning, Siggy at work and sometimes Joseph. I had expertly avoided Newt by taking the long way around the Homestead to avoid the Garden, I was lucky that food was now in storage and I didn't have to go there to pick up the next day's fruits and vegetables. Another tactic I had was merely running whenever I saw him, _Just have to keep this up forever_ , I thought confidently. Ben was busy, rumor around the Glade was they were still working on the same theory out of the maze that had killed Nick. I thought it was best to give him some space, as for Jackson, I just never saw him. He didn't really come to meals anymore, if he did, it was only to grab the food and leave. I could have had more interaction with Gladers at their nightly groups around the bonfire, but I was just too scared to approach it.

Today was a big day, Siggy told me that one of the older older pigs at the Bloodhouse had a new batch of piglets. "That means were getting some pork," he sang happily.

"Wow, that sounds great," I smile at the thought of warm meat not in a stew.

"It should be just in time for the Greenie," he giggled. "I'm thinking of just roasting the pig whole, what do you think? Or maybe handing out personal pig cuts to everyone?"

"Definitely roast the whole pig," I giggle. "It sounds like it would be funny to see."

"Roast it is," Siggy said while wiping his hands on his apron. "Before you leave," he said and I internally groaned. _So close._ "Can you get me a new pail of water."

"Yeah sure," I grab the pail and head towards the pump. It was cloudy now, Zart said rainy season had started and would last a few weeks. It still hadn't rained yet, but he swears it will be any day. I hurry to the pump, ready for my downtime by my little red tree. I had been working the nighttime for Joe, who wanted to see what the other half was like. My tree was like a secret haven I had to escape from everyone else, not that there were many people in my life to need space from. I dropped of the water and skipped into the Deadwood, my smile brightens as I see my tree. I nestle underneath it and look at the sanctuary I had created, it felt like the safest place in the Glade. I knew it would be different when all the leaves were gone and the trees would be barren. I had noticed that my tree was losing leaves quickly, I don't know why, but every night I would take all the red leaves back to the Med hut with me and stash them. A shiver ran up my spine, it was getting colder quicker, the closer it got to the rainy season, _I wish it was over already._

I stayed a while longer before heading back to the Med-hut, Clint was the only one there.

"Surprised you're here so early," he said.

"What can I say, it's getting cold out."

Clint nodded," It won't last long. Are you going to the bonefire tonight?"

I shrugged," I don't think so, maybe I'll go to bed early."

"That's boring," he scoffed. "You should come, it might be the last one before the rain."

"Last one?"

"Well, it's kind of hard to have a fire in the rain," he said sarcastically.

"Maybe I will...," I left my answer open.

"Okay, so let's go!," he put his jar down and stood up.

"Now?"

"Yeah, it's about time. I think Jeff is already there."

 _Crap... I guess I have to go now._

"Alright, lead the way."

Clint was right, the fire was lit and most of the Gladers were surrounding it.

"Time to loosen up," Clint passed me a cup.

"How much of this is there? You guys drink it like every night," I laugh.

"It's simple to make," he takes a long drink.

"Cheers," I clink his glass and take a long drink. _Gross._ Clint makes conversation with some of the Builders and I stay close by, it wasn't so bad. They were nice guys and I was starting to have fun. I went for a refill and saw Jackson, I should say hi!

"Hey!," I said loudly as I approached.

"Greenie! How are you?," he said happily, but his smile seemed non-genuine.

"I'm good. I'm good. I never see you anymore though," I giggled.

"Oh yeah, Sorry about that Greenie. It's been a busy couple of days."

"That's cool," I sip my drink. "What's going on?"

"Oh... you know? Just Bagger stuff," he rubbed his neck.

"Having fun 'patrolling' ," I threw up air quotes and he smiled.

"Hey, I am excellent at staying up all night."

"You were sleeping!"

"That is untrue," he laughed. "I was just.. just making sure that my eyes were fresh to see all the dangerous activity in the Glade."

We laughed together," Well, I feel safer knowing you guys are watching over us all." _Am I yelling? It sounds loud._

"Well, tonight you will feel safe," he drank some more.

"You're on watch tonight?"

"Yep."

"Oh fun! I'll stop by after my jog. Maybe this time I can finish counting the stars," I giggle.

"Oh, well... That might not be-..." Jackson was cut off the loud cheering of the boys at the circle.

"Do you... do you do that? Play that game?," I fumbled over my words.

"Oh, not really."

"Looks kind of fun."

"You want to do it?," he asked.

"Oh no!," I laughed. "I would be destroyed." My head felt dizzy and I couldn't stop smiling.

"Greenie!," Clint called to me. I turned and saw him beckoning me back to his circle.

"Well, gotta go," I laugh and head back towards him.

"I didn't know you knew Baggers," one of the builders said.

"I know everyone," I giggle into my glass.

"They make me jittery," another Builder said.

"Yeah, I don't know what it is... They are just weird."

"Wait," I stop them," Jackson is really nice. He hasn't been weird to me at all." All the boys looked at one another, like they had a secret between them I didn't know. One of the builders even started to laugh. "What?," I asked seriously. The boys either avoided my eyes, looked lost, or sipped their drink. _What are they saying?_

Clint cleared his throat," Well, it's just that-..."

A loud rumble ripped through the sky, followed by a blinding flash. _What the hell?_ I felt a drop of something on hand, I looked down and saw a drop of water. _Where did that come from ? Did one of them spit on me?_ I felt another and then another.

"RAIN!," someone shouted and boys went scrambling for shelter. I saw a few stay behind to put out the fire while the rest rushed towards the Homestead. I felt more and more rain hit my arms, head, and back. _This is rain._ I held out a hand and watched it collect in my palm, _wow. I knew what rain was, but..._

 _"_ Greenie!," someone called to me, but I was too mesmerized by the drops of water bouncing in my hand and gliding down my arm. _It's crazy_ , I thought to myself _I've never seen this before, but I probably have... I just can't remember. I've probably seen so much..._ Another flash of light lit up the sky, _wow... it's so bright._

Someone grabbed me by the hand, destroying the puddle of water that had formed. The pulled me through the thick wall of rain until we were no longer outside. It was dark, but I knew were in the kitchen. _I work here_ , I giggled.

"You bloody slinthead, you know what could happen if you stand in the open like that," his voice cracked the air like a whip.


	16. Chapter 16

_That voice! I know that voice!_

"What were you thinking?," it asked again.

 _It's Newt._ My head snapped straight, all the dizziness I had felt earlier faded away. _Oh no, it's Newt._

"Greenie?! Are you alright?," his hands found my shoulders and he lowered himself to my eye level. His touch made my knees wobbly, but I locked my legs to stop from falling over. My eyes adjusted and his eyes were the first thing I saw clearly, they were so dark and lovely, I ended up just staring at him. "Greenie," he gave me a small shake.

"Oh, what? Yeah. No, I'm alright," I speak quickly.

"What were you thinking?," he repeated.

"I-I don't know. I've never b-been in the rain before...," I admit.

Newt sighs," Okay... yeah," he releases my arms. The spot were his hands were tingle, I reach my hands up to touch it and blush deeply. "Are you cold?," he asks seeing my arms wrapped around my shoulders. My blush deepens, "Of course you are, you're soaking," he takes off his coat. "But this won't help," he looks at his dripping jacket.

I let a loud laugh ring through the room and I hear Newt chuckle too. "I'm sorry, I don't mean to laugh at you," I said once I was finished.

"It's alright," he grins.

My eyes can now see the whole room, we are the only two here. As soon as I realize that, my heart speeds up. _That doesn't mean anything... So much for avoiding him._ I scan him up and down and see his thin orange tanktop is stuck to his chest and stomach, revealing the outline of his sculpted body. His hair is stuck to his heas and all his clothes were dripping. I turn away quickly, _don't look!_ I focus on the rain outside.

"Wow, it came out of nowhere...," I whisper, as the sheets of water fall with no sign of slowing.

"It happens like that sometimes," Newt's body shifted against mine to turn and look outside.

Working in this room all day, I never realized how small it was. I walked towards the back to give Newt his space and hopped onto the counter.

"How long do you think it'll last?"

He shrugs," It depends. Shouldn't be too long now, if we're lucky," he turned to me with a simple smile that made my chest hurt. Another loud grumble, breaks the silence over the Glade. _I don't like thunder_ , I thought to myself. _I hate the silence more... But what do I say?_ Thankfully, Newt takes charge," How's the kitchen? You like it?"

"Yeah," I nod. " Siggy is really nice and I like having the afternoons off," I laugh weakly. "What about you, Second-in-command?"

Newt chuckles," It's actually quite boring," he crosses his arms, his muscles wet and slippery. I look to my dangling feet as he continues," There is no proper role for me to do."

"If you're ever bored enough, I'm sure the Sloppers would love help cleaning the dishes."

"I bet you're right," he laughs lightly. "It's really coming down out there," he looks back to the rain.

"Yeah," I agree, puling on a section of hair, smoothing it out. _This isn't going bad. Why am I still freaking out?_

Newt notices," I used to have long hair, you know?"

My mouth drops," Really?!"

"Yeah," he smiles, " Came to here," his hand signals just below his shoulder.

"I can't even imagine," I stifle a laugh.

"It got too hot," he admits, taking a step closer to me.

"I know what you mean," I wipe my cheek with my shoulder. "This kitchen gets really hot, I try to tie it up, but it can still be a little much. Maybe I should cut it too," I joked.

"I like you're hair," Newt's hand reached up and felt a small piece. I held my breath, _Oh god! Oh god! He's so close._ I hold perfectly still and wait to see what he is going to do next. Newt lets go," You shouldn't cut it." He leans away on the wall opposite of the counter, the space between us growing. My breath releases, _I can't handle this._

"I hope the garden is okay," I manage to say.

"Oh yeah, it'll be okay. Zart has been preparing every night, placing tarp over the delicate plants, they'll be okay," he crosses his arms again.

"I guess I won't get to go on my jog tonight," I joke.

"Probably not," he agrees. "Billy told me about that. Trying to become a Runner or something?," he raises an eyebrow. The room is then illuminated by a flash of lightning, making me jump slightly.

"Uhm, no. Definitely not," I swallow the lump in my throat. "I just do it because I want to... I keep thinking it'll help me, I don't know, remember or something," I look at my feet again. Newt stays silent, so I keep talking. "Ben thinks I should come up with my own name, but I don't know. I still want my old name. I want that part of my life."

"I can see why," Newt speaks softly.

"I just... I just don't know." I glance up at Newt from behind my hair, he is nodding and looks like he is thinking really hard. "What are you thinking?," I look up completely.

"I'm thinking of girl names I know," he says still in thought.

I can't help the smile from spreading across my lips, _that's kind of sweet._

"I was going to wait until the new Greenie comes... but, now I'm curious."

"That's right!," Newt realizes," When the new kid comes, we'll have two Greenies," he looks to me," Unless you find your name by then."

"Yeah, I know. It sucks. I don't really know girl names... Sally? Beth? Harriett?"

Newt threw his head back and his laughter rang in the air, i was so deep and melodious. "No, no, no," he shakes his head, still smiling. "Those are not you at all."

"Exactly! What names do you know?," I leaned off the counter towards him. He just grinned without a word," Tell me!"

"No," he refuses. "I'll tell you when the new Greenie comes."

"Ugh," I leaned back on the counter. "The rain looks lighter," I mention.

Newt looks out the door," Yeah, it is, still pretty hard, though."

"You're the expert," I mumble and thunder shudders in the clouds.

We both watch the rain fall, it was very therapeutic, almost as soothing as my nightly jog. My eyes shifted from the rain to Newt, his profile exposed his strong jaw. _Wow he's so pretty. He's like a... like a... LIKE A FRIEND. Stop that!_ Newt turns and catches me staring at him, I look back to the rain. Blood flushes my cheeks and I sweep my hair behind my ear, _Did he see me? He hasn't said anything... What even happened? How did this start? I mean, he is gorgeous, but I never really noticed before. Should I say something?_

"Do you think the new Greenie will be a girl?," Newt asks me. It's like he can read my mind.

"I-I don't know. Do you?"

"Honestly, I have no clue. I wouldn't be surprised if they sent up two people or even no one at this point. They just want to watch us squirm, bloody bastards," h said still looking at the rain.

"Am I making people squirm?"

Newt's neck snapped back to me, his mouth open and eyes lost. _He's so cute._ "Well... I-I-I'm not r-really sure. Maybe in the beginning, but now, I think we've grown used to you."

"Do you want the new Greenie to be a girl?" _Why am I asking that!?_

"I-I don't know. I guess I wouldn't mind if they were like you..." I almost choked, _Did he really say that?!.. Does Newt... like me?_ "I mean, you do your work, you don't complain, and you follow the rules. That's all I ask for," he clears his throat," in a Glader." _Oh... yeah...Of course he doesn't... BUT, you don't like him either. Just friends here. Two friends watching the what Clint said, it's like a brotherhood and I'm a sister._ "It looks like this is as good as it is going to get, I cant get you back to the Med hut," Newt grabs his coat from the counter beside me.

"uhmm... no, that's okay. I can make it," I jump down.

"I insist," he raises his coat over his head, a makeshift umbrella. He signals me to come loser by nodding his head towards him. _Friends,_ I play on repeat on my head and my arm brushes his torso. "On the count of three, we run, okay?"

"Yeah."

"One... two... three..."


	17. Chapter 17

I woke and felt a mix of emotions without even opening my eyes. _Still no name and Newt does not like me, but on the bright side I get to work in the morning again_. I sit up and see the morning light slipping through the cracks of the hut walls. _Better hurry._ I throw on my shoes and jog to the kitchen, today we made oatmeal for breakfast and the green mush for lunch.

As I slip away, Gally crosses my path," Hey Greenie."

"Oh, Hi Gally," I smile.

"Where you going?"

"Uhm, nowhere."

"I'm on my way to eat, if you want to join."

"No thanks, I already ate," I slide around him. "I hope you like it though," I make my way towards the Deadhead.

The wind whips around me, I pull my jacket tighter. _Maybe I should just go to the Med-hut..._ I turn and head towards my bed, no need to freeze two days in a row. I walk in and see it's a full house, a Slicer is getting his hand bandaged by Jeff while Clint poking at Ben's leg on my bed.

"Ow," the Slicer moans.

"Stay still," Jeff commands, rewrapping his hand.

"Hey guys," I call to them as I walk around the beds.

"Hey Greenie," Jeff responds.

"Coming in early again?," Clint asks while looking completely focused on Ben's leg.

"It's too chilly to be outside," I say as I strip my jacket off. "What happened?," I sit on the third bed.

"Tripped," Ben said.

"You'd think a Runner would know better," I said and Ben chuckled.

"Stay still," Clint instructed, sounding exactly like Jeff.

"How did you trip?," I pull my legs onto the bed.

"A vine," he responded, gritting his teeth to Clint's touch.

"Does this hurt?"

"Yeah," Ben gasped.

"Not broken," Clint stands up," but sprained."

"So...?"

"So no running," Clint finished. "Take a few days off."

Ben runs his hands through his hair and lays back on the bed.

"Sorry, Ben," Clint says and goes to Jeff. "Adam, seriously, stop moving."

"Shuck," Ben muttered into his hands.

"Maybe a few days off will be good," I say, which earns me a look from Ben. "I mean, you've been so busy lately, it might be good."

"Yeah, maybe," he sits on the edge of the bed.

"At least it's not broken," I try to find a positive.

"That's true. I've still got that going for me," he runs his hands through his hair again, clearly frustrated.

"I'm sorry," I say defeated.

"It's not your fault, it's mine. Such a slinthead, I should've seen it."

"Hey, it happens. People trip." Ben nods, his good leg jittering, _Is there anything I can say to cheer him up?_ "It's better then almost getting knocked out from a girl running away."

Ben lets out a sigh mixed with a laugh" You got that right," he sits up, is dimples showing from his smile. _Good, he's cheered up._ "Heard you got caught in the rain last night."

I throw my hands up," Literally everyone knows everything here!"

"Like I said, there are no secrets in the Glade."

"I guess," I stick my hands between my legs and the bed. "I swear it's not as dumb as it sounds... it's worse."

He laughs," As dumb as tripping on a vine?"

"Dumber."

"Good to know I'm not the only one here," he smiles.

"Believe me, you're not alone."

* * *

I woke up in the middle of the night to someone breaking glass on the floor of my room.

"Ahh," I screamed, clutching my chest. _Run!_

"Ouch, Oh god!," the shadow started hopping. "Oh, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry!"

"Get out! Get out now!," I leap from the bed, ready to escape if needed.

"Gosh, greenie, stop screaming. It's me! It's Jackson."

"Jackson?! What are you doing!?"

I just... damn, that hurts," his figure sat on the bed beside mine. "I just wanted to talk to you... privately."

"Why didn't you just talk to me earlier? During the day?," I shuffled around him to get the torch. The fire let me see Jackson's face, _that's Jackson._ I also saw the glass scattered across the floor. "Damn," I place the torch in it's holder and start picking up the pieces. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah, I'm fine. I didn't mean to scare you, I'm sorry."

"If you didn't want to scare me, you wouldn't creep into my room in the middle of the night!," I snap at him

"You're right. Yeah, I know," I just didn't want anyone to see us talking."

"Why not?," I place the shards into recycle basket. "Embarrassed?," I tease.

"That's what I need to talk to you about!," he said massaging his foot. _He's not joking_ , I feel a tension rise in my chest.

"Well then, tell me."

"Okay, so that night, when you slept on the tower?"

"Yeah?"

"And I was there..."

"Yeah...?"

"Well, Aidan and Billy saw us sleeping and they... well they...," his voice faded out.

"They what?!," my chest twinged.

"They think we are a couple or something..."

 _A couple! Why would they think that! That makes no sense!_

"A couple!?"

"Yeah, like we're together or something..."

"And you didn't clarify?!," I shouted.

"Greenie, keep it down," he reminded me. "I did! I told them we just fell asleep, that we were just friends!"

"And they didn't believe you!," I start pacing at the foot of the beds.

"I thought they did, but they keep making jokes about it so I tried to stay away from you so they would stop."

"But they haven't stopped?"

"No...," Jackson shifted and looked away," They might have... have said something about it to one of the Builders..."

 _The Builders? That's why they were so weird when I was talking to Jackson... They think we're dating!_

"Oh god, Jackson!"

"I'm so sorry!," His head whips back around," I didn't think they would drag this one so long, I wanted to fix it before it became a problem."

"God Jackson! That's so stupid, you should've told me!"

"I know, I know! I am so sorry Greenie. I was going to mention it the other day when we were eating but I just clammed up, I just didn't want things to get weird, you know. I like our friendship... I didn't want you to think I was like... I don't know. It just didn't want it to change."

"How was it going to change?," I cross my arms. "You think that just because people think we're together that I would magically want to be with you or something?"

"No, nothing like that," Jackson sighs. "I didn't want it to change in that you act different towards me, like your scared someone will get the wrong idea. I don't want you to be on edge when we hang out... "

 _Oh..._ My cold heart thawed for a moment. _He hid it from me so it wouldn't affect our friendship... that's sweet... but stupid._

"Look, Jackson," I stand in front of him. "I understand why you hid it from me, but I don't like it. Don't do it again! I deserve to know what people are saying abut me."

"Yeah, you're right," Jackson drops his head. "How do we fix it?"

"I don't know," I started pacing again. So the Gladers think Jackson and I are a couple. We can't avoid each other because that's stupid and won't solve anything. If we just say it's not true will people believe us or think we're lying?

"I'm so sorry, Greenie," Jackson says again.

"Stop... please. Stop apologizing," I lean against the wall and close my eyes.

"I don't know what else to do."

"That makes two of us...," I slowly slide down to the floor

"I-I...," Jackson rests his head in his hands, he looked so stressed.

"Maybe we should just ignore it...," I let the idea simmer in the air. "I men, I don;t really talk to any Builders and I don't want to announce the truth, who would believe that?"

"I could just talk to Billy and Aidan. Tell them to knock off or-..."

"No, absolutely not," I veto his idea. "You had all this time to fix this, now we have to do it together."

"Okay... yeah sure," he stands. "So we just pretend everything is normal?"

"Everything is normal. We aren't a couple, just friends. And I really don't want to change our friendship, I mean, i only have a few...," I share a small smile.

"Greenie...," I look up to him as he heads to the door," I'm so s-..."

"EH! Don't say it again."

Jackson huffs a empty smile and leaves the Med-hut. I crawl back to my bed, but I never fall back asleep. My mind is runs through what is being said about me, about Jackson and I. _They think we're together... that we kiss and that we... God! That's just so weird? Me and Jackson? NO! I wonder how many people have heard this... Alby? Siggy? Oh god, Newt?! No wonder he doesn;t like me, he thinks I'm with Jackson... So stupid._

My thoughts run nonstop until I see the light shine into the room. I get ready quickly and dash to the kitchen, _hopefully Siggy isn't weird. Maybe Joseph knows too!_ When I entered the kitchen, Siggy was buisness as usual and I was running around doing chores. No matter what I did, it didn't help the time pass, seconds ticked like hours and I audibley groaned when I realized we hadn't even served breakfast yet.

"Watch what you're doing," Siggy scolded lightly after I dropped a pan on the floor.

"Sorry, my mind is...," I pick up the pan and silenced the doubts in my head.

"It happens, I remember one time we were making bread, but I left the wheat outside and it all...," Siggy was laughing at his old mistakes but my full attention was still bundled in my own dilemma. Out of the corner of my eye I see more Glader approaching , then I noticed who it was, _the Baggers!_

"I'll be right back," I shot out of the kitchen like a bullet before Siggy could protest. Jackson sees me first and his face fills with worry, but I don't slow my stride until I am face to face with Aidan and Billy. Both of them seems confused to see me but I speak before they do," It seems we all need to have a conversation." My voice is low and uneven, my anger cracking through without warning. Billy and Aidan look at each other and then to Jackson.

"Come one," he ushers them to a table. I know Jackson was also startled to see me, I hadn't told him I was going to talk to Billy and Aidan, but then again, I didn't even know myself.

"Okay," I sit across from the three of them. "What are you saying about me?" Billy's mouth drops and Aidan looks away from me, _they look just like the Builders._ "Seriously, tell me."

"Well...," Billy exhales deeply. "I just was joking around with this one here," he hit Jackson in the chest," about some of the stuff we saw in the tower."

"But you didn't see anything. There was nothing to see!"

"Thats why it was all jokes," Aidan chuckles.

"You can take a joke, can't you Greenie?," Billy smiles, but it wasn't friendly.

"If it's funny...," I cross my arms and my eyebrows draw together. The smiles from there faces fall away," Why don't you tell me the joke and, I'll tell you if it's funny."

"Seems like you've already heard it," Billy cocks his eyebrow.

"And I'm not laughing," I say evenly. _Reel it back, no need to make anyone here mad._

"Greenie!," Siggy called from kitchen. "Let's go!"

"Yeah, I'm coming!," I respond with breaking my stare with Billy. "Listen, Jackson and I are friends, nothing more. Stop telling people we are together. Stop spreading lies about me, about both of us," I gesture to Jackson too. His hands are in his lap and I can tell he is uncomfortable, but I couldn't stand by and let them sat these things.

Billy glances to Jackson who finally speaks," She's right Billy. Greenie and I are friends, nothing more. If people think were a couple, they'll start to be weird and stuff. Gladers already think were weird, I don't want things to get worse."

Billy lets out a low chuckle," Alright...," he raises his eyebrows," I'll stop. I didn't know ya'll were just friends..." Billy says the words but his eyes tell a different story, but I didn't think much of it.

"Thank you," I take a sigh of relief. "Thank you," I get up and dash back to the kitchen.


	18. Chapter 18

I felt normal, I still looked the same, but I was worried that other people saw me differently. _Do they all think I'm with Jackson?,_ my paranoia was wrestling with my sanity. _I should ask someone... See if they heard the rumor. Not Jackson, he would have told me, maybe I'll ask Ben_. After work, I found Ben in the Homestead, he was carving a piece of wood before I caught his eye.

"Hey," he smiled. "What's up?"

"Hi," I sat on the hammock across from him.

"Is it midday already?," he asked looking outside.

"Yeah, you missed lunch."

He shrugged," That's okay. I can wait for dinner, not like I need the energy or anything," he said with a smile.

I couldn't smile back, my nerves were on edge. "Hey Ben..."

"Yeah," he replies, turning back to his carving.

"Uhm.. well, you are... you are like one of my closest friends here," I admit to him and he smiles again while continuing chipping away.

"Thanks, I think you're a great friend too."

"And... I don't really know who else to ask about this..."

Ben shifts in his hammock, his face looked uneasy. "Are you okay? What's wrong?"

"I-I don't know how to say it..."

"Say what? Just tell me," his green eyes large and ready for whatever I have to tell him.

"I just... Well...," I fiddle with the ends of my hair," I'm curious if you've heard anything about me..."

"Heard anything about you?," he repeated.

"Yeah."

"Like what?"

 _Ugh... don't make me say it._ "I don't know... anything?"

His eyes drift back to his block of wood and he doesn't say anything. "Have you heard something?," he asks quietly.

"In a way," I bite my nail. "I heard that the Baggers were saying something..."

"Oh," Ben nods," Then I wouldn't worry about it," he brushes the subject off.

"What? Really?"

"Oh yeah," Ben chuckles. "The Baggers are always saying things, no one around here really puts any stock into what they say."

"Seriously? Aren't they like the patrol people?"

Exactly," Ben sits up and we are facing each other. "Nothing ever happens here in the Glade, so they tend to make some stuff up, make it sound more exciting," he shrugs. "An now that we have a girl, they have whole new material..."

"Oh," I look at my lap," So you did hear what they said..."

Ben sighs," Yeah, I heard it... but I know it's not true."

"Thanks Ben." I strangely felt better, _Ben knows what he is talking about. He knows the Glade. Maybe I am being paranoid, Jackson and I agreed to drop it, so just drop it_ "How's the leg?," I change the topic.

"Getting better," he rubs his knee. "Hopefully I can be out in a few days."

"I heard you guys are getting pretty close, close to finding a way out."

"Yeah, feels that way," Ben smiles excitedly.

"Wow, that's really great!"

"Fingers crossed," he laughs.

Talking to Ben was nice and smooth, he made me laugh and I liked his perspective. We talked for awhile, conversation flowing easily as we switched topics, it felt easy. I was laughing at his joke when some Slopper walked into the Homestead and I stopped. What if they think I'm dating Ben now? I stood up abruptly as he walked through the beds to his own across the room.

"You okay?," Ben asked.

"Yeah, I'm fine. I just.. got to go check on something. I'll talk to you later," I give him a reassuring smile before leaving the sleeping quarters.

 _I don't want things to be weird between Ben and I, just like I don't want it be weird between Jackson and I. I don't want to worry about what other people think but I can't stop. Newt probably thinks I like Jackson, but I don't! OH JUST STOP,_ I yell at myself as I jog through the misty rain. _Newt doesn't like you. That's a good thing. You have to worry about other things, like yourself. You still don't even know your name... I don't even know my name._

The next day it was raining hard, I got up and went to the kitchen, when I got there I was dripping wet. Siggy met me later and told me that it's one of those days that no one will work.

"So we get the day off?"

Siggy let his laugh ring out loudly," That's a good one. I should have said that no one works, except us."

I shrug as I start my prep tasks," If it's so bad, how will everyone get food?"

"We deliver it to the Homested, it's where everyone will be."

"Seriously? How will we deliver all of this?"

"Joseph will come help us," Siggy said," but rain means no fire, so it'll be three cold meals."

We went on working, Joseph joined us a bit later and we delivered the food on a harvest cart that we covered in tarp. Outside was wet and cold but when we entered the Homestead it was steamy and hot. I was choking on the smell of sweat and feet, but no one else really noticed, all the boys mobbed us when they saw the food. _Such animals, like they've never eaten in their lives!_ I saw Ben licking the inside of the bowl before asking for more, I _know you've had food before, how are you this hungry._

"Because it's cold meals today, we don;t have to go back until right before lunch," Siggy said before he went to greet his friends.

 _Oh, so it is like a day off._ I look out at the mess of children in front of me, _should I just sit back and wait for lunch or should I go talk to someone. Jackson?_ I saw him with Billy and Aidan, _if I go now, then everyone will think the rumors are true. Ben?_ I saw him laughing with Mihno and Hank, _he hasn't been able to spend much time with the Runners, I should let him._ I scan the crowd again and see Newt with Zart and Winston, _No_. Finally I see Gally, but he is sitting on a hammock bouncing a pebble off the floor.

"Hey Gally," I sit across from him.

"Oh," he looks surprised. "Hey Greenie."

"What are you doing?," I point to the pebble in his hand.

"Just passing the time," he bounces it of the floor again.

"Can I try?" Gally passes the pebble to me and I throw it on the ground. It bounces sideways and skitters across the floor. "Oops!," I jump up and get it. "Guess I'm not that good," I pass the pebble back.

"It's not really a skill," Gally replies before bouncing the pebble again.

"I guess...," I sit back on the hammock. Gally doesn't say anything, just bounces the pebble. _What's up with him?_ "Do you wish you were working today?"

"No."

"Why? I thought you liked being a builder?"

"I do," Gally watched the rock hit the ground.

I let the silence stretch before asking another question. "How long does the rainy season last?"

"Two weeks, maybe three."

"What comes next?"

"Planting season."

 _Maybe he's just cranky? I'll let him be alone._

"Okay, well, bye," I walk away from him and return to the leftover food. _Maybe I'll just do the Sloppers job today..._ I was staring at the cauldron I didn't see Jackson slide up beside me

"Sawing you talking to ole' Gal Pal," Jackson smirks.

"Yeah, but he's acting odd. I think he's tired or something."

"Could be..."

"Could be?"

Jackson shrugs," Or it could be that he thinks we're together."

 _What? No way! Gally wouldn't think that, would he?_ "Why would he think that," I shift towards him. "We are acting like friends, so no one should think that."

"Who did you think Billy had told?," Jackson scoffed.

 _Billy told Gally?_ "Why would he do that?"

"Probably because Gally has it in for me, they want to push his buttons, the slintheads."

"But I don't see why that would push his buttons..."

"Well it would mean I had something he didn't, a girlfriend."

"That's stupid," I say with a smile. "No way boys are that material."

Jackson shrugs again," Or it could be because he likes you."

 _Likes me? What?_ "What?"

"Gally likes you, I mean, I thought it was obvious. Most of the guys here have a crush on you."

"WHAT?," I shout accidentally and few head turn.

Jackson raises an eyebrow," You seriously didn't know? I mean, come one, you're the only girl here. Of course they're going to crush on you."

"So wait, you're saying Gally has a crush on me?"

"Yup," Jakcson pops his p at the end of the word and then turns me with a sly look. "Why? Do you like him back?"

"What!? Of course not!"

"Is that so?," Jackson teased. "So if I went over to him and told him you liked him I would be..."

"Lying!," i stated loudly again beofre looking around quickly and adding,"I don't like him."

Genuine interest sparked in Jackson's eyes," But you do like somebody...," he paused and he eyes popped open and he smiled widely. "You totally do! You can't deny it!"

"Shh! No, I don't!," I covered his mouth with my hand.

He pulled away easily," You so do!," he danced for a second. "I mean, Greenie... if it's me you can be honest. I promise I'll let you down easy," he said with an chuckle.

"Shut up! I don;t like you, we already had that conversation."

"Maybe you wanted to spare my feeling?"

"Maybe not," I crossed my arms.

"Okay, fine. Not me, I'll pretend it doesn't hurt," he winked. "But who is it?"

"Nobody! I don't like anyone here like that. I'm focusing on myself, I still don't have a name yet, if you haven't noticed."

Jackson rolled his eyes," Don't be dramatic and tell me who it is?," Jackson looked out to the crowd. "Is it Siggy?"

"What?! No, I work with him."

"Love has no boundaries. What about Alby?"

"Alby?! No, I barely see him."

"Love doesn't follow your eyes, it follows the heart," he fluttered his eyelashes at me. "Is it Ben?"

"What?! Jackson I already told you I don't like anyone here, so just drop it."

"Hmmmm... interesting response," Jackson rubbed his chin.

I rolled my eyes," Seriously Jackson, it's not Ben."

"If you tell me, I'll stop guessing. Is it Gally?"

"JACKSON!," he turns back to me and I take a deep breath. _He will never stop asking..._ "I can't tell you here. Let's go outside."

"In the rain?"

"Come one!," I tug at his sleeve. We slip out the door undetected and stand close to the building, partially shielded by the roof.

"Tell me! Hurry, it's wet."

I swallowed my guilt. _Gosh, what if Jackson judges me for it? Thinks it's stupid? What if he doesn't like Newt?_

Well...?," Jackson waited impatiently. _Jackson is my friend, I can trust him._

"Promise you won't tell anyone!"

"I promise, of course."

"Not even Bill and Aidan," I questioned.

"Of course not!"

"Okay..," I push my hair behind my ears. "It's... Newt."

Jackson face doesn't change, he doesn't look upset or disappointed. "Oh really? Wouldn't have guessed him... Is it because of the accent?"

"Uhm... no," I feel a blush rise in my cheeks. "I don't know what it is... I just feel so crazy when I'm near him."

"Crazy?"

"Like, I don't know...," I look away," I feel like I want to throw up and run away, but my legs don't work."

"Is that what it's like to like someone?," Jackson asks.

"I don't know... but I don't feel it for anyone else...," my eyes meet his again.

"Why not tell him?"

I scoff," So many reasons! What if he doesn't like me back? What if he laughs in my face? Anyway, I already know he doesn't," I wrap my arms around my shoulders. "He just thinks of me as another Glader...," a pain strikes my heart. "But... I guess it's a good thing. I do need to focus no me, figure it out."

"You'll never figure yourself out, Greenie! We all have that same curse, none of us can figure it out."

"I guess you're right."

"I can try to dig something up, if you want? I can ask him about it."

"NO! NO! That's a terrible idea! No!"

"I'll be discrete, gosh Greenie! Have some faith!"

"You? Discrete?," I laugh.

"I can be when I need to be, you just don't see it."

The thought of knowing something more about where Newt stood was too tempting. _At least I know for sure._ "Just don't be obvious," I beg him.

"Of course," he agrees. "Now let's go inside, I'm getting wet!"


	19. Chapter 19

A few days passed and I wanted nothing more than to pester Jackson every chance I could get. It was driving me insane the idea that I could know how Newt feels and the fact that I didn't. When I asked him, he was getting more and more annoyed, but I couldn't help myself, he kept reminding me the key to being secretive is time. I hate to fight between being rational and being stupid, luckily Newt was busy with helping Zart and the plants. All the rain was really starting to effect the Glade, everywhere was muddy and gross, especially the slammer, the rain created a mudslide straight inside. I hadn't been able to run through the Deadhead because of all the small hills that would most certainly make me slip and break an arm.

"Jackson," I hissed from my hiding spot near the Homestead.

"Dear god, woman," he came over to me. "What?"

"Don't say what, like you don't know exactly what I want," I stayed in my squatting position.

"Look, I finally have a way to bring it up, I should know by the day after tomorrow."

"Really!?"

"Yeah, I've convinced Newt that when I patrol at night, that there are always noises in the kitchen. Noises like someone is stealing food, so he told me he'll stay up tomorrow night and watch with me."

"Seriously? Stealing food, did he talk to Siggy first because we are never short."

"I'm sure he did, but guys raid the fridge all the time. It bugs Frypan a lot so he probably went along with it."

"That's true, Siggy hates that. Wow, that's really smart Jackson."

"I have many talents," he beamed cockily.

I stand up," Okay... Maybe this is a bad idea..."

"No, I'm too close!"

"Jackson... maybe I should just, I don't know, let it go."

"Hey, don't worry about it. I'm going to be super slick. He won't even know that he is spilling his guts."

"Now I'm nervous!"

"Good, use that energy and do something," Jackson said before backing away. "I'll find you when I know something."

I was so bored in the Glade, there was nothing to do. It was sprinkling, but I couldn't be stuck inside any longer, I needed to be out. I walked around the outside of the Glade , running my hand along the gray wall until it went numb from contact. The air was crisp and the smell of the rain was fresh and delicious, but my shoes got stuck in the mud a few times. I slowly walked past each grave in the DeadHead, I knew they were there but none of them had gravestones to say who they were. My eyes darted toward the furthest one, Nick. The only person I've known who is dead, _He never got a fair chance. None of us being stuck here. People have forced us to live this life, but that means there must be something else out there. Something bigger and better, but he never got to see it. He had parents, where do they think he is? Do they know he has died? Parents... I have parents. Do they know where I am? Did they put me here?_

I look up to the raining clouds as if there will be a clue. _Why would they let this happen? Did they not want me or not love me? Do they have other kids? Do I have siblings? Are they here? Could one of these boys be my real brother? There is no way of knowing... unless we escape. But these people seem smart, they have it all planned out. A box comes up every week and once a month we get a new kid. The maze changes so there is no real escape, even if there was, the Grievers would kill us before we could leave. If we did get out, where would we go? Is there anywhere to go? Maybe there is just wasteland beyond the maze; no water, no people, no life. This might be the best there is, but it could be the worst. There also could be a paradise beyond those walls with our families waiting for us. Nick will never know, maybe none of us will._

I pass the graveyard and keep walking the perimeter, thoughts about my past circling in my head. _What if I never got a name and that's why I can't remember? Maybe I was an orphan and they found me and put me here. I wonder if my past life was better than this. Maybe I was royalty and people kissed my feet as I passed. Every night a lavish party with delicious food and dancing. Maybe I was poor, my family sick and dirty, living in squalor. What if I wasn't never meant to be here, this was all an accident. Maybe they are looking for a way to bring me back, but... I couldn't leave them here. Everyone here deserves a free life, not tormented by these walls._

"What are you doing out in the rain, Greenie?!," Winston calls from the Bloodhouse.

I smile and wave," Just thinking, I guess."

"Well, don't stay out too long, you'll get sick."

"I won't," I reply and keep walking.

 _Newt said Alby was the first one ever here, that was 2 years ago. 2 years with no answers has to weigh heavy on him, how can he keep thinking there is a way out? Why does he still believe in life outside the maze? What happens if we all grow old here, too old to escape the maze? What happens if they stop sending people up and we slowly die one by one, leaving one person left on the Glade. If we even get out of this place, will there be answers? Will someone be there holding a sign with my name on it? Maybe when I see it all my memories will come back and I'll know why we're here. Who knows, maybe the new greenie will jump my brain or something..._

A small breeze blows past and I realize how wet I really am, I should go change. I head to the Med hut and grab some clothes, Clint and Jeff asked why I was so wet, but I told them it was complicated. I jogged to the bathhouse, but it was empty. _I'll take a shower now too_ , I thought as I stripped away my dripping clothes and turned on the water. I feels nice, not much warmer than the rain, but it was definitely cleaner. I hum to myself lowly and I wash my body, the words start to come before I realize I'm singing.

"The pale moon was rising above the green mountain, the sun was declining beneath the blue sea. As I strayed with my love to the pure crystal fountain, that stands in the beautiful vale of Tralee. The moon through the valley, her pale rays were shedding when I won the heart of the rose of Tralee..."

A noise caught my attention, so I stopped singing. _Someone else is in here!? Oh god!_ I turned off the water to the shower quickly.

"Hello?," I called out in a panic pulling up my pants.

"Who's that?," They answered me. _Someone is here!_

"It's me, the Greenie!," I responded pulling my shirt down.

"Why are you in here? It's not after dinner..."

"I know. I'm sorry. I'm done, I'll go," I scooped all my laundry up and headed to the door.

"Sorry, didn't know you were in here," I see the boy behind the voice. _Gally?_

"Gally? Oh... yeah, sorry. I'll let you shower," I side step to pass him.

"No, it's okay," he stepped in front of me. "I don't have to," he said before turning and leaving the bathhouse.

 _Why was he here then? He had to of heard me..._

"Gally," I call to him. "I know why you're mad at me!"

He comes back into the shower room quickly, I take a step back from the surprise. "Mad at you? I'm not mad at you."

"Are you sure, you're acting all weird..."

"Yeah, I'm fine. Not mad."

"Okay... just thought I should check."


	20. Chapter 20

There was no rain when I woke up, I went outside and saw a sliver of light peak from behind the clouds. _Today is going to be good_ , I thought to myself as I skipped to work.

"Good morning, Siggy," I sang as I walked into the kitchen.

He cocked his eyebrow," Good morning. Why are you in such a good mood?"

I sigh happily," I don't know. I just have a good feeling," I smile brightly but Siggy grunts at me unconvinced.

"Well, I need you to get some water, and start the fire out back, need to cook before it starts raining. Then you should go to the Bloodhouse and grab some fresh meat for dinner, freezers running low on storage. Check up on that pig down there, too, see if they're almost ready to slaughter. Afterwards come back here to start cutting up the veggies," Siggy says looking into the ice box for the meat he wanted to use.

"Yes sir," I turn to leave.

"Oh, before I forget. After lunch, Alby said he needs to speak with you, to go find him."

"What? Alby wants to talk with me?"

"Yes."

"What about?"

"Don't know," Siggy pulls a chunk of meat out.

I turn back to the door, but my mood is dampened by the news. _What does Alby want to talk to me about? I can't think of anything I've done wrong. Didn't leave the Glade, I've been coming to work, and I've haven't attacked another Glader. Maybe he's mad about something I did._ Thoughts batter around in my head until Joseph arrives and I know my time is up. _I have to go see him now._ There is no rain currently, but the sunlight is gone and it feels like the good day is ruined. I find Alby with the Bricknicks by the Slammer, they were hauling out the mud and making repairs.

"Oh, good, Greenie. I was just about to come find you," he hands off his bucket of mud and walks to me. My heart beats a little faster, His face scrunches," Don't look so scared?," he then smiles.

"I just am trying to think of what I've done wrong."

Alby laughs," You haven't done anything wrong. Just because I want to talk to you doesn't mean you're in trouble."

I let out the breath I've been holding in," Thank goodness."

"I just want to talk to you, see how everything is going. Like life on the Glade?"

"Yeah, I like it," I nod.

"Good, but I have to ask...," I tense up again. "Have you remembered anything? Your name?"

"Uh... no, nothing." The tension releases, _you're not in trouble, it's okay._

"Newt told me you're toying with the idea of choosing your own name," Alby said it more as a question then a statement.

"Yeah, I've thought about it..."

Alby doesn't say anything for a minute," That's a good idea, we all support whatever you chose to do."

"Uhm, thanks, Alby," I shuffle my feet.

"I want to show you something," he beckons me to follow. We walk towards the maze, _are we going inside?! No way! Alby wouldn't let me. Where are we going? there is nothing over here but the maze._ We pass the entrance, I look down the echoing chambers expecting something, but they are empty. Alby pushes some vines out of the way to show me the wall. This part of the wall is different, it's not just blank and gray, there are names etched into it. I reach my hand out and feel the engraving on Jeff's name. It was so simple, just four letters, but they were his identity. They in a small way defined him, a definition I was still missing.

"What is this?," I turn to Alby but keep tracing the letters.

"This is where we stake claim to the Galde," he says. "Every Glader who has ever been here and put their name on this wall."

I turned back and saw underneath Jeff's name was another, it read Stephen. It was all crossed out, like someone has chipped away at it on purpose. "What happened to his name?," I gently stroked the cuts. "Who is he? Stephen?

"He was a Glader, before his passing."

"So, he is dead."

"Yes," Alby looked at the wall. "We've lost some great people here."

"Why show me this, Alby?," I pull my hand away.

"I want you to know that you have a place here, on the Glade... with all of us. I want you to know that when your time comes, when you want to, there is space for your name on this wall."

I felt my eyes sting, but let the tears fall back before forming," Thank you, Alby."

"Anytime, Greenie," he smiles softly.

"I can't believe I've ran past this wall almost every day for the past, I don't know, week and I never saw it."

"It's hard to see what you're not looking for," Alby chuckles. "Oh... and Greenie?"

"Yeah," I turn to Alby and his face is bright red.

"I need to ask... Jackson?"

I smile," We're friends."

"Okay," he nods, his blush diminishing.

"I didn't know you stooped to the gossip, Alby," I teased him as we returned to the Slammer.

"I don't. But I heard it and I thought I should ask... I don't want the Glade spread with false rumors."

"Thank you! Oh, it's been driving me crazy. If you could spread the word that it's not real, that would be great."

"Yeah, sure thing. Let me know if you have any questions or want to talk."

"Yeah, I will. Thanks, Alby," I wave as I walk away from the Slammer.

I head back to the Med hut, Jeff is there sorting out the creams.

"Hey Jeff," I greet him as I walk to my bed.

"Hey Greenie," he keeps his eyes glued on his task.

I lay on my bed, with nothing to do. _I guess I could help them clean out the Slammer, but that looks like a no. The Deadhead is too muddy to sit in, stupid rain. Ben is back in the maze, Jackson is annoyed of me and I don't have any other friends! Gally was a friend, but he has been kind of freaky lately. Yesterday in the bathhouse had sent a shiver down my spine. I don't see why he's acting like this. Even if he does like me, acting like a baby isn't going to make me like him back... neither is acting all creepy._

"Can I ask you for a favor, Greenie?" Jeff asked.

"Yes!," I jump from the bed," What do you need?"

"Can you go get me some more water, this paste is too thick," he points to the water jug without prying his eyes from the paste.

 _Ughhh I could do this in the kitchen_ , I think as I walk to the water pump. _Oh god!_ I freeze as I watch Newt lay down his bucket and start pumping water. _Of course he's here! I can'3t leave, Jeff needs water,_ I think before Newt sees me and waves _. Gotta keep going._

 _"_ Hey Greenie!," he says with asmile that makes my head jumble.

"Hey Newt," I wave in return.

"Haven't seen you in a while, getting into trouble?," he asks while pumping.

"Uhm... nope. I'm reformed since my night in the Slammer," I joke. "What about you? I don't see you around really..."

He smiles," Mostly helping Zart until the rainy season stops, should be pretty soon. By the time the new Greenie comes," he finishes pumping and moves his bucket aside. "Here, let me," he takes my bucket and sets it down.

"Oh, thanks, Newt," I grab the ends of my hair, trying to settle my nerves.

"Not a problem," he starts pumping the water. "How are you're nightly jogs going?"

"I can't go as often, the ground is too muddy," I admit.

"I'll admit, it looks tempting. I almost miss being a Runner."

"Almost?"

He grins," Almost."

"One of these nights you should run with me," I blurt. _Why are you talking? Who said you could talk! WHY DID YOU DO THAT?!_

"Yeah, maybe I should," he stops pumping. "Where are you headed?"

"The Med hut. Jeff needs the water." _That wasn't bad... he didn't say no. That was basically a yes! I need Jackson to find out tonight!_

"Oh, is someone hurt?"

"No, he's just using it for science," I smile.

Newt picks up my bucket and then his own, his way of saying he would carry it for me. I knew he wouldn't take no for an answer, so I didn't protest.

"Since you have the afternoons off, I'll have to come find you when we need help with the Garden," Newts walks beside me.

"I doubt you'll find me," I joke.

"I know the Glade pretty well, you can't hid from me," he grins. My heart speeds up and I can't form the right words so I let out a forced chuckle in response. "Here we are," he hands me the bucket outside the Med hut. "Don't be a stranger," he says before heading away.

 _How does he do that? How does he make me feel this way?! I can't stand it! UGH!_ I bring Jeff his water and he thanks me without looking up.


	21. Chapter 21

Last night I was so tempted to go running around the Glade. I wanted to get a sneak look at Newt and Jackson, I debated with myself for a while saying that if they saw me, it might spark the conversation, but I didn't want to look too desperate. I know it's stupid, but I laid in bed and strained to hear, knowing full well there were across the Glade and on the tower. When I did fall asleep, it wasn't for long, it felt like it was only five minutes before I was forced awake to work. Even though I felt terrible, my head was repulsed by every movement, my stomach felt nauseous and I felt cold and hot all at once, I hopped out of bed quickly. _Today is the day._

Just like every other day I had plans after work, the day dragged forever. At breakfast I wrapped my jacket around me as I was sweating in the steamy kitchen, but my body was so cold. Every time I blew my nose, Siggy made me wash my hands, but by lunchtime they were so chapped and sore.

"You're not looking so hot," Siggy mentioned as I finished lunch prep.

"I know, it's freezing in here."

"That's not what I meant... maybe you should head to the Med hut when Joseph gets here..."

"No, I'm alright," I flash a smile to convince him but it only seems to add to his doubts.

"If you're so 'alright' then this won't hurt," he put his hands on my cheeks and gently rocks my head back and forth.

"Ahhh," I pull away as my head rings with agony. _What the hell!?_ The pain only sends me into a coughing fit which increases he intensity of the head ache. I grip my temples in an attempt to help, but it doesnt and when I look up to Siggy he has a stern look on his face.

"You need to go to the Med hut, right now."

"But Joseph is-..."

"Now, Greenie," he says in a voice that doesn't allow an argument.

I wait for the throbbing to lessen before walking outside in the drizzle, _I have to talk to Jackson first. He would be napping in Homestead about now since he worked last night,_ I turn but Siggy sees me.

"So I guess I have to walk you there, huh?," he steps out beside me. "Let's go."

 _Damn, I need to see Jackson! What if it's good news... Newt might like me!_

Siggy shuffles me into the Med hut and sits me on the first bed.

"Hey Jeff. Hey Clint."

"Hey Frypan, you get a cut or something?," Jeff asks.

"No, I'm good. But it seems the new Greenie here is not feeling so hot." As soon as Siggy mentions the temperature, I feel a chill run down my spine and wrap my jacket tighter.

"Wow, Greenie. You do not look so good," Jeff stand from the bench.

"I did that neck whip thing you guys did on Hank when he was feeling down, except she reacted way worse," Siggy tell them.

"I'm fine!," I try to say but no one will listen.

Clint puts his cold hand on my forehead, "Wow. Lay down."

"But I'm-..."

"No, you need to lie down," he gently pushes my shoulder back to the bed. I tried to sit back up but I started coughing, and then my head started spinning. "Jeff grab the lemongrass. Frypan, will you make her some broth or something," Jeff hands him the lemongrass," and boil some water if you can, put this in it."

"Yeah, I can do that," Siggy takes the jar and leaves the hut.

"Clint, I'm not sick," I say but I hear my voice is just above a whisper, anything louder would hurt.

"Do we have any peppermint leaves left," Jeff asks Clint while riffling through draws.

"I think we used them," Clint checks the water bucket. "I'm going to grab more water."

"Check with Zart about the peppermint," Jeff calls to Clint as he leaves then he pulls some yellow flowers from a drawer.

A small cough comes and leads to bigger coughs that rock my whole body, _how did I stand at work all day? It wasn't this bad until everyone started talking about it. Everyone seems really busy, I'm not that sick, am I?_ I close my eyes, _the torch is so bright..._ I shiver again and roll in bed to get the covers out from under me, it took a few minutes.

Clint comes back in with a fresh bucket of water and immediately fills a cup and sits me up," Drink this."

The water is cold and hurts my throat, but I drink some before I lay back down. Clint grabs an old rag and soaks it in the water before placing it on my head, the cool sensation was heavenly.

"I have some tea that Frypan said you needed?," a familiar voice enters.

I open an eye and see Joseph," Hey Joseph," I say weakly.

"Thanks Joe," Jeff says quickly, still working on his yellow flowers as Clint grabbed the blankets from the other beds to give me.

Joe sets the pot on the bench and looks at me," Are you okay?"

I nod my head, but it's barely noticeable. "I'm okay."

"Thanks for the tea, Joseph," Clint places the blankets on my one by one, I feel the pressure but I'm still cold.

Jeff stand up from the bench and carries a small container of liquid to me. I thought he would make me drink it, but instead he takes the cold cloth and rubs it on my forehead. The liquid is heavy, it tingles on my skin, I'm not sure if I like it or hate it. Jeff places the cloth back on and heads back to the bench. My forehead tingles which makes my eyes heavy. I shut them for a moment and when I open them, the room is much darker. My throat aches and I need something to drink, I try to sit up in bed before I am stopped.

I squint my eyes shut as I am lowered back on the bed, "Woah, take it easy."

"Water," I croak. They help me sit up before placing the glass between my lips, I slurp it down thirstily. _That's not Clint... or Jeff..._ I struggle to open my eyes but I can't, they protest the light and the movement. I sigh and forget what is happening and slip back to sleep.

I hear a thud which startles me to open my eyes, my head aches at the sudden jerk of my neck. The room is dark and i see someone sitting beside my bed.

"Clint?," my voice strains.

"I'm sorry," he apologizes," I didn't mean to wake you."

"Newt?"

"Second times the charm," he chuckles.

"Wh-...why-...," I try to form a question my my chest hurts and my mind in muddled.

"Shhh, it's okay. Get some rest," I feel my hair move away from my face.

"My... throat...," I say in a scratchy voice.

"I have some tea here," he sits me up and the lukewarm water slides down my throat. It also tastes slightly of lemon and mint, but it feels refreshing against my mouth.

"Thanks," I murmur as my head leans back against the pillow.

"You're welcome."

I want to talk to him, but my mind slips away and I fall back into a deep sleep. This time I don't wake up until someone wakes me up on purpose.

"Rise and shine, Greenie," a voice coaxes me from my slumber.

"Hmm..."

"I got some broth for you, you have to eat," it pulls me out of my dream.

"Huh?," my eyes open slightly to a room full of light. "Ahh..," I shut them again.

"Let's sit up," they push my back and I feel my head screaming. "Open your mouth." I do as I'm told without opening my eyes and a hot dense liquid is spooned inside. _Ugh..._ my stomach was not excited to get the food, but my throat enjoyed the steamy broth's plunge.

"Clint?," I asked after I swallowed.

"Yeah," he responded and I felt the spoon against my lips again.

I accept the spoon," Why are you... feeding me soup," my eyes creak open slowly, adjusting to the room.

"Greenie, you have the flu," he offers me more broth, but I push it away and lay back down. "You have to eat, you can't just sleep."

"My head hurts...," I mumble and close my eyes again.

"How about your throat? Is it bad?"

"No," I tell him before I cough loudly.

"Still coughing?"

"Yeah..."

"Drink some of this," he says but I shake my head. "Please Greenie, you have to drink fluids to get better."

I lay there for a second longer, then sit up and wait for the drink, it's warm. _It's the one I had earlier..._ I pull away again and lay down, _All I want to do is sleep._

When I wake up again, it's dark again, the light of the torch doesn't hurt as much. I sit up by myself, wincing slightly at the pain in my brain.

"You're awake?"

I turn and see it's Jeff, he feels my head and my throat before bringing me a new wet cloth and he forces me to drink more tea.

"That stuff is gross," I complain.

"It'll help with the cough," he explains. "How do you feel?"

"My head still hurts... and my chest."

"Yeah, but you're fever is breaking and your throat seems better."

"What time is it?"

"Late," he responds. "You've been here for two days though, Greenie."

"Two days," I feel the pain in my chest intensify. "Am I dying or something?"

"No, it's just the flu. You probably got it because of the rain, happens every so often," Jeff sits next to my bed.

"God... the way you guy were acting, I thought I was a goner," I give him a weak smile.

He smiles back," It's crucial to act fast, try to get ahead of it all."

"Well, you did it," I congratulate him.

"Barely," he chuckles," You are one heavy sleeper, girl. We had to keep checking your pulse."

"Really?," I laugh and regret it. "I usually wake up to any sound."

"It was partially due to the medicine you were on," he admits while stifling a yawn.

"When do you get to go to sleep?"

"Soon," he sighs. "The next person should be here in a few minutes, I think."

"You don't have to watch me, I feel better."

"It's just a precaution," he says while stretching.

"I hope I don't get anyone else sick," I say quietly.

"It could happen, but Frypan said he made you wash your hands a lot, which is good. And Clint and I have been taking some remedies to be safe, so has everyone else. Ah, just in time" Jeff stands as someone else enters. "She just woke up, seems a lot better. Try to get her to eat and drink a lot," he says before yawning again.

"Get some sleep" Jackson slaps him on the back and takes his place next to my bed.

"Hey," I smile, but it's not better than the one I did earlier.

"Hey there Greenie," he returns the smile.


	22. Chapter 22

"You have got to stop doing this," Jackson said while leaning over my bed.

"Doing what?"

"Making us all worry so much. It was just the other day we lost you in the Deadhead."

"Jackson, that was like two weeks ago," I couldn't help but grin at him. "You sound like a father."

"Well you're going to turn my hair gray," he chuckles. "How do you feel?"

"Honestly, hungry. Jeff said there was food?"

"Yeah," Jackson stood and got some soup.

I took the bowl from hims and ate a spoonful, t _his is pretty good even though it's cold. Siggy must have let it sit for a while and simmer._

"Is it your night to watch?," I asked scooping more broth into my mouth. The soup warming my insides, but the room was sill cold under all my blankets.

"Yeah, but they said I could just do from here. Two for one kind of deal."

"Smart," I tip the bowl to my lip and drink the broth until it's gone.

"Damn, girl," Jackson looked slightly horrified. "Did you want some more?"

I let out a tiny laugh and wipe my mouth," No, I'm okay. Water?" Jackson passed me a cup and I took a few drinks before setting it down.

"Well, you look a lot better."

"Thanks. I mean, I feel better."

"Good. Good."

"Jackson...?"

"Yeah?"

"Are you going to tell me what happened?," I placed my hands in my lap, ready to accept any fate.

"Oh... you mean..."

"Yes."

Jackson shifts in his seat," Are you sure? I mean you're recovering from being sick and I don't want to add to any stress."

"So it's bad news," I nod. "That's okay, I'm just glad I know."

"Oh no, I didn't say that!"

"Jackson, it's okay. I can handle it," I said calmly while my heart sank. _It's okay... you got what you asked for. Jackson delivered on his end._

"Greenie, listen," Jackson sat on the edge of the bed. "I don't know what he meant, he kept skipping over the topic when I brought it up."

"What do you mean?"

"I mean I would say something casual like, 'I wonder if the new greenie will be a girl? Do you think she'll be like our Greenie now' and he would talk about what it takes to be a good Glader," Jackson was so sincere and I knew he tried as hard as he could. "The guy was just expertly dodging every question, I couldn't press too hard or it would blow it."

"Thank you, Jackson. It means a lot that you did that for me."

"What are friends for," he said like it as nothing.

I leaned over and wrapped my arms around him," It still means a lot," I say into his shoulder and I hug him.

"Anytime Greenie," he wraps his arms around my back and we sit there for a minute.

"Gosh, you're so warm," I say behind the chatter of my teeth.

"You're cold?," he pulls away. "How?! You have like 10 blankets!"

"I don't know," I pull them up around my neck and my teeth chatter.

"I can see if they have any more," he stands up.

"They w-w-won't h-help."

"Do you want some hot tea?" I shake my head and sink into the bed and then I feel someone tug the corner of the blankets away. "Scooch over," Jackson tells me. I lay still for a moment, _he wants to get in bed with me? I'm so cold though_ , I do as he says and make room. Jackson slides in next to me and it felt like I had the sun tangled in my blankets.

"T-thank y-y-you," I say and I cuddle up to his chest. Jackson wraps his arms around me and rubs my back, it felt really good. "People are so g-going to think we're d-dating" I mumble into his chest.

His laugh shakes the bed," Yeah, you're probably right. But right now, I just want to make sure my friend is comfortable."

"Jackson?"

"Yes?"

"Could you stop calling me Greenie," I murmur before falling asleep.


	23. Chapter 23

I woke up and was alone in the bed, Clint and Jeff were talking in hushed tones before they saw me get out of bed.

"What are you doing?," Jeff asked like I was insane.

"I have to pee," I told them before heading to the bathroom. When I got back they inspected me again, my fever was gone, throat was okay, chest was still sore, and my cough was way better.

"I think you should be good to work tomorrow," Clint said. "Frypan will be happy to have you back."

"Speaking of that, I'm hungry..."

"You just missed breakfast, but I'm sure Siggy would whip something up," Jeff said.

"I'll be back," I headed for the kitchen.

The Glade is sparkling in the patchy ray of sunlight that have broken through the clouds., I take a deep breath of the chipper air, it hurts my chest mildly but otherwise it felt good.

"Thank the maker," Siggy rushes out of the kitchen to me. "Greenie, if you do this to me again, I'm gonna make you a Slopper!" Siggy scolded me, but I knew he was joking.

"I'm sorry Siggy," I apologize. "I didn't know I was that sick."

Siggy sighed deeply," Well you had better learn," he huffed.

"I have, next time I don't feel right, I'll go straight to Clint," I promised.

"You'd better," he said bumbling into the kitchen

"I really loved the broth," I complimented him in hopes he would be in a better mood.

"Hmmm" he said with a smirk," That so?"

"Yes, it was great. Thank you so much."

"I know what I'm doing," he said confidently. "What I don't know is what you're doing? Why are you here, come to work?"

"Tomorrow," I state. "I just thought I would come by, see how you were." I look past him and see Joseph," Hey Joseph, thanks for the tea."

He nods and continues prepping his work, _still doesn't say much._

"Are you hungry? You look hungry?," Siggy went to the fridge.

"Yes," I admit.

"Here," he pulled out some apples. "I can't find a use for them and they're about to go bad."

"Thanks," I bite into one, its slightly mushy but still good.

"Hey Fry, Is the Greenie here," I hear behind me, I turn and see Gally in the doorway.

"Yeah, she's here."

Gally sees me and his face doesn't change, he looks mad, but it might just be his eyebrows. He always looks so angry...

"Follow me, Greenie."

"Are we doing it now?," Frypan asks excitedly.

"Soing what?," I ask skeptically.

"Yeah, Alby is waiting," Gally turns to the Homestead. "Come on, Greenie."

"Joseph, you can leave that," Siggy said and takes off his apron," Let's go," Siigy follows me out the door.

"Where? What's happening?"

"You'll see," Siggy said with a giggle.

 _What is he talking about? Why is everyone so excited_ , I felt my own nerves start to jitter. I wasn't scared but really anxious. _What could they be planning?_ Joseph scampered up behind us as we followed Gally to the Homestead. We don't go inside, instead he goes off to the left and I follow, what's even stranger is the fact hat I don't hear anybody inside or see any other Gladers. _Where are they? There! By the wall,_ I see almost everyone there: the sloppers, the builders, Clint and Jeff. _Why are we all here?_ They see us coming and start cheering, _What is going on!?_

"Greenie," Gally stops at the edge of the crowd. "This is for you." He guides me through and I finally see why we are all here. Its a small shack, about half the size of the Med hut, right in the corner of the Glade. The outside is just like another structure I had seen, branches and twigs tied tightly together to form shelter. The roof was slanted upwards slightly, my guess was to help the rain from piling on top.

"Wh-What is it?," I was curious but deep down I had a feeling. _Is this.. for me?_

"It's the girl sleeping quarters here in the Glade," Alby said as he walked up to me. "I think it's time you stop sleeping in the Med hut," he gives me a brilliant smile.

"Really? Oh my god... it's so... Thank you. I love it. Thank you so much," I let a tear roll down my cheek. I turn to Gally," Thank you, Gally. Thank you to all the Builders," I look between them. "I think it's prefect."

"Why don't you go inside and see?," Gally suggested.

My heart starts racing as I approach the door, I step inside and hear myself gasp. There are three hammocks lined up on the back wall and some cubbies by the door for personal belongings. It's small, but there's enough room to be comfortable in. I touch the middle hammock and and wipe away another tear.

"I can't believe you guys did this for me..."

"Well, it's a bit overdue," Gally said as he stepped past the threshold.

"So you like it?," Alby asked from the outside.

"Yes, I love it. It's beautiful."

"She loves it," Alby repeated to the crowd who began cheering again.

"Thank you Gally," I smile.

"I'm glad you like it," he gives a small smile in return.

When we emerge from the building, most of the Gladers had dispersed to whatever they had been doing before this. Gally leaves with the Builders and I smile as Jackson walks over.

"There she is, feeling better?," he gives me a quick hug, which startled me, but it was over before I could do anything.

"Uh... Yeah, I feel better. Clint says I can go back to work tomorrow, I bet Joe is really excited."

"And you have a new place," he looks to my small shack.

"Yeah, it's really nice. Did everyone plan this?

He shrugs," Pretty much, just couldn't figure out when to do it so that it could be a surprise, lucky for us you got sick," he grinned.

I let out a laugh," Shut up!," I look back at the building," I just can't believe it. It's too much, don't you think?"

"Yeah, if it was just for you," Jackson nudges me.

"What are you talking about?"

"Why do you think we have three hammocks in there? It's the girl quarters, so if any more girls come, we don't crowd the Med hut."

"Wow, thanks for taking away this special thing," I mumble.

"It's still special, everyone came out to see if you'd like it or not."

"That's true," I agree. "Did they not think I would like it?"

"Eh, it's hard to tell. We are all still learning how girls work," he smiles before he turns around and makes his way back to the Homestead. I roll my eyes, s _till trying to figure out how boys work too_ , I think as I look back to the hut. _I can't believe this... it's so beautiful. I should go and get my stuff from the Med hut and bring it here, my new home._ I skip over to the Med hut, my spirits are high and I feel great, it was a good day.

"Hey boys," I sing as I enter the Med hut

"Hey Greenie," Jeff smiles, "How does it feel, a brand new place to call your own?"

"I love it. It's so sweet, thank you."

"You'll have to stop and see us, don't forget," Clint joked.

"Oh...I hadn't thought about that... I won't get to see you guys everyday," a ping of sadness tugged my heart. I sat on the bed," It's going to be so different now, after I was just getting used to it all."

"Don't worry about it, Greenie," Jeff comes to my side. "We'll still be here if you ever need us, for medicine or anything else."

"But who will wake me up when I sleep in too late?," I ask holding back my tears.

"Well, you'll have to learn that yourself," Clint chuckled which made me smile. "We will miss having you here. it'll be different, but not necessarily bad living in the girl's quarters."

I nod," Yeah, it's just different." I gather my few belonging and reluctantly leave the Med hut.

At my new home, I place my things in the first cubby and look at the hammocks. I sit in the middle one, but I didn't like that I was right in front of the door, so I chose the far right one. Looking out over the room, it was small and plain, but it was mine. _This is my new place..._


	24. Chapter 24

I woke up in time for work to a low grumble, which was vibrating right outside my room. _Oh no! What is it_! It stopped after a few seconds, so I slowly stood up and went outside, the light of dawn covers the sky above the Glade. There is nothing outside, everyone is still sleeping and there is no sign that any one was there. There is a small space between the walls of my room on the left and back side and the walls of the maze, so I walk around but I don't see anything. _Oh, the doors to the maze opened...I guess it's time for work anyway..._

I get to the kitchen the same time as Siggy and he tells me how happy he is that I'm back and that today Joe really needs the morning off.

"Why is that?," I grab some water and take it to boil.

"Well, today he has to prepare lunch and help with the feast."

"Feast?"

"For the new greenie."

"New greenie?," I turn to him.

"Yeah, should be coming up today. Winston says the piglets don't need the mom, so we are going to roast her! It'll be delicious."

Th _e new greenie? It's today?_ I try to count backwards since the day I arrived, but they all blend together. _Today? It's happening today?!Oh... Wow. Okay, so it could be a new girl? A new girl on the Glade, that would be nice. Someone who might understand what it's like, but what if she's mean? What if I don't like her? What if she steal all my friends away because she is prettier or is nicer? I should be nicer... What if Newt likes her and they start dating? I mean, I would be happy for him, but jealous a hundred percent! What if this new girl has a name!? I bet she knows it right away and it's beautiful and exotic, just like her. We will have to live together and things are going to get so awkward, but I'll be nice. Nicer than her. What happens when I see her and I feel nothing? She looks to me, but my mind is still blank and I don't remember who I am?_

I clean up after breakfast and start lunch prep, "When does the box come up again?," I ask Siggy as I chop onions.

Siggy snorts," Depends, as of late it comes sometime after breakfast and before lunch, but you never really know. Don't you worry, I also go and see the new greenie so you'll get to him."

 _Oh.. do I even want to see her come up? What if she's like I was, scared and confused, I don't know if I can watch that. Maybe she'll be sweet and kind, maybe we'll get along and become friends, I'd like that. I hope she's nice. What if she's totally crazy, though? And makes it in to the maze, never to be seen again? That'd be sad, hopefully not, but maybe she'll find the way out and lead us all home. Maybe she'll be a Runner and become best friends with Mihno, Hank...and Ben. I never see Ben anymore, and with a new girl on the team, I bet he'd be so busy he'd forget about me._

 _There is still a chance it could be a boy. Another boy in the Glade or a new girl, I don't know which one is scarier. A new girl will be a hard adjustment, but it could be a really good thing. I kind of hope it's a girl now... As long as she isn't insane or mean._

Joseph nudges me," I'm here. You can go now."

"Oh, thanks Joe," I take off my apron and hand it to him. "Has the box thing come up yet?"

He shook his head and took over my station, _Should I go to the box._ I back out of the kitchen and glance towards the center of the Glade where it sits, _it could happen right now..._ I freeze but the air is still and nothing happens, I turn away from the box and head to my room. I lay in my hammock and feel a pit forming in my stomach, _They'll be here soon. Unless they don't send anyone, Newt said he wouldn't be surprised if they didn't. He also said it could be two people... I don't know. I don't really want anything to change,_ I look over to the other hammocks _, but someone could be sleeping next to me tonight. I remember my first day I was so scared, maybe I can help her feel better. Feel less alone..._

 _"_ Greenie?," A voice interrupts my thoughts.

"Hm, yeah," I sit up in my hammock.

Newt steps through my door and my heart jumps," Hey... Alby thinks it would be good if you were at the box when the new Greenie is here...," he leans against the door.

"Why? In case it's a girl?," I ask but I already knew the answer.

Newt coughs," Yeah... I mean, what was it like when you came out of the box?"

"Yeah, I understand. For me, it was scared... I bet everyone is at first," Newt nodded to my words. " I didn't feel safe, I felt like you were all," I looked away," hurt me or something."

"I hope your views have changed?"

"Of course," I look back to him. "I know you don't want to hurt me...," a heat rises to my cheeks," none of you do," I add quickly.

The distant sound of a buzzer pierces the air and I feel my stomach drop. _That's the box..._ I stand up abruptly, I taste metal in my cheek, _blood?_ I had bit my tongue when the buzzer sounded.

"Shuck, Hurry!," Newt dashes from the shack. I can't move, my feet are glued to the floor. _What if it doesn't help... What if I don't remember my name?_ "GREENIE!," I hear Newt call from a distance.

 _I can't do it... I can't._ My stomach is twisted in knots and I feel my breakfast at the bottom of my throat. My breathing quickens, it felt like all the air in the Glade was gone as we I stood in my room.

"Greenie! Greenie?!," Newt ran back into the room, but I couldn't look at him. My hands start shaking as I struggle to breath. "Greenie," he steps towards me."It's okay. Just breath, it's okay." Newt takes my hand in his," It's okay. You're okay," he spoke softly. I look at him, but even his warm chocolate eye can't melt the fear that has paralyzed me.

"I-I-I... I-I-I...," I couldn't speak, couldn't explain to him, I just stood there shaking and hyperventilating.

"Sit down," he lowers me to my hammock," Just breath. Keep breathing."

I put my head between my legs and squeeze his hand, I try to focus on the floor. I felt Newt rub my back and I also felt my breathing return to normal, "I can't see her," I say before sitting up.

"Can't see her?"

"I don't want to... I can't..."

"It's okay," Newt keeps rubbing my back. _Is this selfish? Shouldn't I go help her? Try to make it easier for her than me... I should, but can I?_ I glance to Newt, his eyes are clouded by his troubles as he watches me.

"I'm sorry... You should go. Alby will need you."

"Alby is very capable," he says without hesitation. "I'm sure he is fine."

"I don't want you to get in trouble."

"I won't."

I inhale sharply," I'm sorry," I say trying to laugh it off.

"Don't be," Newt was serious, he didn't want me too feel bad.

"Thanks," I could barely look at him. _I look so stupid. Why couldn't I just go? This could be a good thing, it might give me a name._ "We should go, though..."

"We?" he arched a brow.

"Yeah, I need to... I mean, I should meet her," I stand up and my hand falls out of his. It made my palm feel cold and alone, I wanted to grab his hand back, but I resisted the urge.

Newt stood too, "Okay, are you sure?" I nod and Newt turns and leads the way to the box. I keep my mind blank, _don't overthink this. Just let it happen._ No one is by the box, _we waited too long..._

"Let me see if I can find Alby," Newt darts off to the Homestead.

I stare at the box, a signal of all we have left behind. It's the place we are all reborn, were we become Gladers. _This girl has no idea what she walked into, she didn't even have a choice._

"I can't find him," Newt jogs up beside me," when I do, I'll see if he can bring the new greenie back to your room. Is that okay?"

"Yeah," I keep my eyes on the box.

Newt waits a second, but says nothing before going to look for Alby in the Gardens. I watch the box for a while before turning to go back to my hut, the weather seemed a lot nicer than it had been. _Maybe rainy season is over,_ I think as I watch the sunlight fade behind the maze walls. I sit back in my room and wait, _Why isn't she here yet? Is she fighting this? Stop. It might not be a girl, don't start thinking that. I just hope whoever they are, they can help me._

"Greenie?," the voice awaken my fear again.

"Yeah," I straighten up _._

Alby walks into my room and beside him is a tall man I didn't know. _I've never seen him, it must be... He's the greenie. It's a boy._ I close my eyes quickly, _clear your mind..._ I take a deep breath and open my eyes to look at the new greenie. He's tall, at least 6 foot and he is built, probably the most muscular guy on the entire Glade. He had long straight blonde hair, it went just below his shoulders. His face was chiseled and he's eyes were bright and confused as he looked around my room.

I searched my brain, _Where is it? It's... My name is..._ My eyes opened to the harsh truth, _I don't have a name._

"Greenie, this is the new Greenbean," he gestures to the new man.

I didn't say anything, neither did the man, I bet he was wondering why I wouldn't look away from him. I scanned his body again and again, searching for any sort of spark in my memory. _Where is it?! Where is it!? It has to be here! WHERE IS IT!? I have to have a name!_

"Greenie, you okay?"

"uhmm... yeah... I'm okay," I sit back down on my hammock, afraid that my legs couldn't hold me anymore.

"Did you want to talk to him some more?," alby asked backing out of my room.

"No. No, that's okay," I fake a smile. "I'll see you at the bonfire."

"Okay," Alby says, convinced of my lie. "Let me show the bathhouse Greenbean." They both leave and a curl up on my hammock, too tired to think anymore, too tired to cry.


	25. Chapter 25

I hear the party, I know that they are all out there to celebrate the new Greenie. They are happy to have a new Glader while I lay in my hammock and stare at the ceiling.

 _How stupid am I? Did I really think that seeing some random person would solve all my problems? How cold I be so stupid! Such an idiot. I knew it too, I knew it wouldnt help, but I held on to hope. FUCK hope. There is no hope, not here. Not in the Glade. And you thought it would be a fucking girl, NOPE! Still alone on the Glade, still fucking lost about every aspect of my life._

"Hey...," a soft voice beckons from the door. _Jackson..._ "I saw that you weren't at the celebration. What happened?" I turn to face my wall so he can't see my face. "Did you meet him?," his voice is closer.

I wait a second, "Yeah."

"Did you not like him?"

"No, he's fine. I just... forget it," I take a deep breath.

"No, tell me," I hear Jackson sit, probably on the hammock beside me.

"I-I... I just feel stupid."

"Why?"

"I thought that a new Greenie would help me. That they would come and somehow my name would come to me, like there was no way two people couldn't know there name on the Glade."

Jackson replied slowly," So you can't remember..."

"No, I can't," a silent tear runs down my cheek. "Can you just leave me alone? Please? I-I... I just need to be alone, okay?"

"Yeah, I get that," Jackson's footsteps retreat but I still don't turn away from the wall. "Let me know when you want to talk."

My room goes silent and I figure he left, I roll onto my back again and wipe away the next tear that threatens to run. _Why can't I be a boy? If I was a boy I could have came to the Glade and learned my name, moved on and lived happily. I could be a part of the brotherhood, Gladers wouldn't stare at me, they would accept me as one of their own. They kind of have now, but it took them a month!_ I hear a loud cheer from the Glade, _they did that for me too_ , I smile as I remember the crowd clapping as Alby announced me. _They kind of accepted me, but they also don't know me, they're afraid of a what a girl means. I don't even know what I mean..._

"Hello?," there's a knock on my wall and I make the mistake of looking up. "Hey there," Newt greets me with a radiant smile.

I groan and lay back," What?"

"We all miss you at the bonfire," I see him step into the room out of the corner of my eye.

"You shouldn't, I never really go to those things anyway," my fingers instinctively pull the ends of my hair.

"Well then I guess I miss you at the bonfire," he sat on the hammock beside mine.

My heart fluttered but my mind was still warped by the days events to think into what he had just said to me.

"I just want to be alone," I keep my eyes glued on the ceiling.

"Okay...," Newt doesn't move.

I wait for him to leave but he just sits there a moment before laying back in his hammock. I turn to him to see him swing in the hammock lightly, his warm brown eyes are soft and sweet. He gives me a small encouraging smile, _does this mean he is going to stay?_

"What are you doing?," I say softly.

"I don't think you should be alone," he answers.

"Well I want to be alone."

"Why?"

"I need to sort through all of... everything!"

"It's better to talk about it, believe me, I know," he shifts in his hammock to face me.

"I... just... I don't want to."

"Just let it out. I know that your scared ab-..."

"I'm not scared," I cut him off.

"Are you sure?"

"Yes. I'm not scared. I-I... I don't even know what I am. I feel so lost, I don't understand any of this. Like what is happening? I also feel so... so stupid! How could I think that a new greenie would change anything! How could I believe that it would help me!? Because Ben gave me hope saying it might help and you encouraged it by telling me to wait! I'm angry! I'm so mad at everyone! You and Ben and Jackson! AND MYSELF for listening to you! For letting you convince me that it was a good idea to hold onto hope! I'm so mad at the people who put me here and left me without an clue as to what the hell I'm doing! The won't even let me know who I am! I feel like I'm so sort of messed up lab rat that they can just do whatever they want to! At any moment it could all change and I can't control it, I'm stuck at the end of their stupid string! I'M JUST SO...," I choke on my words, awestruck on everything that is pouring out.

I gasp, trying to keep it in, but the tears fight through and spill down my face while my throat closes and I can't breath. _I'm so scared. God, I'm so scared_. _This is terrifying._ Trying to cry silently fails and I sob loudly into my hands, _I don't understand any of it! I'm so lost..._

I forgot Newt was there until I feel him grab my hand from my face, I couldn't let him see me so I turn and face the wall. He doesn't try to look at me, he just squeezes my hand, a sensation of pressure but it makes me feel relieved. _Why is he still here? Why hasn't he run away?_

"Don't feel scared," he speaks softly. "I won't let anything happen to you." I wipe away my tears and try to stop making crazy noises, it takes a few minutes, but I finally calm down. I hold Newt's hand and roll onto my back. "You can't think about it."

I hiccup," Think about what?"

"All of this. It'll consume you."

I nod quickly, afraid of new tears. "I know I shouldn't... but it-..."

"You just have to think about other things," he tells me.

"What things?"

"Whatever you want."

"What do you think about?," I crane my neck to see him and, like the mind reader he is, he turns to me.

"I think about garden, the color of the plants and the smell of the dirt. It helps ground me to where I am, so I can focus on the here and now. Sometimes the thoughts get too much and I have to actually go to the garden, touch the plants and feel the soil, before the questions drift away."

I think for a moment," What if I never find that...?"

"Then you have to talk about it, like this," he gives me hand another squeeze. "Don't keep it bottled up."

A question popped into my head and I said it before really considering what I was asking. I look to the ceiling before blurting, "Do you regret trying to kill yourself?"

Newt froze, I felt the pressure slip from my hand. I should have apologized, but my curiosity told me not to, that he might give an answer. The seconds ticked by, and all that I heard was some distant shouting of some Gladers. I slowly moved my head to see him again, he was staring intensely at his hammock. _That was too much..._ I opened my mouth to apologize but Newt spoke first.

"Yes."

I don't say anything, I just look at him. _He's so much stronger than I could ever be... So brave._ He really believes in the Glade. Newt's eyes dart to mine and I look into his big beautiful eyes and start to feel stronger myself, like his own power was transferring. _How can eyes so dark be so stunning..._ I look deeper but his eyes have no secrets. _He regrets trying to kill himself, but he wouldn't be if he had actually died. He would be gone. He wouldn't have to worry about the Glade, the maze, the garden, anything... He could have been free of it all._

Newt clutched my hand tighter and I returned his grasp, _I guess we all have demons here._


	26. Chapter 26

**It had been brought to my attention by many that my last chapter was a repeat chapter.**

 **I have now corrected the mistake and encourage you all to go back and read chapter 24, then the correct chapter 25, then come and read chapter 26, just to make sure there is no confusion about the plot. My apologies and thank you.**

 **I'll take this time to thank everyone who has messaged me about this story and to all who have reviewed. I'm so pleased you like it so far. Thank you so much for your feedback, it means a lot.**

* * *

Lee.

That's his name: Lee.

The new greenie got his name in less than 24 hours after arriving on the Glade. Lee. He doesn't even realize how lucky he is, how much he should treasure every letter. I didn't see him when he found out, but I could only imagine his happiness, the pure joy one would feel when they find a piece of themselves they had lost. I almost broke down when I heard... almost. I managed to brave a smile and pretend to be happy for the newbie, but it felt like he had cheated me. That was supposed to be my moment, my slice of bliss, but it was him. Lee. He had been here a week now, they made him a Slicer. He was now a Glader. Lee.

I sat beside my tree, the sun was shining through the leaves into the Deadhead, the rainy season was finally over. I turn and face the bark, it now had 37 notches, one for every day I had been in the Glade. _37 days... it feels like so much longer._

"How did I know I would find you here?," Ben asks from he far side of the small clearing.

"I guess you're lucky?"

"Must be," he came closer.

"No running today?," I cross my legs as Ben sits down in front of me.

"Not today, Mihno and Hank are going alone."

"Is it your leg? I thought it was better?"

"It is," Ben chuckled," My leg is all healed, just needed a break. Running through the maze can really wear you out, you know?"

"Thankfully, I don't," I laugh. "You deserve a break though, I literally never see you."

"I know. I know. It's been crazy, but I have feeling things will calm down."

 _Does that mean they didn't find a way out? Probably best to not ask..._

"Good," I give a warm smile.

"I just wanted to catch up with you," he shrugs," Anything exciting happen?"

"Exciting? To me?," I laugh loudly," As if. I'm just here, going through the motions like everyone else."

Ben looks to the ground"... So, nothing new?"

I sigh," No... nothing new," I look in my lap.

"I'm really sorry..."

"It's not your fault."

"It's not your fault either...," Ben tries to comfort me. _I'm not so sure about that... It feels like my fault._ "...but there is a solution."

I glance up to him," I know, I think about it more than I should."

"How so? It's a good idea."

"But will it fix anything?," I brush my hair behind my ears.

"It might, which is better than nothing."

"You really want me to pick a name, huh?," I tease.

"Well it would make it easier to talk to you," he smiles. "Do you like any names yet?"

"I don't really have any... all the ones I think of are just... not right, you know?"

"I can understand that," Ben lays on his side. "If you ever need suggestions, I'm here. Tell me what you have.""

"The only one I have tolerated so far is Skyler."

Ben made an unimpressed face," Skyler? Really?"

"I don't love it, I don't even like it. I just like the sky, so ...Skyler. Stop looking at me like that," I push him." If mines so bad let me hear yours."

"Okay, okay!," he stopped and thought for a moment. "I like the name Alina."

"Alina?," I sit back against the tree.

"I mean, I like it but if you don't that's okay too. I mean, it would be your name, not mine."

 _Alina? a. ALINA. Alina. AAAAAAAALLLLLLIIINNNNNAAA._ "Where did you come up with it?," I asked while I repeated the name in my head.

He shrugged," I don't know. It was just came to me, just now."

"Alina, huh?"

"You don't have to tease me, I thought of it on the spot!" he smiled.

"No, I'm being serious. I think I like it..."

"Really?," he perked an eyebrow.

"I mean... it's way better than Skyler," I laugh.

He shakes his head with a smile," You're right. You are so not a Skyler."

"But you think I'm a Alina?"

"I mean, you could be? I don't know."

"Any other names coming to you?," I rest my head against the trunk of the tree.

"Lola?"

I let out a sharp laugh," Lola? Seriously?"

"I don't know! I'm not a girl!"

We both laugh at his terrible suggestions, the list grows until I tell him to stop. "Those are terrible! Wrenneth? Is that even a name?," my side aches from laughing.

"It could be! That could be your name!," Ben plays with the leaves on the floor.

"God no!"

"So you didn't like any of them!?," he pretends to be insulted.

"They weren't all bad. I kind of liked Alina."

"Yeah... it kind of fits you," Ben eyes get intense and dark. "You could be an Alina," his lips tug to a small smile. His eyes go back to soft earthy green and he looks up to the sky. "Wow, it go late. I'm starving!"

"No surprise there," I mutter, but he hears me and laughs.

"Let's eat?"

"Sure, I could eat."

"After you, Alina," he gestures to the Glade.

"Do. not!," I laugh as we walk side by side back to through the Deadhead.

After dinner I showered and did a lap around the Glade, as I was done I looked to the tower. _It should be Jackson's day to patrol, I'll go say hi._ I climb the tower but no one is there. _Must be taking the night off, the slacker._ I walk to the edge and look over the Glade, it's late so most of the torches are out which makes the stars in the sky look even brighter. _Is this sky only ours... or are other people seeing this too? I can't imag-..._ The tower creaked and I turned to the stairs, someone is coming up. A few moments passed until I saw Jackson's head peek into view. Once he was on the platform he saw me and for moment I could tell his wasn't expecting to see me.

"Hey," I smile and turn so my back is to the Glade.

"Well hello there," he grins.

"Where were you just now? Sleeping on the job?," I tease.

He purses his lips," Not this time. Just did rounds."

"Ahh, is that what they call it?"

"It was one time," he blurts. "I only feel asleep one time!" We both laugh as Jackson calms down. "What're you doing up so late? Should be in bed by now."

I shrug," It's not that late. Plus my room gets kind of creepy at night."

"Yeah, I can see that. Whenever I walk by on patrol I get a little shiver in my spine," he shakes his shoulder to demonstrate.

"Maybe it's haunted..."

"We just built it," he laughed and leans against the railing beside me.

"Yeah...maybe it's just lonely. At least in the Med hut I knew Clint and Jeff would come... but there it feels truly alone."

"You're right by the Homestead though?"

"I know...," I sigh.

Jackson look out at the Glade and I turn and tug on the ends of my hair. Is that why I came to see him? Because I feel alone in that room?

"Looks like it'll be a nice, quiet night," Jackson remarks.

"When is it not?"

He smirked," That's true. But some nights the Greivers get really close, it's like they are right up against the wall... ready to pounce on us."

I turn and look at Jackson as e watches the Glade," But they never do...?"

"No. They don't. I wouldn't even know what to do if they did. Never seen one before."

"Really?," I feel my jaw drop.

"Yeah, I mean no one has seen a Griever."

"Seriously? They could be cute little tiny fluffy nothings for all we know!"

Jackson turned to me, his eyes cold," No one has ever seen a Greiver... and lived."

"Oh..."

"Yeah, so I'm guessing so no tiny and cute."

"Yeah, you're probably right," I look to the giant gray wall to my right. It was a reminder of everything we didn't have. Memories, a family, a life outside the Glade... A name. "Oh, I guess I haven't told you yet..."

"Hmm?"

"I'm thinking about picking a name..."

Jackson's eyes widen," Really?!," he smiles excitedly. "That's amazing!"

I feel a blush stain my cheeks, "Not really." _Why is he so embarrassing!_

"Top five. Let me hear them," he slaps the railing. "Go."

I chuckle," Five? I barely have two I like."

"Okay, let me hear those two."

I take a deep breath," I like the name... Lea," I look to Jackson for conformation.

He nods slowly," Lea? I like it... The other one?"

"Uhmm... Ben actually told me this name, Alina."

"Alina? It's very... different. But I guess so is Lea. Really, any girl name would be new," he smiles. "Want to here what I like?"

"Of course," I giggle.

"I like Elyce. I don't know, I just like it. Elyce."

"Elyce? It's pretty."

"You think so," he smiles.

"Yeah, it is."

"So can I call you Elyce," he pokes me.

"Absolutely not. I have made no decisions."

He laughs," You've got some good choices so far."

"Yeah, I hope it comes easily."

Jackson and I sat on the tower for a long time, laughing about nothing in particular, until I felt my eyes get heavy. I told him I should leave so Billy doesn't get all weird again, he agreed and said he would watch from the tower to see that I get home safe. I feel asleep as soon as soon as I was in my hammock.


	27. Chapter 27

I stepped out of the shower, my hair was still dripping and my body was cold from the exposure. _Gosh! We need warm water!_ I throw my clothes on quickly and shiver as I hurry back to my room. It had been a few days since I had began a search for a name, I now had six names that I enjoyed: Lea, Alina, Elyce, Trista, Ciara, and Delia.

 _Delia is pretty, but is it me? Does Lea really capture who I am? Would my parents like it? Would they have chosen it for me?_

I saw a boy standing in front of my door, but the light was weak and I couldn't quite make him out.

"Hello?," I called as I approached.

"Hey, thought I missed you for a second," a beautiful accent said as the figure turned. _Wow Newt looks a lot taller at night._

"Newt? What are you doing here?," I stop a few steps before him.

"Well," he rubbed his neck. "I've been thinking about it and I decided I should take you up on your offer."

"My offer?"

"Yeah, to run the Glade," he smiled.

"Oh? Oh yeah. Really?"

"Yeah, I think it'll be good. You seem to enjoy it."

I nod," I'm just gonna drop off my stuff first."

"Sure, I'll wait here," he shifts to the balls of his feet. I walk past him into my room and set my down on my hammock. _It's okay, just stay cool. Calm..._ I take a deep breath, _collected._ "You ready?," he call from outside and my heart jumps. _Stop it! Stay calm._ I go back outside and he's there, pulling his arm to stretch it out. "So how do you normally do this? I mean I've seen you run before... but not like watch you, I've just seen it. I mean anyone could see you, you run around the Glade and all...," he stop and looks down at his shoes.

I small for a second," Uhm... I usually just run towards the Deadhead, then just follow the wall."

"Want to race?!," he asks mischievously.

"Race?"

"Yeah, race!"

"Wait, you want to race?! Like for real?"

"Yeah, why? Think you're faster then me?!," He chuckled cockily.

 _Of course I am!_ "Well, I mean, I have running laps for a while now."

"You are talking to a former Runner. I used to do this everyday."

"Yeah, used to," I say with sass. "I do this everyday currently."

"Well, we'll just have to see who's quicker."

"I guess so...," I smirk until he stands beside me then I hold my breath, his shoulder brushes my arm as he bends to the ground and I feel a zap of electricity. He smells like pine and fresh soil, _I bet it's from working in the Garden all day_. I inhale deeply as he draws a line in the dirt with his finger.

"Okay, so we start here," he points to the line with his foot. "First one back here wins."

"Well, what am I going to get when I win?," I asked since I was certain to win.

"I don't know, but when I win I get to dance around and tell everyone that I'm faster than you."

"Okay, if I win, you owe me a favor," I grin.

"A favor?," he pops his eyebrow.

"Anything I want, you have to do, any favor."

A smile spreads across his face. "I like that. That's what I want when I win too."

"Good luck with _that."_

"It's all about skill."

"Ready?," I put my right foot up to the line and draw my left leg back.

"Always," he crouched down, bouncing from foot to foot.

I wait a second to let the suspense grow and put him off his game. "GO!" I bolted towards the Deadhead, my legs pumping as fast as they could my eyes focused on the Deadhead. I enter the treeline but Newt catches the corner of my eye. _How is he keeping up with me!?_ I try to run faster but I'm going as hard as I can. He moves in front of me as my I try to run harder, but I'm at full speed, he starts getting further, making me feel like I'm running slower. _How the hell is he so fast!?_ He turns the corner, and we make our way towards the Bloodhouse. Newt weaves through the trees easily, pulling further ahead! _NO WAY! How the hell is he so quick!?_

A glimmer of hope shines through as Newt trips of a root an oak tree, a mistake I had made plenty of times before. _I could still take the the lead_. I pump my legs as Newt lays in shock or maybe it's pain, either one keeps him on the ground. I leap over him gracefully and land with a thud, wasting no time to straighten out and run ahead. I hear Newt rustle the leaves, scrambling to get up but now I have created some space between us. I clear the treeline, pass the map room, and race towards the animal pens, _I can do this! I can do this!_

I round the second corner, _Halfway there,_ I scream to myself. The Garden is in sight, but my legs are started to protest being in overdrive, _maybe I can slow down?_ I near the East door to the maze and glance over my shoulder. Newt is maybe 6 yards behind me, I yelp and push harder. _You can do this! You can do this!_ We enter the gardens, but I take a sharp left to cut threw the rows of corn.

"HEY!," I hear Newt shout, but all I do is giggle and run faster. I can see the Homestead, it looks so close, but not close enough. My legs are screaming, _Wow, I really don't run around the Glade? I am not prepared for this. Don't give up yet...so close._ I can hear Newt behind me, he's so close that he could probably tackle me and take the win for himself. I feel my calves shut down and I know I'm going slower thank I should be, I try to improvise by taking longer slower strides instead of short quicker ones. I can see my hut, then I see the finish line, _Almost there... So close. AAANNNDDD..._ I dash over the finish line, _I WIN!_

I slow my stride and turn around and Newt is hunched over, breathing heavily a few feet short of the finish line. I try to steady my breathing, but heart is beating a mile a minute and I can't stop my adrenaline from flowing.

"WHOOO!," I throw my hands up and scream, my lungs are on fire but I didn't care. _I won! I won! I won!_

Newt doesn't move, he stays in his spot gasping for air, _I need some water..._ I move towards my hut as my my leg muscles ache. I grab my jug from the cubby and drink over half. When I go back outside, Newt is breathing a little easier, but it's still ragged. I hand him my water jug without a word and he eagerly drinks the rest.

"Thanks," he says between breaths as he hands it back.

I grab my side, it feel tender and slightly painful," I won," I smile.

Newt takes a minute before standing up, he wince before replying," Yeah, you're the winner," he tries to smile, but it turns to a grimace.

"Are you alright?," I feel scared by his actions.

"Oh yeah, I'm fine," he faces scrunches with pain. "I guess I'm just out of shape," he tries to take a step and his right leg nearly collapses under him. I dive to catch him but he catches himself in time.

"Oh my god. Should I get Clint and Jeff?," panic stiffens my voice.

"No, no, no. I'm fine. Just... just some pain. Bloody hell it hurts!," he squeezes his eyes shut.

I duck under his right arm and wrap an arm around his back," Let's sit down," I help him into my room and sit him on the middle hammock.

"Bloody... Slinthead," he says through gritted teeth as I pull away from him to give him space. _ME?!_ Newt turns to me and sees my expression," Not you," he clarifies. "Me. I'm the Slinthead."

I kneel down in front of him, _He's clutching his right thigh, so it must be the right leg that hurts._ "What happened?," I look up to him.

He groans," Just an old injury acting up..." _Old injury?_

"What happened?"

Newt takes a deep breath, trying to talk through his pain. "I broke both of my legs, this one here didn't heal properly..."

 _Oh god... when Newt jumped off the maze wall._

"When you tripped in the Deadhead...," I said aloud, tying it all together.

"Yeah," he grunts. "Surprised I made it all the way round..."

"Oh no! I'm going to get Clint!," I stand up by Newt grabs my wrist.

"No!," his eyes are large and frightened, but they quickly faze back to their deep cocoa brown. "Please, don't. I don't want to worry the other lads," he admits. He lets go of my wrist and uses his hands to scoot over in the hammock. "It's starting to feel better, I just need some time."

I step back and sit on my own hammock, _I can't believe this. I celebrated when he fell. I'm so terrible! He could be really hurt and I didn't even care. I should get Clint, he looks like he's in so much pain._

"Can I do anything to help?," I sit on my hands, feeling anxious and unprepared.

"Yeah, uhm, just talk to me about something else. Anything really," he starts to massage his outer thigh while grimacing with agony.

"Uhm...," I rack my brain to think of something. "Uhm.. well... uhhh... Yesterday! Yeah, yesterday in the kitchen, Siggy told me to go boil some water and when I went to go get it, I forgot my protective glove and almost burned my hand," I laugh, but's fake and sounds like plastic wrapping.

"Woah, sounds exciting," Newt tries to sound normal but I know his leg is killing him.

"I was lucky Siggy was there to stop me or else I would have been back in the Med hut... again. I'm there so often."

"You did use to live there, to be fair," he give a small genuine smile.

"That's true," I pull my hands out and brush the hair behind my ears, it's still damp but dryer than it normally would be.

"What about today, anything fun?"

I chuckle, " Not really. I worked in the kitchen, we made stuffed cabbage , then I came back here and took a nap before taking a shower. After my shower I was thinking about my new name, and finally I run into you, here. That was my day."

"New name?" _He sounds surprised? We've talked about it before. He even thought of girls name,_ I remember fondly.

"Ohh," I felt a rush of blood to my entire face, not just the cheeks. "Yeah, I've just been thinking about if I should give myself a name since it doesn't seem like I'll ever get one," I watch my feet dangle from the hammock.

"So, you really want to pick your own name?" _Does he think that it's a bad idea?_

"I mean, I guess so... Doesn't seem like I'm going to get a name any other way and I'm so sick of being called Greenie, especially since Lee... I have a few that I like," I stroke the ends of my hair, but I don't look up to Newt.

We sit for a minute, my head feels heavy. _Does he think it's stupid? Should I wait to pick a name? I know mine is never coming, so I'm just putting off the inevitable._

"I think that whatever you chose will be beautiful."

I stop stroking my hair and my lungs forget to breath. _Beautiful..._ I look up slowly to Newt who, I realize, is almost right in front of me.

"Beautiful?," I repeat softly.

Newt look at me with his stunning eyes, the color of the earth after a morning rain. They weren't just looking at me, it seemed his was looking through me, to my core and that he was happy to be there. His gaze never faltered, like he didn't want to look away even if he could, like I was hypnotizing him to watch my every move.

"Absolutely," he says in a voice above a whisper. "A name always matches the person."

I suck in breath, _oh god..._ My head was fuzzy and I was starting to see stars as he leans towards me. _Is this happening... Is this real?_ I feel myself push forward too, my eyes slowly drift shut. _Oh god!_


	28. Chapter 28

I can feel my _heartbeat_ thrum through my entire body, like an echo of desire as I grip the edge of my hammock tightly. _Here it goes..._ I feel like I'm about to fly through the sky but I don't know where I am or why I'm there, but the feeling grips me whole. _Is he going to kiss me?_ I finally ask myself, the question raising the hairs on my neck until I feel his arms around my back. The scent of sweat and pine fill my nose, while my face is now being touched my something soft yet sturdy. I open my eyes to see that I am pressed against the crook of his neck while he hugs me tightly and I feel like I crashed from the sky with no warning. _What?_

"Thank you," he says into my ear, squeezing me tighter.

 _Wait? what? I thought... Oh no! I can't believe I thought that! Oh god!_ I quickly let go of the hammock and hug him back to not raise suspicion to my previous intentions. I can feel his muscles underneath his shirt, but I'm too caught up in what just happened. _I am such an idiot! Oh god! Why did I even think... How could I think that Newt would... Oh my god! Such a total idiot!_

"What for," I ask keeping my voice light, but it just came out as high pitched. _Hopefully it's muffled by his shirt._

"You are just so amazing," he sighs and lets go of me.

I unwrap my arms around him, reluctant to let him go but as the same time I never wanted to look at him again. He grasps his hands together and put them in his lap, and I brush the hair out of my face.

"Thanks, you're great too." _What? 'You're great too?' What the hell is happening?! Just move past it, don't let it get awkward! Anything! Talk about Anything!_ "How does your leg feel?," I manage to get the words out without vomiting up my dinner.

"A lot better," he instinctively grips it. "Thanks so much for helping me, it would've been bloody awful to do it alone."

"Alone? Has this happened before?"

Newt rubbed his knee," Once or twice, just when I hurt it, like bumping it or falling... I can still do everything else, but it jut gets bloody intense sometimes..." He pauses for a moment and I think he realized I had nothig to ass so he continued. "If I hadn't fallen, I would have smoked you," he laughed.

I forced a chuckle," Yeah, you are right. You're super fast."

"I looked over while I was passing you and your face was priceless," he clapped his hands and leaned back while laughing.

"I was honestly shocked."

"I know, it was written all over your face," his laugh faded.

"But I'm the winner!," I give a small smile.

"Yes, you are the winner. Congratualtions," he tips his head.

"And now you owe me a favor," I feel a sly smile spread across my face.

"That's true. Anything you want."

 _Make him kiss you!_ The thought ringed in my head. _What!? No!_

My smile fell, "Yeah, I'll have to do a raincheck."

"Fair enough. Well...," Newt stands from his hammock. "It's kind of late and life in the Glade starts at dawn."

"Yeah, definitely," I agree.

"I'll see you tomorrow," he gives a million dollar smile before walking out of my room. His limp is very obvious, but I didn't want to bring it up so I let him leave.

I still perfectly still and listen to the sound of his steps retreating to the Homestead, when I can't hear it anymore I cover my face with my hands and topple over onto my hammock. I cover my mouth and scream as loud as I can, when I'm done my throat hurts but I feel better. _WHAT! THE! HELL! WAS! THAT!_ I flip and lay on my back, _WHAT THE HELL!? OH MY GOD! OH MY GOD! That was, that was terrible! Oh god! That was a disaster! How could I have thought that Newt wanted to kiss me!? OH GOD! DID HE SEE ME?! Did he see me and think I wanted to kiss him? Oh no! What if he hugged me because he didn't want to hurt my feeling?! OH MY GOD! That is what happened!_ My body stiffens, _He said 'You're amazing' because he knew! HE KNOWS! OH GOD NOW HE KNOWS! He knows that I wanted to kiss him and now he knows that I like him! Oh god, oh god, oh god, oh god! He said 'You're amazing' because he pitties me._ I bring my knees o my chest and turn to my side _, He thinks I'm some fucking loser. OH NO! And when I brought my name he was like' wow what a fucking loser, doesn't even have a name, has to make one up' OH GOD! And when he said it would be 'beautiful' he was trying to be nice, extend his pitty. That was such a disaster. I can't ever see his face again! NEVER!_ I turn on my stomach and scream into my hands again.

My night continued like that for a few more hours in a cycle of denial, regret, acceptance, acting like I didn't care, and then ending with fear. I woke up the next morning and sprinted to work before light, I didn't want anyone to see me. Siggy was pleasantly surprised that I was on time, my mind was still racing, it was like a endless river of question flowing. I wasn't paying attention and the knife slipped, cutting deeply into my palm.

"Ahhh," I stepped back and grabbed my left wrist. I stared in awe at the blood gushing out and dripping to the floor. The pain was sharp, but the sound of blood pumping was so loud I couldn't hear anything else.

Siggy was much quicker, he grabbed a rag and ran me to Med hut. Jeff was surprised to see us rush in, but he treated it like any other injury. He sat me down, held pressure on my wound, which was very painful, and grabbed for his bandage supplies. Siggy excused himself to go back tot he kitchen while Jeff tried to inspect the gash.

"It's deep," he stated.

"It hurts," I try to pull my hand away but his grip was strong.

"Raise it up, above your head, keep the pressure," I follow his instructions while he reaches for wet wag. He stood his eyes level with my hand, wiping the blood and holding a new dry rag to the cut. He held it tightly, concentrating on his task with such focus it was intimidating.

Clint walks into the Med hut with his arms full of green leaves, his face contorts when he sees me. Jeff explains what's happening, Clint sets down his leaves and comes to inspect my hand for himself.

"How did that happen?"

"I was cutting and the knife just slipped," I was starting to feel numb in my palm.

"Well Greenie," Clint chuckled," Didn't need to hurt yourself to come visit us."

I snorted," What can I say? I missed you guys."

Clint laughed and went to his work bench, dividing up the leaves while Jeff pulled away the dry cloth, it was soaked with blood, but my cut wasn't bleeding as hard. Jeff grabbed some weird paste and spread it on the cut, I winced and tried to pull my hand back, but I swear Jeff's grip was like a vice.

He wrapped up the cut quickly," All done," he finally looks me in the eyes. "How you doing, Greenie?"

"Much better now that your done," I try to flex my fingers but it hurts.

"No," he stops me. "It might reopen the gash, try to keep your palm open."

I nod and sigh deeply," Don't even see why I moved out, I'm still always here," I chuckle.

"It's home away from home," Clint laughs. "But it's that way for most of the Slicers, too."

"How have you guys been?," I turn to Jeff.

He shrugs," Meh... it's been normal. Clint thinks these leaves have some curable quality," he rolls his eyes.

"They do!," Clint defended. "We just need to find it."

"We miss having you around though, Greenie. It's not the same coming in here without here you snoring."

My mouth gapes open," I do not snore!"

Clint and Jeff both responded," Yes, you do."

"I do not," I crossed my arms.

"I think we would know," Jeff stands and starts cleaning up my blood that was splattered on the floor.

I mock him when he turns his back. "Well, I miss you guys too. I never really get to see anyone anymore."

"Well, we are always here," Jeff said.

"Yes we are here always," Clint agreed.

I chuckled," So I see you haven't changed."

"Of course not," Clint shook his head, like just the thought was crazy.

"Well... Am I cleared to work?," I hold up my bandaged hand.

"Yeah, you can still work, but only do one handed tasks," Jeff replied.

"There aren't too many of those in the kitchen," I state dryly.

"I'm sure Siggy will figure it out, the Slicers always do. It would only be for two days or so," Jeff shrugged.

"Okay... Thanks again, guys," I smile before leaving.

"Come back soon," Clint waved.


	29. Chapter 29

"So you cut yourself, huh?"

"Well, not on purpose," I stretch and sigh loudly. "My mind was just distracted."

I was sitting on the tower with Jackson, we were looking over the dark Glade while everyone else slept. It had been a few hours since my nightly jog, so everyone was fast asleep. Running the Glade was crazy the past few days, I just kept replaying my race with Newt in my head and guilt sweeps over me every time I hop over the root that caused Newt to fall and hurt his leg. I almost didn't go the night after, but if I ever needed a time to clear my head it was then, I thought exercise would help. It didn't.

"Distracted," Jackson follows my lead and stretches his arms above his head. "Still can't pick a name?"

I scoff at the idea," Unfortunately no, my mind is just... thinking about things that will never happen."

"Like what? Getting out of the Glade, because believe me, we are getting out of this place one day. Don't doubt that," Jackson's voice took a very serious tone.

"It's not that...," I shift to face him, pulling on leg up onto the platform. "It's something I haven't told you yet..."

Jackson turns his head, slowly and with his eyes scary round," Oh, is that so?"

I let a giggle slip," I'm being serious!"

His face shift back to normal," Okay, tell me then."

"You can't tell anyone!"

"Who would I tell?"

"Uhm, Aidan or Billy," I said it as if it was obvious.

"I won't say anything, I promise," he holds his hand to his heart.

"Okay good... it's embarrassing, but it is eating me away!"

"Oh, Just tell me!," Jackson grew impatient.

"Okay," I pull my other leg up and cross them, facing Jackson straight on while he kept his legs over the edge. I brush the hair behind my ears and clear my throat. _Where do I even start?_ "Uhmmm... Well, okay. So, a few days ago I got out of the shower..." I filled Jackson in on every detail, even the part about Newt's leg and me screaming into my hammock for hours. Jackson was such a good listener, he was so intrigued by what I was saying. At some point, he pulled himself off the edge and faced me completely, occasionally he would make a comment or ask a question. When I was done, I felt almost revealed to have it all off my chest, but also scared for what he would interpret it as. "What do you think? Am I just going out of my mind or did it seem like he was going to kiss me?!"

"Wow...," he leans back on his hands. "That is interesting."

"What!?," I ask eagerly.

"All of it. Nothing like this has ever happened! It's so exciting to have a girl here."

"Really? Was is exciting when everyone thought we were dating? Oh god What if Newt thinks we're dating!?," my hand covers my mouth.

"Oh, no that was not exciting... And I seriously doubt that, Newt does not read into the drama of this place."

"I thought there was no drama before me?"

"Oh we had drama, but it was just boy stuff, like 'I'm stronger than you' or 'I don't think your a hard worker' or 'You think you're better than me because you are blah blah blah.' No real content. It's actually one of the reasons Nick added the whole 'Never Harm Another Glader Rule."

"Were you ever involved?"

"Me? No," he scoffed at the thought. "I mean people think I'm a loser because I'm a Bagger, but it doesn't really bother me."

"I don't think you are a loser, Jackson."

"Well, I know that. You've met me, you know how awesome I am," he smiles and I roll my eyes.

 _So Newt doesn't think I'm dating Jackson, good. Maybe he doesn't like me... he could like guys._

" So... you're telling me that's one here has ever crushed on someone else?! That's crazy..." I leave my statement open, hoping he fills me in on anything he has heard.

Jackson shook his head," Half of the kids here haven't even hit puberty!" I raise an eyebrow," Okay fine, so maybe a little less than half."

I smile but drop it quickly," Seriously Jackson, my problem!" _So no one here is openly gay. Newt could be hiding it? It would be kind of hard to be gay in a world of only boys..._

"Right, right," he sits up again. "Well, I can see it from both sides. You like Newt, so when he does something I might consider to be friendly, you might misinterpret as more, because you like him. But from what you tell me, people don't lean forward like that to give a hug, it makes me think there might be something there," I let out a gasp, but he hold up a finger," Let me finish. I don't want you to get your hopes up just to find out he doesn't like you like that. Maybe pull back a little and sees what happens."

"Pull back?"

"Yeah, like maybe don't seek him out or-..."

"I never seek him out! If anything, I avoid him. He makes me feel so out of control of my body, like my stomach starts doing flip, my heart races, my breathing gets all weird and I can barely think straight. Lately when I've talked to him, it's been by coincidence or he finds me."

"That's... interesting."

"Interesting? Interesting how?"

"I don't know," Jackson shrugged and my shoulders slumped. "Hey, I'm just as clueless as you when it comes to all of this stuff."

"And did I tell you that Gally was in the shower room when I was there? I was weird, but then he made me the new room so I don;t know what is happening with him."

"He was in the bath house when you were in there?," Jackson was surprised.

"Yeah and he was acting weird, I have no idea what's up with him."

"Don't worry, as your boyfriend, I will protect you," Jackson joked.

"Don't say that," I chuckled then sigh and look back to the Glade. "It's getting real hard to avoid Newt, soon I'll have to go to the Garden to pick up the produce again and he is always there... I guess, now I'm just so scared he knows how I feel and I'm still so lost on what he is thinking..."

"You could always just ask him?"

I snap my head back towards Jackson," Are you insane? That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard!"

He was unfazed by my insult," I'm just saying, if I liked a girl, I would just tell her and see if she felt the same."

"Well you've never liked a girl," I mutter and he chuckles.

"Yeah, that's true. But maybe one day when we get out of here I'll find the girl of my dreams...," he looks out on the Glade.

"It's different to say it then to actually do it. It's easy to say something... like, 'I want to run 50 laps around the Glade everyday.' See? that's easy, but to actually do it is work and it's hard... and super scary."

"Honestly, I don't even get what you see in him," Jackson pivots to dangle his feet over the edge over the tower.

"I don't know," I pull at my hair," I like to think I see him pretty well. He's really kind, he would put every single Glader before himself if he was ever put into that position. He is a great leader here, always helping out whenever he can, and I can tell he honestly cares about what he does. He is an amazing listener, no matter what someone says, it feels like you have his undivided attention. His personality is so positive, he sees a bright side to most things and when he can't see the bright side, he just tries to state the obvious without bringing up something bad. I can tell he doesn't like to bring people bad news, it's probably why he is such a goofball. Newt is so funny, he is always making me laugh with his jokes and just how he presents himself, you know?... He knows how to make me feel better...," I smile at the thought, then stop. _Wow, I've been talking a lot. None of it makes any sense anyway... well, just to me._

Jackson is still looking at the Glade, "Those are a lot of good qualities to see in someone."

"He has a lot of good qualities...," I feel a blush rise in my cheeks. _Wow, he really does... Almost too many._


	30. Chapter 30

I woke up the next day excited, _I finally get to go back to work. Real work._ The past three days I've been doing grunt work, like getting water, checking storage, and making sure nothing burns. I sat up and flexed my hand, it felt tight, there was a big scab that kept me from closing my hand all the way, but I could work with it.

"Should I trust you with a knife?," Siggy jokes.

"I mean, if you want I can just go get the water and you can chop up the peppers?," I shrug with exaggeration, knowing how much he hated to deal with the peppers. One time he accidentally rubbed his eyes and I thought he was going blind.

Siggy chuckles," No, you can chop the peppers."

"So, Siggy," I turn to the chopping counter. "When are you going to let me cook a meal?"

"When you can learn not to cut yourself," he laughs.

"That is so unfair!"

"How about this, I'll think about it, okay?"

"Okay, "I grumble and focus on chopping. _Don't cut yourself._

The day glides by, it is much more entertaining to do real work instead of just time filling chores. I offer to stay the rest of the day when Joe arrives, as a form of thank you, but he declines my offer and starts serving lunch. Waling out of the kitchen I feel the warmth of the sun and smile, _it's a nice day._ I close my eyes and soak up the glow until I'm knocked to the ground.

"Uhh," I groan and roll onto my back. "Ouch," I grab my elbow.

"Oh shuck! I'm so sorry... Uh? Are you alright? Should I go get a med-jack?"

"No," I turn and see it was the new Greenie, Lee, who had caused my sudden fall. "Lee?"

"Ughh.. yeah? Here," he held out his hand, but I stood up on my own. "Okay cool. Sorry again, I just didn't see you."

"Well, it must be hard when you're literally three feet taller than everyone else...," I spoke with sarcasm but Lee didn't notice.

He lets out a odd giggle, it was strangely creepy and was not at all what you would expect from a man of his size. "That's a good one. But it was actually because of," he jabs his thumb behind him to a cart full of fresh branches and stumps," I was just pulling it without looking. So sorry."

"It's fine," I rub my elbow. "I'm okay."

"Gosh, I'm sorry... I-I just can't seem to remember your name? It's weird because I've been so good with the names here so far," he crosses his arms with a dumbfounded smile plastered on his face. "What was your name again?"

 _There is no answer for that question._ "I-I don't have one," I say before walking past him.

"Hey, wait...," he calls out to me, but I don't look back.

I'm walking away from the Homestead, the direction Lee was headed, but there is not real place for me to go. _Deadhead?_ I look to the trees. _But I want to be in the sun..._ I walk towards the box, it felt weird to be so close it. I have unintentionally avoided this box since the day I came here, looking at it, it wasn't as scary as I had remembered. _But then I was trapped inside, alone and unaware of everything, now I get to stand outside and look in._ I turn away from the large center square of the Glade and look out to the maze. The doors are wide open and I can see inside, even from this distance, I look upon the tall gray walls that seal us here like a tomb of fate. I sit down on the edge, _I hope Ben is getting close, I want to see what's beyond this. Maybe they'll give us back all of our memories once we escape? But what if this is all we have and there is nothing else... No, stop! Don't think like that... Try to be positive._

I close my eyes and lean back, absorbing the warmth of the sun. _I wonder what they found... Ben said they might be close. Close. But close to what? How does all of it work? I don't understand the maze at all... Maybe they just keep missing the exit? It probably changes every night when the maze shifts. What would they do when they find? Come back and get us or go by themselves... Maybe that's why people never come back from the maze, they found the way out..._

 _I_ sit up quickly _. Stop thinking like that. The Runners are close, any day now._ I look back at the door to the maze, it was almost taunting me with an invitation to see for myself. _I can't leave the Glade. I can't break the rules. Plus, they are some not so fluffy creatures out there that kill._ I turn my head away, now looking at the Garden, I can see Zart digging up new rows of soil for whatever he is planting next. Beside him is Henry, a average sized boy with raven hair and light brown eyes and a sharp pointy nose; Henry is weeding while he and Zart continue a pleasant conversation. Behind Henry a head pops up, _that's Newt,_ I suck in a breath. Newt tilts his head back and I hear his faint laugh, followed by Zart's and Henry's. Even though he is far away, I can still the sun bouncing off his wavy hair, sparkling with a blinding light.

 _I bet he he doesn't even think about that night, and if he does he laughs. But that's not Newt, he's so sweet... which explains why he hugged me. I bet he won't tell anyone, maybe... I don't know. What if he already told people?! Gosh, they probably think so lowly of me. First Jackson and now him... What is Jackson is wrong and Newt things we're really together? Not that it matters, he wouldn't like me even if he knew I was single... He still could be gay. I guess I have to wait until he tell the Glade or until he gets a boyfriend._

 _A New Challenge... They certainly weren't wrong about that._


	31. Chapter 31

**TWO CHAPTERS IN ONE DAY!**

Thanks for all the Reviews! Love them, keep it up!

* * *

I run through the Deadhead at full speed, _The name Rachel is nice? Or maybe Rochelle?_ I jump over the Oak root and pick up my pace, ever since my race I feel like I'm not really as quick as I thought I was. _Delia is really pretty, am I a Delia? I'll have to ask Jackson. Alina is really pretty too... but I like how short and simple Lea is._ I make the sharp corner and weave through the sparse trees towards the open grass of the Glade. I rush past the Map room, _But Jackson does not have good advice when it comes to names, and neither does Ben... I mean Wrenneth, really? Well, Lola wasn't bad but I just don't like the way it sounds. LOW-LA._ I round the corner of the blood house and I come to a stop, my legs were shaking at the energy they had expended. My breath is rapid and shaky, _Damn, how the hell did I win that race? I'm so not in shape..._ I half walk/half limp to finish my lap around the Glade. I ran a little earlier than usual today, the last rays on sunlight are spread across the Glade like a spotlight of golden triumph. _Maybe I'll do better tomorrow... Damn, my thighs hurt like hell. How does Ben do this all day!? It's insane, I can barely run a full lap of the Glade... No one even knows how big the maze is. I could go on forever, an endless alley of twists and turns with no real solution. I should turn around, it's too early to go to bed and I have nothing to do in my room. I could just sit by tree for awhile. It might help me pick a name... Mhmm, Vera? It's kind of mysterious._

"Hey," A voice catches my attention. I snap my head to the left, I'm walking by the Gardens, but I don't see anyone. _That's super creepy_ , I continue walking, but keep my eyes on the Garden in case anything tries to pop up and scare me.

"Hey," the voice is in front of me, I walk into someone and let out a shrill yell. "Hey, it's okay. Only me," Newt laughs at my terror.

I step back," Why would you do that," I put a hand on my chest, my heart beating as if I was still running.

Newt laughed before answering," I'm sorry. I couldn't resist."

 _Oh god! Why is he talking to me?! Jackson said to pull back... but he came to me?_

"You scared me..."

"I know, I'm sorry," he is still smiling.

"What are you even doing here... in the Garden?"

"I was just passing the time before I head to dinner."

"Well, did you just want me to almost pee myself or did you want to say something?"

"Oh...," his mouth forms a small circle. "Uhm... well I was wondering if you thought of your favor yet?"

"My favor?"

"Yeah, I mean, its been like three days." _Five days,_ I corrected silently. "So I thought maybe you knew what you would want to ask me."

"Uhh.. no. I haven't really thought into it, I guess."

"Oh, well that's okay too," he smiles sheepishly. "There is no time limit. Are you headed home now?," He points behind him with his thumb.

"Yeah, but there really isn't thing for me to do..."

"Oh, I'm not doing anything if you want the company." _Company? Alone with you? Sounds like a bad idea! What happens when I misread what you do or say?! What if Jackson is right, this might just be all made up in my head._ I was thinking so hard, I forgot to answer. "It's okay if you want to be alone."

"Oh!," I focus back on Newt. "No, I'd love some company." _Really? Would I love company?_

I walk closer and he side steps to be beside me and we both walk towards the corner of the Glade. _What do I say? How can I tell if he likes me? Why can't I just let this go and just be friends with him? Friends sounds so simple. Jackson and I are just friends and I don't have to be anyone but myself, but with Newt he makes me act different... he makes me feel different._

"Jeff told me you got a nasty cut on your hand," Newt said while looking ahead.

"Yeah I did, I wasn't able to work for a few days, but it's healing okay," without thinking I lift my arm and feel the scare with my thumb.

"Wow, that is.. quite the cut," he grabs my hand and holds my palm to his face.

My face burns and I gently pull my hand back," Yeah, it didn't really hurt."

"It looks painful."

I shook my head," Not really," I look at the wall. Up ahead something catches my eye, _the name wall._ I slow down and stop in front of it, I look over all the names, even the ones that have been crossed out. I see Nick's name in the top right, it was small but it was still there even though he wasn't. "Once I get a name," I say out loud, "I'll get to add it to this wall." Newt steps beside me, but doesn't say anything.

I reach up and graze my hand against the names, the texture feels rough and gagged against my hand. _There is Lee's name_ , I see it just under Jackson's, it's bright and new, unlike the other faded ones. _I'm going to be next on this wall. I have to pick a name before the next Greenie comes. Lee has been here for around two weeks or so... Wait how many marks are on my tree?_ My eyes shift to Newt's name... _Newt._

"What names do you like?," Newt clears his throat.

"I like Delia... maybe Lea, but also Alina and Elyce... but I don't really know. None of them really mean anything to me, because none of them are me. I need my name to define me, but I don't even know what my definition is...," my hands glides down the wall past Gally and Alby until it reaches Newt's name.

"I think they are all beautiful."

 _Beautiful. That word again... But it doesn't mean anything, it's just a word,_ I shake the idea from my head.

"Remember that night we were in the kitchen?" N-E-W-T, the letter we so small and sideways.

"Yeah, I-I remember."

"You said you were thinking of the girls names you knew..."

"I was...," I see him to to me in peripheral vision. He was fidgeting, his arms were at his sides but he was picking his fingers with his thumbs.

"Everyone has told me to go for it, to really chose a name... except for you; even Ben told me the name he liked. You knew I was looking for one, even after Lee showed up." T-W-E-N, I traced the letters backwards. Newt shifted, _Is he uncomfortable? Maybe I shouldn't have asked... It doesn't really matter. Why am I asking?_ "What was the name you thought of, that night in the kitchen?" It was like my mouth was not controlled by my mind, _SHUT UP!,_ I screamed internally.

I finally turned my body to look at him, taking my hand of the wall and let it run through my hair. He looked transcendent in the evening dusk, the golden light was gone and replaced by a deep blue and purple sky. He looked away, _Why wont he tell me?_

"Why won't you tell me?"

"I-I... I think your name should be yours. I know it means a lot to you and you think it's really important... I don't want to influence your decision and you regret it later, wishing you had chosen something that suited you better." _Wow... That's really... I don't even know what that is? Caring? Considerate... Amazingly sweet?_ Newt finally faced me, his big brown eyes were so beautiful and earnest. "No matter what you chose, and no matter what we call you, you'll still the same person."

 _What kind of person does he think I am? I can't just ask... I wish I was more like Jackson, then I would just know. No more guessing and trying to figure it out. My name is important, I just can't figure out which one it is..._ I can't look away from him, I feel hypnotized by his gaze while a lump in my throat begins to form. _It's all in your head. He.. He doesn't like you like that._

"So... you think my name doesn't really matter?," I tear my eyes away and look back at the wall.

"In a way," he defends his reasoning quickly. "I cant imagine what it's like to be you. The first girl on the Glade, no name and no memories. It has to be a real life nightmare, so I get exactly why you need this so badly... but at the same time I don't think you should stress about it so much. I mean, if you chose the name pig trough, I still won't see you any differently."

I let out an abrupt laugh and Newt joined me, "Pig Trough? It does have a nice ring... might be hard to carve in, not too much space left."

"Well, you could use the whole wall if you wanted," Newt was still chuckling.

"I think I want something shorter," I joked.

"Whatever it is, it'll be great because you're great," he stops abruptly. "I mean, yeah, you're great, I mean of course. We're all great, all of us. An amazing group, we should be proud," he rushes through his sentence quickly.

 _Great? Okay...?_ " Well, we're only great because we have great leaders," I smiled before pressing forwards, towards my room and away from the wall.

"Yeah, Alby is really good," Newt was solemn.

"I meant you too."

"Oh," the corner of his mouth twitched upward," Thanks... but it's mostly Alby," he kicks a smile pile of leaves that are to his left.

"I think you both do a good job."

Daylight is gone and now, we walk past the Homestead and to my room. _Does he want to come inside? Should I offer? Wait, do I even want him to come in? Yeah, I do. But what if I want to kiss him again, I don'_ _t know what to do!_

"Newt...," He looks at me with his gorgeous round eyes and my heart flutters. "Uhm... I just want to say thank you."

"Thank you? For what?," his brow furrows.

"For... the other night. I was a real mess... and thanks for staying with me," I want to look away but I can't.

"Oh... there's no need to thank me... I'm... just glad I could help you. I want you to know that I'll always be there if you need me...," his words send a shiver down my spine, I see a quick redness rise to his cheeks before he adds,"... to talk or whatever. Uhm... Don't forget that favor, okay?"

"I won't," I smile.

"Have a... have a good night," he turns and head towards the Homestead.

"You too...," I say it too softly for him to hear me. I felt a wide variety of emotions as I watched Newt disappear into the shadows, the first was sadness. I wanted him to stay for a while and talk to me more, the next was frustration and regret for not confronting him about everything to see if hoe he feels. Behind that I was relieved because being around him makes me so anxious, but I was happy just to have spent the small amount of time together that we had.


	32. Chapter 32

It was almost impossible to sleep last night, I couldn't shake the feeling that something bad was about to happen. I tossed and turned all night until I saw the first light of dawn and got ready for the day.

"Greenie, tomorrow I'm going to let you decide what we make for lunch," Siggy said suddenly as I was mushing rice into a large bowl. I almost let it slip from my grasp before I pushed it onto the edge of the counter.

"What?"

"I've thought about it and I think you should pick what we cook tomorrow. You'll have to check to see what we have in storage but, otherwise it's open to anything."

"And you'll let me cook it?!," I clasped my hands together.

Siggy grinned," And I'll let you cook it."

"Oh my gosh! Thank you! Wow... oh gosh, this is a big thing, huh?," I rubbed my forehead.

Siggy shrugged," Yeah, I suppose. I mean, No one else has cooked an entire meal for everyone since I started here in the Glade."

 _Oh wow. This is a big thing! I have to choose the perfect recipe. I hope we have good meat in storage, oh wow! What is everyone loves it!...but people might not like it._

"What if people won't eat it?," I lean against the counter.

"Well I guess they'll have to wait for dinner or go hungry," Siggy must have seen the worry on my face because he continued. "People don't eat my stuff all the time, say it doesn't taste good. I don't let it bother me, because if they don't eat, they don't eat. Not my fault. Now, keep with that rice before it starts to clump."

I turn back to my race and keep mushing. Until noon all I could think about was looking into storage to see what all we had and when Joseph finally came and Siggy stopped me.

"Come let me know what you plan to do, and remember we don't have all day to prep this meal either, so don't get too crazy or I'll have to shoot you down."

"Got it," I reply practically running to storage.

I look around thoroughly making a list of everything we have, the things Siggy really values and doesn't use very much like cheese and eggs and the other stuff that we can replace easily like the vegetables. _There is so much cabbage, but I hate cabbage. Lots of peppers, not very much fruit._ I looked in the freezer, we had two chickens, some left over goat, and some pig meat in the freezer. _I do love chicken... maybe that and mix it with some of the bell peppers? Oh, that sounds good, chicken and peppers. We have some onions too, so I could cook it all over the fire, what else would I serve? I could make some bread and throw some cabbage on the side... that's a lot. Maybe no cabbage, I'll ask Siggy._

I skipped backed to the kitchen," So Siggy," I smiled cheerfully. "I know what I want to make."

"Alright, what is it?," he was stirring a his pot of red sauce.

"Chicken and peppers, cooked over the fire with some onions. Bake some bread, and maybe some cabbage on the side. I checked, we have two chicken in storage, a lot of peppers, which I promise to cut, tons of onions and cabbage."

Siggy stroked his beard," What about the wheat?"

"We have a stockpile."

"Cooking the chicken and making the bread both require the fire, it might be hard."

"I'll come in early," I promise.

"Hmmm," he considers before smiling," Sounds like a good menu. Make sure to grab all you need before coming in tomorrow."

"YES! Yes, of course!," I jump excitedly.

"Okay," he smiles. "I'll see you tomorrow."

"Yes, you will! I will see you!" I dance away from the kitchen, feeling successful and confident when I spot Ben running into the Glade from the maze.

"BEN!," I call out and wave. He turns, sees me, smiles and changes his course to my direction.

"Hey, it's me, Ben!," he laughs when he stops in front of me.

"Hey," I chuckle. "Just getting back?"

"Oh," he looks behind him to the maze," Yeah, I think we are making real progress."

"Wow, that's so great to hear, Ben. Congrats."

"We aren't there yet, but I think it'll be soon."

"That is so great!," I can stop smiling. _Today is turning out so well! Why did I think something bad was going to happen!?_

"Off work?," Ben asks.

"Yeah, and guess what?!"

"What?"

"Siggy let me choose what to make for lunch tomorrow AND I get to cook it!"

"Wow!," Ben looks happily surprised. "That is amazing."

"I know, I'm really excited and kind of nervous."

"You shouldn't be, I'm sure we'll all love it."

"Well, you better," I joked. "Where are you going?"

"Uh... I was about to go to the map room and just sketch out what I remember."

"Oh, good. You should go, so you don't forget."

"Yeah, right. But, uhm.. I'll find you after and you can tell me more, okay?"

"Yeah.. sure, sounds great."

"Great," Ben says as he jogs towards the map room.

 _AHHHH! What an amazing day! I feel so good! So Great! Oh wow, I feel so unstoppable._ I strolled through the Glade towards the Deadhead with a smile on my face, _I feel like I could run the whole way around the Glade with no problems at all. I bet I could, should I?_ I approach my tree, it's leaves all gone but it was still so pretty. I take my fingernail and add another notch, counting them that makes today number 46. _Almost 50 days... Wow, another two weeks and I'll be here for two months. A full two months. That gives me two weeks to find the perfect name, that should be enough time, I've already got some strong leads,_ I think positively.

 _Let's start now, top five... I think Lea is my favorite, next is Delia. I still love Elyce and Alina. Ciara is nice too... How do I choose? How do I pick one, it's forever. I wonder what my parent's chose? Maybe it had meaning, they could have named me after someone, like a grandma or something. What if it the name Lea? How will I know? I have to get out of here to find the truth. Find my parents... Find my past. Unless there is nothing. This could be the entire world... then who is sending us stuff? God? That doesn't sound right..._

"Well, well, well," Ben sits beside me.

"Found me, huh?"

"Where else would you go?," he laughs.

"Well, soon, we wont be here anymore," I smile, pushing away my sad thoughts. "We'll be back where we belong. A real home, when you find he way out."

"Yeah, a real home," he nods. "What... what do you think that's like?"

I look at him Ben, he has his knees pulled to his chest while he spins a large leaf on it's stem, watching it intensely. _He's been here for a while, it must be hard to hold on to the dream. I can't even imagine how Alby is doing it..._

"I like to think that as soon as we get out, I'll wake up," I look at my tree. "When I step outside of these walls, I hope that I wake up in a dark room, in a bed surrounded by my own things. Like pictures and trophies that I got from school or something. I'll get out of bed and be in my home, with my brothers and sisters, my parents and it'll be all over. This will have never happened, it won't be real and I can forget about it... That's what I would hope."

I look back to Ben, he is still watching the leaf spin in his hand. "What do you want it to be like?"

He spins the leaf once more," I like to imagine that my parents will be there. That they are waiting for us on the other side and when they see me they run up and hug me. They are happy to see me and take me back to a real house. A house with beds and rooms, bathrooms and warm water... They make meals and tell me about my childhood. They tell me they are proud of me, for surviving, that they missed me so much. I would tell them to explain everything, why we were here and why they sent me here... I bet they have a good reason, maybe I was kidnapped or maybe this is just what happens to everyone before they can be a part of the real world. Whatever reason, I would get to go back and start a new life. A life where I'm not a prisoner, a good life," He chuckles softly. "I used to think it was all a dream, I guess I've just been here too long to think that's the case anymore."

I lean against my tree, _I've been here for 46 days... that is a long dream. Ben might be right, this might be real._

"Soon we'll know," he says it confidently. "I'm going to find the way out of here." I turn back to him, his jaw was tight and his eyes were hard. He drops the leaf and raises his head to stare at the Deadhead _. He is so sure... he doesn't doubt it. If anyone could find it, it would be Ben._

"I believe you."

He looks over at me, his green eyes are determined but I still see his sorrow. _He's sad about something? But what? If he is right... then that means we were put here for no real reason. For fun or whatever? Maybe for ourselves, to learn and grow, but this is extreme._

"I promise, I'll get us out. I'll do whatever it takes."

"I know you will, Ben," I reach my right hand across my body and rest it on Ben's right arm.

"I won't let any of us stay here... We'll all get out." he puts his hand over mine.

"Good," I take a deep breath. "That's good to hear."

"We're so close... so close I can feel it," he turns back to the Deadhead.

"That's good, Ben," I slip my hand out from under his. "Maybe no one will have to taste the food I'm supposed to make tomorrow."

Ben laughs and drops his head," Even if I find the way out tomorrow, I'll wait until after lunch to tell everyone," he smiled at me.

I laughed," No, don't do that."

"You know I wouldn't."

"I know," I smile and turn to the Deadhead.


	33. Chapter 33

I woke up early, so early that there was no light in the Glade. I dressed quickly and went to the storage room, _Okay, grab the chickens... and all the peppers, some onions... and I need some basil too._ I got all I could carry and brought it to the kitchen, Siggy wasn't there and he wouldn't be for maybe another hour or so. I set it all down and went back grabbing some wheat, yeast, and cabbages. Okay, so this is all of it, I looked at the counter of items I had accumulated. _So I should make the bread first, but I don't want it to be hard when lunch comes around... I should work on the cabbage first, it won't really effect anything._

I stared pulling apart the cabbages, placing there leaves in a giant bowl on my left. _Oh, I need water._ I took the pail to the pump and filled it up, on the way back I almost tripped twice, _Maybe I should have waited until dawn_. I placed the bucket on the floor and washed the leaves off and set them off to the side, So now I should at least make the dough for the bread, we don't have to back it just yet, but at least it'll be done. I started mixing everything in the bowl, the wheat, flour, and yeast, some water before I started kneading it all together.

I lost track of time because I turned around as sat Siggy standing in the door way with a smile on his face. I almost screamed when I saw him, but I didn't let it out.

"You're here early...," he peered around me. "...and working."

"Uhm.. yeah I just wanted to... start off on a good note."

Siggy out his apron on," That's good, but now we have to make breakfast."

"Right, yes." I put all my ingredients in the corner for later use.

For breakfast we made this peas and carrot mash, one of Siggy's worst dishes. Whenever we make it no on eats it and they complain, but he always says that peas and carrots are good and we should eat more of them. We had some extra carrots so I pushed them in with my ingredients, _I can use them in the chicken or something._ I pass out bowls of the mush and almost everyone groans before taking it to their tables.

"Hello," Jackson grins.

"Hey," I smile and give him a bowl of the mush.

"Yum, I love this brown green mush. My favorite," he brings the bowl up and smells it. "Ugh, is this that carrot and greenbean thing?," he grimaces.

"It's carrots and peas," I correct him.

"So gross... what's for lunch?"

I feel a spark in my stomach,"You'll have to wait and see," I give him a devilish wink.

"Ohh, exciting," he smiles and goes to his table.

Once everyone is done, I take the dishes to the sloppers and run to the kitchen to see Siggy was waiting for me.

"Alright chef, what do we do?"

I spread out my ingredients and tell him my plan." So I washed the cabbage already, the dough is ready to be cook so we can start that now. I think it would be fun to make the bread into little plates or bowls and out the chicken inside it, what do you think?"

"That takes a lot of bread," Siggy noted.

"Yeah, you're right. We can just do it as a side. The chicken needs to be cut into smaller pieces, but I know Winston and the Slicers are a little tied up with the whole chicken thing, so I was hoping you could do that." At the Bloodhouse, the chickens had stopped laying eggs and the Slicers were working on a bunch on theories on how to make them start again. "While you cut the chicken, I'll prep the pepper and onions, maybe some of the leftover carrots. We'll cook the chicken after the bread is done, and when it's almost finished, throw in the vegetables."

Siggy nods, "It sounds pretty straight forward. I'll start on the chickens, and you'll want to start with the bread on the fire."

"Got it," I pull the bowl of dough over to me and began kneading it some more. Siggy starts to cut of the chicken and I feel a small pressure building in my chest. I pull the dough apart and place it in our special basket for bread cooking. I start the fire, making the flame a little bigger so reach the basket of dough. Making bread is always tricky, we have to skin the basket so the dough doesn't slip through the whole while it's baking. The bread gets hard so I run inside to grab a bowl to put it in and to grab more dough. Siggy is almost done with the first chicken, so it feels like were on the right pace.

I finish all the bread, leave the basket outside to cool down and take the bowl of bread inside. Siggy is nearly completed the second chicken, I look up and the sun is almost at it's peak, Oh no!

"Siggy, we're almost out of time!"

"What?," he glances up, his work consumed him. He stepped outside and I saw the surprise wash over him. "Don't worry, we have time," he went back inside. "Take the chicken," he hands me the chunks he has made, there is a lot. "Start cooking."

I grab our skewer and run outside, I push the meat onto the stick and set it over the fire quickly on it's balancing rods. I go back inside to grab the others sticks and my vegetables. I fill the other skewers with chicken and turn them over the fire, constantly looking up that he sun looming over me. _Crap! Crap! Crap!_

I spin the chicken and vegetables, but they need more time. I go back in the kitchen to see Siggy is setting up the food on the dishes. I rush up beside him and help him plate the cabbage and bread for a few minutes before going back to check on the chicken. My first skewer is done, _a little over done, but it's okay._

"Here!," I hand Siggy the first skewer which he accepts and starts carefully pulling the hot pieces off and putting them on plates. I run back out and grab two more, placing them carefully on the counter before going back for the rest. Once they are all inside, we plate the chicken and vegetables like it's the only thing between us and the answer to the maze. Joe came in and I bet he was a little surprised to see Siggy and I working so hard to finish the lunch prep. Siggy tell him to grab more water, and he scurried off to do so.

Jackson steps up to the kitchen," How you guys doing?"

"Fine," I reply without looking at him. _Chicken, chicken, chicken, pepper, carrot, chicken, chicken, pepper, pepper. Done, next._

"Is that lunch? It smells amazing."

"Yes."

"It'll be done in a minute," Siggy said while placing the last pieces of pepper he had on a plate. "Okay, go."

I wheel out our cart of food to the tables, there were some people already out there waiting. _Crap! Oh god!_ They come up and I give them their food, which they accept happily and return to the tables.

"Looks good," Jackson smiles and takes a bite as he walks away.

Once the people waiting had their food I took a deep breath, _Oh god... We didn't even taste it. It could be terrible._ I try to see people's reactions as they bite into the food, but more Gladers arrived for lunch.

Joe stepped up," I can take over, Greenie," he replaces me.

I step back and feel a sense of relief. The food is done, we finished at least. It could be horrible, but at least there is food. I walk back to the kitchen where Siggy has his own plate.

He stops chewing when I see him," Damn, greenie."

"What?!," fear flushes my system. _OH GOD IT'S BAD_

"This is some good lunch," he takes another bite.

"Really?," my shoulders relax and I step inside the kitchen.

"Yeah, it is. Here," he reaches beside him and gives me a plate. I take it and look at the food, my bread is slightly charred, my meat and peppers look relatively cooked and the cabbage looks flat but edible. "Try it."

I pick up a piece of chicken with a pepper and take a bite. The chicken was dry but the pepper helped hide it with it's flavor. "Wow, it's not bad." I take a bite of the hard bread, _not the best... but okay._

 _"_ Not bad? It's pretty damn good considering everyhing."

I chuckle, "Yeah... I'm just glad we finished."

"Amen to that," he took his last bite. "Next time, we'll do better."

"Next time?"

"Sure, why not. This was good, I liked it," he brushed past me to go outside. "Looks like they like it too."

I follow him outside and see the Glader eating the food I had cooked, laughing and smiling. I felt some pride swell inside me, _I can't believe I did it. Wow..._

"Thanks, Siggy."

"No problem, Greenie... Are you going to eat that," he looks to my plate.

"Yes," I take another bite and laugh.


	34. Chapter 34

I was laying in my hammock when I heard a knock on the wall," Hello?," a voice calls out as I sit up.

"Hey," Jackson steps into my room. I put my hand on my chest," Don't do that, Jackson, you scared me!"

"I knocked! What more could I do?," he laughed at me.

"I don't know! Announce yourself or something."

"Oh, don't be dramatic," he sits on the middle hammock. "So, Frypan is bragging about you," he grins.

"Really," I sit throw my feet over the side and look at Jackson.

"Oh yeah. I didn't know you made that chicken?!"

"Oh," I blushed," Yeah. Siggy helped me though."

"It was good," he compliments me. "Seriously, really good. But anything would have been better than that stupid carrot mush."

I smile and look to my lap," I think that's why Siggy made it, so that my food would be good in comparison."

"Smart," Jackson nods. "But it was good, I promise."

"Thanks, Jackson."

Jackson looks around," Haven't really been in here yet..."

He had, the day Lee arrived but I had told him to go away.

"Well it is for girls," I giggle.

"It's nice. And you can make it however you want until the next girl comes."

"That's true, I could decorate it and everything."

"Not much here to use for decoration, we use every bit of everything. Have not, waste not."

"That's true, I don't really know what I would do anyway."

Jackson leans back in his hammock, "I am so tired..."

"You should sleep, then. Don't you patrol tonight?"

"No, It's Aidan. So I know if I sleep now, I'll be up all night. That's why I came here, I need you to keep me awake."

I laugh," How?"

"I don't know," he sits back up," How are things with Newt? Did you talk to him?"

"Well...," I pull on my hair," I did."

"And?"

"And it was really sweet. Jackson, he is so cute and I can't stand it! But I'm starting to think he might like me back..."

Jackson's eyes widen," Really? What happened?"

"I'm not sure. It probably doesn't mean anything..."

"Now you have to tell me!"

"Okay... Well, I saw him the day before yesterday and we were walking..."

"Okay and?"

"And before he left he got all red and started stuttering... like he was nervous or something. I know it doesn't really mean anything, he could still be gay or maybe he just-..."

"Wait, wait, wait, wait!," Jackson shakes his hands in my face," you think Newt might be gay?"

"Oh," my cheeks redden and I look at my shoes," I don't know. I mean, he could be, right?"

"Well...," Jackson rubs his neck," Yeah, I mean, he could be... Why do you think he's gay?"

"I don't... not really. I just thought maybe he was just being nice to me and maybe he doesn't like me in that way because he's... gay?"

"Woah, woah. I'm nice to you and don't like you like that, do you think I'm gay?"

"Wait! What, no!," I look up to him. "Jackson, I don't think you're gay."

"But you think Newt is?"

"No, I don't. I just... I don't know...," I put my face in my hands," I just wanted an excuse. A reason for it or something, I don't know, it's stupid."

"Yeah, that is stupid," he laughed. "Well now I feel wide awake."

I take my head out of my hands," Shut up," I groan.

We sit for awhile, not saying anything before Jackson breaks. "Any luck on your name?"

"Ughh... No."

"I mean, you could solve it right now and just chose Elyce," he smiled.

I chuckle, "I know. I do like it, but I'm just so... lost about it all. I can't pick one," I lay back on my hammock. "And I'm running out of time."

"Running out of time? Why?"

I sigh," I want to have a name before the new Greenie comes..."

"That's kind of soon."

"I still have two weeks, I just need to pick one."

"Which ones do you like, one of them is Skyler right?"

I chuckle," No, I don't really like Skyler anymore and that's what scares me. What if I pick a name and end up hating it?"

"Well, it's no the worst think in the world. I mean, Jackson isn't the best name there is, but I deal with it."

"But you were given a name, it means something. I have to chose one."

"We could just call you Greenie forever." I swing my arm without looking and feel it hit him in the chest,"Ow! I was kidding!"

I push my foot on the floor to make my hammock swing, _Greenie... I hear it so much, it's starting to feel normal. It's so ugly though. I hate it more than any other name. Wrenneth would be better._

"You know what Newt said?," I feel a smile on my lips.

"What?"

"He wouldn't tell me the name he thought of because he wanted me to pick it myself, for it to be my own. Isn't that sweet?"

"Maybe he just didn't have a name, so he lied?"

"No, he was being real. God, why is he so cute, Jackson?"

"I think it might just be the accent," he chuckles.

"No, it's not. His face is so adorable! It's like every time I see him, he gets more handsome and it makes me... it akes me feel elevated in a way. When I'm near him and we talk, I feel better, like he has such an effect on me. I... I want to kiss him like all the time!"

"Maybe you should. Just walk up to him and kiss him, see what he does."

I roll my eyes," You give the worst advice." I sit up again," you haven't said anything about this to anyone, have you?"

"What? No, of course not," his face scrunches but he doesn't move.

"Okay, good. I just don't want him to hear about it through a rumor or something."

"Oh, except I told Billy." My eyes widen and my heart freezes, _Oh no! Not Billy..._

"When!?" _Maybe I can stop it before Newt finds out._ Jackson starts laughing, "Jackson! Tell me!," I slap his leg.

"I'm kidding, I'm kidding!," he can barely breathe. "You should have seen your face. Priceless!"

"Jackson! That's not funny!" My heart finally started to beat again and I let out a slow breath, _Why does he do that to me!_ Jackson keeps laughing. " Ugh, you are the worst."

"Awww, don't say that," he sits up," you'll hurt my feelings."

"You deserve it!," I cross my arms.

"It hurts that you think so little of me. You actually thought I told Billy?"

"Yes! In that moment, yes! You said it so serious!"

Jackson smiles," I would never tell anyone about your crush, I promise."

"You better not," I let a small smile escape.

"Do you want to go see what's for dinner? It's about that time."

"Yeah," I stand up and follow Jackson out of my room.

Siggy and Joe made some bean and bone stew out of the chicken we used for lunch. It was good, but I don't really like beans, so Jackson ate mine happily. Aidan and Billy sat with us, which wasn't a surprise, they were always together so I quietly snuck away. I skipped my shower and went to my room, _Today was a good day,_ I laid in my hammock.

* * *

Please keep reviewing! I love them!


	35. Chapter 35

Jackson and I were walking around the Glade, doing nothing in particular laughing and having a good time just enjoying each other's company. We past the corner of the Bloodhouse, the Garden in view when Jackson suddenly asked me a question out of the blue.

"When are you going to man up and talk to Newt?"

"What?"

 _Why is he bringing Newt up..._ I had been avoiding the topic for the past week, trying to keep it from distracting me while I focused on picking my name. We only had two days until the next Greenie and I still had nothing. I was hoping that it would be a girl this time, so maybe we both could look for the perfect name and while she started out fresh I would be nearly done.

"You told me to avoid him!"

He scoffed," Not forever!" then he laughed," I'm serious! When are you just going to see what's up, at least to get over him."

"I-I... I don't know," my cheeks darkened. "I want to know, but I am too nervous. What if he rejects me, Jackson?! And then laughs in my face and then the whole Glade will find out and it'll be a nightmare! It's not like I can hide from him after."

Jackson laughed loudly," Wow, you are so negative! What if it's great? What if he likes you back?!"

"I've thought about that too," I admitted bashfully. "I wouldn't know what to do then either... would he be my boyfriend?"

Jackson shrugged," I don't know, you guys would have to figure it out."

"That's what is scary."

"It could be fun, right? I think you should go for, I mean, from what you say, it sounds like he likes you."

"What?," I look at him," you said it's all in my head!"

"I didn't said that," Jackson chuckled," I said I can see both sides. That you might be misinterpreting, but now I see how he looks at you and I-..."

"How he looks at me? What are you talking about?," I interrupted him. _The way he looks at me! How does he look at me!?_

"Well," he gives me his signature devil grin," I've been watching him, ever since you told me about his little blushing incident he had and I definitely think I see something."

"Stop, be serious," I bite my lip. _What did he see? What was Newt doing?_

"I am, honest," he held his right hand to his chest and his other in the air.

"What do you see?," I ask him eagerly.

He shrugs again," I don't know, but it's something... maybe he likes you back."

"Wait, what do you mean you've been watching him? When?!"

"It's been over a week since you told me! I've seen him tons of times, the Glade is only so big."

"Don't play with me!"

"I'm not," he laughed again.

"You're laughing! It's not real!," I slap his arm.

"No, I am!," he holds in his laugh," It's just so funny to see you so riled up about him."

"Not it's not," I slap him again but let out a laugh.

"Oh, look, there he is!," he points to the Garden.

"Stop that!," I grab his arm. "Don't do that!"

"Oh, why, gonna get all embarrassed?," he teased.

"Jackson, seriously," my voice was stern but also scared.

"You'll thank me for this," he leaned in and whispered, before drawing back and raising his hand high and shouting," Hey Newt! What's going on, man?"

"JACKSON!," I tried to grab his arm, but he was too tall. _WHY DOES HE DO THIS!?_

I looked over my shoulder and sure enough, there was Newt. For a second he seemed puzzled, like he didn't know who we were and then he smiled and raised his hand. _Please don't come over. Please don't come over here. Please don't come over here!_ I silently begged, but my demands were not heard. Newt turned to Zart and said something, most likely along the lines of 'I'll be right back' before he jogged over to Jackson and I.

"Hey Jackson," Newt and Jackson shook hands, like they were meeting for the first time. _What is that?_ Then he turned to me and my mind when numb," Hey," he smiled. _God, that smile_. _Why is it so beautiful?_

 _"_ Hey man, " Jackson spoke before I had the chance. "Just wanted to see how it's going. The Garden looks good, everything looks like it's growing nicely."

"Yeah, Zart is really working hard so we can have some plenty of food."

"Speaking of food," Jackson dragged out his tone, _Oh god, please._ "Did you know that Fry is turning our this one into a little chef," he nudged me with his elbow.

 _Oh god, Jackson. Why? Why do you do this?_

Newt's eyes widened," Oh that's right! I heard you made that great chicken ago few days ago. Wow, it was so good."

I shuffled my feet and felt couldn't help from smiling," Really?"

"Oh yeah!,"Newt complimented. "Frypan needs to let you cook more often."

"Thanks Newt, that's really sweet," I purse my lips.

"You're welcome," he smiled and I could feel my toes tingle.

"So, whose excited for the new Greenie?," Jackson asked giddily.

That question made the tingle in toes vanish and my smile fall flat. _The new Greenie..._

Newt seemed happy, " Yes, I'm so ready for some of Gally's hooch. He's been really skimping out lately the bloody shank."

"That does sound so good," Jackson agreed. "I'm personally thrilled about the idea of everyone being in the same place at the same time. Everyone around the fire together while the rest of Glade is totally empty," Jackson kept glancing at me. _I get it Jackson! Yes, I get it! Stop!_

"Yeah, I guess..., it's good for all of us to spend some together," Newt agreed.

"Exactly! Maybe some one-on-one time to get to know someone better. Maybe you'll get to know someone and who knows, they might be a great person. You could even be friends with them or something could sprout and blossom into something beautiful," Jackson smiled but Newt was lost and his face showed it.

"Uhmm... Sure?," Newt had no clue what was happening.

 _Jackson, you're so terrible. That was just so stupid._ " Yeah, maybe," I say. "Well, we won't keep you, Newt," I push Jackson away from the Garden, towards the Box. _Just get out! Get away from this!_

"Oh, it's no trouble," he smiled. "Are you going to go?"

"Oh, well I was thinking that-..."

"Of course she's going," Jackson cut me off. "Too bad I'm patrolling that night, so she'll need to hang out with someone else..."

 _NO! DON'T YOU DARE!_

I was ready to make up a perfect excuse before Newt said" Well, I'm always free," he cleared his throat and turned to the Garden.

My body went limp and looked at Jackson who looked like a guilt criminal. 'YES' he mouthed to me but I felt the fear creep through me, _Hang out with Newt all night? Can I handle that?_

" Oh... Uhm, sure yeah. That'd be fun," I look to Newt but he is still looking towards the Garden

"Great... uh, yeah. That'd be great," he looked at the ground before peering up at me through his shaggy bangs. _OH MY GOD!_

"Oh, this is fantastic," Jackson beamed proudly. "Now you better take good care of her," Jackson teased Newt.

"Erm... well, I... I-I w-... I...," Newt stammered but couldn't finish his thought.

"Because she's is such a lightweight off that hooch," Jackson chuckled," You've seen it, right? It's pretty funny."

He had paused intentionally, I knew it. He wanted to see Newt's reaction, he wanted me to see it. They way he stuttered and rubbed the back f his neck was like what he had done before. Like he was nervous. Nervous about me.

"What, I'm not a lightweight," I was offended.

"Oh, please! You could just smell it and you'd start stumbling," Jackson joked.

"That's not true," I crossed my arms.

"Only time will tell," Jackson tuned back to Newt. "Well I can rest easy tonight knowing that we all have solid plans for the bonfire. Great!," he clapped his hands.

"Uhm, yeah...," I glance back to Newt.

His face is red, It could be the sun, it is super hot today and he spends all day outside. "Yeah, it'll be fun," he manages a small smile. "I-I... Uhm, I should-..."

"We won't keep you Newt," Jackson turns and pulls on my shirt for me to follow, which I do, but not without looking over my shoulder at Newt. He walks back to the Garden slowly, like something traumatic just happened. _Oh no, that's not good._

I glare at Jackson until I know we are out of ear shot," What the hell was that!," I whisper shout at him.

"That, my dear, was the best thing that has happened," he smiled smugly.

"That was a disaster!"

"Uhm, where you not there? I just got you a full night with Newt. Hooch flowing, romantic fire, drunk idiots, the perfect place to find out what he is really feeling," he pulls away and crosses his arms. "A 'thank you, Jackson' should be the next phrase out of your mouth."

"Thank you?! Are you serious!," I copy him and cross my arms. "Now he see me as a burden! He doesn't want to spend all night with me!"

"Really? That's what you got form that?," Jackson looked a me like I was the stupidest person he had ever seen. "I just got conformation that he is just as into you as you are him," he chuckled.

"Are you blind or something, Jackson? Or just plain crazy!," my hands spazz outwards.

"Did you not see him," he jabs his thumb towards the Garden. "He was so red, he could have be tomato and all that stuttering, it's so obvious! Was he like that the other time you told me about?"

"Being red means nothing, he could just be too hot and the stutter could just happen when... when he gets too hot," I point my finger in his face. _That sounds so stupid_ , I thought and Jackson's face said he thought the same thing. _It was just like last time..._

"He was blushing. He was blushing because he likes you," Jackson squatted so we were eye level. "He was stammering like a fool, because he was nervous... because he likes you!," he stood and laughed. "I can't believe you thought he was gay!"

"Shut up!," I hit his arm and look around to see if anyone could hear us. We were in the wide open area of the Glade between the Garden, the Bloodhouse, and the Box. I take a deep breath, _Oh god, what's more terrifying; Jackson being right or Jackson being wrong. Those are terrible options. Just stay calm, deep breath._

I took a deep breath, "I mean, it could be worse, I try to rationalize it myself out loud. "I've spent time with Newt before..."

"That's true," Jackson agreed.

"And we were alone..."

"Also true."

"So this should be easy, right? Really simple."

"Exactly," he reassure me. "Just be yourself."

 _Myself..._ The word echoes in my head _. Just be myself..._


	36. Chapter 36

"Okay so it's either between Lea or Delia," I peek over at Ben. He is sitting next to me, he back against the trunk of my tree, his arms resting on his raised knees. He looks to the leaf small red leaf in his hadn't, a leaf from my tree before turning back to to me.

"They're great," he finally smiles. "They're awesome."

"Really?," I let out my breath," You think so?"

"I mean, they're not Alina, but they're great."

"I know," I give him a reassuring smile," I really did love the name Alina."

"There's still time to chose it," he joked.

"Ha-ha. If I throw another name in now, I think my brain will blow a fuse," I lean my head back against the trunk.

"Maybe it will reboot you" he laughed.

"Ugh, that's the last thing I need. I don't want to start all over again."

"Fair point," he paused. "Are you nervous for the new Greenie to come tomorrow?"

I close my eyes and inhale to sweet afternoon air, it smelled like sunshine, dirt, and leaves.

"I am."

"You shouldn't be, I think it's a good thing."

"Really?," I open my eyes and turn to him. Ben now had his legs spread outward and his arms at his sides, his eyes were looking at the branches above him.

"Yeah, a new Greenie is a good thing. They are a sign of hope, who knows what they'll bring, what they can do, or what they know. The next Greenie could be the key to everything," he meets my gaze.

"I thought you were close."

"We are, but a little help never hurts," he smiles.

"That's true," I smile back.

Ben groans as he stand up, stretching his resting muscles. "Let's eat, I'm so hungry."

I shake my head, "You're always hungry."

"I know, so let's eat," he grinned.

"Thanks, but I'm good," I stay seated on the ground.

"Come on," he tried to pull me up.

"No, I'm serious," I chortle while standing my ground.

"Okay, fine," he surrenders. "I have to eat or I'm going to die, but I'll see you tomorrow?"

"Yeah, I'll see you," I wave as he strolls through the leaves towards the Kitchen.

 _Oh god, I can't believe that the new Greenie comes tomorrow! How could I put this off for so long! I had two weeks and now I don't even have two days... Lea or Delia... Lea?... Delia?_

"Lea," I say the name out loud. "Delia. Leeeaa. Deeeliiiiaaa. Hey, Lea. What's up Delia?," I say the names out loud but they feel hollow. _Why don't they sound the same? They sound so much better in my head._ "FFFFUCCCKK!," I scream loudly then cover my mouth. _Too Loud._ I drop my hands and groan _, Why is this so hard!? I should just pick one, Jackson's right, it's not like it's the worst thing. Even if I hate it, I can just wait until we get out and find the real thing. I can just wake up..._

I sit up straighter against the tree and refocus on the current task, _So Lea is short and cute but Delia is so pretty, makes me feel more elegant. Both are good names, even Ben said so and he is clueless when it comes to this... But, Alina is a good name._

"Alina..."

 _It's pretty... but I can't chose it. It would feel weird... That's why I can't pick Elyce either... Maybe I could work with Ciara. Oh god, why is this so hard? Whatever, you just have to pick one. It doesn't matter, the longer you wait the bigger it'll be. I'll just chose Lea... Lea._

"Lea. LEA!," I shout it, but it doesn't feel like anything. It feels like I'm talking to someone else _, because it's not my name. Okay, what if I just drop the whole thing, never bring up a name again, would everyone just go with it? I can just be the Greenie until we get out, which will be soon... That'll be the best day. When I can forget all of this, put it in the past and never think about it again._

 _It's only been two months, Alby has been here for two years... So in reality, it's like I've only been here for a minute in comparison to him. I wonder what Alby wants when he gets out. He probably wants the same thing, just to know why. Why he was put here, probably wants to know why he was first. I know I would want to know why, I still do._

I stop thinking and look at the trees, they rustle as the wind shakes their leaves, some of which fall and scatter onto the ground. _Why can't I just be a tree... so simple, so easy, nothing to see or do. No thinking. Just sitting in the sun, drinking the rain, and shedding my leaves. Trees don't have names, they are just a apart of a species. They just live and die, no complications._

Leaves skitter past me and I pick one up spinning it on it's stem, it's big and green with yellow on the tips. _I just want to know, I don't want to have to guess. I should just get to know, they don't have the right to do this. They know who I am... they know my name. They have to tell me. They shouldn't be allowed to keep it hidden._

I press the leaf against my thigh and etch letters into the leaf with my thumb nail. _The box will come back up tomorrow with the new Greenie. That means they have to open the box first. Jackson said the box won't go down with a person inside, but it should go down with a leaf._ I hold it out and smile, _Maybe they will tell me._

I stand up and feel a shock of electricity buzzing through me, _this could work. This could work!_ I bolt off towards the homestead, where I sneak into the Med hut. The building is empty, _Clint and Jeff are probably eating_ , I think as I open the drawers. _Where do they keep it_ , I try to remember where they stocked their binding twine. I close the last drawer but I couldn't find it, the urge to kick something seems to overwhelm me, but as I go to strike the bed, my eyes stumble upon the bin of old rags. T _hat could work..._ I grab one and run from the hut to the box.

Dusk has fallen on the Glade, I could hear people finishing their work to go eat. I look around the wide space, but there is no one watching me, so I open the lid to the Box quickly, the lid slips out of my hands and loudly bangs on the ground. _SHIT,_ I freeze before frantically glancing around, but the coast still was clear. I hop inside, it was further down then it looked. I paused and looked down, there was a long shaft below me, _If I could just cut through this cage, I could climb down there... That could be the way out. It looks far... I cant see the bottom. Maybe we could just tie a everything together and shimmy down..._ I gripped the chain _, I'll have to tell Alby, but first..._ I took the rag and tied it around the stem of the leaf, then tied to other end to the grate of the cage. I pulled gently on the leaf, but it stayed tethered. _Perfect._

I struggled to escape the cage, it was a lot harder because Ben wasn't there to pull me up. Once I got out, I rolled onto the grass and tried to catch my breath before scrambling to close the top. The lid slid into place with a soft thud and I felt so exhilarated, _THIS COULD WORK! THEY MIGHT GIVE ME MY NAME! OH MY GOD! I COULD KNOW TOMORROW!_

I was tempted to wait there all night, not even got o work, just sit there until the box came back up. _No, I should get some sleep._ I showered quickly and vetoed the idea of a run. _Not tonight, I don't need it._


	37. Chapter 37

I didn't even try to sleep, I sat in my room all night just thinking about what the Box could bring me. _Salvation, it would be a godsend if they took mercy on me and gave me a name. My name. But they might not, they could decide against it, but why would they? It is nothing to them, right? Why would my name need to be secret? It makes no sense... so they should be sending it up in the Box. And maybe the new Greenie will be a girl. So much could happen today._ I hopped out of my hammock at the first crack of dawn. Time to get started, I thought as I strolled to the kitchen. _No need to rush, take it slow. This could be nothing... or it could be everything._

Siggy sent me on my morning chores, collect water, ingredients and everything. Each time I left the kitchen, my eyes were drawn to the center of the Glade where it sat, almost like it was taunting me with a secret. My secret. I knew I wouldn't miss it, Siggy always went running when he heard the Box come up, all of the Glade does, especially when it's the start of a new month. Eveyone wants to oogle the new Greenie, even more so after I arrived, they think a new girl will show up.

Breakfast was served and still there was nothing. My anxiety was growing the longer I was forced to wait. _What happens if they don't send up anything because of what I did? What will the Glade do? We need our supplies.. Oh god. That was so stupid. Waiting could be a good thing,_ I contradicted myself. _They could be deciding right? If they should give me a name... or not give me a name._ I was so unmotivated to work, that peeling the onions was taking me more time than Siggy baking the bread.

"Girl, what are you doing," he stomped into the kitchen with the freshly baked bread. "You cannot be over there, taking that much time to-..." his voice halted at the sound of a buzzer.

 _The buzzer! THE BOX!_

I dropped my onion and Siggy practically threw the bread onto the counter before bolting out the door. We both ran to he Box, but I passed him easily, being one of the first to arrive.

"HELP! PLEASE, SOMEBODY!" a loud cry radiated from below.

 _There's someone in there..._ I thought and afterward felt stupid. _Of course someone's in there... oh god. I hope they still sent everything else... And my name. My name is in there, it has to be. This is my last chance!_

The crowd grew quickly as the boys uncovered the cage and people started to jostle so they could see inside. I elbowed the boy next to me before looking below and seeing what answers the cage held. Inside was a person, a boy, on his back covering his face with his hands. He was small, at least smaller than me, and he was crying.

"Please! Don't hurt me," he screamed when Gally opened the cage and jumped down to him.

"You're going be okay, Greenie," he pulled him up and out of the cage, setting him on the ground. The circle of people around the box all stepped backwards, making a small clearing for the new Greenie.

"Please!," he looked to us in terror, his large blue eyes were outline with tears.

"Greenie, it's okay. Settle down," Gally sat him up and slapped him on the back.

The boy flinched at his touch and pulled away from him, he looked around frantically, squinting at the sky. His eyes met mine for a brief second and my heart broke. _What a poor boy. He has no idea what's going on and he's scared for his life. I remember that._ The other Gladers all started to talk at once, making comments on his size and some even laughed at the fact that he was crying.

"Who are you," he choked on his words. "Where am I?!"

"You're in the Glade, Greenbean," Gally stood and laughed like it was this kids fault he didn't know where he was.

"Hey," I crouched down, the boy turned to me again, we were now at eye level. His eyes were so big and he looked so small and fragile, I knew what it felt like, even if everyone else had forgotten what it was like to come here. "It's okay. It's okay," I spoke in calm boy was visibly shaking, my words did nothing to help him and he drew his legs closer to himself.

"What do you want?!," he cried.

"Nothing. I don't want anything, but you should calm down...," I tried to keep an level voice but the kids started to shake his head and rock back and forth.

"LEAVE ME ALONE!," he screamed, hiding his bead between his knees.

"All right," Gally clapped his hands, officially done with the situation. "Aidan, Jackson, take him to the Slammer. Let him cool off," he said before walking back towards the Homestead. The other Gladers started to drift away when Jackson and Aidan came and picked the boy up. He struggled, kicking and screaming to get free from them.

"LET ME GO!," he flailed in the grip.

"Come on, is that necessary?," I take a step towards the scene.

"Don't worry, he'll come down soon enough," Aidan said.

"Let's go, Greenie!," Siggy called as he was halfway back to the kitchen.

Jackson looked to me, his eyes were clouded with pitty," We're not gonna hurt him," he said before they made there way to the Slammer.

 _How can they do this? How can they just be so... so stupid. So unemotional. It's not his fault_ , the anger was swelling inside me.

"We got some more lighter fluid," a voice said happily from the box.

 _The box! My name!_

I went to the edge and saw Adam was inside looking through our new shipment. _Lighter fluid, who cares!?_ My eyes scan the cage, first checking for my leaf, but I didn't see it. _It's gone! They took it!_

"Oh boy! And we got some new knives! Winston is gonna love this!," he jumped from the cage and saw me. "Oh... ugh, there's nothing in there for you this time," he set down the box and went back in.

"Don't be so sure," I feel a grin on my lips.

Adam looked over his shoulder at me, he was skeptical of what I was doing but kept working. He brought up everything, new medical supplies, knives, a couple chickens and a goat, along with some other items.

Carrying the last of it, he jumped out," That's all," he said.

 _What? That can't be everything? Why would they take my leaf and not answer? Why would they do that! It doesn't make sense?_ I jumped into the box looking and feeling the entire grate. _Where is it? It has to be somewhere?_

"What are you doing, Greenie?," Adam asked, his tone showed his was annoyed. "I've got it all up here."

 _Not all of it, it can't be all of it!_

"Besides, didn't they tell you the box won't go down without someone inside," he snickered.

 _Where is it? I saw everything, there was nothing... It didn't come. They aren't going to tell me. I'm not going to get my name._

I feel a burning sensation bubble up in my throat and know that tears are close. I jump out of the box and run past Adam, _How could I be so stupid to think they would just tell me?! Why did I ever think that would work!?_ I wipe the tears out of my eyes before they spill out and I stop running, _Just calm down... Forget it. Don't let Siggy see you like this._ I take a deep breath and walk back to the kitchen. _You're just back to square one, so it's not like you lost anything_ , I tried to cheer myself up and I went back to peeling onions but it didn't help.

As soon as Joe walked through the threshold I walked out, not saying a word and heading to my room. _Okay, so you didn't get a name. You knew it was a possibility it wouldn't happen... it's okay,_ I convinced myself it was alright. _Now you just have to keep on with the plan and pick your own name. Lea or Delia. I hate them both. Ciara? Ugh, no. Alina... NO! Elyce? UGHHHHHHHH!_

I throw myself onto my hammock, _You did this to yourself,_ I thought as the tears rolled out. _You had hope... you are such an idiot._


	38. Chapter 38

Jackson came by and apologized for what happened with the new Greenie, he said that new Greenie is calmer and Alby is giving him the grand tour. He stayed for a while and talked to me, I didn't tell him about my leaf letter, it was a huge mistake and I regretted it so much. I was lucky that he didn't ask me about my name either, that would have ended badly.

"Are you excited for your date with Newt? You're welcome by the way," he smiled giddily.

"This isn't a date, Jackson," I said it like a joke but my heart raced at the thought.

"So you're not excited?"

"Oh, I just... I'm just tired, you know? I didn't sleep well last night," I looked to my lap.

"Tired or not, you're going," he said like there was no other option. "You're going, you're going to have a good time and it's going to be great."

I sighed," I hope you're right."

"I know I'm right. It'll be starting soon, I thought you'd be happier," he was now worried.

"I am, thank you Jackson," I flashed a bright smile and he seemed convinced.

"Good. You'll have to tell me everything later," he stood up. "I have to go watch all of you party from a tower," he faked his enthusiasm.

"Have fun."

"I won't," he laughed as he left.

 _Date? No, this isn't a date. Is it?_

I went and took a quick shower, luckily no one was in there, so that I didn't smell like the kitchen all night long. When I was walking back, _I saw them light the fire, It's almost time._ I ran back to my room and put on my cleanest outfit. _I need to wash my clothes._ I was combing my hair when Newt knocked on my door and my heart jumped.

"Hey," he smiled and I felt weak.

"Hey...," I put down my brush.

"Are you ready?"

"Uhm, yeah," I smiled as we walked towards the light of the bonfire.

I was so nervous, I bit my lip and tried to think of a topic, _What do I say to him?_

"Uhm... how's the new Greenie?" I already knew he answer.

"He's doing okay, still really jumpy. He hasn't tried to run yet, so that's a bonus," Newt nudged me.

I rolled my eyes and felt a blush rise to my cheeks, "I'm not the only one to run."

"That's true, we've had a lot. But you're the most recent. Hey Gally," Newt greeted Gally with a head nod. We were now at the bonfire, it was just like I had remembered. Loud voices, banging music and that weird shoving game.

"You want a drink?," Newt offered me a cup.

"Yeah, sure," I take a sip, it was strong and left a harsh taste in my mouth.

Newt laughed at my face," I thought you could handle it?"

"Apparently not," I laughed.

"How are you and Jackson doing?," Newt sipped his own drink. He asked the question so casually, I almost answered 'good' until I realized what he had meant. _He does think Jackson and I are are dating! I knew! Okay... I have to answer this just right..._

"Jackson is my best friend." Newt looked to the ground, he was now uncomfortable with where the conversation had gone and I was about to make it worse. "So you think we're dating too, huh?"

His head snapped up, his eyes wide and his mouth open. _Look at how cute he is, so nervous and adorable._

"Uh... I-I-I... I-I had heard... something like... t-that," he stammered.

"Well, it's not true. Jackson is just my friend," I said more confidently that I felt.

"Oh, that's good to know...," he eyes darted behind me. "Hey Alby," he smiled.

I turned and saw Alby walking up to us with the new Greenie beside him, the little kid looked really on edge.

"Newt," he smiled and then turned to me and nodded. _He doesn't want to call me Greenie in front of the new Greenie_ , I bowed my head. "Greenbean, this is who you wanted to meet," he gestured to me and I was confused. _Me? He wants to meet me?_

The kid looked to me, his eyes still wide, but they weren't fearful, they were nervous and a little confused. "I just wanted to meet you properly," he held out his hand.

"Oh," I took it and shook it.

"Nice to meet you," his mouth twitched into a half smile.

"Like wise," I took a long drink.

"I also want to apologize, I feel just awful about my actions earlier," his fidgeted with his hands.

"It's alright," I smiled. "You still had a better first day than me."

"That's hard to believe," he murmured.

"A lot people are put into the Slammer their first day, it's just a way to keep you confined and calm," Newt explained.

"We try to do it so you won't do something dumb," Alby's eyes flickered toward me. I roll my eyes and take another drink, it's taste started t dull my mouth.

The kid nodded, he seemed like he still didn't understand.

"It'll get better," Newt smiled.

"Have you had any luck with your name?," Alby asked.

A chill ran through my entire body. _Could it be possible that this kid had found his name so soon? Could he already be doing better than I was when only hours ago he had been a mess of sobbing and snot._ I held my breath as the kid shook his head, and sighed. _Is it bad that I am happy?_

"Ugh, we'll see you around," Newt steered me away and towards the fire. "I'm sorry," he said once we we were away.

"What for?," my voice squeaked.

"I didn't think Alby would bring up the whole name thing. I don't think he thought about what it might mean to you. Are you okay?"

I smiled weakly," Yeah, I'm fine." _Am I?_ I could feel a pit in my stomach and there was a lump in the back of my throat. I wasn't going to cry, but I was not in the mood I had been in.

"Come on, let's watch Adam and Hank push each other," we were drawn to edge of the circle. Hank and Adam circled one another, until Hank ran at him, he was so quick. Adam was not expecting it and was pushed out of the circle, the crowd cheered. Adam went back with determination, this time he was the one to charge and hank dodged it swiftly. They did this a couple more times until Hank was declared the winner. Newt and I strolled away from them and ran into Gally.

"Hey Greenie," he smiled.

"Oh, hey Gally."

"Newt."

"Gally," Newt nodded.

"You like the hooch?," Gally gestured to my glass.

"Um, yeah. It's stronger than I remember."

"You noticed," he was impressed. "I've been playing around with the recipe."

"It's good," Newt took a drink.

"Happy to please," he laughed. "How do you like your living space?"

I swallowed my mouthful of hooch. "It's great, Gally. I can't thank you enough, I love it." _At least he's not acting weird anymore._

"Hopefully soon, you'll have some new roommates," he snickered.

"Yeah...," I rolled onto the balls of my feet. "Maybe..."

"Gally, you have to go challenge Hank," Newt pointed to the ring. "He just beat Adam and now thinks he's the king."

Gally smirked cockily," Not for long" he marched towards the circle.

I hugged myself, _wow... what a great reminder of how people think I'm dating Jackson, I have no name, and I'm the only girl. Tonight has been great._

"Want to go for a walk?," Newt suggested.

I nodded and set my drink down, Newt lead me away from the fire and we began to walk alongside the wall of the Glade. I let my hand drag behind me against the coarse texture of the wall, we walked for minute without speaking before Newt talked.

"I'm really sorry about tonight."

"It's not your fault," I gave a small smile.

"I feel pretty guilty..."

"Don't. It's not your fault, it's not even your problem."

"I know... but if you ever need to talk about it, I'm here," he put his hands in his pockets.

"Thanks Newt... but talking doesn't help," I chuckled sadly.

"Don't say that. Talking can be very helpful."

"Not for this...," we walked into the Deadhead.

"I guess I wouldn't know," he shuffled his feet through the leaves.

"Thanks anyway, Newt. It's sweet to offer," I give a genuine smile and he returns it.

"I should just say sorry about the whole Jackson thing," he looked away.

I smirked," It's alright, the whole Glade thinks we're together. It's so stupid."

"You guys are really close," Newt points out.

"Yeah, because he's my best friend," I defended.

"And Ben...?"

"What about Ben?" _What is he talking about?_

"He's a friend too?"

"Yeah, Ben and I are friends." I turned to look at him and my tree caught my eye. I steered towards it. The Deadhead was illuminated in a soft glow of white light from the moon seeping in through the leafless treetops. It looked really beautiful and strangely romantic but also kind of spooky. I gently touched the final leaf lingering on my tree, before Newt spoke.

"What about me?"

I turned to him, he was standing few feet way with his hands in pockets and his shoulders slouched forward. His eyes were shining in the moonlight, which seemed to project upon him like a spotlight. His face was hard to read, _What is he thinking? What is asking me? Is he my friend... what?_

"W-What?," I asked him.

"What about me?," he repeated, looking at me intensely.

"W-We're friends... r-right?"

Newt took a step closer to me," Yes."

"Good. I'm glad we're friends," you could hear the nerves in my voice.

Newt looked at me, his eyes were dark and his face was drowned in the shadows of the trees. I couldn't make out his expression, but I could feel his gaze, I knew he was watching me even though I couldn't see him. I felt a tingle in my fingers and held my breath for a moment, _What is he doing? Why is he just staring at me... Does he want to say something... or... kiss me?_

Then his face changed and I saw his teeth, he was smiling now and I heard his faint chuckle. He's laughing? Why?

"Me too! I think you're a great friend."

My heart sank at his words. _.. Great friend? Why... Oh damn..._

"Yeah... you too," I brushed my hair behind my ears.


	39. Chapter 39

The rest of the night went painfully slow. I just drank and watched it all go by, no wanting to participate in the festivities. Newt was acting different now it seemed, or maybe it was all in my head, he seemed somewhat awkward now. I mean, we had always been awkward with one another, but now I would catch him looking at me then making some excuse as to why, like there was bug on me or he was waving to a Glader behind me. _Maybe now that he knows I'm single... it's weird for him? Maybe he really is gay..._

I waited there a while longer, no wanting to seem rude or impatient, but now I was drunk and starting to get emotional.

"I think I'm going to head home," I smiled while I whispered to Newt.

"Home? Already?," he looked puzzled.

 _Just do it,_ my body pressured me. _Just kiss him... see what he does back. Maybe Jackson is on to something? What?... NO! Oh don't do it!_ I had already started to lean forward until I pulled away, it wasn't subtle at all.

"Ugh... I-... I am just tired," I managed to form the excuse.

"Well... alright. I can walk you back if you'd like?"

"NO!," I cleared my throat,"I mean, no, it's okay. I'll... I'll see you around."

I waved goodbye to everyone else as I left the party, but instead of veering right to my home, I went left toward the Glade. I followed the narrow path to the opening, looked up to the tower where there was a faint glow of light.

He's probably sleeping..., I thought while I climbed the stairs. But when I reached to top, it was vacant, Jackson wasn't there. Where is he?

"BOO!," Jackson jumped out from the other side of the tree and I had to catch myself on the railing.

"AHH!"

Jackson just laughed," Oh... You should have seen it! That was perfect!"

"Jackson!," I hit him repeatedly. "Never do that again! I could have fell off!"

"No, that's why there's a gaurd rail," he said while chuckling.

"I didn't even see you. I thought you went to the bathroom to something."

Jackson spawned a new laugh," I'm a man. The world is my bathroom."

"Ew," I brushed past him and sat on the edge.

"I saw you coming," he sat beside me. "It was a once in limetime oppurtunity."

"Shut up," I tried to joke, but it came out harsh.

"Damn, Okay... I'm sorry? I didn't think you would be this angry?"

I sighed, _What the hell happened tonight? I don't even understand..._ I felt the pressure build. _No, you are not crying. NO!_

"I'm... I'm not mad. I... I..."

My throat swelled and I was now gasping for breath, trying to hold all of inside me was harder than I expected.

"I... I...," I struggled to explain to him. I don't know why I had lashed out for no reason, it didn't make since.

"Hey, are you okay?," Jackson sounded legitimately concerned as he looked to me.

"I'm... yeah... fine," I turned to the glade but my chest was tight and the air seemed to vanish.

Jackson stayed silent, he knew I was lying. I could feel him staring at me and all my emotions bubbled up and I couldn't contain it anymore. I gasped and started to sob, tears flowing down my face with ease. I covered my face and tried to hide but it wouldn't mask the loud crying and obvious shaking of my body. I was so upset, I didn't really have a valid reason to be. I was frustrated, how could I let my hopes up again?! And I was just so overwhelmed, being in the Glade for two months and I still couldn't adjust to the life. Everyday I felt like an outcast and I felt like such a small unnoticeable blimp on the radar of whoever was in control of this sick twisted game of my life.

Jackson must have been caught by surprise by my sudden outburst, because it took a few seconds to speak.

"Hey... hey... it's okay," he obviously had no idea what to do which only made me feel worse and fueled my tears.

"I... I'm... I'm ... I'm sorry...," I cried into my hands.

I felt terrible. Awful. Jackson tried to so hard to help me, he got me time with Newt and encouraged me to be myself. He tried to teach me how to read the signs and how to respond, but none of it worked. None of it helped. Newt saw me as nothing more than a friend. It hurt. It hurt a lot because I wanted more, but at the same time I didn't even understand what more really meant. I had no clue to how to be a girlfriend or even just let a guy know that I liked them! I was just stuck, but Jackson was always so nice to me, he never made me feel stupid for being so clueless. He was such a good friend and here I was just bawling my eyes out for no reason.

I tried to wipe the tears away but they were never ending.

"Hey," Jackson leaned forward so he was in my line of vision. "What happened? Talk to me."

Just those few short, simple words made me lose it all over again. He was too good. Too kind. I buried my face again crying again, so thankful to have him. He was one of the few people I could trust here and talk to openly.

I felt his body go rigid beside me," What happened?"

"I... I... I'm sorry," I apologized again.

"Sorry for what? What happened tonight!?"

"N-Newt... he..."

"What did he do? Did he do something," Jackson sounded angry.

I shook my head," He... he doesn't like... like me..."

Jackson softened and I heard him sigh deeply. My tears were slowing and my breathing was coming back, I felt gross and hollow. Disgusted at myself, _why was I crying, there was no reason to cry._ I sounded so stupid, I could hear it, it was so pathetic which only made me feel more pathetic.

Jackson wrapped his arm around me, it was such a small gesture but it felt so comforting. He was so warm, I leaned into him, wiping away my tears, hopefully for the last time.

"He's a slinthead," Jackson said softly in a disappointed tone.

I didn't say anything, I knew if I did, I would risk crying all over again and I wanted to seem strong. I fumbled with my hands while Jackson rubbed my shoulder soothingly, as we both sat looking over the Glade. I could see the fire where the party was still raging and occasionally a shouting drunk idiot would ring in the air, but all that was heard consistently was the murmur of far away conversations.

"I wouldn't worry about him anymore. Plenty of other guys here..."

It was a sweet thing for him to say but I didn't want other guy. At the moment I didn't want anyone.

"Besides, I can barely understand what he's saying half the time," Jackson chuckled.

I knew he was trying to make me feel better but it was not doing it for me. Jackson kept talking, his voice droned into a lulling melody while his chest rising and falling was like being rocked back and forth. I closed my eyes for a second, warm and raw in his embrace; seconds turned into minutes which turned into a peaceful night of slumber.

* * *

 **Hope this was worth the wait!**


	40. Chapter 40

It had been two days since the bonfire.

I don't know how he did it, but Jackson somehow got me to work the next morning. Siggy knew something was wrong, I was quiet, didn't smile or even talk. Every time he asked, I just shook my head telling him there was nothing wrong. After a few times he laughed and blamed it on the hooch and told me the remedy was to eat a raw onion. He handed me one and went back to work, I didn't eat it. I was slow the next day too, and Siggy was getting frustrated that I wasn't moving at the normal pace I once had. I don't even remember what we cooked those two days.

All I wanted to do was sleep, when I was sleeping nothing was real. I could pretend that I was in a house with my parents, going to school and living a normal life. Jackson wouldn't let me, he made me stay awake, walk the Glade with him, go to dinner, shower and talk. I know he wanted to help, he wanted things to feel normal again, but they didn't. I saw it in Jackson's movements when we toured the Glade, he was always looking around, trying to keep me from Newt, I could tell. He had done a good job, I hadn't seen him, not even at meal times. But staying away from him couldn't be the permanent solutions, I was going to see him eventually trapped in this box from hell.

Jackson was stretched on the middle hammock in my room, rambling about how stupid the Slicers were for thinking cutting into the chicken would find the eggs. I wasn't listening, I was studying the ends of my hair, pulling off the parts that split, still thinking about the bonfire. It was exhausting playing the scene in my head over and over, but I couldn't stop. The sound of his voice , the way the shadows danced on his face, it gave goosebumps and chills that spread through me. They way his eyes were almost black in the dark, then the words that shattered it all. I remembered how his face was hidden in the shadows, it broke my heart all over again. I remember him finally looking at me, he didn't even look sad.

"Are you even listening?"

I jolted back to where I was, Jackson was now sitting up and looking at me.

"Yeah. Yeah, I'm listening."

He groaned," You are the worst liar, ever!"

I sighed," I'm sorry."

"No, it's okay," he looked away briefly. "Do you want to talk about it?"

I did... but I also didn't. I had cried to Jackson the last two days and somehow, I don't know how, he managed to listen and comfort me. He reassured me that Newt was being stupid and that I was too good for him. It was a laughable concept, but I felt a little better when he would say it. There was nothing left for me to do, I had told him every detail of that night, everything I remembered.

"There's nothing left to say...," I gripped the side of my hammock tightly and looked to the ground.

"I know it still hurts."

"Yeah," I caught my breath. "It does."

"I wish Newt wasn't so stupid."

I let out a sharp laugh and looked up to Jackson, he had a small smile on his face.

"I... I just... wish it was different."

"Me too."

"I just don't-..."

"Hello?!"

Jackson and I both turned to the doorway and there in the opening was Ben. He looked at me then Jackson and then back to me, trying to assess the situation. It must have looked weird, we were both just sitting there staring at one another. Ben tired not to make it awkward but he did anyway.

"Oh... I'm sorry. I... I didn't mean to interrupt."

Jackson looked to Ben then me," Interrupt what?," he cocked an eyebrow.

"Oh, just the conversation..."

"It's okay, Ben," I wiped my nose.

"Haven't seen you around," he smile and leaned on the frame.

"Oh... yeah. I've just been... around, I guess."

"Well... I thought I should come check on you, see what was new...," his eyes darted around the room.

 _Why is this so weird? I don't think I've ever been with Ben and Jackson at the same time..._

"Well," Jackson slapped his knees before standing. "It's my night to watch, so I have to get going. You gonna be okay?" Jackson paused to look at me, blocking Ben out.

"Yeah, I'm good," I tired to play casual but it didn't work.

"See you around, Jackson," Ben smiled.

"Ben," Jackson nodded before leaving.

When Jackson left, Ben didn't move. He looked at me and sighed dramatically," Kind of intense, isn't he?"

I shrugged, Jackson was just being extra protective because of Newt.

Ben took a step into the room," So... what've you been doing?"

I shrugged again, there was nothing to tell. I went to work and came home, that was it.

Ben finally wandered into my room, slowly ambling towards me, his hands in his pockets.

"You seem... kind of different. Everything okay?"

I wrapped my arms around myself unhappily, _I can't seem to hide anything for anyone here..._

"I'm fine."

Ben scoffed," Sure sounds like it."

My anger flared," What do you want, Ben?," I snapped at him.

He instinctively took a step back, hands up, trying to show he was not threat to me," Woah."

I sighed heavily and laid on my hammock, _what is wrong with me?_ Ben waited a moment, then decided the ghost was clear and approached me again.

"Should I leave, or...?," Ben left the question open for me to answer.

I sighed again and closed my eyes," No. I'm sorry. I just... It's been a tough few days."

"So something is happening," Ben dug deeper.

"I'm just... a mess."

Ben shuffled his feet," Hey, it happens. Adjusting to life in the Gl-..."

"I'm adjusted, Ben, I've been here for two months."

Ben sighed," No one really adjusts to this life."

I glanced to him, he looked sad, _maybe Ben isn't really adjusted to the Glade yet either. How long has he been here? I don't even know._

"How long have you been here, Ben?"

Ben sighed," I came here about 5 months ago."

"And you still... I mean, it's still not normal?"

"No."

I wrapped my arms around myself and closed my eyes. It felt like the world was spinning, _I don't even know where this place is... Are we on Earth? Did aliens abduct us all and erase out memories? Are we even real?! What if I'm the only real one here... and everyone else is a hologram or something. This could all just be one big hallucination._

"Do you ever really just think about this place," I asked him.

"What do you mean?"

"I mean all of it. The maze, the glade, all of us. Do you ever just think about if it's even real or not?"

"What? If what's real?"

I sighed," Forget it."

"Hey, don't get all frustrated. Just explain."

I sat up again. "What if this place isn't even real? It could all be fake. Where even are we?! What if we aren't even alive? What... What happens when we die here, do we really die? What if we go back to nomral life or something?"

"Woah, Woah. Calm down, there," Ben chuckled uneasily. "This place is real. I'm real. You're real."

"How can you know?"

He shrugged casually," The same way I know when I'm hungry, I eat. It's just common sense."

 _He doesn't get it._

"Yeah, you're right Ben," I said just so I wouldn't have to re explain myself.

"Maybe you should get a hobby, like working in the garden or helping tend the animals."

The idea of going to the garden made my skin clammy, Newt was in the garden. Not that the garden was very appealing to me anyway, I didn't like the extra dirt and mud or the stupid weeds you had to pull.

"I don't know. I think I'm okay with the load of work I have now."

"Who knows, maybe that work won't matter soon."

"I doubt it. The guys here eat like they've never tasted food," I dipped my foot off the hammock and slowly rocked myself.

"What I mean is, maybe we won't have to do anything here anymore..."

"What? Alby would ne-...," I froze. I sat up quickly, too quickly that I nearly fell of the hammock and onto the ground. "Wait! Wait! What... What are you saying?"

Ben looked at me with a sneaky smile on his face," I'm saying, we might not have to be here... at all."

The maze. He found it. He found the way out of the maze! WE CAN LEAVE!

Ben saw the excitement grow in my eyes and tried to calm me down before I got overly enthusiastic.

"Hold up," he said before I opened my mouth. "Nothing is official."

"But... you're saying...," I leaned froward, the anticipation killing me.

"I'm saying, I turned a corner in the maze and it looked like...," he paused. "It looked real."

"BEN!," I leaped up and hugged him. "That is amazing news!" I pulled away and danced around my room.

 _Real. Like real freedom. Past this dingy walls that suffocate us all. A real life. A better existence. Something... Real._

"Woah, woah there. Don't get too crazy. Nothing's for certain."

I stopped dancing," I know... but it gives me hope."

Ben grinned happily," Good."


	41. Chapter 41

I saw him the next day. He was laughing and walking with Zart towards me. Well, not towards me, towards his lunch which I just happened to be dishing out. I looked away before we would make some weird estranged eye contact and focused on the greens I was passing out. I handed a bowl out without even looking up.

"Woah, there Greenie."

I looked up to see the sly grin of a freckled faced Gally.

"Oh, Sorry, Gally."

"Don't sweat it," he smiled as he picked up a piece of his meal that had fallen onto the table. "Bowl too heavy or what?"

"Oh... I... I just... I guess so," I forced a chuckle.

He chewed a piece of food," I guess that's why your in the kitchen and not a Builder."

"I guess your right," I said anxiously as I saw Newt get closer and closer.

"Hey, what happened to you the other night? Seems you disappeared or something."

He means the bonefire. "Oh.. I just... I just was tired is all," I sucked in my breath as Zart and Newt stepped up to the table.

"Hello," Zart beamed, his chunky cheeks red from the sun.

"Hey, Zart."

"What's the meal of the day?," he questioned out loud as I held him his bowl.

"Greens," I replied.

"Looks good. Just makes me happy knowing it all comes from my little garden," he stepped away so Newt could get his bowl.

"Tired? Maybe girls are just wired differently then us, guys," Gally joked.

"I wouldn't know," I responded as I shakily held out a bowl to Newt.

"Thank you," he said softly before following Zart to a table.

"Greens? I can't believe Alby thinks this enough for a meal! I mean, I'm working hard for this Glade and this is all I get, seems a little unfair. Don't you think?"

"Uh... well... I think it's really good. I like Greens."

"Greens aren't a meal though," Gally argued.

I glanced past him to where Newt was sitting, talking with Zart, Alby, and Winston. He looked calm, happy, like nothing was different. _To him nothing is different_ , I told myself. _He has only ever seen you as a friend_

"Am I right?" Gally laughed.

"Uh? What?"

I had not heard a word he was saying.

He shook his head," Must have gone deaf due to all that kitchen work."

"I can take it from here," Joe stepped up beside me and I gladly gave him control.

I turned and began the short walk that lead me back to my home when something tapped me on the shoulder. I jumped back, afraid from random touch, which was greeted by a squeal from the other person.

"I'm sorry! I'm sorry!"

I saw it was the Greenie, the new one. He looked startled by my action and was crouched in a defensive position. I loosened once I saw it was only him, thought I'm not sure who I was expecting.

"I'm sorry! I... I just..."

I took a breath to slow my heart," It's okay... you just... scared me is all."

"I... I'm sorry. I just... didn't know... what...," he looked away and fell silent.

He didn't know what to call me. I filled in the blank.

"Oh... well, can I help you with something?"

"I... I... just wanted to ask... ask you...," he slowly stood from where he was squatting. "I wanted ask about how you adjusted to this."

I snorted at the thought of me being adjusted, especially since I had just talked to Ben about this very topic yesterday. I was probably more messed up now then I had been my first few weeks here.

"Believe me, I'm not the one to ask. Alby would be my go to if I had any questions."

"No, no, no. I-I can't ask Alby," he fidgeted with his hands.

 _Can't ask Alby? Why not?_

"Uhm... well, if you can't ask Alby then I'm definitely not qualified to answer," I half joked.

"How do you get used to all this?," he asked quietly.

I had no clue to how to answer that question. He really should be talking to Alby.

"I... I don't know. I'm not really used to it myself," I admitted.

"I mean, I know you haven't b-been here long, but that is just the thing to help me. I-I need someone who still remembers how hard this is. Alby is g-great, he seems r-really nice, but I can tell he has been here for a while."

"Alby was the first Glader," I told him.

"Exactly, he's been here so long that this is all he knows. I need someone who still remembers what this feeling is like."

 _I do remember_ , I was stuck in that feeling.

"I don't have any advice. I'm still trying to figure it out myself."

"I-I-I was told...," he looked down again," about... about h-how y-y-you... about h-h-ow you..."

"About how I don't remember my name?," I filed in and he nodded. _Two months. It's been two months, why does this still feel so weird. Shouldn' t I just be over it now? Why can't it just be over._

"How do you live with it?," he asked lowly, still not looking at me.

"Is this really living?," I sighed and looked to the ground. I realized that may have sounded too harsh, I was about to explain further but when I looked up he was already walking away from me.

 _Was that too harsh to say? I hope not, I'm just being honest with him. The Glade is not real life, I can't believe it is or ever will be. I need to keep some hope, if not for name then for my future. Ben saw it.. the way out... Freedom._

I chose to sidetrack my walk and ventured to the Med hut and there was Clint.

He smiled," Hello there, Greenie."

"Hey Clint."

"Look who graced us with a visit," Clint called into the hut.

"Is is Alby? I need to talk to him about the new supplies."

"No, you goof. Get out here."

Jeff emerged from the hut and his eyes lit up," Well, well, well," he grinned.

"Hey guys."

"Well, come on in, " Clint and Jeff ushered me in.

"So, what brings you by?," Jeff asked.

"Thought I would try to tackle you again," I joked, remembering my first memory here. Alby, Clint, and Jeff with me screaming and fighting, terrified of everyone.

Jeff laughed, "How about the next bonfire, me and you in the circle."

I chuckled,"I don't want to embarrass you in front of the whole Glade."

"Ohhhh, dang! I would place a bet on that. Greenie would whip you in a second," Clint nudged Jeff.

"I doubt it," I said. " Jeff is way stronger then I expected."

"Yeah, you have no idea. I could whoop anyone in this glade!"

"Oh, really? So if I went and got Lee, you would be able to-..."

"Woah, woah man, not like that."

We all laughed, I had missed these goofballs. Talking to them made me feel a little better, see a brighter side to the Glade.

"How have you been, Greenie," Clint sat in his normal chair.

I shrugged, hoping the truth didn't shine through. "I've been good. The kitchen is fun."

"Really? Any wild secrets?!," he joked.

"Oh yeah. Loads of them," I chuckled and sat on the first cot.

"Good to see you're keeping yourself from trouble. No more accidents."

"None so far."

"Good, the Slicers keep us busy enough. Not to mention the Gre-...," Jeff glanced to me,"... the new kid. He nearly lost his whole arm off yesterday."

"Wait, what?!," I leaned forward.

"Yeah, you didn't hear?," I shook my head so he continued. "Well, he's apparently his wandered close the meat grinder and... like a newbie does, got too curious."

I cringed," I hate that thing."

"It does the job," Clint shrugged.

"Uh... what do you think of this new kid?," I asked them.

Clint shrugged again," Seems scared. Nothing unusual."

"Yeah, kid barely gets five words out without a pause."

"It's been three days... and he still doesn't have his name...," I said it out loud but it wasn't really meant for anyone. As soon as I said it, I looked away from them, realizing the situation I put us all into.

In my peripheral, I saw Jeff and Clint look to one another for a moment, trying to figure out what to say and how to proceed.

"Uh...," Jeff coughed. "Yeah, not yet. It... It takes some time."

"Longer for some," Clint added.

"Guys, it's fine," I tried to shake it off. "I'm not talking about me or anything," I folded my arms. "I just think it's weird that he hasn't gotten it yet."

"It's not weird, for some it's just a bit of a... a process, is all."

"Some? Some... like me?," I smirked and Clint blushed a deep red.

"No... Uh, no. Not like... not like you or anything. It... I mean, It just takes some people more time than others."

Jeff rushed to his defense," Yeah, yeah. I mean, some people know there names coming up in the cage, others just need some time."

Guys, guys," I held up my hands. "I'm joking, calm down," I giggled and the both took deep breaths.

"Yeah... I know," Clint played along.

"He is rally jittery though," I agreed. "He probably won't get a job with a knife."

"Definitely not," Jeff muttered.

"So you think a Slopper?," Clint asked.

Jeff shrugged, "Who knows? Maybe he'll be a Med-Jack."

"No fair," I pouted. " What if I wanted to be a Med-Jack?"

They both turned to me, their faces speaking louder than any words could have.

I smirked," Okay, okay. you're right... I would have been a terrible Med-Jack."

"And that is exactly why you're not one," Clint grinned and I smiled again, feeling at ease, peaceful... maybe even happy. Even if it was just for the moment.


	42. Chapter 42

I slowly felt the notches on my tree, there were so many now, seventy all together. I was almost out of room on this side, _I either need to make the notches smaller or move to a new part of the trunk._ I look at my raw thumb nail, I had pulled out so many splinters from carving the days into this tree, _I guess I thought we'd be leaving sooner than this. Ben is close, but I don't want to pressure him about it anymore. I haven't seen him in a few days... besides at meals. He must be working hard to find the right turn again._

I left the Deadhead and entered the open Glade, _Ben should be in the Homestead if he's not working._ I walk up to the sleeping rooms and enter quietly, the room is dark and I see some bodies in the hammocks gently rising and falling with their breathing. I don't want to wake anyone up, I'll just see him at dinner. I turn and leave the dark room quickly and nearly run into Gally outside.

"Oh... hey Greenie," he greets me in a gruff voice.

"Hi Gally."

His long eyesbrows drew together, tightening his face. "What were you doing in the there?," he pointed to the sleeping chambers.

"I was looking for Ben."

"He's out in the maze." Gally's voice was dry and it seemed he was irritated.

"Oh, okay. I'll just see him at Dinner then."

"Yeah, yeah no problem," Gally rubbed the back of his neck and smiled. It looked kind of like he had to concentrate on it, like it wasn't natural and he had to think about it while he did it. "Hey, just so you know... uh... Alby and the rest of the Keepers are going to be gathering tonight and you should be there. I think most of the Glade will be there actually..."

"Me? Why?"

 _Am I in trouble again or something? I haven't done anything!_

Gally shrugged," I don't even know why were gathering. You'll have to ask him."

"Yeah. I'll go find him."

"Oh, wait, Greenie," Gally grabbed my hand.

I turned back to him, looking down at his hand on mine he quickly pulled away.

"I... I just wanted to say that I like... I like what you did with your hair," he muttered and then pushed past me, practically bounding into the Homestead and ot of view.

 _Ooooookaaayyyyy..._ I stood there for a minute. _That was weird. Okay... Why did he-... Oh, nope. Nope. Not now, I'll ask Jackson later. Now: Alby._ I found Alby, he was on top of the tower with Newt unfortunately. I sighed, trying to decide what to do next. _I need to talk to Alby... but I don't rally want to be near Newt. It still... feels so weird..._

As I was trying to decide, Alby saw me and waved to me.

"GREENIE! Hey! Just the girl I was looking for," he waved me to come to him.

"Well that settles it," I grunted to myself and approached the tower, climbing the stairs as I tried to calm my nerves.

 _Be cool. Just be cool. It's not like you haven't seen him before. It's not weird. It won't be weird._

I got to the top and my heart lurched, Newt was just so handsome in the afternoon glow of the Glade. The raw golden sunshine on his face made him shine like jewel, even when he was squinting in the light.

"Hey, Greenie. How's it going," Alby smiled happily.

"I'm... I'm good," I fought the urge to glance to Newt.

"Glad to hear it. I just wanted to catch you and let you know about a meeting tonight. It'll be in the Gathering hut after dinner."

"Uh... yeah, Gally mentioned something like that," I looked down then back to Alby. "Am I in trouble or something."

"Oh, no. No, of course not. No ones in trouble," he reassured me.

"Then what is it about? Why do I need to be there?"

After I said I realized how harsh it had sounded, it seemed as of late, I was not filtering myself as wonderfully as I should.

"Oh," Alby had not been expecting it either. "We're actually getting together to discuss standards on girls in the glade."

"Girls in the glade? You mean me?"

"Well, yes. You and whoever else gets sent here. I think some new rules are in order."

"Rules?," I was not following.

"Don't worry. I'll explain it all at the meeting."

"Oh.. okay, sure."

"Great. See you there."

I nodded and finally tore my eyes to see Newt, he was staring at me but the quickly looked away once I caught him. Alby turned back to him and they restarted their conversation. I slowly descended the steps, _Rules? New rules? But why? That makes no sense._

* * *

There I was, sitting in a hot cramped room filled with adolescent boys who reeked of sweat and grim from a hard day or working, while Alby stood in front of us all.

"Good evening everyone. I hoped all enjoyed dinner."

"You better," I heard Siggy shout from his spot which caused a ripple of laughter among the crowd.

Alby chuckled," Yes. Well, the real reason we're all here is to discuss the Glade. As we see, the Glade is changing. Change is good. We need to embrace it, really use it to our advantage. Our girl glader, she has been a vital member of the Glade for the past months, I've only heard good things," Alby smiled to me. "But with this change in our population, we ourselves have to make some changes. And, I know what you're thinking 'Why now?' 'Why two months later?' and all that. I think we've all adjusted and now we can look froward, so we can move forward."

The boys cheered for him, _What is he saying? Look forward to move forward? What does that mean?_

"So with that being said, we have some changes in the Glade. First, no boys are allowed in the girl sleeping area. The same goes for girls, not allowed in the boys sleeping quarters. It's a privacy thing, we all need to be respected."

No one objected. _Dang, Jackson has been in my room a lot. I hope he doesn't get in trouble. Even Ben... and Alby once._

"Second, As we established before, boys need to have showers done before dinner. Anytime after dinner, the showers are for the girls only."

Alby was talking but he never really looked at me, more to the crowd, but it felt like the rules were all pretty basic. The thing that was weird for me, was he kept saying "girls", like there was more than just me. As if half of the Glade was made up of girls and we were taking over or something, but that was not the case, it was just me. It made me feel uncomfortable, I thought I could feel more people glancing my way or turning to me, like it was my idea to have all these new rules established.

"Next on the list, Alone time. Girls and boys are free to be alone whenever they please during daylight. Once night hits, I would appreciate if everyone was in there proper sleeping quarters."

"Alby, what about...," Aidan gestured to himself, Jackson and Billy.

"Yes, except for Baggers on duty," Alby added.

"Where's all this coming from? Hasn't she been here long enough for this to... not be a big deal?" I heard someone ask, but couldn't see who it was.

"This is not about any particular Galder," Alby clarified. "This is about helping set some ground rules."

"For what?," someone else asked.

"For safety in the Glade. It is important that we evolve with the times. New people means we need new rules."

"Just because she's a girl?!"

I ducked my head, _Why is the happening? Why me?_

"No. We have always done Glade assessments, Tucker. That's all this is."

"So you're saying we can't leave the homestead at night?," Mihno asked.

"No, that's not what I'm saying. W-..."

"We can't be alone with her at night?"

"Tucker!"

I knew that voice, I glanced over and there was Newt. My heart swooned, for whatever reason it felt like he was defending me, but I knew he wasn't. _Stop thinking like that. Friends. Friends._

"How often do you really leave the Homestead at night," Alby asked.

"I don't. Not really. But what if I need to use the bathroom."

"No one is stopping you," Mihno interjected.

"Fine," Tucker muttered.

"Any other questions?," Alby asked the room to which there was no response besides a cough. "Next,..."

I tuned him out after that, it all seemed so unnecessary. I mean, _what did he think was going to happen? That I was going to fall in love with some guy here, have a baby or something and then it would be this weird generation thing in the Glade. Maybe that is what he thinks... sick. I don;t want a baby. Definitely not here. In this tomb. It would never happen, first I would need to fall in love, which is impossible..._

Unexpectedly, I looked up and craned my neck to get a peek at Newt. He was watching Alby, absorbing each word. I looked back in my lap, _this place is so weird. Everyone says it just takes time to adapt and then it gets normal... but it always seems just out of reach for me. Why? Why can't I just blend in with this and fall into the routine._

"And that should be all, if you have any questions or concerns, let me know. Have a great night everyone! GLADERS!"

"GLADERS!," the whole crowd bellowed.

 _I wish I felt like I belonged... a Glader._


	43. Chapter 43

I found Ben the next day, except our roles had switched and it was me who found him sitting by the small tree in the Deadhead. He was so deep in whatever he was thinking he didn't even see me approach him.

"Ben?," I called to him and he visibly jumped.

"Gosh... Damn, you nearly killed me," his hand lightly rested on his chest while the res to his body looked frozen and rigid.

"I'm sorry," I sat beside him. "I wasn't trying to sneak up on you."

He sighed," Yeah, I know that."

"What are you thinking about that you don't even notice the world around you?"

"Nothing," he shook his head. "It was nothing."

"I...," I paused. "I hope you're not thinking to much about the maze."

"Oh, no, I wasn't," he turned away from me, almost as if he was embarrassed.

"Oh, good. New-...," I stopped myself. "Everyone here says its bad to overthink stuff."

Ben just nodded, saying nothing to me _. He must have been thinking about the maze, what else would have him so focused? I don't want to stress him but I'm just so curious._

"Hey, Ben?," I shift in the small patch of dry dirt to face him more head on.

"Hmm?," he asks without turning back to me.

 _Being a Runner must be the hardest job here, so close to freedom but you can't find it. I don't know how Ben does it. I don't think I could._

"How are you?"

He turns to me," How am I?"

"Yeah... how are you feeling?"

He looks a little surprised," Uh... well, I'm... I'm okay. Why? How are you?"

I smiled," I'm doing really good." I wasn't. I was just doing okay, but I didn't want to seem like such a downer. It felt like I was always sad or upset about something here.

"Really? Well, that is great. I'm happy to hear it," he smiled. "I'm really glad you're doing so well. I admit, I worried about you," Ben pulled a blade of grass from the ground and twirled it in his hands.

I blushed," Yeah... I... I didn't exactly make a graceful entrance to the Glade."

Ben chuckled," That's one way to put it."

"Well, I'm happy to hear you're doing good too. I... I know it must be tough to be a Runner."

Ben sighed and leaned his head back against the tree," You could say that again."

"Anything you want to talk about?"

"Uh... no. It's nothing really. Just Mihno is getting really aggressive about finding the right path. I think he feels a lot of pressure to be the one to take us all home. And... we're so close... So close."

"Yeah, I can't even imagine..."

Ben sighed again," But it's not that big of a deal. We are close to a break and he can take the credit so we can all go home."

"Even if Mihno does take the credit, I'll still know you were a key element of it all, Ben."

His lips twitched into a smile," Thanks... So that meeting last night," he smirked.

"Don't."

"What?," he laughed.

"That was so weird! I don;t even really understand the point."

"Alby did it to keep everyone safe."

"Safe from what? Me?!," I flailed my arms.

"No. To keep you safe."

I turned to Ben, keep me safe from what?

"What are you talking about?"

Ben sighed," Nothing. forget it."

"Uh, no. Tell me. Now."

"It's really awkward. Do we have to?"

"Yes!"

"Fine," Ben sighed, stretching his legs out. "Well... since you've been here... some of the guys... they've... they've started to... have changes?"

"Changes? What do you mean?"

Ben rubbed his legs, he was super uncomfroatable. "Like changes. Uhm... guy changes?"

"Guy changes?"

"Are you really going to make me spell it out?"

 _Guy changes? Changes like... Like... Oh... Oh my god. Gross. Ew!_

My face must have shown the realization," Yeah. That."

"Gross," I cuddled close to my tree.

"So Alby thought it would be best if we just had some rules out now, so there would be no accidents."

"ACCIDENTS!," I practically screamed.

 _ACCIDENTS LIKE WHAT? LIKE... like!_

"Accidents like someone walking in on you in the shower or something! So no one would... see... see you n-... see you in an... an indecent way."

"Oh... god. Don't scare me like that," I put a hand on my chest and took a deep breath.

"Now you see why I didn't want to talk about it."

"Sorry... but it does make more sense now. I... I thought maybe he made those rules because..." I trialed off.

"Because what?"

"I don't know. The whole thing is just... I don't know. Alby asked me once if I was like dating Jackson or something, but I told no. I thought maybe this was just to make sure or something. It was just..."

"Oh yeah. I remember that," Ben chuckled.

"Shut up," I hit his shoulder.

"So... speaking of... of that," Ben cleared his throat. "Any... anything new?"

"As in...?"

"I... I don't k-know... You like anyone h-here?"

"Like I want to date them or something?"

Ben blushed a deep crimson and muttered a shaking response, which made me wonder. _Have people been talking?_

"Why? Has anyone said anything? New rumors? Like with Jackson?"

"What? No. nothing like that."

I took a deep breath, _good. Last thing I need it that. I think the Jackson thing just died down. And no one knows about Newt... not even Ben. Maybe I should tell him, he is one of my closest friends. But... it's still stings._

"Good," I tried to sound unphazed. "The Glade should be focused on leaving, no stupid things like... dating or whatever."

A silence fell between Ben and I as I leaned back against my tree. Looking up, I saw the tree surrounding my tiny little one, they still looked barren and dead, except for one branch. I squinted and looked closer, it had a blossom on it, a small, barely noticeable green tuft. I shifted to look at my own tree, it had nothing like that, it was still dry with nothing but plain branches. I felt a rumble inside me, it wasn't hunger, it was worry. It had been he same experience I had felt a few weeks back, I woke up feeling anxious and nervous. I felt that now, but I didn't know why.

"That's good," Ben said, filling the silence. "Got to focus on the important stuff."

I shrugged and looked at the grass," I'm working on it... it just... it seems to go nowhere."

"What does that mean?"

"It means... that just when I think things are going okay, like I'm fine and everything, something happens."

"What do you mean?"

I sighed," It means, nothing ever seems to work out. Coming here, not getting a name and then I can't even pick my own name. And... And I thought I was starting to adjust, fit in and everything...and then... last night, That stupid meeting, I feel like an outcast all over again."

"You should talk to Alby," Ben suggested.

"No. It won't help."

"Not if you don't try."

 _Nothing helps,_ I thought. _Running the glade didn't help, Talking it out doesn't help, finding my own name didn't work or help. I'm stuck here._

"Ben, how's the maze," I finally asked.

"The maze?"

"Yeah, it's been a while since you last mentioned it."

Ben cleared his throat," I don't really want to talk about it," he said.

"Oh..."

It must have been a dead end, what he thought was the way out. _Damn... I had really been hoping he was close. But it's not his fault._

"Sorry Ben, I-..."

"Just forget it," Ben stood up and left quickly.

 _He must be upset... should I follow him? Maybe he needs some space._


	44. Chapter 44

"I think it's time you make another meal," Siggy said while peeling potatoes.

"Really?," I looked up from cutting onions.

He shrugged," Of course. That first meal was a hit."

"Thanks, Siggy."

"Darling, I should be thanking you, I need a break from all this," he pushed the potatoes away. "Any new ideas?"

I shook my head," No... but maybe this time I'll plan ahead better. Maybe make breakfast instead."

Siggy nodded," Not a bad idea."

I smiled, but it faded when I felt the rumble inside me again. The doom spread over me, an uncertainty, a feeling of dread. _What is this... Why am I so paranoid?_ It had been a few days since I had felt it in the Deadhead with Ben, but it was coming more and more frequently, like a countdown.

"Hey... Siggy?"

"Mhh?"

"Do you... ever get a weird feeling?," I chop more onions.

"Like what?"

"Like something bad is going to happen," I look him in the eye and I see his concern.

"No... Never anything like that. You feeling okay?"

"The past few days... I don't know... I just have a bad feeling."

"Mhh... maybe it's just nerves?"

"But I have nothing to be nervous about."

"Darling, living here, you always have something to be nervous about," Siggy joked and went back to peeling potatoes.

"So tomorrow's breakfast?"

"I'm on it," I reassured him, already trying to forget the doubtful feeling and think of food.

Joe was not feeling well, so I stayed the entire day. It wasn't bad, I just wasn't as used to it. Once dinner was served and over, the Sloppers came and cleaned up everything while I went to food storage. It looked a little bare, less than what I remembered. There was some fruit, vegetables, pork and some rice. I decided to do just some rice and veggies. It would be simple, not so hard to make like the chicken and peppers and not so time consuming, just boil the rice and maybe heat up the vegetables.

I left storage and was headed back to my room as the Glade was fading into the night, Gladers going to sleep and a few torches being lit.

"Hey," I heard a familiar voice call out, hopefully not for me.

I slowly turned and it had been," Oh, hi..."

I saw Newt light the final torch and then douse his flame stick," Haven't really seen you lately," he smiled and I felt a different kind of rumble in my stomach.

"Yeah, it's been busy," I lied. "Surprised to see you lighting the torches, isn't that a Slopper job."

"Well, you know I pitch in when I can," he grinned.

"Should... should we even be talking?," I ask timidly.

Newt's face flattens," What do you mean?"

"I mean the new rules... not being alone with the girl after dark."

"That's not what Alby said."

"Sure sounded like it," I look away from him.

"Hey... it wasn't meant to... it's not like he... the rules are meant to help."

"I didn't see a problem with the way things were," I crossed my arms.

"I know," he said softly," And I'm sorry."

My heart melted," It's... it's not your fault," my arms fell to my sides.

"I... I just awnted to see how you were doing... ever since Stan."

"Oh..., right, yeah... I'm good."

Stan, the new Greenie had gotten his name. When I hear I felt a lump in my throat, but it want as bad as when Lee got his name, so it felt like mild progress. I still cried, but that was after hours of analyzing ever detail of my life here in the Glade.

"You sure?"

"Yeah, all good."

"What about you? Any new names?"

"Uh... no. I actually... gave up on that. I'll probably just be Greenie until the day I die."

"Don't say that," Newt voice had empathy.

"It's true. I figure after two months, it's just not happening."

"Don't give up hope."

 _I don't have hope,_ I thought.

"If you say so," I gave a weak smile.

"Oh, have you given any thought to your favor?"

"My favor?, Oh... yeah... that. Uhm, no. But, I'll think of something soon," I reassured him.

He smiled and my heat swooned," No worries. I just don't want you to forget."

 _How could I forget?_

"I won't," I gave a small smirk.

"Well, I won't keep you. I bet your tired."

"Goodnight," I said as I turned and walked away, towards my hut.

I didn't sleep well, the feeling of angst surrounded me all night, but I couldn't understand what it meant. I got up and went to the kitchen and started to prep. Siggy showed up a few hours later and I was almost already done,a ll that was left was boiling the rice and cooking the vegetables.

"Girl, how long you been up?"

"I didn't sleep," I admitted.

"Not healthy, ya know? Gots to get some sleep."

"I just... couldn't."

"Still got that bad feeling?"

"Yeah, I do."

"Well, I hope it goes away. Last thing we need is something bad," he said as he took the pot of water out to the fire.

Breakfast came and went, there were less compliments on this dish, but I didn't really mind. After lunch, I went out to the tables and sat besdie Jackson as he ate the stew.

"Long time no see," he said with soup in his mouth.

"I know, I barely see you know that I'm confined at night."

"Well, rules are rules."

I rolled my eyes," Whatever."

"It's not my fault," Jackson defended.

"I know. I know," I rubbed my hands on my pants and looked around.

"You alright?"

"No. I... I just feel... really scared."

"Scared?"

"Yeah, like I have really bad feeling."

"Why?"

"I don't know," I glanced around again.

"Just calm down. Take a deep breath."

I closed my eyes and ducked in a slow deep breath and let it out.

"Feel better?," Jackson asked.

"A little."

"So this bad feeling, what is it?"

"I... I'm not sure. I just feel like something bad is going to happen."

"Like?"

"I don't know. What bad could happen here?"

Jackson shrugged and took another bite," Bad things happen all the time. Cuts, bruises, broken bones, sprains."

I shook my head," Yeah, but I've never had this feeling before," I gripped my stomach, it rumbled again.

Jackson glanced around casually and then leaned forward," Could this have... I don't know... anything to do with... you know?," he danced around the topic.

 _With Newt?_

"No! Not everything has to do with him!," I snapped.

"Geez, sorry," he took another bite.

I sighed and laid my head on the table," I'm sorry," I said into the table. "I... I don't know what's happening."

 _Maybe it's that time of the month..._

"Don't sweat it. Just stress," he waved it off.

I sat up," Maybe it's just the Glade. A few days ago, Ben snapped at me and... it was weird."

"Weird? Weird how?"

"I don't know. He's always such a softy and then... it was just... just odd."

"Well, not everyone can be as perfect as me," he smirked.

"Shut up," I scoffed and rested my head in my hands.

"Tired?"

"I couldn't sleep."

"I get it. Happens to me all the time."

"What do you do?"

"I try to think about the future, always puts me right to bed."

"Like, outside the Glade?"

"Yeah," he took another bite.

"What do you think about that? Outside the Glade I mean? What do you think it'll be like?"

Jackson put down his spoon," I think outside the Glade is a better place."

"Tell me," I encourage him.

"I just think it's better. I imagine there's more space, filled with things I've never seen. There's more people to meet and I like to think there's less death out there."

"Less death..."

"Yeah, No Grievers and sickness. We all get to live."

"Sounds nice."

"What about you? What do you think outside the Glade will be like."

"I think it'll be normal, I mean, I hope at least. I hope I can just... leave all this behind and find who I really am."

Jackson nodded, "Me too... but I don't think we'll ever forget this."

I looked out over the tables of Gladers talking and eating, and then past them to the open space and garden and past that to the large gray walls. This place was seared into my memory and Jackson was right, we would never forget.


	45. Chapter 45

Another cloudy day in the Glade, after the rainy season, it felt like I barely saw the sun. After work, I was ready to go to my hut when I saw Stan, he was picking up the dishes to clean. Alby had made him a Slopper which was a good call, he was too clumsy to do much else. _I should go talk to him... I was kind of rough last time._

I stepped in front of him as he was leaving the dining area.

"Hey."

He almost dropped the dishes, but caught them in time. "Oh.. uh, h-hi..."

"Stan, I just wanted to apologize..."

"W-what for?"

"The other day... I didn't mean to be so harsh. Glade life... it's not so bad."

"Oh... yeah. I-It's okay," he glanced around,unable to really look me in the eye.

"I'm sorry, again."

"It's okay," he shuffled his feet, obviously wanting to leave.

"I'll see you around," I step away and he scurried off to clean the dishes.

"Scaring the new kid?"

I turn and see Gally grinning.

"No," I scoffed. "More like making amends."

"Scare him earlier?"

"I guess you could say that."

"I should report you," Gally came closer.

 _Report me?_

"Oh... I'm really scared," I said sarcastically.

"I'm kidding."

"I know," I crossed my arms

"Or maybe I'm not?"

"Then do it."

"I'm not going to report you," Gally sighed, distressed I wasn't playing along with his teasing.

"Ben and Mihno will probably find a way out of the maze before you get a chance."

Gally snorted," As if."

"You don't think they will?"

"Who knows they might, but who knows what's out there."

"What do you think is out there?"

I had been asking people a lot about outside the Glade. Ben was right, I can't live in the delusion of this being a dream, there's no way this isn't real.

"Bad things. I think the Glade keeps us protected. For all we know it's just a world of Grievers."

"It can't all be bad. Don't you have hope."

"I've seen things, being stung and all... it's not all good out there..."

Before I could ask what that meant he continued.

"Off for the day, huh?"

"Yeah."

"Must be nice," he looked down to the ground.

 _What they hell does that even mean!?_ I bit my tongue, _no need to snap on everyone today._

"It is."

"Maybe one of these days I'll take a half day, then you can show me what causal afternoon life is like."

"Yeah, sure?"

 _Wait, what does that even mean._

He grinned again," Sounds great."

"Yeah... sure. Well, let me know when that happens."

"I will and when I do, we'll ha-..."

"Hey guys," Newt joined the circle and Gally smile fell and he scowled.

"Hi," I felt a blush rise in my cheeks.

"Hey," Gally said coldly.

"Gally, Alby wants to talk to you more about making more tables."

Gally gruffed unhappily," Where is he?"

"Should still be over by the showers."

Gally looked at me one more time but he didn't say anything before leaving. Newt turned his attention towards me and I held my breath, _when am I going to let this crush go? Just forget about Newt... Maybe it would be easier if we didn't live in a box together..._

"Hey," he smiled.

"Hi," I repeated, blushing again. "Wow...,' I looked him up and down.

"I know, I'm a bloody mess."

New was covered in mud and dirt, I could barely see the fabric of his clothes.

"How did you even do that?"

"It's planting season," he shrugged.

"Remind to steer clear of the garden," I chuckled.

"No, don't do that. Actually...," he paused. "You should come and see, the garden is looking better than ever."

"Oh... really?"

"Yeah, Zart is reorganizing and expanding, it's great."

"I'll take you word."

"No, you'll have to see. Come on," he beckoned me to the garden. "We got some new seeds, Zart says there a new fruit, which is actually really exciting, we don't get fruit seeds often, mostly vegetables and they just send the fruit. But now we have enough fruits to make it their own sections and..."

I just smiled as Newt rambled on about the garden as we approached, you could hear his passion for the work and the excitement in his tone.

"I'm surprised you're not a Track Hoe with how much you seem to love this work."

Newt chuckled," Well, They'll only let me switch jobs once," he joked.

 _That's right. Newt used to be a Runner._

"Hey Zart."

"Well, hello there little chef," he smiled. "Breakfast was good."

"Siggy told you?"

"Of course. He loves to brag about you. What are you doing down here?"

"She is here to help," Newt said.

 _Help? I was just here to see!_

"Well, we can always use the extra hands. Don't mind the mud. Watch out for that! I just planted something there, don't step on it."

I carefully moved around the freshly turned soil, Zart instructed me to started pulling up the corn stalk, but to be careful not to break the roots, I would have to basically dig them out. I didn't fight the assignment, it was actually nice to have something to do and not just sit around all afternoon. I really got into the work too, I didn't even notice Newt watching me.

"You're a natural."

I jumped," NEWT! You can't just scare me like that."

"Sorry", he chuckled, obviously not sorry. "Forgot how jumpy you are. How's it going?"

"Only a few left," I leaned back on my legs where I was kneeling over the dirt.

"Let me help," he knelt down beside me, working on the stalk to the left.

I didn't oppose, but now I felt like we were really close, his arm brushing against mine as we worked. _Don't look over. Just don't. Keep your eyes on the roots_. I carefully unearthed the stalk and placed it in the pile with the others.

"That was quick," Newt commented.

"Like you said, I'm a natural."

"Who would have known," he smiled up at me.

"Definitely not me," I knelt down on the other side of him, working on the next stalk in line.

I dug my hand into the soft dirt, digging around the roots quickly.

"Woah, woah," Newt held up his dirty hand. "Kind of rough, don't you think?"

"Uhhh, no, I don't think."

"Look," he pointed at the soil. "That's part of the root, you broke it off."

"Oh...no," I glanced behind me hoping Zart had not hear that.

"Here, let me show you," he smoothing and gently, ran his hand over the dirt, carefully applying pressure and mapping out the roots. "Like that."

I tried to copy him and he chuckled," Don't use your fingertips," he guided my hand through the motions.

His touch was warm and unexpected, my hand went limp in his, making it easier for him. I tried to focus on the motions, but I couldn't help but look to Newt. He turned to me too and our eyes locked for a second, he was truly gorgeous. He looked back at our hands and then pulled his away quickly and looked back to his own stalk, without another word.

It felt like whiplash, one second he was kind and sweet, the next distant and quiet. I didn't say anything and copied his technique to get the root out safely.

"You guys about done? Time to eat!," Zart called.

"Yeah, almost," Newt answered.

"Can't be too long. Got to replant tonight. Coming?"

"I'll finish this and catch up."

"Greenie?"

"I'm... not really hungry," I admit.

"Suit yourself, I hear Fry is making some pork tonight," Zart exclaims excitedly before turning and leaving the garden, following the other Track-Hoes.

 _Damn,_ I look around realizing it's now just Newt and I, alone in the garden.

"Aren't you hungry?," I ask hoping to lure him into going with Zart.

He shrugged," I want to finish this first."

 _Damn._

"So, you made that breakfast the yesterday?," Newt broke the silence.

"Yeah, but it wasn't hard, just rice."

"It was good. Interesting."

"Interesting?"

Newt smiled," I don't think I've ever had rice for breakfast before."

"Oh, really?"

"Yeah, but I liked it, kept me full."

"Well, glad to see a satisfied customer," I joked.

"So tell me, how does one become such an accomplished chef?"

"Time and patience."

"You have patience?"

"No, not really," I laughed. "I'm working on it."

Newt was concentrated on digging out a thicker part of the root, he was focused completely on his task. I watched him, only for a few seconds, so he wouldn't catch me, but I really admired his dedication. If anyone had patience, it was Newt, way more than I ever would have. He unburried it successfully and resumed our conversation.

"You can learn a lot in the Glade."

I wiped my hands on my pants," but it's not really a choice," I muttered.

"What?"

 _Did he hear that?_

"Nothing. I didn't say anything."

"The Glade is tough, don't get me wrong... but I try to see the lighter side," he finished pulling the stalk and placed it on the ground.

"You have to say that. You're the second-in-command."

"That's true, but you have to admit, it could be a lot worse. There could be no water, no garden, no showers, no fire, no animals, no-..."

"I get it," I stopped him. "It could be worse... but it could be a lot better."

"If you have any suggestions, I love to hear them," Newt said sincerely.

"We could find a way out," I looked him in the eye.

Newt didn't look away," You're right. That would be a huge improvement."

"I... I honestly don't know how you've done it for so long, lived here, I mean."

Newt sat on the ground comfortably and crossed his legs," Time passes faster if you keep yourself occupied."

"Yeah, but you should be occupied on achieving the main goal."

"If we all were Runners then the whole system would fall apart. No meals, no order, it would be chaos."

I sighed and turned to the large wall a few hundred feet away," I guess you're right."

"We'll find the way out."

I sighed again, _everyone says that... but... but when?_ I look back to Newt but he is now looking towards the wall and I feel compelled once more to ask a similar question.

"Newt?"

"Yeah," he turned back to me.

"What do you think is beyond the Glade?"

He turns back to the wall," My freedom."

 _Freedom? We're all free here, basically, besides the wall..._

"Freedom?"

"Not being caged in. Not being trapped. Having the freedom to go where I want when I want. Answers, like why were here and who put us here. Because this isn't real life, people have to be sending us this supplies. Someone put us here and I want to know who the bloody Slintheads are."

I nodded, _Answers... that's what I want too_ I looked all the way up to the top of the wall, it was high. It felt near impossible that anyone could find the way out of this maze. They had been here over two years now and nothing, at least nothing I knew about.

"I want answers too," I said softly, pulling the ends of my hair.

"And we'll get them," Newt said without a doubt.


	46. Chapter 46

I saw Ben approach me, it had been almost a week since I had seen him. I knew he was avoiding me, but I tried not to read into it too much, I knew the stress he was facing from Mihno and the rest of the Glade. He approached me and I could already see that he felt guilty.

"Hey," he said keeping his head down.

"Hey."

He pointed to the tree," How many days are you at now?"

"Eighty."

"Wow... feels like yesterday when you came to the Glade."

"Yeah," I closed my eyes and leaned my head back against the rough bark.

"I remember, when I first got here...," I don't really know why I was talking out loud, but I was. " You were the first person I saw."

"Yeah, I-I was the one who helped you out of the box," he chuckled," You were... very angry," he sat down beside me.

I smiled," I was, wasn't I?"

"Yeah, no one knew what to say."

"And then... when you trained me as a Runner, I was terrible," I opened my eyes.

"You really weren't that bad," Ben smiled. "Could have been worse."

"My first few days here weren't the best," I admitted. "Sleeping in the Slammer. Getting the flu."

"When you fell asleep in the Deadhead."

My eyes widened," I totally forgot about that," I laughed. "Yeah... I did. And everyone thought I had like ran away or something."

"Yeah, I heard the whole Glade was looking for you."

"Well, they found me."

"Yeah," Ben chuckled and we both got quiet again.

"I remember when you wanted to give up on your name..." Ben mentioned in his distant voice.

I remembered that too, I had been in the Deadhead with Ben. He was looking at Nick's grave and I told him I was thinking about giving up, he told me not to.

"I remember that... and yet, here I am...giving up again."

"But this time, you at least tried," he consoled me.

"Yeah, I guess..."

"Listen... I'm really sorry for-..."

"Forget it, Ben. It's okay."

"I feel awful."

"It's not your fault."

"But it is my fault. I keep... holding back... and it... it's bottling up inside me."

"Holding back? Holding back what?"

Ben turned to me, his eyes were scared," I can't tell you."

I sat up straight, now worried," Tell me, Ben."

"I can't."

"Ben... please."

He closed his eyes and rubbed his face.

"If I do... you can't tell anyone."

"I won't. I promise."

Ben moved t sit in front of me," I'm serious. No one. Not Jackson. Not Fry. Not Joseph. No one!"

"I won't tell anyone."

 _What could it be? What could he be hiding from everyone? What if he found the way out... wouldn't he be excited to tell me? What happened?_ Ben looked at me closely, making his final decision, he moved around the other side of the tree, I followed him. He got on his knees and started to dig. _What the hell..._

"Ben?," I was starting to get really scared, but he kept digging.

Finally he pulled up an object covered in cloth, he unwrapped it and relieved something I had never seen before. It was about the size of his forearm and it was a silver, metallic color. It was some sort of tube, with a needle at the end, something that looked totally out of place here in the Glade.

"What is that?"

"Ben set it down on the ground and let go of it carefully, like it might explode or contaminate him.

"I'm not sure... but I think it's a stinger."

"Stinger? What stinger?"

Ben looked to me then back to the object," A Greiver stinger."

I immediately moved back from it.

"No, listen, it's okay. It's okay."

"How did you get that?!"

"I... I found it. In the maze."

"And you brought it here?!"

"Yeah... I just, I don't know why, but... I don't know."

"Are we infected now!?," I panicked and looked at me skin for a sign.

"No, we're not. I promise. Just calm down, don't be so loud."

"Ben, why do you have this?"

"I... I don't know. I found and I grabbed it."

"But why? Why would you want it?"

"I... I don't know."

"That thing kills people," I pointed to the needle.

"I know. I know that."

"Then why would you bring it here? It can kill you."

"I don't know," he said again, carefully rewrapping it and placing it in the hole.

"Who knows about it?"

"No one! No one knows! And you can't tell anyone!"

"Ben... that is serious. Really serious."

"I know," Ben packed down the dirt. "That's why no one can know. If Alby knew... I could... I don't know."

"I think he would go easy on you. I mean... maybe it-..."

"No! No! No one can know! You promised," he looked frightened.

"I promised," I repeated.

"So you can't tell anyone."

"I won't... I promise."

 _A greiver stinger..._ I had never seen a Greiver before... but Gally had said they were big and scary. Looking at the place where the stinger was buried it made me scared. The thing buried underneath that spot had killed people, Gladers before me, it would have killed Gally if they didn't have the serum to save him. And now Ben had one... he brought it into the Glade and hid it from everyone. _Why does he have it? Why keep it? Why even touch it._

"It won't hurt unless you get injected. Just don't touch the needle."

"I'm not going anywhere near that thing!"

"Good, don't."

"Ben... I-I-I just don't understand."

Ben sighed," I can't explain it."

"Ben."

He looked to me, his eyes now sad and tired. "I don't know... I just feel better to have it. It... makes the Grievers seem more... beatable? I don't know. How else would I have found it, it must have fallen off of a Griever or something, so that means they shed or fall apart or something. They can be destroyed... it makes me feel more confident going into the maze everyday knowing that."

"Okay... but why bring it back here?"

"A reminder, I guess... I'm not sure."

"Ben, this could be dangerous."

"No one is going to find out, you promised!"

"What if someone decides to dig here or something? Make a new building, water line, whatever and they touch that needle, they will get injected and maybe die."

"No one is going to come this far into the Deadhead for any reason, no one besides us."

"I see people back here all the time," I countered.

"But they don't just start digging," he argued.

"Ben, this is really dangerous."

"I know. I promise, no one will get hurt. I promise."


	47. Chapter 47

Ben left for bed but I was almost paralyzed staring at that spot in the ground. I didn't care about the rules, I needed to talk to Jackson. I went into the field but I saw Billy on the tower, _Damn. It's not Jackon's night. I... I have to talk to him._

I crept through the Homestead, trying to avoid the lit torches, just in case Billy was watching. I took a deep breath and entered the boys sleeping area. It was awful, the smell of sweat and farts mixed with their old grimy clothes made me want to gag, but I held my breath. I scanned the room for Jackson but it was near impossible to find him in the heap of snoring and moaning.

 _Maybe this was a bad idea..._ , My heart stopped when a boy near me, I think it was Hank rolled over in his hammock. I thought he was waking up but he was just repositioning himself. _This was a bad idea. But I NEED to talk to Jackson..._

I crept through the rows quietly, keeping low and searching for him. I found him after about 5 minutes, he was snoring lightly in a his hammock.

"Jackson...," I whispered as lightly as possible, but he did not nove.

I shook his hammock gently but still he didn't wake up.

"Jackson!," I whispered more urgently.

"Huh?," he was half awake.

I quickly covered his mouth and now he was fully awake. He grabbed my wrist so fast, I didn't even see it. My eyes widened and I was scared, because Jackson looked mean and angry.

"Who are you?," he asked gruffly and little louder than I was anticipating.

I glanced around but no one stirred," Shhh, Jackson. It's me."

"Me?," he had not let go of my wrist.

 _This is he type of situation where a name comes in handy..._

"The only girl you know!"

"What? Oh... ," he let go of my wrist and sat up. "What are you doing in here?"

"I need to talk to you," glanced around again, more nervous than ever.

"Is something wrong? Are you okay?," Jackson was now sitting on the edge of his hammock.

"I just... really... need to talk to you. Please."

He sighed," Yeah sure. I'll meet you by the showers."

I was all too ready to escape from the stale air of the hotel boy sleeping room. Outside the night felt brisk and welcoming, much better than what I had been introduced to. I waited by the showers impatiently for Jackson to come, and finally he did.

"What's up?," he asked still rubbing his eyes.

"Jackson... I...," I swallowed the lump in my throat.

 _How do I tell him? What do I tell him? This is so bad. I promised Ben I wouldn't. I promised him. BEn is so scared... but so am I I can;t hold this secret in. What if someone gets hurt. It would be my fault._

"Are you alright?," Jackson was now concerned.

I shook my head.

"It's okay. You can just tell me."

I shook my head an looked at him, I _can't tell him. I promised. What am I doing?! What am I doing!?_ I felt so overwhelmed in that moment that I was physically shaking.

"Oh, okay, just calm down," Jackson said softly. "Whatever it is, I'm sure it's not a big deal."

 _IT IS A BIG DEAL! THIS IS A HUGE DEAL!_

My throat caught and I made an odd choking sound, Jackson mistook it for me crying.

"Oh, please don't cry. Come here," he wrapped his big muscley arms around me and held me tightly. I wrapped my arms back around him, but it didn't make me feel better. I was still so scared. "Come on, tell me what's wrong," he whispered.

"It happened," I said into his chest.

"What happened?"

"It. The bad thing... it happened. The bad feeling I had, I know why."

"What is it?"

I pulled away and brushed my hair behind my ears," I... I can't tell you."

"What?," Jackson's face scrunched with confusion.

"I... I made a promise."

"You are starting to freak me out..."

"I can't tell you Jackson. I'm sorry..."

"What are you talking about? What happened? Just tell me, I won't be mad."

"I know that," I pulled the end of hair. "I just... I got... I was... just... scared."

"Scared? Who scared you?"

"Uhm, no one. It was something."

"Well, what was it?"

"I can't tell you...," I flung my hands to my sides, frustrated with myself.

"If you can't tell me, I can't help you? Was it something with Newt?"

I shook my head, Newt was one of the furthest things from my mind.

"Then who? Siggy?," Jackson guessed again.

I shook my head again and Jackson threw his hands in the air.

"God! I can't help you if you don't want it!"

"Shhhh! Jackson, you're being too loud," my eyes darted around.

Jackson sighed," Look...," I could hear how tired he was," Just sleep on it. Maybe it won't be so bad in the morning."

"It'll still be there in the morning...," I said to myself.

"What will?"

"I can't tell you!," I said guilty.

"Then I can't help you," Jackson turned away.

"Wait! No, Jakcson," I caught his arm and he turned back to me. I took a deep breath," I... I learned something... something bad. I... I don't know what to do."

"What did you...," Jackson stopped himself. "You can't tell me?," he asked and I nodded.

"Well, I don't even understand what you could have learned... the glade has no secrets."

"It does now."

"You have to tell me," Jackson said without room for argument.

"But I-..."

"No, you have to tell me. No secrets between us, right?"

"But I promised, Jackson!"

"Okay, fine. I'll promise too. I won't tell a soul."

"It's not my secret to tell, Jackson."

"Then whose could it be? Ben?"

I froze at his name and quickly looked to the ground. "No, not Ben."

"It is. It is, Ben. I can tell."

"SHHH! Be quiet, Jackson."

"What happened with Ben?"

"I can't tell you... and nothing. Ben has nothing to do with it."

"You are not a good liar, you know that, right? But if you don't want to tell me, why did you wake me up?"

"I want to tell you, I do. I... I'm just scared," I admitted bashfully.

"Did he do something?," Jackson asked quietly.

I bit my tongue and then I slowly lifted my head to meet his eyes. He could see what I wanted to say, I wanted to say yes.

"What did he do?," Jackson asked calmly.

"Jackson...," my voice caught.

"That bastard...," Jackson clenched his fists and then he punched the wall of the shower room, causing it to falter for a moment, but it didn't fall.

"Wait, Jackson..."

"I'll wring his scrawny neck!"

"Jackson, no! No... he didn't... not that."

"What did he do?!"

"He brought a needle into the Glade," I blurted then covered my mouth.

"A needle? What are you talking about."

I shook my head, _Oh god, why did I say that. Idiot!_

"What do you mean a needle? What needle?"

"Jackson, I can't-..."

"No, no secrets. Tell me... Please."

I sighed," Let's go back to my room." I walked past him.

"Are you going to finally tell me? Cause you do know we are breaking the rules right now?"

"That's why you should have been whispering."

Back in my room I sat down and Jackson stood by the door, his arms crossed and his patience at an end.

"Okay, I'll tell you... but you really can't tell anyone Jackson. I mean it, it's a secret. A real secret."

"I've never told any of our other secrets, have I?"

He had a point, Jackson was trustworthy.

"Tell me, what are you talking about a needle?"

I looked to my hands and slowly, the story seeped out. I told him about Ben acting all weird lately, then how he had snapped at me, and finally what he had shown me buried in the Deadhead. I was embarrassed, I didn't want to look so weak, but I did. I also didn't want Ben to get into trouble, so I didn't tell Jackson where the needle was buried.

"So, Ben brought in a stinger?"

"Yeah," I spoke hoarsely, my throat felt raw.

"But why? It doesn't make sense?"

"I know. He wouldn't explain it to me."

Jackson sat across from me on the middle hammock," How did he even find it?"

"I don't know, he saw it in the maze."

"That doesn't make sense, how can-..."

Jackson was interrupted by a sound outside and we both froze. I looked at him and he looked at me, there was nothing to do. My room had no windows, just the one door and nothing else. There was someone coming and he was about to get caught in my room after dark. Jackson would get in trouble for breaking the rules, I would too. _SHIT._

Jackson looked around, hoping for an escape route but there was nothing. No way out.

"Tell them I barged in," he grabbed my shoulders.

"What?!"

"Tell them I just came in, you didn't invite me!"

"What? No, that's-..."

"Please. Do this," Jackson was desperate, his eyes wild and his voice stern, so I agreed.

Just as I said okay, he stepped away and Alby walked into the room followed by Gally.


	48. Chapter 48

Alby didn't let me explain at first. Mostly because Jackson took responsibility right away and admitted this was all his fault and I had nothing to do with it. Immediately I felt regret, I wanted to jump in and defend Jackson, take some of the blame, but every time I opened my mouth Jackson would cut me off and repeat he was the one who was wrong. Gally just looked smug in the corner and I scowled at him, _why was he here? What was he doing?_ Alby knew we had broken the rules, so he took Jackson outside to listen to his side.

Gally stood in my doorway with the same stupid expression on his face.

"Glad you're okay," he said.

"Why would I not be okay?," I crossed my arms.

"Because there was a guy in your room after dark. He broke the rules."

"Jackson is a friend."

I wanted to say more, tell Gally off and that it was me who sought out Jackson. Me who invited him into my room. That this whole thing was my fault. _They won't be too hard on him, will they? No, they shouldn't. I'll speak up if I have to, no way will I let him get hurt because of this._

Alby came back into the hut and asked Gally to leave, he did so hesitantly.

"How are you? Are you alright?," Alby asked me.

 _Why do they think I'm hurt?_

"I'm fine."

"Can you tell me what happened?"

 _I bit my tongue, Jackson wants me to lie. Tell them he came uninvited... but that will look bad for him. I can't do that._

"Are you too upset to talk about it?," Alby asked, slightly awkward.

"No, no I'm fine. It just all happened so fast," I said.

"What happened?"

"Well... I... I woke up to a knock. Jackson, at my door. He came in and talked, then you all showed up."

Alby cocked an eyebrow," That's all that happened?"

"Yes."

"What did he talk about?"

"I don't know, it happened all in a blur."

"Did he try to hurt you?"

"NO! No, he wouldn't. You know Jackson, he would never do that."

Alby nodded," Okay, well we will have to get to the bottom of this tomorrow with a Gathering. For now, I'll stand outside your door, to help you feel safe."

"Oh... no. Alby, that's okay."

"I insist," he held up a hand.

I took a deep breath," What about Jackson?"

"I sent him back to sleep. You should sleep too, I'll be outside if you need me," Alby exited the room.

 _FUCK! THIS IS BAD!_

I didn't sleep, I didn't even try. I laid in my bed motionless so that Alby would think I was sleeping but I couldn't even lose my eyes. My thoughts were running and I was trying to figure out what I would do tomorrow. Dawn crept into the Glade and I leapt from my hammock and left my hut. Alby stopped me.

"Where are you going?"

"I have work. You know, in the kitchen?"

"Oh, yeah. Okay... so you know that you'll have to go to the Gathering tonight, right?"

I gulped down my fear," Yes, I know."

Alby nodded and then I turned and hurried to the kitchen.

"Ayy, there she is! Girl I was wondering if I would have to wake you up myself," Siggy laughed.

I tried to smile but it came out as a grimace, so I just focused on work. After breakfast Siggy handed me a plate.

"I'm not hungry."

"Not for you, it's for the the boy in the Slammer."

"Slammer? There's someone in the Slammer?"

"Yeah, he was put there last night. Hop to it, girl. Need you back to start lunch."

I had taken meals to Gladers in the Slammer before but I practically ran there this time, almost spilling the food. And there, in the dirt tomb cage, sat Jackson.

"Jackson!," I knelt down in front of the door. "What happened?"

He sighed," Alby thought it would be best if I was in the Slammer... I agreed."

"Why? You're not even guilty!"

"Yes, I am," Jackson came to the door. "What did you say? To Alby?"

I looked to he ground, "I-I said what you wanted..."

"No, tell me specifically."

"I told him you knocked and came in but then they showed up right after."

Jackson nodded," Okay.. okay good."

"Jackson, this is not good. This is bad. You could get in trouble."

Jackson reached through the makeshift bars and took his bowl of food," I know that."

"Then why don't we tell the truth?"

"Because, it's better if one of us gets in trouble, and its better if that person is me."

"Why?," I asked, because he sounded so stupid.

"Because I'm a Bagger. People expect this from us."

"Jackson..."

"It's okay, I mean it," he took a bite and shook his head. "What is this?"

"Jackson, I'm being serious."

He sighed," I know. But just stick to the plan, it'll be okay. Okay?"

"I don't like it..."

"Well I do, and you owe me."

"Owe you for what?"

"For getting me into trouble," he winked, but before I could protest more he spoke again," Look you should get going. Thanks for the food. I'm okay, I promise. And once this all blows over we'll talk more about the... other situation, okay?"

"Okay. I... I'll see you tonight."

"I'll be there," he grinned and sat back on the floor.

I felt awful, this was terrible and nothing Jackson could say would make me feel better. I finished the rest of the day slowly, but Siggy asked Joe to take Jackson his lunch, so I didn't even have a reason to go and see him. I went to my room and laid down, I was so tried but the adrenaline of the Gathering was keeping me awake. Apparently I dozed off because I woke up to a knock on my door.

"Hello?"

"What?," I sat up and Newt walked into the room.

"Oh, hey... how are you?"

"I'm... okay. What time is it?"

 _Did I miss the Gathering!?_

"It's after dinner. I heard what happened, are you okay?," Newt was concerned.

"Yeah, I'm fine. Nothing happened."

"what?," Newt looked confused. "I was told they found Jackson in your room?"

"Yeah, they did."

"It's against the rules."

"Well, if my memory serves, I saw you after dark in Glade too," I folded my arms. "Maybe you should get in trouble for breaking the rules."

"But I wasn't in your room."

"Who cares!," I shouted. "Would it have mattered if we were in the Deadhead? or in the Homestead?! or in the Kitchen?! It doesn't matter!"

Newt was taken back by my outburst and I sighed loudly, frustrated by everyone around me. "Just forget it, Newt."

Newt took a cautious step closer to me," Alby told me that he admitted to coming in without being asked...," I held my breath as he took another step closer, worried I would admit to everything and ruin the lie Jackson had crafted. "But that's not true is it..." I bit my lip and felt the warm taste of blood on my tongue, I looked down at the floor and gripped the hammock tightly. "Is it?," Newt asked, now standing beside me.

"I don't know what you're talking about..."

"What happened last night?," he crouched down beside me sounding calm and comforting, like he really cared.

I turned to him, which was a big mistake, I was always such a sucker for he big, brown, beautiful eyes.

"I just needed to talk to him...," I said barely audible.

Newt stood up quickly," So you are lying."

"Newt, wait! No!," I jumped up too.

"What is going on," he crossed his arms and his brows drew together.

"Newt, please. Just forget I said anything!," I begged him. "Please."

"What is going on?," he repeated forcefully.

 _I can't tell him, no. No way. Shit! Okay... uhm... well, he knows about Jackson, that it was lie. But he doesn't know why we lied about it or what we were talking bout. I can't tell Newt the truth, not about Ben. No one can know. Jackson shouldn't even know! I don't know why Ben even told me. But what do I say?! What do I tell him? Why did we lie!?_

"I... I... just needed to talk to him."

"About what? Why so late in the night?"

"I... It was important."

"You have to better than that," Newt dropped his arms.

"I can't tell you why" I dropped my head.

"Oh...," Newt sounded hurt. "I... I, uhm," he cleared his throat. "Is it because... of... because of you two... uhm, you two...," Newt was stammering through his words, I looked up to him and saw he was flushed and not looking at me.

 _He thinks Jackson and I are together, like dating or something! GOD WHY!? WHY EVERY FREAKING TIME! CAN'T I HAVE A FRIEN_ _D!_

"No, Jackson and I are just friends, Newt. I told you that."

"Then why are hiding the truth from everyone?"

"Because it's... no one's business..."

"If you guys aren't together, then why is it such a secret? Why not just wait until the next day to talk?"

I sighed and rubbed my temples," It shouldn't matter if were a couple or not. It's no one's business and I've already told you we're just friends. And I had to talk to him!"

"Why? What was so urgent?" Newt and I were standing practically nose to nose.

"I need to talk to him about...," I froze and then the next word out of my mouth slipped. "You."

Newt's face relaxes and he almost looked like he lost his balance for second before relaity came back and he regained function. _Oh... god... why did I say that? I.. I couldn't tell him the truth... not about Ben, But this. Oh... bad... oh no. It's too late... I can't go back..._

"Me?," Newt asked quietly, sounded perplexed by my answer.

"I... I...," in my head I was calm, but my body was not functioning, my tongue felt heavy but in a way my heart felt lighter.

"Why would you need to talk about me... to Jackson... in the middle of the night... in your room?"

No answer made sense. Nothing, I zipped through all possibilities in a fraction of a second, but no new lie could cover this up. The only thing that would make sense would be the truth... that I liked him. _But I couldn't just say that, could I? No, that would be too weird! What if he laughed at me? Or told everyone and it became some big joke?_

"Are you alright?," he asked and I realized I was just babbling to myself, speaking nonsense. "Maybe you should sit down."

"I-I... I'm fine."

Maybe I should just listen to Jackson, just spill it all out and be done with it. I have too much to worry about beside this stupid crush. Ben. Jackson. Me. I didn't want to keep thinking about it, especially if he was never going to see me as more than a friend.

I opened my mouth to let it all out, release the truth about how I felt. It felt really freeing, but my moment was stolen when Gally enetered my room.

"Hey... oh... hello Newt."

"Hey, uhm, Gally," Newt stepped away from me.

"I just came to the Greenie here for the Gathering."

"That's what I was doing too," Newt smiled, I couldn't tell if it was the truth or not.

"Well, they're ready," Gally grunted.

I peeked over to Newt but he was making a point to not look in my direction and I felt a little relief that I had kept my feeling inside, who knows what could have happened. The three of us walked in silence to the corner of the Glade where everyone was waiting. I hated being in that stupid room, it was so cramped and hot and totally stupid. I stood in the back again, where I had to stand when I was being punished the first time and Jackson was sitting up in the spotlight. Alby called the Gathering to order.

"We are here to discuss the event of last night. Many of you may not know but last night, I was informed of a Glader alone with a Glader of the opposite sex in the girl sleeping area after dark, which is a violation of two of the new Glade Rules."

"How do you know it even happened?," Clint asked.

"I witnessed it myself," Alby informed. "I followed the informant to the girl sleeping area where I found Jackson and... our female Glader alone."

When I heard the word informant, I looked to Gally who was siting near the front, I couldn't see his face but his posture said it all. He was proud of this, happy to be the one who could tattle on someone else, instead of being tattled on.

"I thought that being alone after dark was more of suggestion," Siggy said. "I didn't think it was a hard rule."

"It should be thought of like, taking extra food from the pantry Frypan. Not really a rule but recommended."

"Y'all better not be stealing from the pantry," Siggy warned the group.

"My suggestion for punishment is seven days in the Slammer, two meals a day."

"What?!," I accidentally blurted and Aidan pinched me, telling me to be quiet.

"I think one meal a day for 5 days," Zart offered.

"No way! These are new rules that need to be reinforced early," Tucker argued. "I think the seven days in a slammer with one meal a day."

"Maybe we should think of a different job for him. He's a bagger and supposed to enforce the rules, not break them," Mihno suggested.

"Yes, that sounds fair!," Gally agreed.

 _Oh no! NO! This is not happening._

"Seems a bit harsh, Jackson has never had problem with the rules before this."

I peeked over some heads and saw it was actually Newt that was defending him. _Was he doing it because of what I said? Or because he knows that Jackson is just as guilty as I am? I wonder if our punishments will be the same?_

"That is a valid point," Alby acknowledge Newt.

I looked to Jackson, he sat in his chair with his head down, not saying anything. It made him look guiltier, which is what he wanted, it hurt to see him look so miserable.

"I think seven days is fair," Winston said.

"But it's a new rule, hard to remember when we've had the same rules for so long," Clint spoke up again.

"But new rules have to be followed just the same," Gally called out.

"Let's take a vote, then," Alby announced. "All in favor of seven days in the Slammer, with two meals a day?"

I looked around and Tucker, Mihno, Zart, Gally, Winston,and Alby raised their hands. Majority. _Jackson was going to spend seven days in the Slammer... because of me._ He stood and Billy brought him to the back of the room, he didn't look up at me as we passed one another. I know he was just trying to play his part, but it stung.

"The last item needing the council's situation is the other party with the same violations: Alone with a Glader of the opposite sex after dark," Alby told everyone as I sat in the spotlight, feeling their judgement.

Looking around the room, I saw in their eyes, they all were basically thinking the same thing. I rolled my eyes and crossed my arms, not willing to take this lying down.

"My suggestion for punishment is four nights in the slammer, two meals a day."

"Wait hang on! Why did Jackson get three more days if it's the same thing?," Billy objected.

"Jackson was in the girls sleeping area, another rule broken. She is allowed in the girls sleeping area," Alby pointed to me.

Billy grumbled unhappily before Winston spoke up.

"I think we over use the Slammer as punishment and she should have something different, like Mihno said, demoted to being a Slopper or something."

 _They want to demote me?!_

"Hang on a minute. I need her in the kitchen, we all have to admit meals go way smoother now that I have two assistants," Siggy said and was greeted with agreeing murmurs.

"Then maybe just for a week or something, make her a Slopper. Make her appreciate her job more," Winston urged.

"I like that!," Tucker called out happily.

 _What!? They cannot be serious!_

"I'd rather be in the Slammer," I said loudly.

"Of course you would, so you can just sit all day. This way she still works and benefits the Glade, Alby," Tucker was trying to convince the room.

I looked around again, Jackson's head was still down. Siggy was shaking his head, no on board with the idea. Clint looked a little nervous. Winston and Tucker looked thrilled. Gally looked smug. And Newt looked... he looked not judgemental. He just sat there with his hands locked, leaning over his knees, his kind eyes beaming like sunlight at me. My eyes glanced back to Jackson who's head was still hung.

"You know, this wouldn't happen if you just treated me normally," I turned to Alby.

He looked confused," what?"

"I said, this would not happen if you just treated me normally."

"Uh... uhm... I-I..."

"Really, if you think about it," I looked over the room. "The whole reason this is an issue is because I'm a girl. And you all have not idea what that means. So you separate me, make a different sleeping quarter, different shower times, think if I even talk to another Glader that I'm in love with them or something. But I'm not really that different. I do my part, help the Glade, eat, shower, drink like you. But still, you make up new rules, isolate me more," I looked to Alby."And I get they aren't just about me or whatever... the guys here are developing and stuff. Okay? I don't care. I shouldn't be the one persecuted because no of you have ever seen a girl before."

"Enough," Alby cut me off. "Let's vote. All in favor of demoting to a Slopper for five days."

Tucker, Winston, and Mihno raised their hands.

"All in favor of five nights in the Slammer, two meals a day," Alby, Gally, and Zart raised their hands.

Alby sighed, visibly tired of this. "Are there any other suggestions?"

"I think two days of being a Slopper sounds fair." It was Newt, he wanted to demote me to a Slopper.

 _What? Seriously, why? I... I..._

"Two days sounds better," Clint agreed.

"All in favor of demoting to a Slopper for two days."

Newt, Clint, Siggy and Winston raised their hands.

"Punishment is two day demotion to being a Slopper. Remember Gladers, this is about order, not anger. We are not here out of a grudge or pettiness, we are here to keep the Glade safe. No judgement leaves this room."

"No judgement leaves this room," everyone repeated after Alby and then all at once they stood and filed out. Jackson was lost before I could get to him, being taken back to the slammer.

Tucker stepped in front of me grinning," Looks like I own you for the next two days."

"Excuse me?"

"I'm the Keeper of the Sloppers," he jabbed his thumb into his chest proudly. Tucker was scrawny, like really scrawny, if he would lean over I'm sure I would see all his ribs. His messy mop of dirty brown hair on his head matched his large sluggish eyebrows.

"Okay...," I tried to step around him.

"I'll see you at sunrise tomorrow," he called after me. I stepped out into the humid night air, but everyone was walking away. I looked to the Slammer, and saw a glimpse of Jackson as he was put back into his cell.

Siggy walked up beside me and sighed," We'll miss you in the kitchen," he clapped me on the back and then walked off to the Homestead.

I felt so drained, it had been a terrible day. I wanted to go home and sleep and I really truely hoped that the next morning I would wake up in a different world, outside the Glade, away from everyone.


	49. Chapter 49

I met Tucker the next morning, sunrise like he requested but he was already irritated.

"You're late."

"No, you said sunrise."

"If you're on time, you're late," he grunted. "Here, take this," he handed me a make-shift bucket with some rough thin papery substance."Go to the showers. Clean them."

"Is anyone going to be in them?," I asked.

"Shuck, you're a girl...," Tucker paused. "Right then, go to the Bloodhouse."

"Aye aye," I mumbled sarcastically and went to the Bloodhouse.

Winston greeted me with a simple hello but I honestly had no idea what I was doing, I was given no direction and a bucket. Unluckily, Tucker had followed me to the Bloodhouse to do just that and honestly I would have preferred figuring it out on my own than spending the day with him.

"You have to really scrap up the poop, if not, it all builds up."

 _Woah, never would have thought of that_ , I thought sarcastically.

"You know, you're not at all what I expected from a girl."

At that moment, I was on my knees, scrapping at chicken poop stuck to the floor while gagging at the scented of blood mixed with animal hair. I didn't know what he meant, but knowing Tucker, it was not a compliment.

"What do you mean," I coughed and went back to scrapping.

"Girls are supposed to follow rules. Girls are supposed to ya know, listen and stuff."

I sat back on my knees and looked over my shoulder to him," That is the stupidest thing I've ever heard."

"Hey, no slacking! We have a lot to do today," he directed me back to the floor. "And that, right there. Girls aren't supposed to be so harsh."

"Who told you that?," I don't even know why I asked.

"Nobody."

"So, the one thing you remember from your past life is about how girls should be behave?," I was not expecting a response.

"No, I remember a lot."

"Oh, Really?," I didn't believe him.

"God, greenie! You have to scrub in circles or we'll be here all day! And yeah, I remember bits of the old life."

I paused for a moment to remain my cool and started to scrub in circles," What all do you remember?"

"I know I was a boy, that's for sure. My name was Tucker. I know I had a mom and dad, betting I was an only child..."

 _These are just assumptions? Everyone has a mom and dad... He's just talking to hear himself_ , I rolled my eyes and tried to drain him out. Time passed, Tucker was really riding me on the cleanliness of the floor until it was lunch time. I asked if I was allowed to eat and he howled with laughter.

"You're a Slopper, not a slave," he said.

Instead of going to the kitchen and seeing Siggy and Joe, I snuck off to the Slammer to see Jackson.

"Jackson?," I whispered as I looked down in his cell.

"Hey, what are you doing here?," Jackson sat up quickly.

"Just checking on you..."

"You really can't be here. You are making me look innocent."

I rolled my eyes," What are they going to do? You know they won't un-punish you. Just like they won't un-punish me," I sat down and faced him.

Jackson half shrugged, agreeing with what I was saying.

"Yeah, maybe... besides, it's not so bad."

"Yeah, I would take the Slammer over being a Slopper," I sighed.

"Tucker wearing on you?"

"I do not want to talk about it. But, Jackson... I have to tell you something."

"No, we... we shouldn't talk about that. Not now."

"Huh? No, it's not about Ben... it's about Newt."

"Newt? What about him?"

I sighed and looked to my lap," He might know that I invited you in my hut the other night..."

"WHAT?!," Jackson called out.

"He... well... he, came by and... things got out of hand fast."

"Out of hand how?"

"He saw right through me Jackson... he knew I was lying," I looked up.

Jackson sighed," You are a terrible liar."

"But he doesn't know about Ben."

"Good. Probably for the best."

"Yeah..."

Jackson's brow furrowed," Then what did you tell him."

"I told him you were there so we could talk... about him...," I buried my face in my hands.

Jackson snickered," Are you serious?"

"This isn't funny Jackson! I almost told him everything! My feelings!"

"That's a good thing. Can't you see?," Jackson shifted "you can finally just tell him and let it all out in the open."

I peeked to him through my fingers," I knew you would enjoy this..."

Jackson chuckled," It's a good thing."

"I'm just so glad Gally came and stopped me from saying anything. I mean, right now I can still cover this up. I'll just tell him we were talking about how much we hate him or something."

Jackson scoffed," Yeah, there's a good plan," he said sarcastically. "Look lunch is probably over, I don't want you to get in more trouble..."

I pulled the ends of my hair," Okay... fine...," I stood up reluctantly.

"Hey," he reached out through the bars and I took his hand. "It'll be okay, okay? No matter what you've got me. Anything with Newt or with Ben or with the Glade, just know that I'm here for you." His blue eyes were ablaze as he gave me his sweet little speech.

"I know Jackson. You're my best friend."

"I damn well better be," he laughed and I laughed too. "See you 'round," he went back and sat in his cell.

After lunch, Tucker was right behind me as he always was pointing out the flaws.

"Well, you'll have to redo it," he crossed his arms.

"What? Why? It's clean!"

"Because it's not clean. Look over there, I see feathers and right here is more blood."

He was right, it wasn't a great job now that he pointed out the inconsistencies.

I sighed and went back to work, and Tucker went back to being Tucker. I was about to boil over and slap him in the face after a full day of listening to him talk but luckily it was dinner time, and the universal sign that the day in the Glade was over. I was hungry, I really was, but I was still too embarrassed to go to the Kitchen, so I went to my room.

The next day, I woke up and was walking to the Bloodhouse again when a familiar voice called out to me.

"Hey! Hey, wait up!"

I turned to see Ben jogging towards me and for some reason a pit formed in my stomach. The closer he got the larger it grew and it made me nervous to be so close to him.

"Maybe we should have made you a Runner," he joked.

I tried to smile, but my lips were stiff and I just shuffled my feet and looked over my shoulder to my destination.

"Yeah, look, I was just checking to make sure you're okay."

"What?," I turned back to him.

"I mean, I heard about the whole Jackson thing and I was just making sure you're good."

"I... I'm good."

"And they're making you be a Slopper, tough break."

I wanted to say something to Ben, I wanted to just reidirate everything that had happened. I wanted him to tell me that the needle was safe, it wouldn't hurt him or anyone else in the Glade. I wanted him to tell me it was a stupid prank or that he took it back into the maze and had forgotten all about it. I opened my mouth but stopped when I saw Mihno and the other Runners approaching the door.

"Well, I got to go. I'll see you later," he smiled and then ran over to the door.

I waited to watch them all enter the maze as one, like a force to be reckoned with, a team of unstoppable potential. _Maybe today will be the day..._ I thought without any real expectations.

Today was worse than yesterday. Tucker would not take no as an answer and he was determined to make me clean the showers. He went in and cleared everyone out and put me to work. I never really noticed how disgusting these boys really were until I had to clean that Shower room. I was thankful that Tucker didn't stay and linger over me, he had other things to do so he left me alone. I cleaned the room before lunch and my stomach was begging me to get some food, but I suppressed the urge and went back to my room.

Seeing Ben brought back the bad memory of what was hidden in the Deadhead, but I couldn't do anything. I had to wait for Jackson to get out of his punishment and that was going to take another 5 days!


	50. Chapter 50

The next morning, I was back in the kitchen. I was expecting things to just smooth over and for everyone to act like nothing had happened, but that just wasn't who Siggy was.

"Oh, girl!," he wrapped his big arms around me and squeezed tightly. "I've missed you!"

"Oh... hi... Siggy."

He let go and stepped back, he gave me a once over and scowled.

"You lookin' thin. Too thin. Why I haven't seen you eatin'?"

"Oh...," I blushed and looked away. "I-I was just... so busy the other day."

Siggy was not convinced. He made me eat some beans before helping him prepare for breakfast. Besides that, the day went on like it always did, I helped with Breakfast and Lunch and then Joe came and took my place.

"Nice to have you back," Joe mumbled as he came in.

I didn't really know Joe all to well, but it was the same for everyone in the Glade. Joe was private and very quiet, so not many people approached him, except Siggy. Siggy liked Joe and I figure Joe at least tolerated Siggy and liked his job. Even though I wasn't best friends with Joe, I knew that he was trying to be condescending or mean, it was genuine.

With my shift over, my head was torn on what to do next with my freedom. I could go see Jackson in the Slammer, even though he would not like it. I could go to the Deadhead, but just the thought of what was buried there made my spine tingle. I thought about maybe going to the Garden, but the thought of seeing Newt made me a little angry. I hadn't gotten over what he had done at the Gathering, he made me be a Slopper! I couldn't go back to my hut, I was going insane without talking to anybody. That only left me one other option.

"Hey guys!"

Both head turned and grinned when they saw me.

"Well, look who it is, Clint," Jeff stood up.

"Look, indeed," Clint taunted.

"Trouble is at your doorstep," I walked in and sat on the closest cot.

"Literally," Jeff snickered.

"Hey!," I protested," I'm not that bad... am I?"

Clint and Jeff exchanged a look," No. Could be like Hank."

"Hank? The Runner?"

Jeff chuckled," Surprised he made it here with what he used to do."

"What did he do?"

Clint filled me in. "When he first came up, he ran straight for the doors, but Gally managed to tackle him before he got there. Then he went to the Slammer, the second he was free, straight to the doors again. Ever single chance he got. Alby honestly didn't know what to do, no one had ever been this determined before."

"What happened?"

"I'm not really sure, I think Mihno talked to him one night while he was in the Slammer... then, no more."

"Wow... Good thing Mihno got him, huh?"

"Yeah, I don't know what Alby would have done."

"What is Alby going to do with you, little miss trouble?," Jeff grinned.

"I served my time," I defended.

"Being a Slopper is no fun," Clint agreed.

"I know, I would have rather just sat in the Slammer," I told them.

"So would most people," Jeff shrugged.

"Well, how have you guys been?" I switched the subject.

"Nothing here," Clint said.

"Slow times," Jeff agreed.

"Really? Not even a Slicer?"

both of them shook there heads.

"You're the first one to come through that door in a few days."

"That's crazy..."

"Yeah, but just you wait. It'll all happen at once," Clint muttered.

"At once? What do you mean?"

Jeff spun in his chair to me," It gets like this a few times, everything is calm, Clint and I near death with boredom and then BAM! Cuts, broken arms, rashes, sickness!"

"Really?," I turned to Clint.

He shrugged," Yeah, it happens."

"Wow... that is doing to suck for you guys."

Clint snorted," Tell me about it. That's why were stocking up now."

"Smart," I laid back on the cot and sighed. "I wish this place wasn't so boring."

"The Glade is not boring," Jeff turned back to his work.

"Yes it is," I argued. "Everyday... the same. Nothing new. Nothing exciting. Just nothing."

"Didn't you just get demoted to being a slopper?," Jeff joked.

"Not true. New things happen everyday," Clint told me.

"Yeah, maybe for you guys... cuts and stuff... but not for me. It's just bland...except for the slopper thing."

"Well, don't forget that the new Greenie will be here in a few days," Jeff reminded me.

"Really? Already? I feel like Stan just got here."

"Yeah, that's how it goes. Once you've been here for a while, it seems like a new Greenie drops every week."

"What is going to happen when the Glade gets full?"

Jeff chuckled," We got a long time before that happens."

"But is could," I countered.

"I don't think they would let it," Clint told me.

"Really? I don't think they really care about us at all."

"Well, that might be true... but to some extent they care. Send us food and supplies."

"And people? I mean, they are taking people and sending them here."

Clint shrugged," We have no idea what they are doing."

"That's the problem," I mumble.

Later that night I couldn't get to sleep so I figured I might as well break another rule and go and see Jackson. I got out of bed and made me way towards the Slammer, trying to creep lightly past the boys sleeping area and to avoid any torches so the Bagger on duty wouldn't see me.

"Hello there," a voice practically made my soul leave my body.

I turned around and gasped to see Newt standing on the trail, holding a torch.

"Uh... uh... H-H-Hi..."

"Where are you off to?," he asked walking closer to me.

"J-Just... the... the showers?"

"It's the middle of the night?"

"I know... it just means that no one else will be in there..."

"Well, the showers are," he grabbed my shoulders and turned me around," That way."

"Yes... you're right... they are this way," I turned to face him. "Just get a little confused at night," I tried to joke.

"You're a bloody terrible liar," the corner of his mouth twitched up.

I tried to change the subject," What are you doing out? Did you enjoy watching me be a Slopper?"

"What? No, I-..."

"I would rather be sitting in the Slammer than do that job! Why did you even suggest that?"

Newt rubbed the back of his neck," I guess I was just being selfish..."

"What does that even mean?"

Newt paused but never answered the question.

"I, actually, just came back from the Slammer."

 _The Slammer? Why? What was he doing?_

"Oh..."

I didn't ask him because I honestly felt so awkward in that moment. Newt knew something was up now that I had told him Jackson and I were talking about him.

"I was talking to Jackson...," Newt gave me an answer without me even asking for it.

I looked up to him cautiously," Oh? ... Why?"

"I asked him about the other night."

 _Oh shit..._

"Newt, he didn't-..."

Newt stopped me," He told me that he came without an invite."

I looked away from him and he continued," But I know that not true, is it?"

I sighed, there was no point in lying he already knew.

"No, it's not," I still couldn't look him in the eye.

"Then why lie?"

I fumbled for a response, one that was not as bad as my lie last time. _Don't mention him_.

"I-I... I didn't want to, it was Jackson's idea."

 _Technically the truth._

"Why? to protect you?"

"I guess," I shrugged still looking at the ground. "He didn't want me to get in trouble."

Now Newt sighed and I peeked up at him, but he was looking off into the distance.

"Are you going to tell?," I asked.

He turned to me," No."

It surprised me that he would do that since he was second in command.

"Really?"

"Yeah, I'm not going to tell anyone."

"Thank you, Newt," I told him. "Honestly, thank you so much."

He cracked a grin," It's not like I want to get anyone in trouble. I don't even really understand the rule myself, I mean... right now I'm alone with you and it's night, but nothing bad is happening."

"Yeah, I think it's stupid too," then I grinned. "So technically, right now, you're breaking the rules?"

He snorted," I guess I am."

"Not setting the best example," I teased.

His eyes locked with mine and they danced in the light of his torch," I'm not as perfect as people here think I am."

 _What does that mean?_

"Wh-..."

Newt interrupted my question.

"Why don't I see you run the Glade anymore?"

"Oh... well, I kind of gave that up," I admitted, embarrassed.

"Why?"

"The whole point was to help me remember... but I've given up on finding my real name."

"And a new name?"

I shook my head," I'm starting to get a feeling that I'll forever be a nameless person."

"Don't say that."

I shrugged," What can you do?," I ask rhetorically, trying to sound casual, but on the inside it stung. I wanted name, an identity, but it just seemed so impossible.

"You might be the longest dry spell on record, but I still think your name could come."

This time I snorted," Seriously?"

"Who knows," he shrugged.

"Yeah... who knows," I said and a silence fell between us.

"I think you should run again," he broke the silence.

"Oh, really?"

"Yeah, it could be good."

"Speaking of running, you still owe me a favor."

Newt grinned," You're right, I do."

"Could you... let Jackson out of the Slammer," I asked, only half joking.

He shook his head," Out of my hands."

"Well, I guess I'll have to keep thinking."

"Well, while you do that, let me know if you start running again, I'd love to join."

 _What? Run with me?_

"Oh... really?"

"Yeah, I kind of miss it," he admitted.

"Oh..."

I wasn't sure what else to say.

"So tomorrow?"

"What?"

"Do you want to run tomorrow?"

"Tomorrow?," I repeated.

"Yeah."

"Oh... okay, sure. Yeah tomorrow."

"Great," he smiled. "I'll let you continue to your... shower," he paused before saying shower.

 _Wow, I really am a bad liar._

"Oh... yeah, thanks."

"See you tomorrow," he smiled and walked past me.


	51. Chapter 51

The next day, Newt came by my room after dinner and before dark.

"Don't want to break any more rules," he grinned.

I jumped, he hadn't really knocked or anything. I turned to him standing in the door, the evening light of the gade radiated behind him, making him glow in a brilliant gold. He really did look like he was a dream, something that could not be real yet somehow was. I could almost hear a hum or vibrations ring in my ears like a past song I couldn't recognize.

"Are you ready?," he moved from the door and everything went back to how it was, my room didn't seem warmer or brighter and the hum went away.

"What? Oh... uhm, yeah."

"Great," he smiled and I looked down to the floor.

I don't know why I was acting like this, like I had never seen him before or talked to him. I saw him practically everyday, why was I still being so... so weird. I followed him outside and Newt started with some stretching.

"No bets this time."

I smirked," Probably a good idea. I don't want you to owe me two favors."

"Ouch," he grinned. "Besides, this isn't a race, right? Just two people jogging the perimeter of the middle of some maze with no memories of a past life."

"Sounds about right."

"And go," Newt started at a slow steady pace, I caught up and matched him. I focused on the trail ahead, but I couldn't help but chuckle when we both jumped over the root of the tree, I glanced to Newt and he had a grin plastered on his face. I controlled my breathing as we rounded the corners of the glade in silence, it was probably the least awkward I had ever been around Newt. We got back to my hut and I slowed the pace and stopped, my side cramped, I hadn't done this is so long.

Newt jogged in place," Giving up."

"What can I say... getting soft."

Newt stopped jogging and grinned," I don't believe that for a second."

I saw a gleam in his eyes, almost mischievous, like he had a sly plan in motion, one I didn't know about. I felt a blush rise to my cheeks, which were no doubt already red, so hopefully not noticeable.

"It's okay, we can just walk."

"Uhm I... I actually feel kind of tired," I lied. "Should get some sleep."

"Oh... Okay. Sure. I'll see you tomorrow?"

"Nowhere to hide here."

Newt chuckled," See you."

I went into my room and waited until I couldn't hear his footsteps anymore. The bonfire had started, so I had the perfect opportunity to sneak off and see Jackson. I didn't want to blow Newt off, I actually wanted to spend time with him, but I missed Jackson and I felt guilty.

I snuck through the Glade undetected.

"Hey," I crouched by the slammer.

"Look who it is," Jackson came up to the bars.

"I tried to see you yesterday but was almost caught."

"All the more reason for you to not be here."

"You almost sound ungrateful."

Jackson bowed his head and sighed. "I'm glad to see you, you know I am... but I don;t want more trouble for you."

"Seems like that's all I cause," I glanced around.

"Don't be stupid," Jackson scoffed. "You bring ll kinds of joy,... you make me smile."

I chuckled," Glad I can amuse you. Speaking of which... I ran the Glad with Newt today."

"Yeah I saw, you ran right past me."

"Was I supposed to stop?"

"No, of course not. Remember, this is secret stuff we're doing."

"What happens when you get out? Are we still supposed to pretend not be friends."

"Yeah, we're going to have to for a while."

"That's so stupid. One of the many flaws with your plan."

"Let's talk about something else. You and Newt, how did that go?"

"I... I don't know. He hasn't brought up what I said to him, about needing to talk to you... about him. That's good, right?"

"Yeah, that's good."

"We just jogged... really didn't say anything."

"That's not a bad thing," Jackson mentioned.

"No, it wasn't. It felt comfortable."

"Awww, are you blushing?," he teased.

"Shut it," I giggled.

A loud shout peirce the air and I froze.

"It's okay," Jackson told me. "Just the boys."

"I tried to calm myself, it had really scared me.

"Hey, can I ask you something?," Jackson leaned his back against the bars.

"Sure."

"It's going to sound weird."

I was now nervous... he last time I was in a conversation like this it was Ben and that had ended poorly. Jackson saw my face and added.

"But not that weird."

"Okaaayyy...," I was still unsure.

"What do I look like?," he asked.

The question was different, not something people around here really talked about.

"What do you look like," I repeated.

"Yeah," Jackson face me. "I've... never really seen myself."

"Oh... uhm...You're hair is dark brown, almost black. It's straight, could use a haircut," I smirked and I heart Jackson snicker. "Uh... you have brown eyes... like a prettier shade of dirt."

"Prettier shade of dirt?," Jackson chuckled.

"Sorry I'm not a poet. They're brown, but not like dirt, like tree bark in the sunlight."

"Not a poet?," Jackson joked then paused. "Do you think I'm ugly?"

"What?"

Jackson sighed," It's not being full of myself. I just.. feel like you might be the only judge of this."

"What happens when we get out and the girls are just drawn to you?," I teased.

He smiled," I just want a heads up if I need to be more charming then usual."

"Are you on a low setting?"

He laughed," No, I'm on full."

I laughed and looked at him carefully. Jackson had a pointy nose, tan skin from being outside all day, and his muscles were bulging. He had bushy eyebrows that settled above his brown eyes.

"I don't think you're ugly," I told him.

He grinned," Are you falling in love with me?"

"Shut up," I rolled me eyes. "You know... I thought about that too, on my first day. I... I actually looked in my reflection of water. All I could really notice was my eyes, they're blue."

"You're right," Jackson put his arms through the bars and rested his head against the bars. "You're eyes are a really bright blue, the brightest I've ever seen."

I knelt down in front of the Slammer. "What else do I look like?"

Jackson eyes studied my face," Well, you have the blue eyes, and you're hair is long, dark and curly... but I'mg guessing you know that. Uhm... you look pretty. Maybe I'm biased because you're the only girl I've ever seen or remember."

"Are you falling in love with me?," I grinned.

"You wish," he grinned.

Another loud shout pierced the air and I gasped then groaned.

"God, why do they do that?," I stood up looking towards the bonfire.

"Don't ask me."

"I feel like.. there are a lot of celebrations here. "

"Yeah, there are."

"Isn't it weird?"

Jackson slicked back his hair," No. It's just our lives."

 _Our lives... This is my life. Here. Forever._

"What happens if we never get out?," I wonder out loud. "Do we just grow old and die here?"

"That's the million dollar question," Jackson answered with a sigh. "But, they haven't given up yet," Jackson looked ot where the cheering and shouting was coming from.

"I don't know how... I am already doubting it."

"No," Jackson said abruptly. "You can't start that."

"I... I can't help it."

"Yes, you can. You can't let it worm it's way in. It... it's deadly."

I looked to Jackson but he was now facing away from me and I felt a pressure rise inside me. My throat felt like it was closing.

"I...," I choked. "I don't know how to stop it."

Jackson turned back to me, reached through the bars and took my hands. He pulled me towards him and down so now I was kneeling in the dirt, eye level with him.

"That's why you have me," he said.

I felt a tear run down my cheek, and I let out a strained sigh.

"But for now, it's not so bad, right?," he asked as I looked down to the ground.

I didn't trust my voice, I shook my head no.

"No.. I guess not."

"Believe me it could be worse."

I snorted and joked," Yeah right."

"Hey," he squeezed my hand tighter. "One day, this will be a terrible memory. Unfortunately, it's our first memory, but it will not be our last. There will be others."

I nodded, looking down again as another tear streaked my face.

"We just have to wait... but it won't be forever."

I squeezed his hands back," Yeah... you're right. I'm sorry."

"No, don't apologize. It's need to get out somehow."

"Somehow that job always falls on you."

He shrugged," What can I say? The ladies love me," he smirked.

"Yeah, you're a real charmer."

Jackson let go of my hands," Now get out of here, the night patrol will be coming by soon."

"But they're Baggers... Will they really get you in more trouble?"

"Not a risk I'm wanting to take."

"Okay," I stood up and wiped my face. "I'll see you tomorrow."

"You're going to get yourself in trouble sneaking here to see me."

"Good thing you can't stop me," I smirked and crept back to my room.


	52. Chapter 52

"So he ran with you yesterday and tonight? That's three nights in a row. Sounds like a tradition to me," Jackson teased me.

I couldn't help but smile, "It's so weird at how normal it all feels. We just talk now, I'm not really nervous anymore and he makes me laugh."

"You are crushing hard on this boy," Jackson sang.

I covered my face," I know!"

"You know you'll have to bring up... that conversation at one point or another," Jackson killed the mood.

"I know... but how? 'Oh yeah that was a lie because Jackson wanted to play hero, but at the same time it's true because I'm always talking to Jackson about you because I think you are an amazing person and I want to kiss you constantly'... Not really a smooth move."

"First of all, I was not playing hero," Jackson said sassily," and second of all, you have got to tell him at some point. this constant back and forth is killing me."

"Back and forth?"

"I've told you since forever that I think he's into you."

I covered my face and smiled," I know... I know."

"Just tell him, get it out in the open and if something bad happens, hopefully it's the day the Runner's find the way out of the maze."

I scoffed," That's a high hope."

"What did I say about being so negative?"

"You're right, I'm sorry. On the bright side, you get out tomorrow!"

Jackson shook his head," no tomorrow is my last day. I don't get out until the day after."

"Oh..."

"But we're getting close," he smiled. "But on the bad side of that, you know we have to keep away from each other, right?"

"What?"

"I mean when I get out, we can;t go back to being best friends."

"But we are best friends."

"I know that. But with this... label on me know, they'll be watching me extra close. That's why you sneaking over here every night is such a bad plan."

"I know, but that just... it isn't fair. We didn't do anything wrong. It's just so... stupid, and don't say this is a bad plan when you'd be going crazy without someone to talk to everyday."

"That's true and yes, it is stupid. But we have to live with it. It won't be forever."

"I know... but who else will I talk to?"

Jackson sighed," I'm taking that as you haven't spoke to Ben yet?"

"No... I've.. kind of been avoiding him."

Jackson rolled his eyes," You can't just avoid people. Especially in here. You tried that with Newt, see how that worked out, now you guys hang out everyday."

"So maybe it is a good plan," I smiled.

"All I'm saying is you can't avoid this. Neither can I, we'll have to do something."

"I know... but it's just so.. so... I don't want to do it."

"I know, me neither. Fingers crossed they find hey way out before the end of tomorrow."

"Fingers crossed," I held up my crossed fingers. I smiled," that reminds me, did I tell you wha Newt did tonight?"

"No, not yet."

"Well, after the run, he stayed back for a while and we talked, he talked about maybe starting an obstacle course in the Deadhead, just something else to pass the time. And... he brushed the hair out of my face," my cheeks hurt from smiling so much.

"Really? Seems bold."

"Yeah, it's weird, like we've been having all these tiny intense moment on our runs, like my hand brushed against his but I pretended not to notice. And we stopped by the name wall again he told me that he would carve my name himself on the wall as soon as I had one."

"Sounds like he's falling for you."

"Don't say that," I chuckled.

"Talk to him tomorrow. Tell him."

My smile faltered," I... I don't want to."

Jackson sighed," Why? It seems to me that he likes you."

"But... right now I get to play it out in my head... and it's so beautiful. I don't want to ruin it by putting it all out there and being rejected."

"But if you tell him, it could become real and you won't have to play fantasy anymore. Come on, promise me you'll tell him once and for all, ending all this drama. We know he isn't gay... maybe?," Jackson shrugged. "There are no other girls here for him to fawn over."

"Jackson, if it was that easy, I would have done it."

"Come on, you owe me."

I groaned," Jackson..."

"Promise me."

"I... I promise I'll tell him."

"Tomorrow."

"Tomorrow," I repeated reluctantly.

"You'll thank me later," he grinned.

A noise in close by caught our attention, it was the sound of steps.

"Go. go. go," Jackson whispered and I snuck away quickly, hurrying to ,my room and pretending to sleep.

I woke up, I felt paralyzed. I didn't want to get up, I didn't want to start the day. _I promised Jackson I would tell Newt today... but how? Do I just blurt it out. Can I just avoid him? Jackson would be so mad... and he gets out tomorrow. Why today? What if I tell im and he laughs in my face! Newt's not that mean, right?_

My hammock swung side to side and I felt fear grip me completely as if Newt was going to be outside my room waiting for me, which was crazy. _I have to get up and go to work. Siggy is probably already waiting._

One foot on the floor then another, I wrapped my hair up in a tight bun and made my way through the Glade, which was sparkling with morning dew.

"Hey girl, I need you to go and get some water," Siggy told me right as I stepped in the door.

"Sure," I grabbed the bucket and left, cautiously peering around for signs of Newt. He wasn't anywhere.

 _Maybe it would be good to tell him while I'm working so he can't shout or anything. I can just say it and hide in the kitchen all day._

"We're making beans and eggs," Siggy told me.

"Eggs? Really?"

"Yes, ma'am. I have been stocking up on them for a long time now. So excited to use them."

"Sounds good. I've never had eggs before," I smiled.

"That's right. This will be your first time. I'll cook the eggs, you deal with the beans."

"No problem."

Breakfast was made and I was serving up dishes.

"Woah, are those eggs?," Hank asked.

"Yeah."

"Nice!," he took the plate with a smile. "Thanks."

"Eggs?," Newt stepped forward.

I fought through the buckle of my knees when he smiled. "Yeah, Siggy made them."

"It's so weird that you call him Siggy. Everyone here just calls him Fry."

"I know, but Siggy is his real name, he doesn't mind."

"Oh... yeah. Did you make the beans?"

"Sure did," I smiled felt a little anxious to hear his review.

Newt took a bite," Amazing," he said after swallowing.

I blushed," Thanks."

"So, I'll see you tonight, yeah?"

"What? Oh, yeah. I'll see you there."

"Great," Newt left for his table.

While Siggy and I prepared lunch, I was humming to get my mind occupied.

"You seem happy?," Siggy noticed.

"Oh, no. I'm just trying to stay busy."

"You should just enjoy the peace while you can," Siggy told me.

"What do you mean?"

"Can't you feel it... something," Siggy stopped cutting. "Like a storm."

"You think it'll rain?"

"No, no that kind of storm... like something bad is coming."

I had that feeling. It loomed over me constantly, but it had been eliminated once Ben showed me his secret in the Deadhead. I actually felt pretty decent, scared to talk to Newt, but that was it.

"All I'm saying is enjoy the peace. We got a new Greenie coming up and who knows what that means."

"Maybe it'll be another girl," I joked with a smile.

Siggy grunted," We'll see."

"I'm here," Joe walked into the room.

"Hey," I stood up.

"I can do that," he took the spoon from me and started to stir.

"Oh... okay. I'll see you tomorrow."

"Bye," Siggy smiled.

Stepping out meant there was only a matter of hours until I came face to face with my dilemma. I wanted to go and talk to Jackson but I couldn't, there were too many people. I have to figure this out, I took a deep breath, strolling through the Glade. _I should do it before the run, I don't want to be all sweaty and gross. And I don't want to be struggling to breath and forget what I want to say. I should start by telling him... that... he's nice? I don't know. How do people tell other people that they like someone? Do I just spit it out or do I build? I don't think I can build, I'll get too flustered. I should just say it. 'Newt, I like you.' But what if that confuses him, what if he thinks I mean as a friend. Should I just get the courage and kiss him, see what he does? No, that's too risky, besides he might not like me. I need to prepare for that... the denial. I can't cry. Absolutely not. At least not until I talk to Jackson._

Ask I walked people kept saying hi to me, which interrupted my train of thought. I saw the Runners enter the Glade for unch, Ben was with them laughing. I tried to blend with the crowd as he passed me, which worked, he didn't see me.

 _Good,_ I took a deep breath, _Last thing I need is another confession today._

I reached the wall of the Maze, I walked along side it, grazing my hand on the cement. I looked up to the right towards the Slammer, but Jackson must have been lying down, I didn't see him. I was walking towards the Garden, which normally put me on edge, but I knew Newt and the others were eating Lunch. The Garden looked so different with everything being rearranged, running past it every night I never noticed. I liked it. I walked through the past the rows of cabbage and carrots. _I wonder what they do all day in the garden? With everything planted and weeded daily? What else is there?_ I looked at the corn and remember replanting it, when Newt and I were so close, when I thought I caught him looking at me. I smiled, _maybe it won't be so bad to talk to him_. I walked out of the garden and paused at the name wall. It had gotten bigger, more names since I had been here.

I stopped at Nick's name, I always wished I had gotten to know him more. Newt spoke so highly of him and Ben missed him still so much. It felt like he had died so long ago, when in reality it had only been a couple of weeks. I walked past, towards my house. _Newt has been good to me, since the first day I met him. He was fair and kind. If I tell him that I like him and he doesn't feel the same, maybe we can pretend it never happened and just be friends. I can just bottle up my feeling about him until we get out of here and maybe find someone else. Jackson thinks it will be soon, but he has thought that since I've been here. Even if Newt and I can't patch things up, I've got Jackson. Siggy is my friend, so are Jeff and Cliff. And... Ben. I can maybe talk it out with him... I do miss him._ But when I see him, it just reminds me of what's buried by my tree.

I get to my house and lay in my hammock, sleep slips over me without a second thought. I wake up in the dusk of the evening _. OH NO! I need to shower!_ I hop out of bed in a flash and leave the room colliding with Newt as I do.

"Oh!," I trip over him and fall. Newt tries to catch me but ends up on the ground beside me.

"Oh," he groaned.

"Are you okay?," I stand up slowly, brushing off my knees.

"Yeah... I'm good," he sits up wincing.

"Are you sure? Is it your leg?"

"No, I'm fine," he stands. " Now I'm all stretched and warmed up," he jokes.

"Oh... haha, yeah. Uhmmm," I start to get flustered. "Maybe I could talk to you... b-before we run, if that's okay?"

"Sure, of course. What's up?," Newt gives me a dashing smile.

My heart flutters, _You can do this,_ I tell myself.


	53. Chapter 53

**THE MOMENT** **WE'VE ALL BEEN WAITING FOR: _THE REVEAL_**  
 **ENJOY!**

* * *

 _Here we go,_ I took a deep breath.

"Can we... go inside? Just for a minute?," I already felt like chickening out.

"Sure," Newt smiled, flashing his sparkling teeth. _How does he keep them so white? No, not right now... This is not the time._

Newt followed me inside and I slowly walked over to my hammock on the far wall. I froze _, should I say it now? It would be easier if I didn't have to look at him?_

"Are you okay?," Newt asked.

"Yeah, I'm fine," I spun around and sat down on my hammock. _Guess not._

I couldn't understand why this was all so tormenting. There were only two ways this could go: good or bad. I'd prepared for the bad. There is nothing I haven't thought of, I've played every scenario over and over in my head. Nothing could surprise me.

"Did you eat dinner? I didn't see you there?," Newt asked crouching to look in the cubbies. I had added a few items, an acorn and and some leafs I had thought were pretty but had not dried up.

"I.. I feel asleep."

"So you haven't eaten?," he turned to me, surprised.

"Uhm... yeah I had some breakfast," I felt my cheeks darken. _He looks so concerned. Is that concern?_

"You have to eat more than one meal a day. You could get sick," he crossed his arms.

"No, I'm all right," I tucked my hands under my thighs and looked to the ground.

"Are you sure you're alright?," Newt walked to the middle hammock.

"What? Uh, yeah. I'm fine... just still a little sleepy I guess."

 _He can see right through me. I need to just calm down. Deep breath._

"I don't want you getting sick, not like last time at least. You had us all so worried," Newt said reminding me of my last time spend at the Med -hut. "So... what did you want to talk about...?," he chuckled.

"Oh yeah!," I felt my heart pick up. "I wanted to talk to you... I mean, I think we should talk about... about the other night," I paused.

Newt cocked his head to the side," Uhhh... Do you mean when I said that the obstacle course should have a part where we have to crawl underground? Because I know that would never happen, no way we could dig a tunnel like that, not with all the bodies we have there."

"What? Uhm, no. This isn't about that."

 _Why is this so painful? Why can't I just say the words, be brave._

"Oh, okay? Then what?," Newt leaned against the wall and crossed his arms. I could see his muscles peeking through his thin shirt, even though they weren't big and bulging like Jackson's were, they drew my attention. I shook my head and refocused on the hammock in front of me so I wouldn't have to look at him.

"This... is about the night... The night that Jackson got put in the Slammer."

"Oh..."

The room was quiet and I could feel a weird energy between us, something that made me squirm where I was sitting. I still didn't have to the courage to look up at him. My stomach felt tight and despite just waking up, I felt weak and a nervous energy pulsed through me.

"Yeah," I said softly, not really knowing how to continue the conversation.

Newt cleared his throat and I saw him move off the wall from the corner of my eye," Sure, uhm... yeah maybe we should talk about that night. Everyone's has heard Jackson's side... but you haven't really talked about it."

I took a deep breath," Yes, I did. I told you why he was here," I looked up involuntarily and my breath caught. He stood not 10 feet from me, looking down at me with his gorgeous, gleaming brown eyes. They were beautiful and full of what looked like wonder, or some other emotion I had never seen in someone eye's. It was mesmerizing, it was hard to tear away from him.

"What... I'm about to tell you... it... I... I broke the rules again," I looked to the floor.

"Is this a confession?," Newt sounded confused.

"Well, no. That's not why I'm telling you this. I just...made a promise."

"Promise? To who?"

 _Maybe it would be easy to start from the beginning? Just flow through everything so I don't miss anything? But I don't want to build, I just want it to be out there, but at the same time that's the last thing I want._

"Jackson."

"Jackson? What did you promise him? When di-," Newt stopped talking. "That night. When I caught you in the Homestead... you were sneaking out to talk to him?"

 _Wow. Newt's quick._ I hadn't given him credit.

"Yeah. I snuck out to go and see him."

"But... why?," I could hear that Newt couldn't make sense of anything I was saying.

I brought my hand up and started pulling on my hair, this was starting to get too real.

"Jackson, he is my best friend. He probably the person here that I trust the most, I mean, he knows everything about me. He's been helping me... with everything, adjusting to the Glade and accepting this life," I looked around the room. "And yet I'm still just as confused as I was my first day."

I met eyes with Newt, he looked so understanding, like what I was saying was resonating with him, so I kept going.

"When he was here that night... he lied. He told everyone he barged in, but..."

"But that's not true?"

"No, I told you that. I asked him to come here. I had to talk to him," I rested my eyes on Newt.

I felt a little stronger, it was like the more I said, the less it seemed to weigh on me. Made me more confident and assertive, made me feel a little less nervous. Looking into his eyes, I didn't get that urge to look away ashamed and scared, I held his gaze. My heart seemed strong and steady, not crazy and impulsive. I slipped into a state of ease, letting him recall what I had told him about that. The truth sipped out so easily and effortlessly, I much preferred it over my stumbling lies to cover my feelings.

"Yeah, you said he came here so you could talk to him about... about me," Newt coughed and his eyes darted away.

 _That's not true,_ the thought popped into my head. But now was not the time to discuss the horror buried in the deadwood, so I repressed the memory deeper inside me.

"Yes."

Newt shifted again, it seemed like the calmer I got, the more nervous he appeared. He chuckled nervously," I thought that... I... I don't know."

"I think I should tell you about... I mean, you deserve to know."

"You don't have to tell me," Newt looked to the floor. "It's really none of my business."

My heart picked up," I have to tell you."

 _I promised Jackson. This is it... no going back at all._

"Is it bad?," Newt asked sheepishly, avoiding my eyes.

"Bad? No," I shook my head. _At least I hope it's not bad._ "It's just... It's hard to explain..."

The nervous energy was creepy back inside me, I could feel myself tingling, like I wanted to just run. Run out past Newt, into the Glade, into the maze, and beyond until there was nothing left.

I closed my eyes and sucked in a slow breath, _start at the beginning._ I opened my eyes and looked to my lap.

"When I first got here, it was like I didn't belong. Everyone glanced at me twice, whispered as I walked past. It felt like I was some sort of alien to you all... which I guess in a way I was. Zart had been nice to me, but Jackson felt like one of the first people to treat me like a person, like being a girl wasn't scary or weird. Ben... Ben was also friendly...," my eyes flickered up to Newt. "And you... you were kind. I could see how much you cared about everyone here. You were so welcoming and I don't know...," I sucked in a deep breath and looked past him out the door.

"It's hard... to live here. You know that better than me. Being without memories... it just kind of feels like floating, and then every so often, I feel like something is familiar. Feeling the breeze on my skin or watching the sun shine through the trees. It's so hard to explain... And then, there are things that feel so new. So crazy and unbelievable, that even if I had felt it before, it still surprises me... Do you know what I mean?," I looked to him.

Newt was listening intensely, I saw a furrow in his brow. His face eased when I turned to him and he relaxed a little, his arms feel to his sides. "Honestly, no," he confessed and I felt a clenching in my stomach. Newt continued," But that's okay, I understand that this transition has been hard on you, but I think you're doing such a good job," Newt walked around the hammock and sat down, now we were face to face. "Everyone here reacts differently."

I nodded, looking to the floor. "But how can you live day to day without knowing what's real and what's not?"

"What do you mean?"

"I mean, what happens when you have feeling you've never felt before? Feelings you don't know what they are or what they could mean?"

 _I know exactly what they mean,_ I thought as I searched Newt's for a hidden answer that maybe he could not convey into words. His golden flakes swirled in the dark pools of infinite beauty but gave me no answers. _I must sound crazy to him. I keep avoiding what I need to say. I just need to say it._

Newt opened his mouth like he was going to give me answer, but I spoke first.

"That's what I had to talk to Jackson about. I get this fumbling, crazy feeling when I see you. I can't control it and I have no what it means. My stomach gets tight and I feel... I feel dizzy and it gets hard to speak. I feel so red and clumsy... I just... I...," my voice fades and I keep my eyes glued to the floor.

Silence rings in the room. _Here it goes. Here it goes,_ I kept repeating in my head, but nothing happened. It was quiet, all I could hear was the light whistle of the wind outside and the very distant noise of the Glade. The seconds ticked like hours, so I kept talking to keep the ringing out of my ears.

"I... I tried avoiding you, to make it stop, to see if it would... but it didn't. It almost made it stronger in a way, I guess. I don't know what it really is for sure.. but I have a guess," I fought the urge to glance up and see his expression. "I know this weird and I don't want you to feel awkward or anything, but sometimes I get such a strong urge to kiss you, I'm not actually sure if I can stop myself. I don't really know anything though... I... but I promised Jackson I'd tell you everything. So now you know..."

I shut my mouth, talking only seemed to make it worse. Silence fell between us again. _There it is... no going back. It's out there now. Only two ways for it to go. Good or bad. Either way... at least it's out there. I'll probably get in trouble, at least for seeing Jackson. I didn't even think if I could get in trouble for this... liking someone? Could I? Why did I mention the kiss? Idiot!_

Curiosity got the better of me and I looked up to Newt. He wasn't looking at me, he was looking straight forward. He didn't look mad, which was comforting. He looked shocked, like pure surprise had struck him.

"Newt?," I asked him, worried now.

He shook his head, removing his expression. "Sorry, I just...," his voice faded.

"No, please don't apologize. I know you didn't ask for this... you were just doing your job, I know that. I guess... I took some things the wrong way."

There is was. My answer. Bad. In my head, he had looked down at me with disgust and scoffed as I told him everything, then yelled at me and stomped out the door. This felt worse in a way. My chest was tight, like there was something around me, squeezing the air out and not letting me breath. This was real. Not just some fantasy I made up in my head, this was real life and real life hurt.

"I... I should apologize," I pulled the ends of my hair. "I know you didn't ask for this, but just know this won't affect anything. I.. I mean, it doesn't have to change anything. I guess I should say, we don't have to hang out if this makes you feel weird and-," I rambled on nervously trying to do some damage control.

Newt reached out and took my hand that was rapidly yanking on the end of my hair, he pulled it towards him and wrapped his fingers around my palm.

"You shouldn't pull your hair," he told me softly.

I was at a loss for words. _Were we just going to pretend this never happened?_ I was fine with that... at least I kept my promise and I got the closure Jackson thought I needed. The pain in my chest was only getting worse and I felt like I wanted to cry. _I will not cry. I will not cry._

"Did you mean all that?," Newt was looking down at our hands and I stared at him.

 _This is the chance to turn it all around. Pretend it's a joke and laugh it off._

"Yes," I said breathlessly, the truth felt too good to stop telling it now.

"Does it feel like the world around you fades away, like you stop hearing noises and colors all blend together?," he didn't look up at me.

"I... I don't know," I answered honestly, the air in the room felt gone. I was holding onto every second, the feeling of his fingers on my palm and the pressure on my skin. I could feel myself starting to sweat, but I was paralyzed.

"Do you hang on every word? Replaying them over and over?," he asked taking his other hand and enclosing my hand.

My heart picked up, I didn't know what was happening. _What was happening?_

"Yes," I answered truthfully, remembering all the times I would sit in the Deadhead and daydream of his smile and laugh.

"Does your heart beat so fast you think it might stop all together?," his voice floated to me gently, an unknown emotion masking his words.

I could feel my own heart beating against my chest, like it could burst out any minute.

"Yes."

Newt finally moved, pulled my hand toward him further, I didn't resist. I was like a doll, he had total control, I felt like it was another daydream and I could wake up at anytime. I felt weightless, like it wasn't real. Newt placed my open hand on his chest, over his think shirt and covered my hand with his, holding it in place.

He felt warm and his shirt was soft, but underneath it all was a thud that was constant and fast, thumping through his skin and onto my hand. It was his heartbeat, I could feel it. It was fast, it almost matched my own. I was staring at out hands, but I slowly looked up to him, now he was looking at me, a small smile lingering on lips.

"That's how it always is... everytime," he closed his eyes. "Every. Single. Time," he strained each word, dragging them out. "Everytime I see you, it's bloody impossible to stop. And... I can't help but smile... like the day just seems brighter and better...," I see him trying to figure out how to explain it all. He sighs," I... I never told you because... I know how you feel so different here. How the Glade separates you different housing, different shower times, different everything. I didn't want you to... feel... I... I just didn't want to upset you any further," Newt looks at me, his eyes round and sincere. "I know you've been through so much in your short time here... I didn't want add to your burden."

 _So... This means... This means that Newt... Newt likes me? Newt likes me... Wait what? That can't be true... I'm still dreaming. I never really woke up did I?_

Newt smiled down at me," I... I would never have guess that... I just never said anything... but...," He chuckled lightly and shook his head. "I would have never known," he rested his gaze on me again.

"Really? I... I don't think I hide it very well," I blushed.

"You had me fooled," Newt's smiled widened.

"Same here," I smiled shyly, turning back to my hand resting on Newt's chest.

 _Is this real? How can I know for sure?_

"So... what does this mean?," Newt asked me.

I turned back to him, not having any sort of answer prepared.

"I.. I have no idea. I didn't even think I would get this far...," I told him honestly. I felt so close to him, he face was only about 12 inches away, so close and my hand resting on his chest.. the urge sparked again, to just lean in and finally get the feeling on his lips on mine.

Newt and I held each other's gaze and I felt like it was happening, for the first time a real situation where a kiss might actually happen. Newt took his hand off mine and I took my hand off his chest and I looked down, feeling awkward all over again, making me glad I did no kiss him.

"So neither of us really knows what this means... uhm... what do you want to happen?," Newt asked me.

"What even is this?," I asked him already knowing the answer. _This is a crush. I like you. You like me._

Newt looked deeply into my eyes," I.. have these emotions... a feeling... something unexplainable really. I really like you. I like being around you, talking to you, listening to you. I think that's a good place, isn't it?"

"Yeah," I smiled.

 _Better than I could have imagined._

"So I would like to be around you more, talk to you more and listen to you more. Maybe now I can be a little more honest, if that's okay with you," Newt looked down bashfully.

"I.. I would love that," I told him, feeling like there was nothing holding me down and I could float away.

"Woah," Newt turned and looked out the door," I didn't realize it had gotten so dark."

I looked out the door and it was dark out, only a flicker of light from the path danced on the door.

"Oh wow," I exclaimed.

Newt turned back to me," I... I probably should go. I don't want you in any more trouble," he gave a small grin.

"Does that mean you aren't going to tell anyone about me seeing Jackson?"

"No. I won't tell, but that is reckless. If someone would catch you, it would mean big trouble."

I nodded," I know. I know."

Newt stood up, and stepped towards the door, then turned back to me. "I... I'm really happy you told me... Thank you."

Our eyes lingered moment and a warm feeling spread through me.

I felt my cheeks flush," Yeah, me too."

"Well... goodnight," he smiled brightly and I felt a flutter in my chest.

"Goodnight."

Newt stuck his head back through the door, "Would it be okay if I came by again tomorrow and we went for a run?"

I nodded," I'd like that."

"Goodnight," he said again.

"Night."

Newt left the out the door and I saw his shadow disappear and all the remained was the flicker of a distant flame and the warm feeling inside me.


	54. Chapter 54

"Get up! Come on girl!," A shake woke me up from my sleep.

"What? What!?," I woke up panicked and alert.

"Girl, you're late," I heard the sass and recognized Siggy.

 _Late?_

"Get up and let's get going!," he marched out of the door and left me in the soft morning hue of my room.

I rolled out of my hammock with a smile, it felt impossible to dampen my glowing mood. I caught up to Siggy and helped him start the day.

"You can prep the rice," he told me handing me a large pot. "Since someone slept in, I got the water all ready for you."

"Thanks."

"And why are you so happy, miss sunshine?," Siggy asked.

I shrugged," Can't I just be happy?"

"Not in the Glade."

"So you're saying you've never been happy here?"

"I've had moments, good days as opposed to the bad."

"Well, then I guess today is just a good day for me," my smile brightened.

"Sleeping in better be worth it," Siggy mumbled.

 _Today is such a good day,_ I hummed to myself as I got the water to boil. _Jackson get's out today. Newt is... actually real. Like he is for real. He likes me. What does that even mean? How do I go about this now? Am I allowed to kiss him?_

"Hey," I looked up to see Newt walking towards me.

I stumbled backwards from standing up too fast," Hey," I brushed my hair behind me ear. "You're up early."

Newt smiled," It was hard to sleep last night."

"Oh?," I felt a blush and turned back to the pot on the fire.

"Yeah," he walked up beside me, I could feel him looking at me, I didn't know what to do or know to react. I felt so warm and tingling all over, but frozen in place. "Hey," he called to me softly, drawing my attention to him. He was next to me, we were shoulder to shoulder. "I'm really happy about last night."

My cheeks stung as my lips spread into another smile and my stomach tied itself into a knot.

"Me too," I whispered.

Newt seemed to glisten in the morning light, it made him look magical as the golden rays sparked a dazzling blaze on his ruffled hair. It only lasted for a few seconds before the rising sun was covered by the gray scattered clouds. He returned my smile and we stood there for a moment, I was just trying to absorb everything that was happening until Siggy popped out.

"We need to make sure that-.. oh. Hey Newt."

I jumped, I had been so lost in Newt's dreamy golden gaze, I stepped away from Newt and turned to Siggy.

"Oh, yeah, uhm.. Newt is just here to.. uh.."

"I'm just here to talk with her about Jackson," Newt said confidently.

"Oh, right. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, don't take too long, we've got a Glade to feed," Siggy chuckled. "I want to talk with you about the rice when you're done," he said to me and I nodded, to embarrassed to speak. Siggy went back into the kitchen and I felt like I had been caught doing something wrong. I was so embarrassed I didn't even want to look at Newt, I knew my face was bright red. I went to the side of the kitchen and grabbed the rice bag and bringing it over to the boiling pot.

"Here, let me help," Newt picked up the bag easily, pouring the rice into the pot. "Rice for breakfast again, looks like you're making changes around here," he smirked.

"Thanks," I brushed my hair away. "I guess I'm not all bad."

Newt cleared his throat," I... I actually do want to talk to you about Jackson."

 _What? Why?_

"Are you going to tell people what I told you?," I felt fear crept up my spine. "Because Jackson will just get in more trouble for lying and I-.."

"No," Newt lowered the bag. "I'm not going to say anything."

 _Then what is it?,_ I wondered as Newt continued.

 _"_ I know you guys are really close..."

"Yeah, he's my best friend."

"Yeah, and he gets released today..."

"I know. I'm excited."

Newt sighed," But you know that you can't be friends with him, right?"

"What? What are you talking about?"

Newt turned away," I.. I know he's you're friend and he's helped you out, but what he was charged with... you can't...," Newt dropped his sentence, unable to finish.

My heart felt heavy," I know."

"You know?," Newt sounded surprised.

"Jackson and I already talked about this. We won't be able to hang out or talk for at least a few weeks. It just is so... stupid. I don't care what everyone thinks."

"I know, it's going to be hard, but with the story you guys told, this is the way it has to be."

I looked to the boiling water, rice bubbling up with the air and floating back beneath the foam," I know... I should probably go. Siggy needs help."

"Yeah, absolutely...," Newt paused. "I can still come by tonight?," Newt asked, looking to the ground.

I nodded," Yeah, I'll see you then."

I went back into the kitchen to Siggy chopping onions.

"I'm sorry," he said as I past him. "I didn't realize Jackson was getting out today."

"It's no big deal," I brushed it off.

"Now you don't seem as happy? What happened to you being miss sunshine?"

Outside a loud rumble growled in the distance, it was thunder.

"Nothing. I'm still happy," I smiled, but it was forced.

 _It's so dumb that Jackson is going to be shunned by everyone because of me. It's my fault he was there that night, but he was punished for it way more than me and now we can't even talk to each other._

"Well, about the rice, I just want to make sure that we...," Siggy voice faded to back ground noise as we both continued to work. Breakfast was ready to be served, I was setting up plates when loud boom of thunder pierced the air. Siggy stepped outside, "Oh,... We better get this ready to go."

"Go?"

"Ain't no work today. It's gonna rain pretty soon, might as well just take this back to the Homestead."

"It's just cloudy," I looked past him out the door.

"Nope. It's going to rain, no doubt. Go and get the rice before it starts coming down."

I went outside and pulled the pot from the fire, it was almost done anyway, maybe a litter under cooked, but not that it mattered now. I felt a small drop on my arm and looked up, the light gray clouds had transformed into dark spiraling nets casted across the entire sky. I half carried, half dragged the pot to the Homestead and left it in the corner and went back to the kitchen to help Siggy bring more food. The rain began to pick up but we made it all into the Homestead, it was crowded, smelly, and hot stuck inside with everyone. Joe came and helped dish out breakfast, then after Siggy went off to hang out with his boys and Joe drifted back to his solitude. Once again, I was stuck looking out at the people in the Glade and had nowhere to go.

I saw Newt, he was with Alby and Zart across the room, they were all talking and then laughing. I was tempted to go over and talk to him, but I felt awkward; I didn't want to overstep and bother him. _He came and saw me this morning? Am I supposed to go to him now? He looks busy, I don't want to interrupt..._ I looked around more, I saw Gally talking to the builders, but had no real instinct to go talk to him. Searching the room, I knew everyone, their names at least, but I didn't actually know them, they were all strangers.

"Finally a chance to talk with the famous Greenie," I heard a chuckle behind me and turned to see two smiling familiar faces.

"Hey guys," I smiled, greeting Clint and Jeff.

"I feel like we never see you," Jeff said.

"Yeah, why don't you visit us," Clint teased.

"Oh... I just... busy, I guess," I lied. Jeff and Clint looked to one another then back at me, almost like they knew I was lying, which wouldn't be hard. I was a terrible liar. "What?," I asked, feeling nervous.

"Well... Clint and I," Jeff gestured between them. "We wanted to let you know that if you ever wanted to come back and stya in the Med hut, we would love ot have you."

"Yeah," Clint agreed. "We almost miss having you around there."

"What are you guys talking about?," I was confused.

Jeff shuffled his feet and Clint scratched his head, both obviously feeling some awkward tension.

"You know, with the whole Jackson thing," Clint mumbled.

"What we mean to say is, if you don't feel safe in your house anymore, we would be happy to make accommodations for you," Jeff added.

 _Oh..._

"That is... well, that is such a sweet offer. Thanks guys, really. It's very nice of you," I paused, trying to word it all right. "I'm good where I am though. I like my hut, but if I need a night away, I'll let you know."

Clint straightened up and I saw Jeff look past me and scowl. I turned to see what they were staring at, and it was Jackson. He walked in from the rain dripping wet with Alby standing beside him. The whole room went quiet, I sucked in a breath afraid for some big brawl between everyone, but the moment past and murmurs of chatter began to refill the room.

Jackson was wiping his hair off while Alby was talking to him, a hand on his shoulder to show support. Jackson nodded and agreed to what he was saying as he dried himself off.

"That guy is jacked," Clint growled.

"Good that," Jeff agreed.

I didn't turn back to them, I kept watching Jackson, I wanted him to look up at me. I wanted to smile, show my support for him, tell him without actually telling him how happy I was to see him out of that cage. But he didn't look towards me, he kept his eyes on Alby, never once looking away.

"Greenie, you okay?," Jeff asked.

I turned back to them," Yeah," I smiled. "I'm fine."

"If he tries to bother you again," I saw Clint tense up and stopped him.

"No, no, no. Uh, I mean, he won't. Alby has talked to him and so has Newt. I bet he's learned a real lesson."

"The only way a slinthead like that would learn not to attack a fellow Glader, would be to throw them to the maze," Clint's eyes were fiery and angry.

"Clint," Jeff warned.

"I'm just saying," Clint brushed the whole thing off.

"Yeah," I agreed, looking back over my shoulder to Jackson, he was still standing there but Alby had moved on. Now it was the Baggers who surrounded him, they all seemed happy, Jackson was smiling.

"Are you sure you're okay, Greenbean," Jeff was obviously worried. "Cause if not, we can go talk with Alby and get-..."

"No," I faced them. "No, I'm fine.. just... weird to see him is all," I tried to sound like someone who had been attacked, but what does that even sound like? I think I just sounded sad, but that played very well with the boys.

"Don't worry, we've got your back."

"Always."

I smiled," Thanks."

We talked a while longer, they told me stories about the Med hut and I told them more about the kitchen before they slinked away to steal some place to sit. The entire time I was fighting the urge to turn back to Jackson, it was like my neck was moving on it's own and I had to use all my willpower to keep it facing forward. When they left, I moved to the back of the room, to lean against the wall, so I could have a view of the entire room, with eyes on Jackson, without being too obvious. I just watched him, it felt weird, I wanted to go up and talked to him but I knew there was no chance that was allowed, especially in a room with the entire Glade to witness. He just seemed so normal, like all the tension in the room that was being focused on him didn't phase him at all; he stood, laughing with his friends as I assumed they were filling him in with what had happened since he had been away, even though I had kept him updated.

He didn't even know about Newt. I couldn't walk up to him and hug him and tell him everything about that night, I was stuck glued to the wall. I pretended to play the conversation over in my head. I would go up to Jackson and squeeze him tightly, he would probably laugh and ask me what happened. Then I would spill everything about what happened the other night with Newt, Jackson's face would light up, I know he's laugh at me and tell me he had told me since day one that Newt liked me. Next, we would have formed a plan together on what to do when I saw him again. I couldn't help but smile while I pictured it all, then I opened my eyes and it was gone. Jackson was so far away from me, even though he was in the same room, it was almost easier when he was in the slammer, because then I could sneak off to see him, whereas now everyone was watching him like a hawk to keep him away from me.

Jackson locked eyes with me for just a second, not even that, maybe half a second before looking away. It wasn't even enough time for me to smile at him, which made me feel even more guilty.

"Hiding out over here?"

I turned and saw Ben with his hands in his pockets, leaning against the wall beside me. I felt myself tense up and folding my arms across my chest.

"No," I responded, looking out over the room.

"It's a good spot though, kind of secluded. Like you're own mini Deadhead here in the Homestead."

"Yeah, I guess."

Ben sighed," Look... "

"Stop," I turned to face him. "Ben, I can;t talk about this," I whispered. "We can never talk about this."

He stepped closer and put his head down," I know that. But I also know you have not been the same since I showed you."

"Of course I'm not the same!," I kept my voice low. "That is a huge secret to keep from everyone."

"I promised no one would get hurt. Didn't I?"

I nodded, feeling less tightness in my muscles.

"And has anyone been hurt," Ben continued.

I shook my head.

"I'm telling you, I wouldn't do anything to harm anyone in the Glade. That's a promise. You have to believe me."

I waited a moment. "I do believe you, Ben. But that... that thing could be anything. It might hurt someone accidentally."

"I took it back," Ben whispered, looking down to his feet.

"What?"

"I took it back... back into the maze."

"When?," I was surprised.

"A few days ago, I wanted to tell you but... you've been avoiding me."

I couldn't even deny it, I had been avoiding Ben.

"I'm sorry, Ben. It scared me."

He nodded, "I know... that's why I took it back," Ben looked up to me, he looked so sad and his eyes were big. "I don't want you to be afraid," Ben said as he searched my face. I realized how close we were, I hadn't realized until his eyes were so close.

I turned to face the room and rest my back on the wall," I'm glad you took it back."

"Are... you still mad at me?"

I sighed," I'm not mad at you... I'm mad at myself."

"Why?"

 _Because I didn't tell Alby the truth and it got Jackson in trouble._

"I just am."

"Well, if it makes you feel better, I've been to your tree every day. I made sure to mark it... I know you stopped going there."

He was right, I couldn't go there knowing what was buried beneath the ground, but the idea of my tree did make me happy. I smiled," Thanks, Ben."

"It was the least I could do," Ben smiled. "So, you're not going to keep avoiding me are you?"

I shook my head," Nope."

"Good," Ben nodded. "I... I never got a real chance to talk to you about the whole Jackson thing."

"It's fine," I tried to brush off the topic.

"No, it's terrible. I'm really sorry that happened. If there is anything I can do, let me know."

"We can stop talking about it," I said flatly.

Ben stayed silent for a few minutes. I didn't mean to sound harsh, but everyone was treating me so oddly and I couldn't stand it. Jackson was not a bad guy and everyone here just threw him out. They've known him longer than me and he tells a lie, everyone believes it and treats him like a villain, which is what he wanted, but it still was crazy.

"Sorry," Ben apologized.

"It's not your fault. I'm just sick of talking about it."

"I can understand that."

"You'd be the only one."

Alby stepped up to us," Good morning," he greeted with a smile.

"Morning Alby," Ben replied.

"Hey," I didn't really know what to say.

"Sorry to cut in, but I just need to talk to the Greenbean for a second," Alby looked to Ben.

"No problem, see you around," he said as he walked off.

Alby waited for him to leave," I just wanted to check up on you, make sure everything is okay."

"I'm fine," I could feel myself getting irritated.

"I know this situation is not ideal, I don't want to keep you here if you're uncomfortable."

"I told you, I'm fine."

"I talked with Jackson, he won't be bothering you."

"Good," I nodded and saw Siggy waving me down from the other end of the room. "I have to go help serve lunch."

"Let me know if I can help with anything," Alby said kindly. I know he was just doing the best he could with such a new and different situation in the Glade, but it was wearing me down.

"Sure," I faked a smile and went over to Siggy to prepare lunch for everyone.

Unfortunately, the rest of the day was insane torture. It went so slowly, it seemed as if time was torturing me on purpose. After dinner Alby approached me again.

"It's still coming down, huh?"

"Yeah," I agreed looking out at the sheets of water spilling from the sky.

"I won't make you stay here tonight," Alby told me. "I can have someone take you home."

"Thanks."

Alby went off to find me an escort, even though I was perfectly capable of finding me way to my place. I watched the rain, it was so dark and gloomy yet soothing in a way; I like the mist of water I felt as the rain hit the ground and the rhythmic hum or the water hitting the roof with the wild and random crackle of thunder and shock of lightening ripping through the sky.

"Ready?," Newt came up beside me.

I smiled," Of course."

Newt and I ran through the rain to my hut, the cold water soaking our clothes as we slipped through the mud to make it their safely. We got to my room and we were both dripping, I handed him one of my towels.

"I have to go back out anyway," he said wiping droplets of his forehead, then taking the towel and wrapping it around me. "But we don;t need you gettin the flu again," he joked.

I wrapped my towel around me tighter, and turn my head away feeling a strong blush rise in my face H _e's going to leave already? I thought he would stay for a while._

"I get it. Thanks." I tried to sound understanding, as I turned to my hammock and sat down.

Newt stood in the enter of my floor, making his own personal puddle, catching his breath before his said. "You did really good today."

I looked up to him," What?"

"I know it must have been hard to see Jackson and not... ya know, be friendly with him. But you did good."

"Oh... thanks," I wrapped the towel around me tighter.

"It'll get easier, ya know?"

I sighed," No, it won't."

Newt made his way over to the hammock beside mine and sat down across from me," Yeah, maybe it won't."

"I just don't understand how everyone just turned their back on him. He's been here longer and everyone in the Glade sound trust him and know him, but he tells a lie and... it just doesn't feel right."

"Hey," Newt coaxed me to look at him. "He knows you're his friend."

I wanted to smile at the thought but instead it made me sad "We're friends but now we can't even look at one another."

"It'll take some time, yeah... but eventually this whole thing will be nothing."

"How do you know that?," I asked him.

"Because we are getting out of here," he smiled.

I let my lips tug upwards," Hopefully sooner rather than later."

Newt chuckled," Hope is all we got."

"I wish you could stay," I told him and my mind blared alarms.

 _WHY WOULD YOU SAY THAT!?_

"Me too," he told me. "But I should get back, I don't want the lads to worry," Newt stood up

"Yeah," I nodded, standing up with him. "Here," I unwrapped the spare towel around me and handed it to him. "At least take it to cover yourself."

Newt took the towel from me," Thanks," he said softly, pausing before he moved to the door. "Have a good night. Sweet dreams," he smiled before running out into the storm.

"NIGHT!," I called after him. I watched him disappear into the dark night , the towel flapping behind him as he held it over his head. When he was gone, I took my own towel off and tied it the doorways to stop some of the rain from leaking in. I changed into dry clothes and went to bed.


	55. Chapter 55

The next morning the sky was clear and the grass was wet from the night before, along with deep sticky mud that my shoes sunk into as I walked to the kitchen. The day passed quickly, I kept conversation with Siggy and at breakfast I waited for Jackson to show up. Even the awkward moment of passing him a bowel of food would have been appreciated, but he never came. I passed it on to Joseph when he got there and went on to enjoy the rest of my day. I made my way to the Deadhead, happy to be back, I floated towards my tree in the center of it all. It looked the same as it had when I left it, small, secluded... kind of like me. I kneeled in front of it, looking at the notches as they covered an entire side of the trunk. I slowly counted the notches, reaching the grand total of 86... meaning if Ben didn't come yesterday when it rained and he hadn't come this morning, today was my 88th day in the Glade. I dub my nail into the tree to add to the count. I then sat back and leaned against my tree, facing the serene quietness of the trees around me. I leaned my head back and closed my eyes, drifting into a light slumber.

 _I woke up in a bed, in a room painted with pale blue walls. I sat up, to the right was a window, which was open to let a slight breeze push past the sheer tan curtains into the room. I looked down at the bed, I was covered by a large fluffy quilt, it was so soft, I smoothed it over with my hand, it was a dark navy blue with a white checkered pattern. I looked up from the bed and at the rest of the room, there was light brown dresser and in the other corner were a few navy blue chairs with a white rug underneath them, the rest of the floor was a light wood color. I suddenly felt a presence beside me, I turned and in the bed, there was another body, snuggled up underneath the cozy blanket. I leaned over and brushed away a piece of reddish brown hair to reveal Newt's sleeping face. I smile and stroked his hair and he slept, he looks so peaceful and perfect. Newt rustles in his sleep, rubbing his eyes and turning over towards me, before opening his eyes._

 _"Good morning," he mumbles in a deep sleepy voice._

 _"Hey there," I smile while continuing to brush through his tangled hair with my fingers._

 _Newt took his arms out from under the blanket and put them around me pulling me closer to him, letting his face rest on my chest while I continued to play with his curls._

 _"Can't we just sleep in?," he muttered._

 _"Wouldn't that be nice," I chuckled._

 _Newt than looked up to be," Maybe 5 more minutes?"_

 _"I think we can manage that," I giggled and he brought a hand up to my cheek and pulled me down into a slow sweet kiss._

 _"Maybe 10 more minutes," Newt said sitting up, pulling me closer and kissing me harder. I giggled into his lips and then kissed him back as we shuffled under the covers._

 _"We have to get up," I groaned as Newt kissed my neck._

 _"We still have at least 3 more minutes," he responded bringing our lips back together._

 _There was a creak, just a split second of a noise broke the moment of bliss. I peeked out from the covers and saw a little boy standing in the doorway, holding a teddy bear._

 _"Mama?," he called out to me._

 _Newt threw the covers down," Come here little man," he smiled holding his arms out to the boy._

 _He came running into the room, and jumped onto the bed, giggling as Newt scooped him up and tickled him._

 _"Daddy! Daddy stop!," he laughed loudly and I smiled as I watched them play. "Mama help!," he reached out to me and I stole him away from Newt and protected him in my arms._

 _I cradled him as he laid against me, playing peek-a-boo with Newt. He squeezed me tightly and laughed into my chest as Newt creeped up on him, then Newt stopped and stroked his hair. He had the same hair as Newt, the same color and the same curls, but this boy had big blue eyes and deep freckles speckled across his nose and cheeks._

 _"Callum, are you going to be good with mama today?" Newt asked and the child nodded._ _"Good," he smiled and then kissed me on the head. "I have to shower," he rolled out of bed and sauntered into a bathroom to the left of the bed ad shut the door._

 _The boy, Callum, turned and face me on the bed, playing with his teddybear._

 _"What are we going to do today mama?," he asked sweetly._

 _"Whatever you want," I leaned in and kissed him on the head and got out of the bed, going to the dresser. I opened a drawer and pulled out some clothes. Above the dresser was a mirror, when I looked into it, there was just an outline of my body, no eyes, no nose, no mouth, not anything; my face was blank._

Then it was over, I was back to reality, the rustling of footsteps nearby woke me up. I was in the Deadhead, and Ben was ambling towards me with his hands in his pockets.

"Lazy afternoon," he asked.

I sat up straighter, "Something like that."

"Good to see you back here," Ben stopped a few feet in front of me.

"It feels right," I admitted. _Safer._

"I... I need to apologize about the stinger."

I waved it away," Please, can we just forget it."

"Are you sure? "

"Yeah... I just want to move on and forget the whole week."

"That's... fair," Ben sat down beside me.

"I want to move on and get out of the Glade," I continued, thinking back to the daydream I just had.

"We all do,"Ben looked at the tree. "You add the marks?"

I nodded," 88 days," I told him.

"I wish I had done this," he admitted. "I honestly have no idea how long it's been now. I guess I could count back Greenies to find out, but you know exactly."

I tuned Ben out as he rambled about the Glade and thought back to my dream. _I was with Newt, we had a son... but I didn't have a face? What does that mean? Why didn't I have a face?_

"Do you ever dream, Ben?," I asked him.

He laughed," Yeah, I dream of getting out of here."

"No, I mean real dreams, like when you sleep."

He thought for a moment, "No... not really. Do you?"

"No."

 _It wasn't really a dream... I wasn't really sleeping, was I?_

Then I turned to Ben," On my first day here in the Glade, I looked at my reflection... but I didn't see anything really well. I..." _Why am I bringing this up? Jackson already told me what I look like..._ "Well, I haven't really looked at myself since then, so I... What do I look like?," I asked him, drawing my knees to my chest.

"Uh... uhm, you," he cleared his throat. "You looked like a girl?"

I rolled my eyes," No. Ben, I mean what do I look like?"

Ben face me," Well, you... you have blue eyes."

 _I saw that in my reflection and Jackson already told me that._

"What else?"

"Uhhh... well, you have dark curly hair... really long."

I reached for a strand of my hair, tugging at the end, it was a dark brown, almost black color, with waves throughout. _Yes, I know that too._

"I know that," I grinned. "But what else? What do I look like?"

"Well... uh... I don't know," Ben grunted. "You have a nose, and a mouth and ears."

"Thanks," I reply flatly.

"Well, what do I look like," Ben asked me curiously.

I turned back to him. "You are tall, like really tall," I told him. "You have blonde hair and green eyes, and you have a mole on your cheek."

"Really?," Ben's hand went to his face. "Where?"

I guided his hand to the spot," Right there."

"Woah, crazy. What else?"

"You have, kind of big ears, but it doesn't look bad or anything and your nose is small."

"Small?," Ben felt his nose. "Really?"

"I would say so," I smiled. "It's kind of pointy too."

"Yeah, I feel that," he poked the tip of his nose.

I closed my eyes and leaned back into the tree, re-imaging that light blue room. I saw myself in the mirror and tried to put my own features in, blue eyes, adding my curly dark hair, then adding noses and mouths, but all of it looked weird. _Am I ugly?_ I thought as I kept switching my face around, _none of these look good._

"Well, I got to go meet Mihno," Ben stood up.

"Really? What for?"

Ben shrugged," Just asked to meet up with all of us. Don't get too excited, probably nothing."

"Sure, yeah," I nodded as he turned and left the Deadhead.

 _I should go too_ , I stood up. It looked like the day had slipped away from me as I had spent it napping in the trees. I turned and headed back to my hut in the corner of the Glade, excited to see Newt tonight for a run around the walls. I debated if I should tell him about my dream, but I decided I shouldn't. It would probably freak him, I didn't even understand it myself. I waited for him to come by, watching the light slip through the cracks between the twigs that were mended into my walls; I kept replaying the dream in my head. _I guess Newt and I were married? We had a son together... named Callum. We shared a real bed, not sleeping in hammocks. We lived in a real house, not some shack bound with rope and twine. We looked like we had a real life. We looked happy. Is that how simple it would be if we got out of here? Could it really be that perfect?_

There was knock on the wall and I looked up to see Newt standing in the doorway," Ready?," he asked.

I jumped up," Yeah, ready."

We started at a slow pace, pushing into the Deadhead and Newt sparked a conversation.

"So, How was it today?"

I shrugged it off," It was fine."

"Did you see Jackson?"

I grunted," No."

Newt was quiet for a moment," He came and saw me today."

"What?," I almost tripped over my own feet.

"Yeah, he just came to tell me that he was planning to keep a distance from you."

"Is that all he said? What did you say?"

"No, he also told me that he was hoping I wouldn't spill your little secret."

I smiled," Yeah, Jackson's a protector."

"I told him I wasn't going to sat a word. I promised," he grinned to me.

Newt and I exited the Deadhead and made out way for the corner of the Glade. "Could you tell him something for me?"

"Yeah, I guess?," Newt replied.

"Tell him that he doesn't have to hide from me. It only makes him look more guilty."

"He wants to make sure all bases are covered."

"But he can't just avoid me forever... the Glade is only so big."

"He told me he's just going to skip breakfast for a few weeks while the whole thing blows over."

"That is the dumbest thing," I growled as we turned the corner.

"He's doing the smart thing," Newt told me.

"The whole thing is stupid," I mumbled.

"It won't last forever."

"They way you guys talk, it will."

"No...," Newt sighed as we passed the garden. "No, Jackson just wants to be cautious and I agree with him."

 _Of course you do,_ I wanted to roll my eyes and pushed harder, pulling ahead of Newt. He grabbed my shoulder and we both sputtered to a stop.

"Hey, don't be upset."

"I am upset!"

Newt looked over his shoulder, then back to me," Jackson does have a plan."

I scoffed," As if! So far Jackson's big plan was getting himself in trouble," my emotions started to surface. "And it's all my fault," I covered my face with my hands and sucked in a deep breath.

"No, no, it's not your fault."

I started to to cry into my fingers," It is! It's my fault!"

 _I got Jackson into this crazy mess. It me! It's my fault!_

"Stop, please," Newt stepped close to me. "Please, don't do this to yourself."

"I can't help it... it's all my fault. Now he's branded as some... some sort of pervert and I'm just some defenseless victim. Just what I need, right? More people to think of me as some weird girl," I couldn't catch my breath, the words tumbled out like vomit.

Newt wrapped his arms around me, he was hesitant at first, placing his hand awkwardly on my back with a loose grip. I wasn't even thinking as I continued to cy, I leaned into his chest with my hand still covering my face. Newt responded by tightening his grip.

"You can't possibly think that the Gladers think that about you."

I coughed, practically choking on my tears," Of course they do."

"Nobody thinks that about you."

"But they think that about Jackson," I sobbed.

Newt rubbed my back as I continued my episode of hysteria, the only good part of it was the place we were in. At least we were hidden by the garden, the corn was tall enough so no one could see us.

"Like you said, Jackson is a protector. He made the choice to protect you and he doesn't regret it."

"But I do! I should have stood up for him!"'

"You can't blame yourself for this...," he said softly. "Besides, it's all worked out. Jackson is no longer in the Slammer, and the Glade will forget all about this."

"We could have just lied..."

"What?," Newt pulled away to hear me better.

"We could have lied," I repeated and wiped my eyes. "I know he did it so I wouldn't get in trouble... but it's just so stupid! I... I hate it here!," I screamed into my hands, pulling away from Newt.

"Hey, hey, hey," Newt pulled me to him again, wrapping both arms around me, holding me tightly. "Shhhh, hey, it's okay. It's alright."

 _No, it's not. I'm stuck here without my best friend. Stuck in a cage. No future..._

"I just wish things were different," I mumbled into his chest.

"I know... I wish things were different too."

That's how we stood- there in between the garden and the wall of the maze hidden from the rest of the Glade, Newt with his arms around me, his head resting on mine while I was curled into my self, wrapped up by him, letting myself dry out from tears. I don't know how long we stood there, it felt like a long time, the sun had set over the wall and night was here. I could feel the chill of the wind, which made me want to burrow further into Newt's warmth and the steady drum of his heartbeat, but I pulled away from him, his arms now falling to his sides. He looked at me, head tilted, his eyes clouded with worry.

"You should go," I whispered, my voice was hoarse and cracked. "It's dark. I don't want anyone else getting in trouble."

"Let me take you home," he offered.

"No, it's okay. I know the way... just turn right," I tried to make a joke but it came out sad and out of place.

"Come on," Newt walked up to me. "I'll walk you home."

"It's not my home," I shook my head. "Home is somewhere you actually want to be," I turned and we fell into a slow stride side by side.

"Where do you want to be?," he asked me as we walked.

I slowed as we passed the wall of names, looking them over, before stopping completely.

"I have no idea," I told him and continued to walk. "How am I supposed to know where I want to be when I have no memory of where I've been?"

"Dream," he answered simply.

"Wait, what did you say?," I turned to him, stopping again.

"Uhm, I said dream?," he seemed unsure.

"Dream? You've dreamed before?"

"Rarely. But I remember a few of them."

We started to walk again," What do you dream about?"

He grinned," Once, I had a dream that I got to run through the maze and I found the way out."

I smiled," Very noble of you..."

He chuckled," Yeah, I guess. What about you, have you had any dreams?"

My heart skipped a beat, but my voice was calm," Yeah, I had a dream."

"What was it about?"

"A normal life," I said simply, not going into the details.

He scoffed in disbelief," I can't even begin to image what that would be like."

"Of course you can," I told him. "It's living in a house, being free to go wherever you want. You told me you think freedom is out there."

"Yeah, freedom... but after all this, will any of really be normal?"

I thought about it, _Could we? Could it be that easy to get out of the walls surrounding us and start new lives? Leave all of this behind, never look back and build something new.. That's what I want. But how can you forget something like this? Watching friends die, living your life only with questions and no answers._

"No," I answered. "Probably not, but it's worth dreaming, right?"

He smiled," Of course."

I smiled in return, it was nice talking to Newt without this giant looming secret of my emotions escaping. It felt calm, even though looking at him did still make my finger numb, I couldn't help that. Newt just had such a soothing energy about him, it just flowed off him and I liked that about it, it made me want to spend more time with him. I saw my little cabin coming up and I knew that meant he would be leaving, I didn't want him too but I really didn't want him getting into trouble. I stopped and turned to him.

"Thanks."

He arched an eyebrow," For?"

"For walking me back... and for the run," I tired to avoid the topic of me breaking down.

"Yeah it's not a problem. You know how much I love to," he paused and gave a coy smile," run."

There was the feeling again, the urge to reach out and pull hi close to me and feel his lips against mine. The driving force of wanting to kiss Newt bubbling inside of me as we stood there, eye locked, with the darkness of night and the trees as a shield from others. I thought I saw him lean towards me, as if he felt it too, like he wanted this to happen and it wasn't only me. I was happy with it, overjoyed, ecstatic, about to loose my freaking mind with glee but also absolutely terrified of it.

 _This is it_ , I thought letting myself lean towards him too when a shriek broke the magically moment. Newt and I both turned to the wall, that's where it had came from. Not the Glade. I was frozen, my mouth open and my heart racing. _What the hell was that!?_

"Newt?," I whispered, ready to collapse.

Newt was watching the wall like me," It's nothing. Just a Griever," he told me.

"Why is... it so close?," I asked softly as the fear tingled on my skin.

"It's nothing. They get close to the Glade sometimes at night, but they never get in," he stepped between me and the wall blocking my view. "It's alright," his kind brown eyes melted my fright.

I nodded," Okay, yeah."

"I'll see you tomorrow?"

"Yeah," I gave a small smile.

"Sweet dreams," he smirked, which made me chuckle. He then turned and went back the way we had came, towards the Homestead. I looked at the wall again, _Grievers... I've never heard them this close before._ I was scaring myself all over again, so I ran to my hit and hopped in the hammock, hoping to fall asleep quickly.


	56. Chapter 56

It was another sunny day in the Glade, which is why I was so happy to see Joe and let him take over in the kitchen so I could get out. The sun was so warm, but I felt so sticky and gross I hadn't showered in what felt like weeks, but I knew I had to wait until later.

"Hey," a voice caught my attention and I turned to see Lee waving to me.

I raise my arm up a little and wave back, Lee took that as an invitation, so he jogged over to me.

"Hey," he repeated with a sweating smile.

"Hey," I greeted him.

"I've been meaning to talk to you," he panted, wiping the sweat from his forehead but then streaking it with dirt from his hand.

"Yeah?"

"Yeah, just wanted to properly meet you, you know? WE met on my first day but I don;t see you around very much."

"Oh, I keep busy in the kitchen."

"Yeah, believe me, Gally keeps us plenty busy too," he laughed looking back at the rest of the builders.

I saw Gally, he was pointing at something and telling someone what to do.

"I remember my day with the builders, it wasn't really my style."

"Course not," he smiled. "Pretty little girl like you, being in the sun all day would be murder."

 _Pretty? Did he just say pretty? Did he say little girl?_

I went to ask him what he meant when Gally came up to us.

"Not paying you to sit around and talk," he told Lee.

"You're not paying us at all," Lee responded and Gally and him laughed together.

Gally turned to me," Good to see you Greenbean," he smiled.

"Hey Gally. The building looks nice."

"Yeah," he looked back at it proudly," We're nearly finished. Maybe a few more days and it'll be done."

"Yeah it will," Lee and Gally high-fived one another.

"Hey Lee, Go check on the binding on the back corner, looks a little loose."

"You got it," Lee looked to me once before heading to his job, but Gally stayed in front of me.

"I've been meaning to seek you out, Greenie," he turned back to me.

"Why is that?"

"Just to see how things were doing. You know, we look out for one another here," he smiled.

"I'm good. Doing great," I smiled convincingly.

"I'm glad that the whole...," Gally searched for the word. "Situation didn't get under your skin."

"Gally, there was no situation," I tried to say lightly.

"Yeah, oh yeah, believe me. We all know that nothing happened," he said. "I mean," he paused. "I know it had to of been hard. I know you and Jackson were... close."

"Yeah," I nodded, turning away so I could leave. _This is weird._

"Wait, wait, wait," Gally jumped in front. "What I'm saying is that... I'm here if you ever need anything. Ever. I mean it Greenbean, you can always come to good ole Gally."

"Thanks...," I side stepped." Oh, there's Stan!" I saw him lugging some pots to be washed. "I've been meaning to talk to him about something. About the kitchen. The dishes. Dishes from the kitchen," I corrected myself. "Gotta go!," I jumped to the side and jogged away from Gally. "Hey Stan," I waved him down.

He turned around and saw me, almost dropping what he was holding.

"Oh... H-Hi," he stopped moving.

"Uhm, hey, yeah Stan. Yeah, great to see you. How... How is everything?"

"Everything?," he asked.

"Yeah, the whole Slopper do you like it? I had to do it as punishment so I know it's not all easy," I rambled quickly, waving my arms to make it look likea real conversation just in case Gally was watching me.

"Well, I mean, Tucker i-is nice. He s-says I'm doing a g-good job."

"Siggy thinks so too. He likes that you come a little after the lunch rush to pick things up, instead of during when we're so swamped."

"Y-yeah?"

"Yeah, he appreciates it."

 _That's a lie_. Siggy had never said anything about Stan before. But I wanted to stretch this out as long as possible, but I was already out of material.

"Is he watching?"

"Who?"

"Gally," I told him. "Is he watching us?"

Stand peered over my shoulder," No, I d-don't see him."

I let out a deep breath, "Good."

"Why?"

"Uhm... no reason. Just... he can be a little intense sometimes, you know? You ever talked to him?"

Stan shook his head.

"I think it's just his eyes, you know? They kind of bore into you a little, I just had to get away," I tired to laugh it off but Stan looked terrified. "Uhm... well, thanks for cleaning the dishes, I'll see you around," I backed away and then turned and headed to my hut.

 _Well that was disaster! You probably looked insane! Stan looked at me like I was a ghost... And what the hell was that "pretty little girl" thing? Who even is Lee!? I've been here longer than him!_

I went into my hut and paced the floor, I felt so high energy, like I almost needed to take a lap around the Galde to get rid of this wild energy inside me. I felt angry almost, like I might need to let out a scream.

 _Why does this place keep acting like I'm so different!? I do my part, I'm a Glade too, but still it's like I'm so weird pet they have that they have to protect and keep safe because I can't do it myself! Like I don't have my own mind and can't make my own choices._

I heard a low grumble outside my room, it sounded like a animal, but also I heard a clink like it was metal. _A griever!_ I waited for another sound, but the air was still and there was nothing, not even a breeze to rustle the trees. _That's impossible! It can't be here! It's daytime. Grievers aren't out during the day! I have to tell someone!_

I ran out of my room and towards the Garden, I broke free of the Deadhead and sprinted as fast as I could. I saw Newt, carrying a bucket of water towards the pump and he saw me. He looked a confused and stopped walking, then he dropped the bucket and ran towards me.

"Are you okay?,"he asked as we reached one another in the open space of the Glade. He was holding my forearms in his hands, but I wanted to throw myself on him, I was so scared.

"I heard a griever!," I told him panicked. "It was outside my room, in the maze!"

"Wait? What?"

"A griever! I heard it in the maze! It was there! They are in the maze right now!"

"Wait, wait... Are you sure?"

"Come!," I grabbed his hand started to run.

"No, I have to get Alby!," he let go of me and ran towards the Deadhead. I followed him through the people, pushing our way towards Alby. He was at the bottom of the observation tower, when Newt and I ran up to him.

"Alby, there's a griever in the maze," Newt told him.

Alby did not hesitate," Where?"

"By my room!," I told him.

"Show me," he commanded and I guided the both of them to my back corner.

We all stood there in front of my small twig hut, waiting for a sign of the Griever. Minutes ticked on, Alby glared at the wall, listening intensely for the beast on the other side of the concrete. I didn't hear anything, the day was still, but still we all were patient. More time passed then Alby turned to Newt.

"Is this where you heard it?"

"Yeah, it's where she hear it."

Alby turned to me," Are you sure?"

"Yes!"

"It might have moved, Alby," Newt told him.

"This has never happened before," Alby stared at the wall. "They don't come out in the day."

"I know what I heard," I told him.

Alby sighed," I'm not saying you didn't hear something. But a griever?"

"I know what I heard. I know what a griever sounds like!"

Alby turned to Newt," No one can know unless we're sure. Newt do a perimeter, listen carefully. Don't let others see you."

Newt nodded and took off down the wall of the maze, Alby then turned to me.

"Have you told anyone else?"

"No, I found Newt right away."

"Tell me exactly what you heard."

"It was like a low rumble and then there was this weird clicking sound, just like a griever."

I saw Alby processing it all, "I'm going to go and see if Mihno is back. Let's keep this between ourselves for now."

"What do you want me to do?," I asked.

"Wait here," he said already running towards the maze opening.

I watched him disappear, _This has never happened before. Grievers don't come out in the day. Why is outside? Why is it here? What if it finds the runners?! BEN!? Is he out today? I haven't seen him, he must be out there! Oh god, why if it gets him... he could die! Oh my god... what do I do? What are we going to do?_

I ran towards the entrance to the maze, flying past the Homestead, then the builders and the kitchen, I ran to the crowd that was now forming at the entrance.

"Is everything alright Alby?," Zart asked him.

"Everything is all right," Alby assured everyone. Just wanted to see if Mihno was back yet."

"We have to go in there! We have to warn them!," I was frantic.

"Warn them? About what?," Clint was curious.

"What is happening?," Tucker demanded to know.

"Why is everyone shouting?," Lee shouted over everyone that was talking at once.

"Alby, we can't just leave them in there," I begged him.

"No one goes in," he stated.

"Why would we need to go in?," Hank asked.

Alby sighed, realizing keeping it all under wraps was not going to happen, so he announced," It was reported to me that a griever was heard outside the Glade earlier."

The crowd murmured ins disapproval.

"That's not possible!"

"Grievers only come out at night!"

Alby gained control of the crowd," Yes, yes! I know this, but I want to be safe and investigate. Has anyone else heard anything?"

"No, of course not!"

"Alby, we have to get them out," I pleaded.

"No one is going in," he declared again, this time he said in a way that meant it was final and there was no debate.

"We can't just sit here if there is a griever loose! It could kill them!"

"They know the risks," Tucker grunted.

"Alby we don't have any serum," Gally half whispered to him but I overheard.

 _So if anyone gets stung, they'll die._ I stared into the maze, willing Ben to walk around the corner. I wanted him to come back and be safe, I couldn't imagine having to watch them bury him in the ground just because no one will go in and get them out.

"I'll go get them," I turned Alby.

"Absolutely not."

"We can't leave them out there. They might not know it's out there."

"It might not even be out there,"Alby told me.

"I know what I heard!"

"I won't say it again," Alby gave me a cold stare.

"So you'll just let them die."

"I won't risk anyone else."

I looked back into the maze, _they can't stop me if I start running. They won't be able to stop me._ I closed my eyes and took a deep breath, getting ready to sprint down the long hall in front of me. I lurched forward but right as I tried, Alby yelled, "Grab her!," and I felt arms wrap around me lifting me off the ground.

I flailed my arms and legs," Let me go!"

"Take her to the Slammer."

"Put me down! LET ME GO!," I struggled in the arms of whoever had me. They were strong, nothing I did loosened the grip they had around me. I was ready to throw my elbow into the their face, but I couldn't reach, they were too quick. I was dropped into the dirt cage and looked up to see Lee.

"You put up a good fight," he told me and Alby locked the door.

I ran up and gripped the bars," Alby you can't just leave them out there."

"I also can't have you running into the maze."

"I wasn't going to run into the maze!," I lied.

Alby gave me a side look, he knew it wasn't the truth. "I'll come get you when Mihno and Ben come back."

"Alby! Please!," I begged him as Lee and him walked back towards the entrance. I saw Newt walk up to them and he looked at me. I was guessing he asked them what happened and they were telling him I tried to run into the Glade. They spoke for a few minutes, then Alby and Lee kept going on there way and Newt jogged over to me.

"Hey, what happened?," he kneeled down.

"Nothing! They just threw me in!"

Newt tilted his head to the side and raised an eyebrow. "You tired to run into the Glade?"

"No," I lied and I could see on Newt's face he didn't believe me. "Okay, maybe..."

His head dropped," Seriously?," he sounded disappointed.

"They just want to leave Mihno and Ben out there!? They could die, Newt!"

"That doesn't mean you go running out into the danger!"

"I would have came back!"

"Unless the griever got you!," Newt shouted.

I stepped back from the bars, I had never seen Newt this way. He was mad, at me. I could see the anger burning in his eyes. _How can he be mad? I was doing the right thing!?_

"It was the right thing to do," I defended and turned away from the bars.

I heard Newt sigh," I'm sorry, I didn't mean to yell."

"But you did!," I crossed my arms and faced him. "Your treating me like they are! Like I'm some sort of different freak here!"

"That's not what this is," Newt defended. "You can't just run into the maze, no one can."

"I thought Gladers stuck together, had each other's pack. That means you don't just sit around and wait for them to be attacked!"

"But you don't endanger yourself," he countered.

"Why not?! It doesn't matter!," I was slipping and my anger flared.

"What doesn't?"

"ME!," I told him.

A moment of silence fell between us, he was searching me, looking me over, I don't know what for but I stood tall.

"You can't think that... Do you?"

I felt tear build in my eyes and I wiped them away," It's true. I don't matter here at all. I don't belong, Newt. You have to see that."

"You belong here," he said without hesitation. "You are a Glader."

I shook my head," I'm not. I'm not one of you."

"Don't do that."

"Do what?," my voice cracked.

"Isolate yourself. Don't separate yourself from us."

"You just don't understand," I felt so tired and cold.

"I want to understand," he told me softly.

"I can't explain it... it's just a feeling."

"I don't want you to feel that way," he said lowly.

"I don't want to feel this way," I stepped back to the bars, locking my fingers around the wood.

Newt placed a hand on mine, a small gesture but it really did make me feel better.

"We'll figure it out," he smiled.

"If anything happens to Ben, I-"

"Nothing is going to happen. They'll be back."

"But what if they don't," I felt the tears build up again.

"If they don't, running into the maze won't help."

I looked down to the floor, _so all we're going to do is sit here and wait._

"I'm gonna go talk to Alby. See if we can get you out of here," he stood up and I took my fingers from the bar. "I'll be back," he turn and moved towards the crowd. I looked around him to see if the runners were back, but it looked like everyone was just like me, watching and waiting.

 _Come on Ben. Make it out. Get out of there. When do they usually come back? If he goes in the morning, he usually meets me in the Deadhead a while after my shift in the kitchen, so it should be any minute. Why aren't they back?! SHUCK, I didn't ask Newt if he heard the griever, what if it is getting closer to the entrance! It could just walk right into the Glade and we would all be trapped! I would be stuck in the Slammer!_

I shook the bars, hoping that the door would just swing open so I could be free, but they were sturdy, I had to give Gally some credit. I watched as the crowd started to slowly disappear and the Gladers went back to their jobs for the day; a few people stayed a while longer: Newt, Alby, Hank and Zart. Then Newt and Zart walked back to the Garden and I saw Alby turn and head towards me.

He stood in front of the Slammer quietly for a moment.

"Can't let you out, Greenbean," he stated.

"Are they back? Did you see them?," I asked but already knew the answer.

"Not yet," he replied.

Alby squatted down to the bars," I'll let you out when they get back, but for now, I can't risk you running into the maze."

"Alby, I wasn't going to run into the maze. I'm not going to do it now either!," I didn't know if that last part was true. I might've bolted right for the entrance if he had opened the door.

"Sorry," he apologized. "I can't risk your safety."

I bowed my head, _I really am stuck in here._

"Don't worry, they will come back," Alby reassured me.

"But what if the griever finds it's way here, Alby!"

Alby looked to me," Newt went over the whole Glade, he didn't hear it."

"It might have moved away but it could still come back!"

"When Mihno and Ben return, I'll talk to them, see if they heard or saw anything, but if not. There's not much I can do," I went to interrupt but he stopped me. "I don't think you made this up, Greenie. I don't, but unless we get some more information, I can't just bring the Glade to a stop," Alby stood up. "I'll come get you when they come back," he promised before leaving.

There was nothing left to do but wait, all I could do was stand there in a makeshift dirt hole and stare at the opening on the wall of the Glade. There was no real indication of time, the sun was behind me and while I kept checking the shadows, I felt like there was no change. I couldn't look away, I just kept staring, waiting for the emergence of Ben and Mihno. There was a few times my eyes tricked me and I though I saw them but there was nothing there; it was the worst feeling to have the rush of relief and then realize it wasn't real. Then it was real, I saw Mihno run into the Glade, it was actually him, not some imagination in my head., then seconds later Ben followed him.

"BEN! BEN!," I screamed and rattled the bars. He turned to look and he looked confused, but before he could come over, the Glade swarmed them.

Everyone ran to them, I saw Alby go up and welcome them both back. I stood there captivated, my heart racing and the relief of knowing he was alive could finally settle instead of being washed away. Then it was Newt who approached me and opened the gate. He helped me out and I couldn't help but pull him into a tight hug, he wrapped his arms around me.

"They're both okay," he told me.

I pulled away and ran towards the crowd, I pushed past people to get to Ben.

"No, we didn't see anything," Mihno was telling Alby when I got to the middle.

Ben turned to me and perked up," Hey," he looked concerned.

I almost started to cry and I embraced him tightly. "I'm so glad you're okay!," I whispered as I hugged him. Ben still seemed confused, but he hugged me back carefully.

"Yeah, we're okay."

I pulled back," There was a griever in the maze," I told him.

"Yeah, so we heard," he looked to Alby.

"Someone had heard noises outside the wall," Alby told them, not looking at me. "But if you didn't see or hear anything...?"

"Nothing," Mihno told him.

"Then it might have been something else, so for now, we'll air on the side of caution and the runners will stay in the Glade."

No one objected and then people peeled off again, going back to their day. I pulled Ben off with me.

"Did someone really hear a griever," he asked.

"I did!," I told him. "It was a griever."

"Grievers aren't out during the day," he said out loud.

"I know that," I was annoyed. "But I also know what I heard, it was a griever. I could have killed you."

"But there wasn't one out there."

"Not that you saw," I countered.

"Because it wasn;t there."

"Ben!," I couldn't believe that he thought this was lie.

"It doesn't matter," he brushed it off. "Why were you in the Slammer?"

I rolled my eyes," Alby though I was going to run into the maze or something."

"Really?!"

"I wasn't," I lied.

He scoffed," Well, obviously. Running into the maze is basically suicide."

"What? You do it everyday!"

"Yeah, but I've trained for it, I know the maze, you don't."

My anger was rising," I wan't going to run in," I said through gritted teeth.

"And I'm happy about that. Just like I'm happy this was all some big misunderstanding."

"So you think I lied," I crossed my arms.

"No, no, no. That's not what I'm saying."

"Then what are you saying!?"

Ben stopped and rubbed his forehead," I... I don't know. Maybe it was something else?"

"What else could it be? You said there was nothing in the maze!," I replied loudly.

"I-I don't know, maybe a-"

I held up my hand," Slim it!," I told him and stomped away.

"Hey, wait up," he followed me.

"Leave me alone," I told him and started to run.

"Hey, wait! No!," he followed me.

"No, just stop!," I turned around. " You don't believe me!"

"That's not what I said," he defended.

"But I can see it. In your eyes, you think I'm lying."

"No, not lying. I think maybe you were confused-"

"I'm not. I wasn't. So if you think I'm confused, just leave me alone. I mean it," I emphasized before turning away and going back to my room.

There was still time in the day, but I didn't want to see anyone. I don't even think Jackson could calm me down right now, I was furious. _I spend the day in the Slammer, worried he was going to die and he think I'm a liar?! I was ready to risk my life to go in and save him! I did everything I could, and he just doesn't believe me? How dare he!_

I go to sit in my hammock, but sit too far back and swing backward, falling out and hitting my head on the floor.

"SHUCK!," I cry out and rub my head, this only building on my previous frustrations.

 _Why is today the worst!?_ Then I notice that I have blood on my shorts, _Oh great! Of course! Of course! Why not? Let's pile it all up! One big horrible day!_ I change my shorts and feel my emotions building again, _No , no more tears,_ I tell myself but my body doesn't listen and them spill down my face. _Why today?_ I think as I carefully lay in my hammock. I was drained, so I feel asleep, only to be awoken by a tap on my hut. I wake up and see Newt standing in the door.

"Hey," he calls out softly. "I didn't know if you wanted to still go for a run or not?"

Judging by the bright glow of evening light, I had slept through the rest of the day. I shook my head," No, I... I don't think so."

He walked into the room and over to the middle hammock," I... I guess I should tell you that I saw you fighting with Ben."

I groaned and rolled over to the wall," I don't want to talk about him."

Newt was quiet for a moment then he said," We heard it last night. That griever in the maze."

I didn't know why he was bringing it up, I _s this his way of saying he doesn't believe me either? That everyone thinks I'm crazy!_

"I know what I heard," I sat up and face him. "I'm not making this up!"

Newt's eyes widened," Of course not. I don't think you made it up."

I drew back a bit and sighed," You're the only one."

"Alby believed you," he told me.

I shook my head," he doesn't... neither does Ben."

"Is that what you fought about?," he asked.

I felt the tears coming back, but I pushed them down. "He thinks I was confused," I told Newt softly.

"But you heard it."

"I did. It was out there. I... I just...," my voice was getting shaky. " I just don't know why everyone thinks I would make this up."

"It's never happened before."

"Neither have I! A girl in the Glade... apparently, things are changing! You guys need to see that."

Newt nodded," I know, I think it'll take time."

I sighed and laid back down," I can't take all this," I told him.

"Take what?"

 _Mistrust. Uncertainty. Skepticism. Coddling. Treating me like a baby._

I closed my eyes," Can we just stop talking about it?"

"Sure," Newt said and I heard him adjust to lay down in his own hammock. Then I felt him grab my hand, and my eyes opened, he was half sitting up in his hammock, looking at me. "Just know that I'm here when you want to talk about it."

I nodded and Newt laid down, but he kept his hand on mine. Then I made a move, I turned my hand over, and interlocked out fingers together, letting my arm fall between the hammocks. Our hands now clasped together were now between us, suspended in the air while we both swayed in our own hammocks. I was trying to forget the events of the day, _I wonder what he was thinking about?_


End file.
